and i think it's time to let go
of you, because i know you are p ul ling away from me.
i think i'm going to let go
of you now that you are ready to
drop me on my heart and i
am not ready to get hurt like that.
and i guess you weren't q/u/i/t/e ready to catch me yet, though you promised that you were.
so good-bye to you, darling, and know that i still love you.
but i'd rather leave you than lose you.
if that makes any sense, because it's true.
so you can finally slip through my fingers and i'll be out of your hair and there will be no more midnight phone calls. and so i'm screaming in my head and i'm crying late at night and i'm not listening to loud music anymore because it makes me think of you and i can't hear love songs because those lines that jolt your name into my head. and i cant write because you were my inspiration and i can't read because those male characters are never quite as good as you. and i'm going to bed at ninethirty because you stayed up till six am. and all before you even know that my heart is breaking.
they always said my heart would break i always said i'd prove them wrong.
and they told me you'd leave me and make me cry, but im done crying for you because you would laugh at me.

good-bye.

A/N: this is the end of this pillowbook. good-bye to my readers (whoever you are or aren't.) and thanks. i just don't think i can write anymore, at least not in this manner, because tomorrow i'm going to call him and let him know that i can't be his and he can't be mine. and i'm scared to leave him...because i love him. but i refuse to lose him on any but my terms.