Chapter 11

“Good night, Cass, thank you for having me; dinner was wonderful.” Miranda did her best to hide the apprehension that was coating her current mood. Leaning forward, she kissed Cassandra on the cheek, and ran her hand over Meg’s head for one last time that evening. She really had enjoyed their company, and wished that when she saw them next it would just be the three of them.

“Thank you so much for coming, it’s been terrible to not have any visitors! I guess Chase has been around, but Brian’s been keeping him busy. If you find you have a dull day ahead of you, please feel free to stop by,” Cassandra said, looking hopeful.

“I will.”

“Be safe,” Cassandra said finally, walking her to the door.

Miranda felt her shoes drag across the porch as she moved closer to the wagon. Chase was leaning beside it, his hat tipped, a contented smile on his ridiculously handsome face. She took a deep breath, driving away the thought that she had always wished Chase would wait for her by the wagon after they had been somewhere together. With hesitant steps she walked to the wagon. Chase extended a hand and helped her into her seat on the buckboard then leapt into his own place. With a flick of his wrists they were off, and Miranda prayed that the only sound she would hear throughout the ride was the steady beat of the horses’ hooves.

The crickets chirped and the last of the fireflies sent sparks through the night sky and Miranda sat rigid on the wooden seat. Cassandra and Brian lived a bit out of town, which meant that there was no one else on the stretch of road. Six years ago, this would have been an answer to prayer, alone time with Chase, but now it was a nightmare.

“You know,” Chase said, interrupting the silence of the night. “In all my travels, I never did find a place I liked more than our little town.”

“Oh?” Miranda said, more out of courtesy than curiosity.

“Absolutely! I realized when I got back how much I missed hearing my name when I walked into a shop. Then there’s how welcome I feel at church. And the fun of seeing people I know while walking down Main Street.”

Miranda remained silent; she didn’t really have anything to say and didn’t have any questions to ask. Part of her silence was rooted in the fact that she knew where conversation with Chase led. If she wasn’t careful, Chase would once again be in possession of her heart unless he had changed a great deal on the trail.

“I got to talk so much tonight, I didn’t get to hear anything about you! The reason I stopped at your mercantile when I first got to town was because I was hoping to hear how you’ve been since I left. Somehow it doesn’t seem like it’s been six years.”

“It certainly feels like it’s been six years to me,” she sighed, not meaning for Chase to hear her. Of course, she had forgotten how close he was sitting to her on the bench.

“Would you care to expound on that?” he asked, eyeing her with interest.

“Not particularly.”

Chase laughed, “You know, when I was on the trail, I thought about coming back to town so many times. Whenever I thought about it, I thought about how mad, how upset you would be with me. I can tell you’re not comfortable, but, are you mad?”

He asked the question so innocently, so sweetly, part of her wanted to assure him that she wasn’t angry, but that their years apart had affected their friendship. Miranda realized with that thought that she tried far too hard to appease people. Her life had become full of trying to make people feel better about themselves, and her. It had become part of her attempt in finding a husband, if she could say what they wanted to hear; perhaps she could be the person they wanted to marry. Tonight, she needed to tell Chase the truth. He needed to know how badly she had been hurt by being forgotten.

“I think I was mad,” she answered honestly, simply.

“And you’re not anymore?” he asked with an air of disbelief.

“I suppose I’m over being mad, but I don’t have any desire to be your friend again.” The words cut out of her throat, conveying the hurt she had felt for six years of silence from the man whom she assumed to be her best friend. As she spoke, she felt Chase turn his attention away from the rocky path ahead, and focus his brown eyed gaze on her. It took all of her strength not to look at him, wanting him to know that she was telling the truth, and that she didn’t really care.

Silence returned to the wagon as they jostled along. Miranda watched closely as town came into view. If they were entering town, they weren’t far from home, which meant she would be able to get away from Chase. It felt good to get her feelings off her chest, it felt even better that she didn’t have to go into an emotional tirade over them. Her house was almost in view, when the wagon came to an abrupt halt.

Miranda spun on her seat and stared wide-eyed at Chase. “What happened? Did a wheel break?”

“No,” Chase answered quickly, tying the reigns around the brake. “I would like to know why you don’t want to be my friend anymore.”

A sigh fell from her lungs and she turned her eyes back to the dark night, unable to look him in the eye. “Is it so hard to figure out? You left six years ago without saying goodbye. That upset me. There I was, thinking I was your best friend, because you were mine, and I wake up to find you gone. When that happened, I thought, ‘Well, maybe he had to leave right away for something that was incredibly important, I’m sure he’ll write.’ I waited, for weeks, months, to get a letter from you, but nothing ever came. Six years, and nothing came. You left and forgot about me. Who wants a friend that forgets about them?”

As she finished speaking, she chanced a peek at Chase through the corner of her eye. His head hung in what seemed like regret, but she couldn’t be certain from her current view point. Watching his movements carefully, she allowed her head to turn toward him slightly, giving her a better view of how heavy his breathing was, how slumped his shoulders were. She felt responsible as he let his head fall into his hands.

The sixteen-year-old in her wanted to scoot toward him on the seat, wrapping an arm around his shoulder as she had done countless times with her sisters and their children. It was almost funny how quickly her memories of the hurt he had caused melted away when she was close to him. The smell of him hadn’t changed in all of these years, bringing her back to late night conversations on the lake and moments of sneaking away from picnics or campfires.

“I know there’s nothing I can say to make up for what I did,” Chase started. Miranda held her breath while she waited for him to continue. She had been waiting six years for some kind of apology, a reason for why she had been forgotten so easily, and for so long. As she waited through the silence, she imagined how elaborate the story was, it would have to be for her to forget about how much pain his silence had caused.

Chase cleared his throat, “I’d really like for you to forgive me, Miranda. I don’t expect our friendship to be what it was when we were kids, but I can’t imagine seeing you in town and not talking to you. I can’t imagine walking into your father’s store and not helping you stock the shelves with peach preserves. I certainly can’t imagine a church picnic without a slice of your pecan pie. Then there’s Cassandra and Meg to consider. They are my family and I will be staying at their house, but I would never forgive myself if I came between your friendship, and being a part of Meg’s life. Cassandra loves you as much as she loves me you know,” he laughed.

“I know,” Miranda answered, letting her own laugh fall from her lips for the first time.

“So, what do I do?” he asked, seriously.

For being such a simple question, its answer certainly required a lot of thought. Miranda realized that she didn’t have sole possession of their little town, or the people in it. She couldn’t ask Chase to go back on the trail, though she suspected if she did, he might just do as she asked. Of course, that would be the most selfish course of action. It would hurt not only Chase, but Cassandra as well. Yet, she wasn’t certain she could stand visits with Chase regularly. Her memories were already enough.

“Chase, I can’t sit here and tell you that I’m not still a little hurt by how easily I was brushed aside by you. Obviously you noticed my quiet demeanor tonight, and know me well enough to know that isn’t my usual attitude. I think what I need, is space, and time. I’m not opposed to saying hello to you on the boardwalk, or you stopping by the mercantile, but you don’t need to say something to me each time you see the ruffle of my skirts out of the corner of your eye. And when you do see me, and decide to say hello, don’t expect it to turn into one of our sunset conversations,” she said honestly.

He nodded, his lips turned downward with disappointment, “Maybe this town won’t be as beautiful as I remembered it, but I know that it’s my fault.”

Miranda gave a solemn nod back and watched as Chase grasped the reigns and flicked them with skill. The horses pulled forward and Miranda fell back against the seat. She chanced another glance at Chase, and noticed that he looked as melancholy as he did the day he had come to tell her his dog had died. The memory of that day flooded into view. She had begged Beth to forgo helping with her wedding quilt to spend the day with Chase. In her mind, he needed to get away from all that reminded him of Duke. They took their horses up past the ridge and picked blueberries before plopping on a plush piece of land by the lake.

With their feet squished in the muck along the bank, Chase described his favorite moments of Duke’s long life. Miranda laughed at the stories he told, remembering some of them in her own mind. Duke had always been Chase’s partner in crime when it came to destroying a sleep over at the Walker household. Before long, their conversation ventured away from Duke and more toward the fear of losing a person who meant as much to Chase as the dog had.

A creak in the wagon bed brought her back to the present. As Miranda sat beside him in the wagon, they were so close and yet, she felt an immovable distance between them. She surmised that Chase was once again grieving for a friendship, but this time she guessed that it was the loss of what they had always shared. She had already grieved that loss, but seeing him now made her realize a bit of that grief all over again. She knew exactly what he was feeling. But she wasn’t willing to promise to pick up where they had left off to make him feel better, and she knew that was the one thing that would cheer him up.