When Silence Speaks

- - -

For you. :)

- - -

“Friends can be said to "fall in like" with as profound a thud as romantic partners fall in love.”

~Letty Cottin Pogrebin

- - -

The sun was setting low on the horizon, casting long fiery shadows that reached out like fingers into the sky and bathed the elevated platform in orange and purple. The old KTM train station directly opposite the platform looked majestic in the fading light as hues of purple, orange and gray stained the architecture. The post office headquarters in the distance took on an orange glow against the setting sun. A flock of birds noisily took flight into the evening sky from a clump of trees. Below the elevated train station, buses honked loudly, drowning the voices of conductors calling for the long lines of passengers to board. A low rumble arose from vehicles cruising along the city roads. Vestiges of light were fast disappearing as a cloak of gloom enveloped the city.

She tore her gaze from the sun and looked at her surroundings. The station was crowded with exhausted adults, a handful of tourists and weary secondary school students. She briefly wondered how the small two-coached LRT (light rail transit) could accommodate such a large number of people. The crowd emitted a low murmur as they busied themselves with their own business. She tugged at her white baju kurung – a typical Malaysian school uniform – as she adjusted her grip on her file. Seeing that it will take a while before she could board the train, she took a seat at one of the metallic benches placed along the platform. She didn’t know how long she sat there as she stared unseeingly at the horizon, oblivious to comings and goings of the bustling Pasar Seni LRT station platform.

It was a little while after that that the bustling activity subsided. Silence enveloped her for a blessed second before it was pierced by the shrill sound of a train approaching the platform. Slightly frustrated, she plugged in her iPod to drown out the sounds of the world she didn’t want to be in at the moment. She glanced at the digital clock. Its digits glowed orange in the fading light. Mesmerized, she felt her gaze drawn towards the setting sun once more. She let her mind wander.

So you like him.

She jerked as if lightning struck her. She blinked several times. It was times like these that the question would echo in her mind. She supposed it was something she had been avoiding for as long as she can remember. It hung at the back of her mind, bidding for it’s time when it will pop up in her conscience. Before, she had always preferred to sweep it under the carpet. Avoiding was better than confronting. She knew it was inevitable that she has to answer it one day. The day came sooner than she realized. She could no longer run nor avoid the question any longer. It snuck up on her, pouncing on the first opportunity when her mind wanders, leaving her vulnerable to it. That day was today. With an inward sigh, she pondered upon the question, ruminated it as she examined it from every angle.

So you like him.

No, I don’t like like him. I just enjoy being his friend.

How long have you known him?

It feels like I have known him longer but it’s just been a year or so. It’s strange.

So how did it start?

I don’t really know. I see him every now then in between classes. We happened to have the same Physics class. But we only started talking this year.

You two are good friends?

Well I guess you can say that.

What do you mean?

The only times we ever talk is after class, on the way home.

Ah. So that’s when you started talking in the first place?

Pretty much.

What is in your heart right now?

I don’t like the way I’m feeling towards him.

And that is…?

That I like, like him. I don’t like it.

Okay.

Yeah…

... okay.

It’s frustrating.

What is frustrating?

Him. Being an ace in everything; sports, studies, social life... it’s annoying. It’s like he joined every sport there is in school and is practically an MVP for all of them.

Annoying, huh?

That’s not the end of it.

What else annoys you?

The way he always greet me with a playful tug on my ponytail and how my heart flutters when he does that.

Are you sure that’s all?

Yes… No. Fine, I’ll tell you.

It's annoying, the way I always look for him whenever I go home by train and I’d feel a tad disappointed if he’s not around. It's annoying how I get deliriously happy whenever we board the same train together. It's annoying that I enjoy being in his company and I like talking with him. That’s all I know for now. If it progresses more than that, well there’s nothing else I can say but ‘eh eh’.

‘Eh eh’?

You know the ‘Eh eh’ by Lady Gaga? The song seems fitting as my theme song.

Have you ever thought about the possibility of becoming an item in the near future?

NO! ... I mean no, I don’t think so.

Oh, why’s that?

I don’t think I want him as a boyfriend. I just like being his friend that’s all. There’s nothing wrong with that, right?

But you like, like him. Any particular reason?

I’m just contented with how things are; a simple friendship. I can’t imagine anything beyond being friends or even good friends. I mean, just liking a particular person with no intention or interest in a romantic relationship of any sort... I think that’s fine.

Interesting. How do you feel about this…?

Pretty average actually. For the feeling is not strong or sure enough to be love. It can’t be love. It may have that potential though I’m not counting on it. Perhaps, it’s a crush or an infatuation.

And…?

I wonder if it’ll go away. But it doesn’t seem to be going away at the moment.

Ah.

Sigh.

Are you going to tell him?

NO.

I see.

I mean no, I’m never ever going to tell him.

Never?

I… I don’t know.

As her thoughts slowly drifted back to earth, she became aware of her less bustling surroundings. She glanced up at the digital clock and looked around the platform. He’s not here. She sighed. A weight settled next to her heart and she realized she was disappointed. It wasn’t the first time.

Are you going to tell him?

She could kind of picture his reaction if she ever told him. It will be like usual. She would be sitting here waiting for the train to arrive. In a few moments, the train approached the platform with its tell-tale rumble. She would then step into the train with one last glance at the station. He wouldn’t be there… yet. Just as the train doors were closing, someone squeezed through the sliding doors with athletic ease. She looked up and her breath caught in her chest. Him. He looked around the train and spotted her. He jostled his way through the crowd towards the center of the train and fell in place next to her. “It’s really crowded today,” he remarked, frowning slightly. Turning towards her, he grinned and said, “Hey, long time no see.”

She grinned back. “I could say the same of you.”

“Yeah. School’s crazy y’know?”

Are you letting him know?

Yes… yes, I am.

What are you going to say?

You know as well as I do what I want him to know.

She took a deep breath and gathered every ounce of courage she possessed. Turning to look at him, she said, “Hey Jien.”

“Yeah?”

She knew she had to choose her next words carefully.

“I know of a certain someone who likes you.”

He would first frown for a fleeting moment then brush off the question if he was not in the mood to listen. Otherwise, he would humor her. He would face her with raised eyebrows and a questioning glance, his look of interest belied by the slight sneer to his mouth. She would have to tread carefully after that.

Nothing good will come out of it.

But it’s the last day.

The sound of the train approaching the platform scattered her muddled thoughts. The last day, huh? She gathered her belongings and stood up. Yes it was the last day. Today would mark the last day of intensive tuition classes before the SPM seminars commence. After that, she would not need to ride the train anymore as SPM would have started. Secondary school too, would soon come to an end just as SPM commence. Then, college will start in a few months time. Today will probably be the last time they would ride together on the train after tuition. With a beep, the doors slid open and a few passengers trickled out. She glanced behind her once more before stepping into the train glumly. As the warning beep sounded, she felt a sense of déjà vu. She looked up and the very scene she imagined a few moments ago visualized right before her. She took a step forward automatically and tugged him into the train just the doors slid close. He panted slightly, leaning his head against the sliding doors and smiled down at her. “Thanks.”

Tell him.

No.

She nodded absently and made her way towards the center of the train. He followed shortly after and stood next to her. His hair was a little spiked, as if he ran his fingers through his hair one too many times in frustration. He seemed a little spent today, judging by his tired stance. She briefly wondered how she came to like him in such a short time. She noticed little things, like the way he smiled when he look at her or the twinkle in his eye when he regale amusing stories about his school. It was her special time with him; the twenty minutes with him in the train after Friday class. The train was always almost empty at that time. Even if there were plenty of empty seats, they would often just stand side by side in the center of the train just chatting away. At times like that, she could pretend that it was just the two of them. It was unnerving, yet she could not shake off the feeling nagging at her. There are so many ways to start a conversation but at this crucial moment, none came to her blank mind.

Tell him.

No.

He spoke first then they chatted as usual for all of two minutes. Then they fell silent, each staring absently at the bright-colored ads plastered on the train’s interior. It was an unusual silence. It felt thick, impenetrable like a dense fog just enveloped them. The air conditioner felt cooler than usual. The steel handle they were leaning against felt cold against her hand. When the silence became too loud, she tapped him on the shoulder.

“Hey Jien…”

Tell him.

He cracked open an eye and said, “Yeah?”

She hesitated then shook her head, “Let’s sit.”

They sat and he promptly closed his eyes again. Silence enveloped them once more. It was a little stifling and uncomfortable, somewhat like the calm before the storm.

Tell him.

No... I can't.

Why?

I… don’t know.

It’s the last day.

I know.

Won't you regret it?

...

So you like him.

Yes, yes I do.

Tell him.

I like you. The words threatened to slip out in a voice barely audible than a whisper. Did I say that out loud? She held her breath and stole a glance at him. His eyes were still closed. She breathed a little easier. She didn’t see the hint of a smile lingered on his face as he shifted, facing her, his eyes still closed. Silence enveloped them again. This time it was comfortable, peaceful even.

“Kim?”

“Hmm…?” She inclined her head towards him. He whispered just as softly, his breath tickled her ear. “I like you, too.”

When silence speaks, just speak and listen with your heart.

- The End -

Like it? Review it!

Author's Note: Phew~ Finally got that out of my chest. The story has been sitting in my head for as long as I can remember. Probably conceived from all the exam stress ._.