call it a curse
silently scream it out
until your throat is raw
with holding back

hush don’t tell him
just play the right cards
while chewed fingernails bleed
worrying over mistakes

words are running dry
just when you need them
they roll under your tongue
you reflexively swallow

you’re getting so good
at being a liar
at being fake
pity you can’t believe you

he grasps your hand
thumb against pulse
point of revulsion
but you let him

let him kiss you
don’t pull away
if you wish hard enough
maybe you’ll believe

his voice offers
a constant flow of endearments
assurances of grace, charm, beauty
you laugh uncomfortably

headache hissing why can’t
you just tell him about reality
take the rose-colored glass
from his love-darkened eyes

stomach tied in knots
scraping at rotten ugly insides
he makes you feel so
guilty because you can’t

find it in you to love him back