Obsession

Obsession...

Such a simple word but it was enough to tear our worlds apart, rip us from the path we were on, and thrust us into a new one.

You told me you loved me five months, four hours, three minutes, and two seconds ago. I cried a single tear when I heard you say the words, my heart sang, like those cheesy songs you hated, but it didn’t make it any less true. I cried a single tear and our love was cemented. I loved you too, but I never told you, not once.

Obsession was the air we breathed, when you held my hand as we walked to University every morning, you had a car but you never used it, not when you could spend those precious minutes with me. I smiled the very first time you told me why you were walking me home instead of driving me in that old banger of yours, but inwardly I could feel the dark clouds grow within.

My birthday last was the best, you bought me a gorgeous necklace, a simple heart dangling from a silver chain; it still rests against my throat, and each night when I clutch that charm, I remember and I miss, I miss so much and so hard that it’s hard not to cry out in pain.

You hated hearing me cry the very first time we had sex, but I told you not to worry, the pain had been worth it. Your arms were wrapped around me so tight that it was impossible to tell where I ended and you began, but still it wasn’t close enough for me. I wanted more.

I obsessed, each and every night but still it wasn’t enough.

We met on a Tuesday, I’d been standing at the bus stop under my umbrella, and then suddenly you’d popped out of nowhere asking if I’d share my umbrella with you. With any other boy I would have been wary and cringing at those stupid words but with you? You were different, your molten brown eyes were so honest and that smile? That smile was my undoing.

You spoke truth, as if you were born to it and lying was foreign, I loved you even more for it. I was surrounded by people who were constantly lying, lying to their parents, lying to their professors, and lying to their friends; your honesty amazed me.

I never heard you call me beautiful, not when you’d repeat it to me for the millionth time, over and over again. Your male friends told you that you were disgusting with all your mushy lovey dovey crap, while my friends would coo over how adorable we were, but you never called me beautiful.

I don’t know when it started, it happened so gradually that I never saw it coming but your truths became lies. It frightened me to hear you speak; I got so scared wondering what you’d say next, because you always spoke the truth. It made me nervous, and twitchy, waiting for the day when you’d say it was all over so I stopped listening.

The first slap was the worst, it stung so much, hurt so bad, that I could barely move my hand for a week but you kissed it better. You kissed me so softly that it undid all my resolve, and I forgot, pushed it to the very back of my mind until it was hidden behind the thickest door, surrounded by dust and cobwebs, it was beautiful.

You loved my hair, you teased me, called me Rapunzel with my silky spun golden locks; when stress got the best of you, you liked to undo my hair and run your fingers through it. It was delicious, I’d purr like a cat and you’d chuckle, pleased, but I didn’t care, not when those skilled fingers would massage and rub at my scalp like that.

The second slap was the worst, I could have died, it tore into me until I stood empty and bereft. I collapsed onto the floor in a heap after impact, and you bent down and cradled my hand gently within yours. You sat there speaking softly, those lies again. I kept my eyes closed, feeling as weak as a lamb, wishing you’d leave, but you never did.

It was a blade, not a razor, not a pair of scissors, but a blade. I hacked at the golden locks, cutting my skin as I cut the hair; I didn’t want it anymore and as the silk strands rubbed against my bare ankles I watched with haunted eyes.

Obsession.

You obsessed each and every day, when you sang to me, when you made love to me, when you took me out to dinner, even as your cheek was swollen and red. You obsessed. I loved you even more for it and hated you at the same time.

Our love affair was over before we even met, before all those floozies ever had you, before we kissed, before we spoke our first words and before I sent you packing. There was a tear, that day I said it was over, a single tear that rolled down your face, you would have been mortified any other day, you were tough, but that day you were a teddy bear, my teddy bear.

I never gave you what you wanted, I held it too tight to ever let you in, three words that you craved more than anything else in the world, three words that you obsessed over, and three words I obsessed I’d never give.

We were obsessed.

A/N:

I’ve been meaning to post this oneshot for a while but I’ve been so busy that it went forgotten. Not sure what to say about it, so I’ll leave it to you guys to let me know what you made of it.

The story was inspired by the song Obsessions by Marina and the Diamonds. It’s a fantastic song so check it out – you can listen to it on my E&R playlist.

I hope to have an update of E&R soon. I’d like to let you guys know that this will probably be my last update for a while, I’m going to be offline from about late August through to late September.

Sorry for any grammatical errors, this story has not been checked by my beta.

Leila