So Far

Summary: Virgin finally meets Miss Right at a sex club, but Miss Right thinks she’s a gay guy because she is a he?! gender-bender

Warnings, uh, tags include gender bender times thousand, and no plot! Plot is zero, nada, no where.

It took six cups of coffee and seven hours of discussion for me stop getting giddy every time I looked at his glittering fake lashes.

It was four in the morning and the coffee shop wasn’t too crowded. I hadn’t intended to stay this long. Tiredness made me see everything a bit tipped to the side. All I could think about was eating cheez balls and getting laid, but none of that were going to happen soon.

Caleb’s voice was like a lullaby when he took a puff off his cigarette and said: “You can give me a call when you’re up for it. To come, I mean.”

To come? I’m up for coming anytime. Especially if there are cheez balls involved. Wait, no. Eww.

I looked at the hand with the star sprinkled nails sliding a card across the table to me. The card was yellow and read: “You are invited to go Under. Open from 2300, all year. Card only valid with password of the week.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What’s this?”

“You should come. I think you’ll like it. Or hate it. Whichever you like,” he said and shrugged. His fingers idly placed with the rim of the coffee cup. He was safe, he was good. It had taken me a year to get the guts to actually meet him instead of chatting on the net. I had thought he wouldn’t like me though, since he seemed to be popular in the alternative scene.

“But what kind of place is it?” I said. It felt like a mouse gnawed at the pit of my stomach. I looked around at all the other customers. Tired office workers, drunk girls and boys sleeping on each others’ shoulders, a guy playing Nintendo.

“A special kind of place.” He chuckled. “For people like you and I. Or just plain sex,” he said and shrugged.

Sex? Me? The last virgin on Earth?! The word made me blush. The possibility of getting some sure sounded intriguing. What did he mean by “people like you and I”? It made me a bit happy to belong in his category though, whatever it was.

“I can help you...do it, you know,” he offered.

Do it?! Do what?! “Huh?” I said.

“The wraps,” he said and took another puff, followed by a long sip of his pitch black coffee.

I coughed out the smoke he blew in my face. “Oh. No, thank you.” I blushed a darker shade. “I’ll call you though.”

“Good. Well, it’s five now. I’m gonna catch this train. I’ll see you when I see you?” he said and got off his chair and collected his silver Gaultier bag. Stylish motherfucker.

“Yup!” I beamed at him. He paused in front of me as if he wanted to say something, but he remained silent and just waved when he walked out into the sunrise.

I rested my cheek on the table and looked at the card. Tomorrow 2300, at the Under. “For people like you and I.” Where exactly was this place anyway...?

I fell asleep.

It was around seven o’clock when I was drunk enough on white wine and thumping music to dare pick myself up from my bed. I t would’ve been better to just lie there, answer the constant text messages and truthfully say I was doing absolutely nothing, but as my feet entered the bunny shaped slippers, I knew it was too late.

I stumbled to the computer desk and picked up my cellphone. It was Katie with angry messages about why I wasn’t calling her, and why I wasn’t answering, because she was bored and I had to entertain her.

I took a swig off the bottle and placed it on the bookshelf beside the mirror.

I would do it. I would do it tonight. I wasn’t going to chicken out for the fifth time. I took a good look at my old self; honey brown hair down to my shoulders, make-up from this morning, a pair of tight black jeans to show off my hips (flat on all sides), and a top that accentuated breasts that I barely had. I looked more than a box than anything. I dressed off, washed my face, and said goodbye to mascara.

This far I’d come the previous three days. It was what came after this that took guts. But I didn’t want to do half the job; if I went on with the next stage, I had to do what came after it too. I took a deep breath. The phone rang.

“Penelo,” I said with my mouth full of take out pizza. Good thing no gorgeous crush had my number. Bad thing no gorgeous crush ever wanted my number. I’m doomed.

“Finally! What the hell are you up to, girl? I’ve been sending messages for over an hour now,” said Katie.

Yeah, I know. “Nothing, really. Took a cat nap. How come?” I said. I took another swig of wine and licked my lips. It was sour. I rummaged in the drawer after a scissor. It almost cut my fingertip when I found it. I took a look at the darned thing before placing it on my bed.

“I wanted to know what you’re doing tonight. This is the most boring Friday ever. Nobody wants to hang out,” said Katie.

It was Friday already?

“And?” I said. It felt a bit rude to say so to my best friend of since ever, but I really wanted to get rid of her. My heart was beating 180km an hour. I took out clothes from the far back part of my wardrobe; the part I added to now and then. A loose black and white knit that showed off my shoulders and a pair of VW mens pants in bondage style.

“And?! What are you doing?” came Katie’s high-pitched voice and ripped my ear drum.

I held the phone a bit away. “Nothing, really,” I said. “Just chilling.”

“Wanna chill together?” Yeah, with my new gay friend who has flashier clothes than even you. I didn’t know what Katie would think is the worst; the expensive clothes or that he looked like a girl.

“Nah, I think I’m going to bed, actually. I don’t feel too well.” I bit my lip.

“Oh. Um...then...okay.” She sounded beat.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” In case you’re not up for going to a gay bar with me? She was a great best friend, but I wouldn’t dream in a million years of telling her about this. She’d probably crucify me and make LV bags from my skin. I didn’t know what was worse. Dying or having the LV logo all over me..

“Yeah, sure.” She hung up, sounding sour.

I let out a heavy sigh and threw the cellphone on the bed, changed my mind and carefully dropped it inside the pants’ pocket. The tag was still on. I didn’t like looking at it, because the price made my heart skip an extra beat every time.

The scissor was waiting for me. I gulped. I grabbed my hair and took a good look in the mirror. Too soft, slightly wavy, too girly. I cut it off just below my jawline. Khichish! I closed my eyes. My ears became deaf to the music and the moment seemed to draw out itself outside of time. My eyelashes became wet. No turning back now. I had to walk the line. I looked at the new me; naked, still a girl, but with soft short hair and thin, unruly bangs. The bangs suited short hair more. I touched the back of my neck; it felt vulnerable. I shuddered.

The music boomed back and almost threw me off my feet. I drank more, danced a bit for myself and pulled out the linen wraps I’d prepared. I had no idea how to do this. It would probably take some tries. I held the end under my armpit and wrapped it around myself, pulling as hard as I could. My heart pumped hard and I felt my cheeks blush. My breath fogged the mirror. It looked horrible.

I fastened the wrap with two bandage fasteners after the fifth attempt. It hurt a bit and felt unusual, but it wasn’t too bad. Maybe it would stop the stares. Maybe it would...

I put my new clothes on. I definitely looked like a boy now. Hopefully.

The waiting for Caleb was a nightmare of my heart pounding out of my chest. Every loud laughter, every look made me jump. Could they see through the illusion? I crossed my legs, but then realized it looks like I need to pee.

“Bu!” said Caleb and jumped me from behind.

It almost gave me a heart attack. “I-i-it took you a while!” I said.

“Are you alright?” He laughed at me and flung his arm about my shoulders. I had expected him to drag along a larger party than just himself.

“Yeah,” I lied. My breathing was still hard. I looked down at my new converse shoes on the wet pavement.

“Let’s go then.” He walked ahead.

It was a bit away from the station. I regarded him from top to toe. His hair wasn’t too carefully styled. His clothes were ripped just in the right places (nipples, anyone?) and his eyelashes glittered in the streetlights. He wasn’t really good looking, more...cool. But it was hard to mistake him for a girl because of the too strong chin. He took my hand.

“Here it is,” he said. He halted in front of a worn iron door going down to a basement.

“Here?” I looked down the barely lit stairs. It looked like the bottomless pits of hell. I followed close behind Caleb down the stairs, clutching onto the back of his shirt in case a monster would come out of the wall and eat me. Or in case there were bugs of course.

The floor down below glittered in the UV lights.

“Password?” I heard a voice say beside me. He didn’t look like a regular nightclub watch. He was skinny and had a mob hat tipped on his head with a strong, blonde mustache. The door behind him was almost getting bombed out by the base of the music inside.

“Payphone,” I said without thinking.

The guard opened the door after a long look at the both of us. It felt like entering another world.

A pair of girls walked passed us giggling and tipsy. They were as beautiful as fairies and they stood to kiss each other just beside us. I blushed from peach to pink to red to maroon.

Caleb giggled at me and dragged my hand further in.

I looked with cow eyes at everything going on, but didn’t have time to comprehend all of it.

A man and woman stood talking in the corner. The woman took a sip of her colorful cocktail and turned towards us. I gasped when I realized she was a man. He wore a glittering purple hat. He turned to his partner again and the golden feathers on his hat swayed in the draft from the air-conditioning.

We walked past a boy lying with his head in another boy’s lap. His blonde mop of hair lay wavy on the sitting boy’s stomach who ran his fingers through it. They looked up at me as if they just realized they’d hated me their whole life. I wanted to cry.

I saw a large film screen flash by in a salon and tried to stop Caleb to see what it was, but Caleb dragged me into a larger salon.

“Here are my friends,” he said. “This is Penelo,” he introduced me.

The man with the purple hat stood looking at me. So he was Caleb’s friend! “Hello darling. You can call me Toy. It’s short for Troy.” He laughed at his own joke.

Caleb rolled his eyes at Toy. “This is Marta.” He made a gesture to a girl standing beside me with long blonde hair waving down over her shoulders. She had full lips and a button nose. Her frame was small but full. I swallowed and stretched my hand towards hers. A waft of her poisonous cherry perfume almost knocked me out.

“How do you do,” said Marta. She was slightly taller than me, but then almost everyone is taller than me. At best I can reach one fifty eight centimeters. With shoes on. I almost expected her to pat me on the head. She would never be mine, I thought and cried a little inside.

“And this is Storm,” said Caleb and nodded towards a boy with silver hair and brown eyes. He was extremely tall and lanky.

“Nice to meet you,” I said to all of them. It felt like they would laugh at me behind my back since I was such a late bloomer and newbie.

“Well now, off you go!” Caleb patted me on the back. Off I go, where?! “I think tonight’s film is about...?” He looked to Marta for the answer. Marta lifted her breasts. “Exactly,” said Caleb and smiled at me.

I blinked several times and my feet walked away before my mind started thinking about doing it. I came into a room and a few heads turned my way. It seemed like an intense conversation was going on and everybody sat in a circle. I sat down in a corner before I realized they were talking about dildos. It wasn’t exactly like I had much to contribute to the conversation, so I staggered out of the room and my foot got stuck at the corner of a carpet. My eyes opened wide in slow motion and my hands flew up to protect myself. “Mwaaaaaaaaah!” I fell right into a girl standing in the corner with a beer and a cigarette. Of course she got beer all over both of us.

“Cutey should be careful, eh,” she said without anger in her voice and winked.

“I’m so sorry!” I wanted to cry. Nothing was going well tonight. I was the only virgin in a frickin’ sex club full of hot girls talking about dildos (I had never seen a dildo in real life) and now I made this...wow. My heart wouldn’t stop racing from the fall, and now it had yet another reason to jump down on the floor and dance a bit.

Her icy blue eyes looked at me from under a crow black, asymmetrical haircut. Her clothes were sacky but it was obvious how skinny she was. She bit a full, deep pink bottom lip. “Are you okay?” she said.

“Uh, yeah,” I said. Now that I saw you. I bit down a smile and scratched the back of my head. “I’m really sorry.” I blushed.

“It’s okay. What are you going to do about it though? Might need to get naked here, eh?” She laughed. “Just kidding you.”

My cheeks felt feverish. I stared down at my shoes. Wouldn’t mind that, exactly.

“You look a bit lost...?” She craned her neck down to look at me.

“Maybe?” I looked away from her, but she grabbed my chin.

“Could be dangerous, you know,” she said and winked. I knew she was joking, but it didn’t make my cheeks less hot. “By the way, who cut your hair?”

Oh my god. I died and went to hell and realized it was Earth. “I did it...myself.”

“Thought so. I can fix it for you.”

“Really?” My eyes must’ve really sparkled.

She took a puff off her cigarette and smiled. “Uh-uh. I’m a hairdresser.” She ran her fingers through my hair a few times. I gasped and shuddered against my will. “You seem too precious to let go,” she said in a lower voice. “Wanna go to my place?” She stood at her full length and I realized how much taller than me she was.

I nodded. It was a crazy thing to do, but I was seventeen with my cherry unpopped, so who was I to say no when a goddess asked me such a thing?

I followed her out, struggling to breathe in the fresh night air. I was tipsy without having had a single drop of alcohol.

She chuckled as she handed me a helmet. “Hold on tight.”

I straddled her MC and wrapped my arms around her tiny waist as she had said to. My neck could barely hold up the weight of the helmet so I leaned it against her back as she sped through the empty streets. My heart beat faster than her speed and butterflies raced through my blood stream. My fingertips tickled and I almost couldn’t hold on to her.

I almost fell when I stepped off the MC and followed her up to her apartment. I was too dizzy to even realize which part of town I was in. She took my hand and led me up the stairs. I stood anticipating as she locked up the door and went ahead into the apartment.

The furniture was sparse and mostly in black. There was a large flat screen TV and a large shelf of films from Disney to Boys Getting It On 7. The kitchen pantry light was on and the fridge rumbled through the silence.

I took my shoes off and sat on the bed.

“Want anything to drink, eat?” She collected a few things off the floor and threw them into their right places. One of the “towels” made a horrible screeching sound as it hit the wall.

“Mmh, I’m good, thank you,” I said. The black clad double bed was uncomfortable beneath me and I wanted to spread out my limbs.

She sat down beside me and again her hand ran through my hair. I shuddered but gave in to her touch. She leaned in to me and her lips softly touched mine. I drew for air as she deepened the kiss. My breath trembled as it exited and a subtle shudder ran through my whole body. I never knew kissing felt this good, or I would’ve definitely done it sooner!

I sat swooning as she kissed my neck and let her lips run over my face.

“What’s your name?” she said.

“Penelope, but everyone calls me Penelo,” I said and was just getting cosy. She stopped all of a sudden.

“Penelope? You’re a girl?!” Her thin, straight eyebrows knotted in horror.

What should I do? In loss for a better thing to say, I whimpered. “I’m sorry. I thought...you knew.”

“Knew what? That you’ve got a vagina? You think I’ve got a vagina detector? How should I know when you’ve got no boobs and look so cute? How the hell am I supposed to do you now?” she said.

“The way everybody else does it...?” I offered in a small voice. She didn’t answer. We sat silent for a moment, but I couldn’t bear it. “Is it okay if I sleep on the sofa?” I didn’t look at her.

She dug her fingers in my hair again. “Hair this soft can’t be good for styling, but it sure is cuddly.” She dug her face in it and breathed me in. “Mmhh... I wouldn’t be able to sleep if you’re on the sofa, kitty.” She grabbed me by the waist and neck and pulled me towards her until I was straddling her before our lips met. “What are you crying for?” she whispered.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know,” was the best I could say, of course. I thought you were going to hate me, was what I wanted to say. “I just, I just...” I hiccuped, but stopped when I felt something hard between my legs. I jumped backwards, off her. “What’s that?!” I pointed between her legs. Enough of dildos tonight already!

“Hm?” She looked down. “Oh...sorry.” If I didn’t know better, I’d say she blushed. “I didn’t intend to...” She made a series of facial expressions. “Are you a virgin?!”

I gulped. If only she knew...She...”What’s your name?”

“Julien.”

“You’re a guy?!” My eyes almost popped out and fell on the floor, but it felt kind of disgusting. Now it was my turn to take a step back and knot my eyebrows.

“Do I look like a girl?!” he said and crawled towards me.

“Uh, yeah?” I crawled backwards on my elbows until I reached the edge of the bed. He grabbed my legs and pulled me under him. I shut my eyes close and whimpered. Wasn’t this going perfectly.

“How old are you? I have to ask, now that so many things are coming forth,” he said. He sat down beside me. My heart wouldn’t stop beating with all its’ might.

“S-seventeen,” I gasped.

“Oh my god.” He sighed and laid back.

“Is it okay?”

“No?” He turned his head to me. He looked so tired that I was reminded of how tired I was myself. But, the fact that he was actually male made him look even more angelic. Too bad I hate men. “Don’t fall in love with me now,” he said, knowing.

I can’t help it, I wanted to say. Instead I just turned my face away. This was the most bizarre night. He crawled on top of me and kissed my eyelids. “Pretend. You can pretend. Like you are now. Pretend to...be a boy,” he said in a whisper and nibbled at my ear.

The thought made it throb between my legs. He laid on his side and crossed my legs over his. His hand dug into my hair and he leaned his forehead against the side of my head. It felt like a rubber ball bounced all over inside my chest and glitter flakes flew inside my stomach.

This was just perfect, wasn’t it? The perfect girl was a gay guy who thought I was a gay guy too, but I’m a gay girl who thought he’s a gay girl! He should stop that though, the kissing my neck thing. It felt too good. I shivered, and my arms wrapped around him against my will. I would’ve been afraid if it wasn’t for his calm demeanor and that he wasn’t trying to get into my pants. But if he did, the spell would be broken, wouldn’t it? What should I do if he got into my pants? I needed a rescue plan.

He pressed his lips against mine and pulled me tighter against him in a kiss that lasted long enough for my lips to swell and become oh so warm. I moaned and my muscles relaxed one after another until I couldn’t keep myself awake anymore. Darn you gorgeous thing.