He jolted, throwing off the covers. Sweat dripped down the back of his neck, and for a moment he could not remember how to breathe. Sharp and hot, pain flaked away pieces of his skull with a rusted razor. He grabbed at his head and pulled it between his knees. What the hell was happening? What was that dream? Why did he feel so sick?

Teeth clenched, he gradually raised his head, but as if on the cue, the room spun in every direction. He seized hold of the sheets and forced his vision to settle. Dammit. Breathe in and breathe out first, he told himself. If he could just get his head to focus then he could work on moving.

He shook his head and shifted through thoughts. He would do this just like anything else, military style. First thing was first. What was that dream? It had not even made sense. Yet if he rubbed his fingers together, he swore he still felt the waxen grass and the hairy moss marching up the tree. Alongside the taste of the damp air lingered in his mouth, and even the . . . he brought a hand to his chapped lips. That blood, he still tasted that luscious, sensual—ah damn, what was he thinking? He cleared his dry throat and heaved his thoughts aside. Perhaps forgetting was in order?

He swung his feet over the bed, flinching as the icy floor pricked his soles. Straightening to a stand, the room remained steady only until he stepped forward. He stumbled, tripping foolishly over his feet into his dresser. As his stomach churned, he clutched onto the dresser to steady himself and brought one hand to his forehead, which scorched his palm. Sickness pummeled at his stomach.

Breathing deeply, he carefully released the dresser and treaded to his desk where he flung open the drawer. Rifling through the contents, his fingers skimmed a slim bottle. Without consideration, he popped it open and swallowed four pills. Allowing the bottle to roll out of his hand, he fell against the desk. Already his brain ached slightly less, and if he leaned in just the right position, his stomach churned slightly less as well.

His eyes slid to his alarm clock, and he stared at it for a good minute before his eyes registered the time. He had only been asleep for half an hour. Disgusted, he reopened his drawer, snagging a new bottle. He downed two more pills and turned away. It sickened him. His life consisted of pills. Insomnia, that’s what it was called. Sleepless night after sleepless night. Only pills kept him sane.

Sighing heavily, he tugged open his dresser drawer for the third time and found a clean pair of shorts and a plain shirt. He knew it would be a waste to attempt sleep. It would be pointless. Ruffling his hair into something more suitable than a disgruntled mop, he took a quick succession of deliberate breaths and strode to the door. How he wished he could sleep. As his stomach groaned in protest, he reached for the door handle, but a soft knock surprised him.

He frowned and opened the door. “I figured you would still be up.”

“Um Lily—uh morning? What are you doing awake?”

“I couldn’t sleep.” She leaned against the doorframe. “I knew you would be awake so I decided to stop by.” She looked him up and down. “Mind if I join you?”

He adverted his eyes. Even in jogging sweats she was absolutely beautiful. Everything about her made his head reel, from the way she skipped on the balls of her feet to the curiosity always peering out from her eyes. He loved her when she stood on tiptoes to reach the lowest of shelves, and he loved the agitated wrinkles in her forehead when her coarse rosewood hair would not tame its curls. She never wore make up and her few freckles stood out against her pale cheeks. He had to control himself just not to reach out and touch her smooth skin.

His stomach twisted, and he wished he had remained in bed. Just relax, he thought. It’s only Lily. Swallowing his nerves, he returned her gaze. “Really? Do you think you can keep up?” He managed a weak smirk.

Blushing, she sprang up and her lips puckered into a pout. “Of course I can. Let’s go!” Stubborn, she spun around and marched out. Sebastian snorted and shut his door behind him, trailing her determined steps.

As he caught up to her, he tapped her on the shoulder. “Then let’s go, slowpoke.” He took off at a run, sprinting through the echoing metallic hallway and ignoring his objecting stomach.

Lily’s laughter danced after him as he burst outside into the night, leaving behind the dusty lamplight. Gravel crunched beneath his feet, and he made a sharp left. Crisp, cold air stung his cheeks, and he heard the whisper of Lily’s footfalls from behind.

“Sebastian!” Her voice choked against the wind and Sebastian almost did not catch it.

He slowed until they were shoulder to shoulder. She grinned at him. “See, I can keep up.”

He snorted. “Only because I’m letting you.”

A breathless laugh pressed out from her lips. “Whatever.”

Silence passed between them and Sebastian lost his thoughts within the calm night. Night in Atonine was the darkest of blacks. With brown sluggish clouds covering ninety-percent of the sky, little sun peaked through the haze and stars were impossible to see. Never once had Sebastian seen a star. Of course he knew of stars, but he only had a dictionary definition. Giant, luminous balls of plasma were what he knew to be stars. Without stars, the only lighting was the dim halogen lamp from the barrack, which slowly lost its weak glow as Sebastian and Lily grew further and further away. Darkness would soon devour them. Without their trained eyes, they would not see their hands in front of their faces.

Yet Atonine had always been like this. Murkiness was always a trait of the majestic city. Safest kingdom did not mean the healthiest or most environmentally friendly kingdom. Plants meant nothing to them. Security was top priority. If the skies filled with smoke and haze then it should stay that way. If trees burned to the ground from factory fires then it should stay that way. If there was no grass and only dirt and grime then it should stay that way. As long as the people were safe then the world was fine. Atonine was a sanctuary. Those who obeyed the rules of the kingdom and believed in the objective of security were known as the Sedulists, and they could remain in harmony with the monarchy.

Although Sebastian knew Atonine was a perfect kingdom, he also knew there would always be senseless opposition, and that opposition was the Verdurists. They were the scum of the kingdom, mere rodents halting the kingdom from running smoothly. They believed in mother earth. They believed that the people should nurture plants and return to living like common cave dwellers. Technology, safety, and even mankind were below the earth to Verdurists. Humans did not matter if there were no flowers. That notion made Sebastian laugh. Verdurists were useless waste. Earth was meaningless without humans.

Earth? Atonine made the earth livable, breathable, and bearable. And that woman from his sleep! How dare she call Atonine waste! She was abominable and ugly. She reminded him so much of Verdurists, but at the same time she was . . . she was what? Different? Just her words were so peculiar. What did she mean by lies? And aconite and chrysanthemums? What were they?

“Sebastian!”

His instincts jolted him and he slammed to a halt, eyes focusing on reality. Inches away an electric fence loomed like a giantess over his head, and for a moment, confusion stole over him. His forehead crinkled as he stared. They reached the perimeter. He cocked his head slightly to look over at Lily who gazed at him with a puzzled expression.

“”Yes?” he asked, shaking off the daydream.

She frowned. “I thought that you were going to have a head on collision with the fence.”

Blushing, he turned away so that she would not see. He always paid attention to his locale. How had he slipped up? He shook his head and cleared his throat. “I would never.”

“Good.” Her face scrunched up. “I didn’t want fried Sebastian for breakfast. Yuck.”

He kept a smile at bay as he turned back to her. “Yea? Not like you would taste any better, Lilybeth.” He slurred her name, watching her cringe.

“Don’t call me that. I hate it.” She stuck her nose in the air and spun around, her curls bouncing as she flounced toward the access point. Reminiscent of a prison, wire fencing enclosed the entirety of the army grounds. Besides security, it was to keep Verdurists and commoners out. Everything in the kingdom was done to track Verdurists and secure perimeters. Even the black barcodes branded on their wrists and the locator chips implanted in their lower backs were for security. Everything had its purpose.

Nearing the gate, he noticed only two sentries looking thoroughly bored, but as he approached they both straightened, saluting him with as much respect as their sleepy heads could muster. Both of them ignored Lily.

“Specialist Kaspersen, you’re always out running early. How are you this morning?” spoke up the more eager of the two.

“I’m fine.” He stuck out his wrist for scanning. Embarrassed, the private fumbled with the scanner and skimmed it over Sebastian’s wrist. The sentry bowed low when the scanner cleared Sebastian with a loud beep.

Lily inserted herself behind Sebastian, forcing the sentry to take notice of her. The sentry frowned but then nodded, roughly snatching her wrist in his hand and sluggishly scanning it. When the all-clear beep rang, he continued to untrustingly stare at the scanner for a while longer. Sebastian gave a disgruntled sigh, alarming the sentry and forcing him to wave through Lily.

Out of sight of the two sentries, Lily sighed. “Everything goes much faster when you’re with someone of higher status. Otherwise they’ll hold you there forever, just because they want to pretend like they have some sort of worth. It’s irritating.” She kicked the ground before starting her run.

Sebastian shrugged and took after her. “They are just doing their jobs.”

“Well, I know, but they are no better than I am. They don’t need to act like snots. Just because I’m a little slower than everyone else . . .”

“You’re fine.” Sebastian stated bluntly.

“No I’m not. I suck at this.” Her eyes followed the mud forming beneath their feet as they veered off into the woods. “I can’t even make private first class and I’ve been a soldier forever.”

Sebastian swallowed. He did not want her to change one bit. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, to ease her worries. “Lily, you’re fine.” It was all he managed without choking on his tongue.

“Just fine?” She grumbled beneath her breath. “But I want to be you know, like you.”

Sebastian’s stomach lurched, and he wasn’t sure if it was the same as earlier. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yes I do. You’re at the top of the specialists. You never mess up and you never show fear or weakness. I want to be that strong.” Dejection rang within her voice and it pulled at his stomach.

“Lily, you don’t want to be like me,” he said, passing beneath the first rotted tree as they ploughed deep into the woods.

“Yes I do,” she argued. “If I’m not strong I can’t save the people I love.” Sebastian slowed to a brisk walk, making Lily stop to look at him. “What?”

“I know what you mean, but—ah never mind.” He took off sprinting again, ducking beneath a low fallen branch. He did not know what to say. He knew what she meant. Strength was what it took to save people, not love or kindness.

Mushy leaves and vegetation squelched beneath their feet as they trudged onward. These woods were always deathly silent. Few animals existed here or anywhere in Atonine. Bugs thrived instead. Spiders spun webs through the air and centipedes slithered along the paths like great serpents. Plant life was deplorable. Trees were crooked and rotted. Grass was sodden and decayed. Decomposing life scattered the ground, anything from tree branches to molding mushrooms. Green hardly survived. There was nothing but browns and blacks, the colors of decay.

Further and further they sank into the woods, the trees growing closer and closer together as if trying to suck them in. An hour passed before Lily dove beneath a low branch, forcing Sebastian to crouch on his knees in order to follow. Branches obscured his vision and when he surfaced there was no Lily. His heart raced as his eyes feverishly scanned around. “Lily!” he shouted, shoving through a patch of leafless thorny bushes.

He heard a branch snap nearby and he whipped around toward the noise just in time for Lily to pop up from behind another tree with a grin on her face. “Come on Sebastian, this way.”

She rushed off again and he grumbled under his breath as he stumbled over thick fallen trees. If he could just burn down this whole woods than everything would be much better. He swore loudly as a branch whipped at the side of his head angrily. Breaking the hateful branch in two, Sebastian kicked a nearby stump. “Lily, where are you going?”

“You’ll see!” she called from ahead.

Grumbling, he crouched beneath another low hanging tree and distinctly heard Lily’s footsteps stop. Shoving aside the moldy branches, he pushed his body through the last stretch of trees and found himself in a large clearing. A thin line of sandy colored light shined in from above and touched the flattened plant life with a brown hue. His eyes drank in the area with a soldier’s rapid eye. Brown grass and weeds grew haphazardly along the ground as if it had been given a bad haircut. Trees strayed along the edges of the clearing, and only fallen decrepit logs littered the floor. An emaciated stream trickled through the far edge of the clearing, but was half covered by over grown thickets. Lily knelt close to the stream, running her fingers through the surface in a slow methodical way. Her head was bent and she was rather attentive to the water, disregarding Sebastian as he drew closer to her until his shadow fell over her bent frame.

Her head lifted after a minute as if she had been lost in thought, and Sebastian sat down beside her. “I like this place. It’s kind of secretive like a little haven within a dark inferno.” A slight smile replaced the serious expression on her face. “You know,” she whispered, wrapping one arm around her knees and keeping one trailing in the water. “My sister used to love running in the morning. It was her favorite time of the day.”

Sebastian nodded and turned his head away. “Running in the morning is logical. By noon it becomes hot and humid. The morning is cooler, but is still brighter than the night . . .” He trailed off as he noticed Lily gazing at him in a peculiar way. “What?”

She burst out laughing. “There doesn’t have to be an explanation behind everything.”

“But—” His cheeks burned and he quickly glanced away again, letting her laughter die out to silence.

“But . . .” She paused and the comfortable aura around her dissipated. She glanced off into the trees. “She was killed early in the morning too though. We went to the market and . . . it was a really nice morning. Unusually bright and people flowed into the market like no other. It was just such a beautiful day.”

Sebastian’s throat tightened. “Yeah?”

“There were Verdurists in the market that morning. The heat brought them out like stinking rats from a sewer. They open fired on a group of Sedulists. The Verdurists were protesting against the monarchy, saying it was unnatural and full of sickness. So they went blazing away with guns, and I got caught in the midst of it.” Her eyes flicked down, and for a second, her fingers stopped in the middle of the water. “I wandered away from her for but a minute while she looked for some cloth. The gunfire was terrifying. I remember screaming sissy’s name, and I shouldn’t have.” He saw the tears in her eyes, slowly collecting and not daring to drop. His hands yearned to reach out to her, to comfort her, but they remained frozen and useless. He couldn’t breathe. “The minute she heard, she came running and she threw herself in front of me and . . . I remember her dropping to the ground in such an unceremonious way.”

“Lily,” Sebastian muttered.

“That’s why I want to become strong. I want vengeance for my sister.” Her hand dug into her thigh. “I—I can’t let her down. She died to save me. I can’t give up. I need to become strong.”

Silence filled the empty clearing, and Sebastian looked down at the ground. He knew how she felt. He knew the hurt and the longing to become stronger. It was addictive, a drug. To become better was to become closer to protecting those he cared for. Everyday he strived to gain more and more strength. Everyday he was one step closer to becoming who and what he needed to be.

Yet Lily . . . his eyes turned toward her, and his stomach tightened as he saw those tears fighting not to fall. She never needed to change. Why should she? He was here for her. He would never let anything happen to her. He would fight all of her battles. He would do anything for her.

He attempted to clear the suffocating feeling in his throat. “You.” Her eyes flicked to him, full of questions, and his throat closed once again. Why was speaking so difficult? He could easily snap a Verdurist’s neck with only a simple twist of his wrist, but talking in this manner was unbearable, always. His insides melted. “I mean . . . you don’t . . . it’s not . . .” His voice stuck in his throat and he dropped his head atop his knees, running a hand through his messy hair.

Lily once again laughed and a smile fell across her face. “It’s okay. You don’t need to say anything. Life goes on.” She dipped her fingers further into the water, feeling the cool stones at the bottom of the thin stream.

As she looked away, Sebastian’s spine stiffened. He couldn’t leave it at that. “Wait, I mean—that’s not what I meant. You know if I’m strong and . . . I’m always around so . . .” His brow scrunched up and he took a deep breath. “I can always prot—”

“Shit!” The curse flew over his voice, and Lily’s hand retracted like a recoiling python from the water.

“Are you okay?” He leaned toward her as she shook her finger and stuck it in her mouth.

“Ouch,” she mumbled through her finger. “I cwut mwuaself.” His eyes widened and her face scrunched up into a frown as she sucked. “Damn!”

Laughter built up in his throat, but he shoved it back with a cough. She sounded ridiculous. “It’s only a cut though, right?” He tried not to grin.

“Yea bwut ish bweeding.” Her eyes glared at him in contempt as she hinted the laughter in his voice.

“Well, we’ll just get a band-aid and the bleeding will st—” Blood! Shit, was that it? He sprang to his feet. There was no way. His brain flew into overdrive. First there was that Verdurist and that smell. It hadn’t appeared until he had shot her, until her blood spilled over her chest. Even then he hadn’t had a reaction though. It was when his face hovered right over the wound. That scent wafted directly up, right from that blood. It was the most pungent stench ever, and it made him crazy. Vile, impossible thoughts came to mind. He had wanted to touch her, that disgusting Verdurist. Every drop of that crimson flesh he had wanted to lick off that ivory flesh.

Then . . . then it was the dream. That silly woman cut herself so that he smelled her blood. That one scent electrocuted his insides. He never before experienced such yearning, and when that blood touched his tongue it was fire. The entire world lit with a thousand colors, and he experienced ecstasy. It was—he brought a hand to his lips. He could still taste it. Parched, his tongue still tasted that lush, velvety blood. Oh dear majesty . . . his heart raced. What if—?

“Ywou okay?”

His glanced to Lily’s face, but he barely saw her. He could not control his thoughts or the panic slowly increasing in his heart. He needed to be sure. “Lily?”

“What?” She stared up at him with those huge glossy eyes of hers, her finger still hanging on the very edge of her lips as if inviting him. Yet the familiar desire for her did not overtake him. He just wanted to know.

He took a deep breath. “Can I see that cut?”

A scowl fell over her face, but she shrugged and stood up. “What for?” She unstuck her finger from her lips and held out her hand for him. He stared at the slender cut on the tip of her finger. It was nothing significant and only the thinnest flash of red stood out from the fissure. For a second he just watched it, expecting something to happen, but nothing did. He needed to be sure though. He took her hand in his and brought it closer, studying it, forgetting the softness of her hands. Lily’s eyebrows lowered and her lips tightened. “Sebastian, what are you doing?” Annoyance trilled in her voice.

Not answering, he brought her finger closer until it was a mere few inches from his lips. His heart pounded, but there was still nothing. There was no electric jolt inside of him; there was no want or urgency; there was nothing. Surely if he were to react to anyone’s blood it would be hers. Relief flooded over him and he almost laughed at the absurdity of it all.

“What are you doing?” Lily’s eyes glowered, but he ignored them.

This was stupid. He smiled and brought her finger even closer. Of course Lily would answer his ludicrous question. She always saved him. He pressed the tip of her finger to his lips, gently kissing the tiny cut. There was nothing to worry about now.

“SEBASTIAN!” He jumped as her hand whipped away. “What are you doing?!” For a moment he was lost as he gaped at her, cradling her hand against her chest as if injured. What was she—? Oh shit. His stomach plummeted. Warmth flared to his cheeks. How could he fix this? He needed to make it right. He didn’t mean to do that. Shit. “It was just, you know, I didn’t have a band-aid so I figured a, um, ki—” Not even the word formed on his lips. “Um, would help.”

There was silence, and he shut his eyes, still turned away from her. He had no idea what expression she wore on her face. Was she revolted or uncaring? Neither he hoped for.

“That was unnecessary.” He heard the crunch of leaves as she moved around him. “It wasn’t bleeding that much.”

He swallowed the rising saliva in his throat. “Well yes, but you freaked out about it so I thought it might help.” His eyes met hers, and he noticed the slight color in her cheeks. Was she angry with him? “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to anger you.”

“I was not freaking out! I can handle a small cut like that.” She marched a few steps away and crossed her arms over her chest. “Look, I’m not angry, but let’s get going.”

He sighed and followed after her. She was irritated. How could he have done something so dense? Could life get any worse? He groaned and was glad that he was too far behind for her to hear his agitation.

Why was it always so hard for him? Ever since childhood he had so much trouble talking to Lily. Sure he could talk about anything pertaining to his job or the military, but when it came to anything else he failed. He never felt comfortable around people, especially Lily. He didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want to ruin her compassion. How could he ruin that which he fell in love with? And what if she rejected him? What if she left him? It would be unbearable.

She was the one that brought him out of his dreariness and suffering. She had made him human again. She was the one protecting everyone. She brought everyone out of their darkness and showed them the light. How could she even think for a second that she wasn’t good enough? Did no one else see how much she cared?

Trees thinned out around him. Within a full half hour she still had not spoken. He needed to mend this. He bit his lip and raked a hand through his hair. “Uh Lily, if you really want, I could give you private training lessons.” Hearing no answer, he sighed. “I mean, if you’d be interested . . .”

“It’s nothing, really. I’m just slightly jealous.” Lily confided. “It’s silly, I guess. I just don’t want to always be left behind. You, Ny, Ares always seem to be reaching such high places, and then there’s me who just keeps going nowhere.” She shrugged. “It’s just a little jealously. Nothing more. I’ll get over it.”

“I guess.” Sebastian said uselessly.

“And besides, I don’t want to hold you up. I can’t keep relying on you and everyone else.”

“Oh,” Sebastian mumbled.

As much as he did not want to admit it she was right. Ares was right as well. If Sebastian kept protecting her mistakes then he would end up hurting someone. Staying by her side forever was impossible. As much as he wanted to hold her hand and guide her he could not. In the end it would be useless. Yet he could not make himself follow through. Every time she fell short he would automatically help, as if pulled by imaginary strings.

Reaching the security perimeter, Sebastian paid no attention as the previous sentries scanned his wrist and saluted him. This ordeal was routine to him. Security checkpoints and borders divided the kingdom into four regions. Each region consisted of an individual social class. Northwest of the kingdom was Beggared, the slums, and just to the east belonged the military and artillery grounds. Located in the center of Atonine was Philistine, place of the commoners and middle class. To the very south was August, the noble’s realm, and rising over August rested the Argent Palace, home of the majesty.

Electric fences or thick walls surrounded each region. Watch towers lined these borders and provided a proper threat for anyone who dared to escape or venture out of their respective place. Life was secluded to one’s kind. It was a form of segregation, a needed segregation to keep the peace. Every year however there were casualties from those who tried to flee. Escape or running away was not an option. Usually only soldiers moved between borders, but occasionally lower class and middle class passed through checkpoints to Beggared or Philistine. No one but nobility and soldiers were permitted into August however. August was restricted to only the privileged and those who protected the privilege from the lower filth. High society deserved their tranquility.

With the efficiency of segregation, life was simple within Atonine. Besides the Verdurists, there were few complaints and the complaints that existed were stifled beneath the overpowering sense of security. If separation brought rest and less fighting between the classes then how was it wrong?

Sebastian stopped short as Lily halted within the last few yards before the barracks. Simplistic in layout the military grounds consisted of uniformed, shapeless buildings. Lined up like perfect infantrymen, hulking moss green barracks were sleeping grounds for all soldiers, no matter their ranking. Scattered to the south belonged massive training buildings, medical facilities, and educational institutes. Each boring gray building was labeled in bold black lettering and was ordinary to the last detail, from their dull iron walls to their lifeless dusty windows. Headquarters were in the far corner of the military grounds and surrounded by electrical fencing, another isolated place.

“Ny is waiting for you.” Lily pointed toward the men’s barrack to a slim figure leaning with crossed arms.

Pale yellow light was just beginning to seep through the slight holes in the gray clouds. “Damn. We have to get going. She’s already in her uniform.”

“I know. It’s one more thing that I’m not allowed to join in on.”

“Lily.” Sebastian scolded. “It’s not like that.”

“I know, I know.” Lily shoved her hands into the pockets on her sweats. “Just . . . have fun.” Her eyes glanced up and a wide smile plastered onto her face. Sebastian opened his mouth to speak, but she shrugged and turned away. “See you later. Thanks for the talk.”

“Um—bye.” His hand dropped uselessly as he attempted to wave. What was he thinking?

At the barracks Nynette impatiently checked her watch and then glared at him. He rolled his eyes and sprinted to her, forgetting Lily’s loneliness for a minute.

Nynette pushed off the wall and stuck a hand on her hip. “Beth?”

“We just went jogging.”

One glance into his face and Nynette scowled. “Did you two talk?”

“We talked.” He sidestepped around Nynette and her eyes followed him like a sniper’s fine glare. “I mean if we didn’t say anything to each other for two hours I would begin to worry.”

Groaning, Nynette smacked his arm and he smirked. “You know what I mean, but of course you won’t say anything so whatever.” She shrugged. “Anyway, do you know where my brother is?”

“Why would I know where Ares is?” Scowling, Sebastian threw open the door. “Shouldn’t he be in his room, you know, sleeping?”

“I checked and he wasn’t there.” Nynette followed him down the narrow and empty passage. “I wonder where he went. He knows we need to head out—oh! Did you manage to get any sleep?”

“Does thirty minutes count as sleep?”

With a sharp intake of breath, Nynette rolled her eyes. “I have no idea why you’re not dead.”

“Neither do I.” Sebastian glanced to her. “But I haven’t been feeling right either,” he added indifferently.

“What do you mean?” They turned down the corner and the first light of the hallway hit them. Their footsteps echoed softly, but not one person stirred from inside their dwellings.

“I just have been feeling nauseous.” Alarm sprang into her eyes, and he immediately shook his head. “All that not sleeping must be catching up. It’s nothing.”

“I think you should stay here then!” It flew from her lips, and he slammed to a halt. Stay here?

“Don’t joke, Ny.” He chuckled, but there was not one bit of jest in her taut face.

She raised an eyebrow. “You are never sick. Sebastian doesn’t do sick.”

Sebastian sniggered. “Next time I won’t say anything then.” He continued walking.

Hurrying after him, Nynette touched his arm. “Are you still feeling that way or was it earlier?”

Before he answered he hesitated. His stomach still churned, his head still ached, but what was he to do? This was not something he could skip out on. “Of course not. I’m feeling just fine now, and besides, a little pain never kept me away from doing my job.”

They neared his door, and she sighed. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Sebastian rested his hand on his doorknob, and just before twisting it he stared at her. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah, sure.” Nynette shook her head, but as Sebastian pushed the door, her eyes widened. “Wait—!”

It was too late. The door swung open, and a shriek drove into his eardrums. He cringed away from the noise, but his eyes stared past. For but a second, he failed to process the unbelievable sight. It was such a shock, but as his nails dug into the center of his palm, anger brewed in the pit of his stomach.

“Shut the door!” Nynette’s screech polluted his head, and she shoved him aside to slam it shut.

Doors up and down the hallway swung open with questioning and sleepy soldiers, but his mind raced and his rage doubled. His voice was more of a growl than anything. “Get back in your rooms!” Every door rushed to close. There was no need for a second command.

Every particle of him trembled with annoyance, but the touch of something on his arm forced him out of his thoughts. He glanced to his right to find Nynette’s fingers digging into his arm. “Ny?”

Not daring to look at him, she shook her head. Her nails bit into his skin, and he noticed her body trembling. With realization, his anger became non-existent. He knew he had no right. He knew she held back tears, and the words that whispered out of her were ensnared with bitterness. “I hate him.”

The door opened. Nynette broke away from him and moved to the side. A young girl with tousled hair crept out. For but a glance her eyes flickered to Sebastian’s face, but embarrassment flooded her cheeks and she scampered away muttering apologies. Sebastian said nothing and waited for the other occupant to exit.

Once again the door slid open, and with disheveled black hair and insolent pale blue eyes, Ares sauntered out of the room. Sebastian bit his tongue as Ares’ eyes glanced to Nynette rather quickly before turning to Sebastian. Irritation burned in those eyes, and Ares twisted a crumpled shirt in his hands. “Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?”

Fury flared in Sebastian, but he clenched his teeth and breathed in and out before daring to open his mouth. This was no time to start a fight. “Knocking to enter my own room?”

“Well!” Ares’ face screwed up with thought. “Didn’t you see the necktie on the doorknob?”

Pain flashed in Sebastian’s head, and he couldn’t bite down his anger again. “IN MY OWN ROOM!”

Flinching this time, Ares’ face filled with conflicted emotions. “It was just . . . only specialists have single rooms, and my roommate was in mine, and there was a hot chick. What am I supposed to do?”

Sebastian’s fist clenched. This was unbelievable. They were in Sebastian’s bed, on his sheets, on his pillows . . . and who knows where else! Frustration banged at his skull and a stinging sensation left his head fuzzy.

It was Nynette who answered. “Then I guess the smart thing would be to bang the slut and leave her like every other girl that you drop.” Ares’ eyes revolved to her face. “Seems logical, doesn’t it?” She stomped over to him and flung her arms up. “Oh and while you’re at it, why not do her in Sebastian’s room? Totally freaking logical!” She spat the words in his face, and for a millisecond, only a millisecond, Ares’ face paled ten shades of white.

Sebastian moved to get between them, but Ares recovered and sneered. Mockery morphed every feature of Ares’ face, and he leaned in until his lips were centimeters from hers. “What? Is someone jealous?” He chuckled, and Nynette stepped back, stunned.

“Ares!” Sebastian hissed.

“Not my fault she’s too sexually frustrated.” Nynette’s composure fell. “If she wasn’t pining after something non-existent, than maybe she might actually find herself a man.” Ares smirked, and to add salt to the wound, he slowly trailed his fingers down her cheek. “Aren’t I right, my dear sissy?”

Trembles snaked through each part of her frame, and her face contorted with mesh of emotions. Sebastian swallowed. This was wrong. “Nynette.” Her empty eyes slid to him. She would forgive him. He knew it. “Go tell everyone I’m on my way. I need to change still.”

Nynette took a breath, and she shut her eyes until each emotion in her face dropped away like brushed off maggots. Her eyes opened, and they bore into Ares’ marble eyes. “At least I know what I want.” With that she stepped around them and left.

Ares snorted and moved to leave. “You stay!” Sebastian commanded.

Ares froze mid-step. “It’s the only way,” he muttered.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

Ares’ eyes flashed to Sebastian. “I hate that disdainful look you always have on your face.”

“What?”

Ares chuckled. “You don’t notice it then, but whenever you see something that you disapprove of, you get this look of repulsion on your face. It’s why you have so few friends; did you know that? People see it and want to run away. You hate so many people, don’t you?” Ares swallowed and cleared his throat. “There is only one way for me to act. If I don’t then Nynette won’t leave me alone.”

“Okay?” Sebastian scowled.

“I need to keep doing this until she hates me, resents me with such a deep loathing that she’ll never want to look at me. It’s the only way we can remain sister and brother.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Because I love her and she loves me, and it can never happen. It’s disgusting and hated. I don’t want her to live a life full of bitterness from everyone just because she loves me. She deserves a peaceful life with someone normal, not her twin brother.”

Ah, that was what Ares was talking about. Why was he bringing it up now? Especially when Sebastian did not want to discuss it at the moment. They needed to get going, and his head pounded still. “She doesn’t know you love her though, right?” Sebastian asked, his voice monotone.

“No, she told me only once how much she loved me, and in reply I told her to stop her silliness.” His words sounded broken and lifeless, and his eyes held such emptiness.

“I don’t see why it matters.” Sebastian frowned.

“What?” Suspicious, Ares glared up at Sebastian.

“You’re brother and sister, so what? Why does it matter?” Why the hell was he saying this was what he really wanted to ask. It was such an illogical argument to him. There was only one way to look at things. If you are angry, you are angry. If you’re happy, you’re happy. If you’re in love, you’re in love. Why was it such a big deal?

If only his headache wasn’t worsening he would be able to at least deal with listening. Even the slow nagging in his stomach evolved into an irritating biting sensation. He wanted to stab his temple and make the pain disappear.

“You don’t understand what would happen. Things don’t work as simply as that.” Ares reprimanded. “Life would always be pain for her. No one would ever leave her alone.”

Shrugging, Sebastian rolled his eyes. “If I can’t understand this then why are you telling me?”

Ares’ mouth dropped open and his made incoherent gestures, as if trying to piece together a reason. “Look, you’re my best friend and . . . I don’t have many others. I just wanted to explain myself.”

“Guess I’m not the only one with few friends then, especially if you want to talk to uncomprehending me about this kind of stuff.”

Ares shot a defiant stare at Sebastian. “Not my fault you’re slow when it comes to people skills.”

“Uh-huh.” New hot pain stabbed at Sebastian’s stomach, and his eyes lowered. Overlook the pain, he thought. “I don’t need you insulting me for no reason, and you’re taking up military time. Go waste your own time and whine to someone else.”

“I am not whining!” Ares slammed his fist against the wall.

Lightheaded, Sebastian fingers curled into tight fists and he breathed deep before speaking. Why would it not go away? “It sure sounds like it, and I’m not getting paid to stand around here and listen to it. I have a job to do and so do you, Private Luce.”

“This is why you’re irritating. Sometimes I despise you so much!” Ares stomped right up to Sebastian until they were eye-to-eye. The wrath in those harsh blue eyes did nothing to intimidate Sebastian.

Sebastian bit the inside of his cheek in attempt to clear his head and form a logical sentence. “Really?” He raised an eyebrow. “Well if you want my opinion I think it’s childish . . .” He had to breathe. “And if you’re too pathetic to see past whatever it is you’re complaining about than you don’t really deserve her love anyway.”

Scarcely the words were out of his lips, and Ares’ fist connected. The action registered within his brain just as soon as the pain entered. Curling in on himself, Sebastian’s knees buckled and his arms grabbed at his gut. The pain before was nothing. Agony exploded inside him and he couldn’t find the right way to breathe again as his fingers dug into his abdomen. It hurt; it was anguish. All the morning’s pain was insignificant. That punch ripped apart everything holding the pain back. Nausea washed over him and he grew even more lightheaded. He knew there was a vague voice yelling at him but he couldn’t hear it. The hallway spun and he removed a hand to grope for the wall. He felt as if he was falling, but he knew there was someone kneeling beside him, shaking him. All Sebastian could do was shake his head. Words would not form. He needed to find someway to stop this torture.

A scream tore at the fuzziness in his head. “SEBASTIAN!” Indistinct pounding drew closer and closer, and someone else kneeled beside him, grabbing at him. He breathed in and then out slowly. Steadily the room morphed into view once again, and the voices melted back together into comprehensible structures.

“What did you do, Ares?” Nynette’s distinct high voice demanded, and her hand grazed his shoulder. “Sebastian, are you okay? Sebastian? Answer me?” He focused on breathing. He would fall apart if he spoke first.

“I didn’t do anything, Ny. He . . . we got into a fight and I punched him.” Ares’ gruff voice sounded frantic. “And it wasn’t even that hard!”

“You’re such an idiot,” Nynette yelled at him. “He was already not feeling well. How could you possibly hit him?”

“Wait—what?” Ares was baffled. “How was I supposed to know that? It was an accident.”

“Dammit, Ares.” Nynette fumed. “Could you be any more of a failure?”

There was a drought of noise. There was a small pressure from Nynette’s hand, and he knew he had to speak. She did not mean to say that. Shove the pain away, he thought. He was good at that. Ignore it. He had work and he had to make this right. One deep breath. “It’s okay.” The words were a whisper, but he shoved Nynette’s hand off him. “It was—” He gasped as a strain tugged at his throat. Fight it, he pleaded with himself. “It was my fault,” he managed to say.

“No, but Sebastian.” Nynette attempted to reach toward him as he pressed his weight against the wall and forced his unwilling body to stand.

“Shut it. It’s fine.” He collapsed against the wall, practicing on breathing. “We need to get going.”

“Wait, no!” Nynette jumped up, gripping his arm fiercely. Her nails bit into his arm like stinging nettles. “You need to lie down.”

Sebastian stared at those dark pleading eyes before he turned to glance down at Ares, who remained unmoving, gazing blankly at the cement floor. “No, Ny.” Pushing her arm off him, he shrugged. “I’m fine. I said it was my fault.”

“But Sebastian.” Nynette whispered and brushed the hair from his eyes. Her hand grazed his forehead and he jerked away from it, her hand retracting hesitantly. “I just wanted to check your temperature.”

“Did you not hear?” He mumbled, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Ares stand, still not looking at either of them.

“You’re just lying again,” she stubbornly retorted.

“I am—”

“Why don’t you two get a room?” Ares voice cut over Sebastian’s, and his eyes darted to Nynette’s face, which filled with alarm.

“W—what?” Nynette’s lower lip dropped, and her hand pulled away from Sebastian as she stared at Ares in revulsion.

Not amused, Ares stepped toward her until they almost touched. “I said, get a room.” He turned on his heel to leave.

“Wait, why are you being like that?” Fright tore at Nynette’s face as he disregarded her and walked out, slamming the door behind him. Her fingers wrenched at her hair in a nonsensical way, and she turned to Sebastian. “What happened?”

A sharp tug of pain pulled at him as he sighed. “He’s just angry.”

“Why? I didn’t do anything.”

He groaned. “I really don’t need this.” His eyes swiveled to Nynette’s face. “Look, you called him a failure.”

“Yes, but it was only because I was upset. I didn’t mean it.”

An urge to bash his head into the wall overtook Sebastian, and it was only the desire not to move that kept him from enacting the urge. “Nynette, I can’t deal with this now. If you didn’t mean it, why are you telling me? I’m sick of hearing all these things when no one follows reason.”

She yanked on a thread that hung from her uniform. “Not everything follows reason.”

“If it doesn’t then it’s not worth it.” Sebastian pushed himself off the wall. Momentarily dizziness swam inside him, but it left just as soon. “Why did you come back?”

“Oh,” she murmured. “The others became restless, and Sergeant Raine should be there soon so I came to find out what was holding you two up. Good thing I did.”

“Damn,” Sebastian muttered. “Let’s get going then.

“But I don’t think you should . . .”

“Shut-up, we’re leaving and that is that.” He stormed off, shoving aside the black dots that sprang into his vision as he stepped. It did not matter.