Tweety

Alex and June have known each other since middle school, and though their relationship has been good, bad, and mostly in-between, they just can’t quite seem to stay away from one another. College is the same, and an erupting argument of the silliest of topics leads Alex to understand his relationship with June better than he ever had before.

Written by: Chance Brown

“No she’s not!”

“Yes he is!”

“No. She isn’t.”

“Yes. He is.”

“No, she is-“Alex was cut off in the middle of his affirmative denial by a third classmate, one whom he wasn’t currently arguing with.

“How about you two just stop?” said Sherry Thomas, a short, pleasantly plump, and unpleasantly bossy girl with glasses and serious control issues. Alex and June both turned to her and simultaneously responded ”Shut up!”

Alex was heated. His huge, light brown eyes were open as wide as they would go, and his red baseball cap was nearly falling of his head; though he didn’t seem to notice. Brown skin clashed with white tabletops as knuckles knocked against the table rapidly. The entire class was surreptitiously watching the argument play out as they tried to focus on finishing their workbook assignments before Professor Duthie came back into the classroom.

Alex was not about to lose this argument, not with the bratty and infuriating June Bugala. Even her name was hideous to him. He’d been “frenemies” with June since grade school. They’d known each other and never quite gotten along all the way until now, sophomore year of University in the back row of a Politics class. She always thought she was right! Just because she was smart, and not just normal smart, but on-top-of-her-game smart. True, she not only knew facts, but was educated about current events, movies, fashion, politics, and could also hang out and chill without being a prude, but that didn’t make her a goddess or anything!

She thought she was hot shit and he knew it. June walked around with that sophisticated air of conceit. Her chin was always pressed high, and she must bathe in body butter, because her light brown-almost-tan skin was smooth and flawless. She didn’t wear low cut shirts to show off cleavage, or short skirts to tease, but she did dress maturely enough to show off her nice curves and those legs that you could climb up to St. Peter’s desk outside the Pearly Gates. He could tell she also always spent time on her hair and makeup. She pretended like she was too grown up to care, but long, silky, perfect curls didn’t pop up when you climbed out of bed, she was a hypocrite.

Plus, she always messed with him, always wound up near him, and was always…. Just always. Since grade school they were in the same classes, same activities, they went to the same college and even lived in the same dormitory. One time, when he was 11, his parents took him on vacation to Miami and her family was staying in the same hotel! Imagine the teasing when he returned from spring break with pictures of him and June on vacation together.

“How much do you wanna bet Lex?” June responded quickly, her voice echoing through the small auditorium style classroom. He didn’t even notice that she used her nickname for him, and if he had he wouldn’t have cared. She’d used that name for him since they were in middle school; he couldn’t really remember when exactly.

“I’ll bet anything! I know I’m right!” Alex said quickly, she wasn’t going to win this one. He’d even give up his state=of-the-art Bose stereo system, his seven year collection of Maxim magazines, hell, even Maria Santiago’s phone number (which he just got last week because she was the hottest and hardest girl to get)!

“You better be careful, you might be biting off more than you can chew.” June hissed and turned back toward her homework, jotting down extra notes on her paper. Alex knew she finished her workbook a week and half ago because she’d mentioned it sometime last week, so he didn’t have any idea what she was doing, but the distraction wasn’t going to stop him.

“How many guys are yellow?” He asked, getting back to the topic at hand.

“Yellow is a neutral color, boys are blue, girls are pink, have you never seen a delivery room?” June rolled her eyes condescendingly, which is probably the only way to do so.

“How is yellow neutral? When was the last time you saw a football team with yellow helmets?”

“You’re missing the point Lex!”

“You just don’t have one!” He chimed back, a smile breaking through his face, he was winning this argument!

The door of the classroom opened and the entire class looked up; Professor Duthie, a strict teacher with a smile as tight as the bun atop her head, had reentered the room. She looked mortified as she held her long cardigan together, straightened her bold brown glasses and looked around the class asking, “Who in heaven’s name was screaming so loud that I could hear them in the restrooms?”

The class all looked back at Alex and June. Professor Duthie continued her inquisition, stepping closer toward the two.

“What exactly has gotten you two so riled up that you insist upon shouting?”

“Professor Duthie, we were just having a serious debate about the presence of gender in the political society of prepubescent youth.” Alex said quickly, it wasn’t exactly a lie, just smooth rewording. June didn’t say anything; she just glanced down at her paper. Professor Duthie opened her mouth slightly as if unsure what to say next.

“No they weren’t!” Sherry opened her mouth. Alex made a mental note that her car was going to be reported stolen next time she left campus. Sherry continued to spill her mouth to the instructor though, “They were arguing over whether Tweety bird is a boy or a girl!”

Professor Duthie looked back at the two, bewildered and confused. Quickly she regained her composure and responded, announcing her answer to Alex and June, who were now sinking lower and lower into their seats.

“Firstly, shouting is not tolerated in my class. Secondly, if you can yell about cartoons I expect you to show a little more enthusiasm in my lectures, and thirdly, I’m sure you will BOTH enjoy the four page paper you will be writing me by next Friday about Politics and the Prepubescent youth!”

“But-“ June began to say something but Professor Duthie cut her off.

“Be lucky I am not reporting you both to the Dean’s Office for misconduct Miss Bugala. As for the class, we are finished for the day, make sure to hand in you workbook on my desk before you leave today or you get no credit.”

June shut her mouth and began folding her books closed and putting her pencils back in their neat case. Alex rolled his eyes and did the same. When he glared up at June she was glaring right back at him; they both looked away.

“Oh, and by the way you two,” Professor Duthie addressed them once more as the class began to file out, “Tweety is definitely a boy.” She finished and turned around, heading back toward her desk.

Alex looked up at June and sighed, she won. Damnit! He folded his Politics book closed and turned toward her.

“Okay, you win, what do you want?”

She stood up with her books in her hand, said “Dinner. And the Maroon Five concert on Valentine’s Day.”

Alex opened his mouth but no words came out. He hadn’t expected this at all. He started to say something, but all that came out was a small squeak.

“Good, see you Saturday at seven.” June added, and walked down the aisle and tossed her workbook on Professor Duthie’s desk before exiting the classroom.

He still didn’t care what they said: Tweety had to be a girl.