CHAPTER 8: Irreplaceable

My alarm woke me up almost an hour late that morning. Now I was walking down the school hallway, in baggy sweats and a T-shirt, my hair in a high ponytail, with Ethan by my side yet again. I honestly couldn’t complain, over the remainder of Christmas break he’d really helped keep me together when I felt like all I could do was break down. And that happened a lot.

As I walked into advisory, I couldn’t help but wince at all the eyes that immediately rested on me. I took a quick step backwards, bumping into Ethan. He wrapped an arm protectively around my waist, reassuring me without words. I leaned into him, finding it almost impossible to take a step towards the suddenly terrifying crowd of people.

I did anyway. I wanted to show them I could be confident, and that what happened with Ben had been a mistake. My biggest mistake ever, was taking that first step without checking for something in my path. As I fell, I kept telling myself how stupid I was, and how Ethan shouldn’t even be sticking up for me. It all seemed to happen in slow motion, I saw two different pairs of arms reach out to me from different sides, and I was caught by one, saved just as I would’ve fallen flat on my face.

As I looked up into my rescuers face, I couldn’t help but start crying and push myself away. “This is all your fault!” I yelled at Ben, who’d been the one to catch me. I could vaguely see the pain cross his face before I broke down crying again, making it impossible to see anything.

I felt someone’s arms wrap around me and pick me up, carrying me away. I knew without looking that it was Ethan; not only by his smell, but also that there was no hesitation when he’d picked me up. I may have seemed like a wimp, breaking down constantly at school and home, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I’d spent a year silently liking Ben, and that was pain enough. Not to mention family members and friends dying.

As I cried into Ethan shoulder, I told him how I felt. “I can’t, Ethan. I can’t go back in that classroom.” My tears wouldn’t stop; I didn’t really want them to anyway. It felt good to let it all out, even if it was with an audience.

Ethan didn’t bother telling anyone where we were going; he just carried me to his car and turned it on. Grabbing my hand, he drove away with me breaking down even more than before in his passenger seat.

Occasionally, my breathing would even out and I could thank him. “T-Thank you, for everything, Ethan.” I would manage to get out before I broke down all over again. He just nodded each time and squeezed my hand in a comforting way, letting me know he’d heard me.

By the time the car pulled up in front of his house, my tears had slowed and I was able to open up the door myself. As I stood there, steadying myself with the car door, I realized just how much worse my life would be if I hadn’t met Ethan. I wouldn’t have been able to drag myself out of bed the first day after Ben’s rejection if it weren’t for Ethan; he’d always been what had kept me on my feet when there was no reason to stand anymore.

As Ethan ran over to me, a worried frown on his face, I smiled a real, true smile. At that moment, I was happy. Standing in front of me now, he reached out for my hand but I hugged him before he got the chance.

I couldn’t cry. I wasn’t sad, as he might have thought, but as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me back, I felt like he was what I needed to be happy. Pulling away a little, I looked up into his impossibly green eyes and smiled. His smile was crooked as he smiled back at me, but I didn’t care. Little things like that made him who he was.

As we walked hand in hand to his front door, I couldn’t stop smiling. It was almost like I’d been smacked in the face a realized what actually made me happy.

Lying on Ethan’s bed, reading some of his writing, I couldn’t help a goofy smile from creeping to my face. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close. Leaning down, he whispered in my ear. “Is today one of your happy days?” He asked.

My smile disappeared for a moment, then returned. “Ya.” I answered, my happy mood gone. Sitting up, I quickly got to my feet. “I should go home.” I said, hoping he’d volunteer to drive.

“I’ll give you a ride.” He said, getting up and grabbing my hand. I sighed, then grabbed my backpack and walked out after him, a frown making it’s way to my face. My happy mood had been thoroughly ruined just by his question, and I had no idea why.

Forcing a small smile, I got into the car, waiting for something to happen. I felt bored, but at the same time entertained. It was an odd feeling, almost like I didn’t know what to feel anymore.

Neither of us said anything as Ethan drove me home; we had no need. He understood my feelings, because he apologized the moment he pulled up in front of my house. “Raven, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for my question to upset you. I’m really sorry.” He meant what he said, his expression assured me.

This time my smile was true. “It’s okay.” I assured him, leaning over and hugging him tightly. His arms wrapped around my waist tightly, and he whispered in my ear seriously. “If they start yelling again, just call me. I’ll be here in five minutes. Ok?” He asked gently, his tone strong and sure. I nodded slowly, memories of last night coming back.

My parents had had a bad argument the night before and my father had ended up staying at a hotel while my mother had the bedroom. I’d called Ethan and he’d stayed on the phone with me all night, understanding my need to not feel alone. Pulling myself back together, I got out of the car and waved to Ethan, who watched to make sure I got inside safely.

As I shut the door, I felt my control slip and a few tears fall. I bit my lip stubbornly, tasting blood, and forced them to stop. I couldn’t cry, not now. Wiping my tears with the back of my hand, I walked into the kitchen and flung my backpack in the corner, not even making an effort to start my homework. Homework was overrated anyway, why waste time doing it when it wouldn’t matter after you’d graduated?

Closing my eyes for a moment, I took a few deep breaths, calming myself again, determined to stay in control of my ever-present emotions. Opening them after a few minutes of controlled breathing exercises, I was calm. With a tired yawn, I walked into the living room and proceeded to fall asleep. I was so tired, it was almost unbelievable that I’d stayed awake till then.

I was startled awake a few hours later by loud yelling coming from the kitchen. I could easily make out what my parents were yelling about. “John, I can’t believe you!” My mother thundered, her temper obviously taking over. “Damn it! I hate this! I was working John, working!” She continued, her tone showing she was past the point of accepting an apology. “I’ve stayed with you for so long; we loved each other. Why can’t you trust me!” She screamed. My only guess was that my father had gotten upset over her work hours or something like that.

“Jenna, this wasn’t my fault!” He defended himself, putting the blame on my mother. “If you hadn’t been flirting with that stupid secretary, this wouldn’t have been a problem!” He yelled, and was met with silence.

After a hundred something seconds, my mother replied, her voice full of shock and pain. “You honestly don’t trust me? You’re too blind to see the people that actually love you, John. You won’t get far in life like that.” That was all she said. I heard her heels clicking on the tiled floor, then her heading upstairs. What I heard next caused me to nearly cry out in shock.

My father’s sobs echoed from the walls, seeming to mock me with their pure terror and sadness. I couldn’t believe it, my father was crying. The man that had held my mother’s hand and encouraged her when she’d given birth to both Annie, and I was crying like a newborn baby. Eventually, I drifted off again, welcoming the darkness of sleep.

Yay, I'm back to writing this story!

I'm sorry for the really long wait, I've been really busy lately : )

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A question for readers: Did you like this chapter?

Next chapter should be up soon.

Have a nice day/night.

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