After school, Fatalis wasn't there. There was a small bite of sadness in my heart for him not picking me up, but it was only natural. Despite his said devotion, he has his own life, too. I have mine, my own perfect, normal life. It is his fault everything's been ruined. Fatalis has given me hopes of bringing back my memories, but there must be a cost to it. He wants marriage; is that the price? He said he'll wait until I get my memories back for my answer, but... what happens then? At the moment, it's more than likely I'll decline him. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with this strange man, so I'll tell him no. What happens after that? Will I return to this life, changed and all memories intact? How different will I be? I suppose that would depend on what those missing memories contain.

“Hey, Sue, you going straight home?” I spin around and see Starla coming out of the girl's washroom, book bag slung over her shoulder and a silly grin on her face. “I want to talk with you. That alright?” I nod enthusiastically, but all I can think of is to not slip about Fatalis.

We walk out of the school's open sliding door, each opening our own umbrella and walking separately. I notice she makes quick glances at me from behind her umbrella and I sigh. “So, Kusui, what does your name mean again?” she blindly asks. I'm surprised by her random question, and answer her quickly.

“It means camphor tree's well.” To be named this... It feels odd, but then I think of other people's names, meaning a lot of other, stranger things. She laughs and we walk a little closer. We pass the path between the busy road and the paint warehouse. It was only this morning when I met up with a group of my friends and left behind Fatalis. Eight hours have passed since then, and I can feel the lack of his presence. I breathe calmly through my nose, becoming slightly mad at my body for being so familiar with him while my mind is left in the dust. I'd call this torment, even if it is unworthy of such a name.

“Sue, who was that man this morning?” I looked over at her and saw she wasn't looking at me, but instead at the skytrain station ahead. Who told her? Did she see him herself? I couldn't have been anyone from this morning, Delilah made sure of that. Was it someone else? Who?

“That's not important. How did you know about him?” She laughed.

“Who do you think I am? Your ordinary school reporter? I'm much better than that, Sue! I'm at a level farther than you can imagine.” With that, she quickly turned and winked at me before walking ahead up the stairs. I followed, albeit at a small distance. When she was talking, it seemed as if she were a different person. What was wrong with her? “Stop tailgating and hurry up!” she called from the train's platform. I quickly went up the last flight of stairs to the platform and stood beside Starla, a strange air around her making me keep my distance. Seconds later, the skytrain came into the station and the two of us boarded. Of course, she took the window seat and immediately started sight seeing the familiar empty landscape.

“Well? Aren't you going to answer me?” I turned my head to her, but she was looking out the window. “Who was that man you were with, Sue?” She turned to smile at me, but the smile was such awkwardly placed compared to the sound of her words I felt weirded out. “You can either tell me and I keep it a secret, or I find out by myself—which you know I will—and tell the whole school... no, better yet, I'll alert the authorities and your family.” This doesn't sound like the normal Starla, but that doesn't change the authenticity of her threat.

“How about I make a deal?” She crosses her legs and her eyes brighten, enticing me to talk. I can tell she wants to hear more. “I'll tell you everything you want to know, but tomorrow, before school. I'll meet you at Rozen station tomorrow morning. … It shouldn't be too much extra trouble for you, right? It's just getting off early to meet me.” At first she looks as if to decline but I raise my hand to cut her off and say, “If I'm not at the ticket landing by the time you get off, you can do whatever you want.” She smiled, then, and I she was happy.

“It's a deal, Sue,” she said, her voice as cheerful as ever.

The next stop was Rozen station, and I got off hurriedly. She left me with a small reminder and pleasant goodbye.

The next morning I woke to the chill of my open window as its icy breeze blew inside my warm room and rested on my blanket. Groggily, I sat up, closed the window next to my bed, and laid back down. But there was no rest for me as the alarm on my cellphone went off. The phone's annoying, high-pitched shrieking sure to be heard by even the deaf, I quickly shut it off and got out of bed.

For the first time in ages the sky was clear. That didn't stop the cold from creeping in, as the freezing wind coming off the Pacific ocean was never ending. The snow was late this year, though, according to my adoptive family and other residents. Even though the snow was late, this was the coldest I've ever seen a town. It was so desolate and hopeless. The bus ride to Rozen station was lonely; not very many people were on it today. Maybe it was because it was a cold Friday. I got off the bus and started walking the many steps to the train's platform, taking my steps slowly as the thought of oncoming trouble loomed over my head. I'd have to tell Starla about Fatalis today, wouldn't I? I knew how good her research and interrogating skills were, even at this age, so I knew I had no choice to tell her.

“Good morning, Kusui. I see you've finally chosen to wear a hat and scarf? It's chilly, isn't it?” I stopped in the middle of the first flight to the train's platform and turn around. Fatalis comes out of the elevator, wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and closely followed by another man, a taller man. This man wore an even more formal attire than Fatalis, and between the cold weather and this empty town, he really stuck out. Fatalis saw me pay more attention to the man behind him and smiled, laughed.

“What is it, sir?” the man behind Fatalis asked.

“Kusui, this boy's name is Sirius. He's around your age, and also from your past. Today, during school, we'll be taking you somewhere. But right now, I want to see your house. No one should be home at the moment, right?” Slowly, I nod. I didn't want to take him home. If I did, what would happen? Is there a purpose to him wanting to see my house? He might want to steal some things. We don't have much, but my mother's spoon collection could fetch a small fortune in the right market.

“Kusui! There you are, I was waiting like you said, but you weren't there. I was about to go on the train but then I remembered what you said about the ticket landing and here I am!” Starla comes down the stairs and jumps the last few steps, landing right behind me, almost pushing me down the flight. “Ahh! Is this him? And who's that behind him?” This moment wasn't a good time for Starla to come down the stairs, and neither was it a good time for Fatalis or this Sirius boy to come.

What do I do? How can I put Starla away and shield her from these strange people? What will Fatalis think, or do? Frantically, I turned around and rested my hands on Starla's shoulders, gently pushing her back towards the train platform. “This way, Starla! No, that isn't him. He's just some weirdo who started talking to me, can you believe that?” I knew this plan wouldn't work, but what else could I do? Properly talk to the two of them in a calm manner? Not with the strange Fatalis hanging about, I can't!

“Whoa, there, Sue. I know this man is that guy from yesterday. Everyone was right about their descriptions, and look, he's wearing the same thing as yesterday! How tattered and lazy. How unkempt.” Her lips were a smirk and her eyes were a sharp glare, all intended toward Fatalis. I looked back at him, a worried expression on my face, feeling the wrinkled skin between my eyebrows deepen. “Why lie? You know how keen I am, how can you possibly even try to lie to me? Honestly, are you that stupid?” I look back up at Starla to see her glare now focused on me, and suddenly she resists my gentle push. “Geez, and you're so weak, too! I can't believe you're really the Feretrum!” A strange force suddenly pries my hands off her shoulders and I can feel myself being pushed backwards, then falling.

Oh, that's right, we're on stairs. How stupid am I?

Everything happened so fast my mind was frozen for a bit. I could see Starla's figure growing smaller, and the oncoming feeling of pain growing stronger. The moment I thought I'd hit the ground, Fatalis had come and swooped me up in his arms, his face ferociously enraged. “That's enough, Staris,” he growls, and then sets me upright. I am glad he knows to not carry me for long. I felt like smiling, but knew the obvious thing to do in this situation was to not smile, and to look upset.

“Ohoho, so you call my name in a place like this? How rude, Ensis.” What did she call him? Ensis? Was Fatalis not his real name? Then again, I would suppose Starla not being her real name, either, considering he just called her Staris. But why would he give me a fake name? Especially when he claims he loves me?

“Sirius, could you please take care of Staris while I head to Kusui's house?” Fatalis says as he suddenly grabs me around the shoulders and pulls me along towards the elevator, which was still at the ticket landing.

“Hey, hey. Calm down, Ensis, Sirius. I don't mean to cause any harm to her--” Sirius suddenly cut her off, which surprised me. He seemed to be more of the quiet type. Fatalis seemed to stop, but did not turn around when Starla talked. We listened intently.

“What were you doing here, then? Obviously, you weren't being simple and easy like you should have been on your retrieving mission. Look at what His Majesty had to send! I would have never dreamed of even coming to such a filthy place as this, but if His Majesty requires it, I will do whatever he asks. Estella Staris, I sentence you to complete confinement of your Aurelia medal. After doing such a pitiful and wasteful thing as concealing yourself to befriend the Feretrum and not return to or alerting Superbia Cnidaria! You're worthless trash.”

What was Sirius talking about? What's this Feretrum? And what's Superbia Cnidaria? Clearly their level of intelligence was greater than mine, but why can't I even grasp hints as to what they're saying? Maybe I should not have heard their words, it's only confusing me. “Kusui, let's go,” Fatalis suddenly says and continues pulling me towards the elevator.

“Wait a second, wait a second, please?” Starla calls and starts heading down the stairs. “Really, I didn't mean to do anything against the rules, Sirius. All I wanted was to get close to the Feretrum.”

“What would you have done after that?” Sirius asks, watching her.

“What are you talking about? I've already gotten close to her; haven't you noticed we're good friends?” I know now, they're talking about me. I'm the Feretrum, but what does that mean? What is a Feretrum? Obviously it's something abnormal, so does that mean I'm abnormal, as well? I would really rather not think about it, but if I am to guess what'll be happening to me, I will have to.

Sirius turns to me suddenly and grabs my wrist, pulling me back and facing him. His height and mature features frighten me. Is he really around my age? “Feretrum, is it true this Staris is your friend?” he demands, his voice as rough with me as it was with Starla. I nod repeatedly and he lets go. Fatalis takes me back and wraps me in his arms. They feel warm, and a sense of love resonates through me as my hands come to rest on his arms. Again, my body acts without permission and I sigh in defeat. Our history must be deeper than thought, after all.

After I recede back into Fatalis, Sirius gives Starla a dirty look, more of a glare, really. “What do you want, Staris? I will go easy on you on account of your relations to the Feretrum,” he asks, voice still rough. Of course it was, what else would it be towards Starla? She smiles and walks happily towards me; I feel my gut tighten, as do Fatalis' arms.

“I only wish to follow and observe the interactions between you and the Feretrum. How could I not, if you two have taken over the mission which was originally mine?” When she finishes talking, her eyes leave mine and turn to Sirius'. “What do you say, Sirius?”

Finally, Fatalis speaks, “Staris, Sirius and I have not taken over your mission, we have merely been given another which involves the Feretrum, and that is to watch over you. How are we to watch you if we don't watch the Feretrum, too?” I feel a little hurt to know Fatalis also refers to me as the Feretrum. I thought he loved me, and was different. He must lie. The doubt begins to grow.

“Ah, is that so? Well, then! There are no arguments? I can tag along?” Starla said cheerfully, as if she were the old Starla again.

With regret in his voice, Sirius replies positively, “Yes, you may.” As if on cue, the elevator door opens and I am pulled into it, walking backwards until Fatalis and I back into the glass wall. Starla and Sirius follow soon after. I know where this is headed, to my house, isn't it? We're all going to my house? But what purpose does this serve to Fatalis and Sirius? And why does Starla want to come with us so eagerly? They talk about missions, and it involves me. That person Sirius referred to as 'His Majesty' must be the one who sent them here, on a mission. I am the Feretrum, and they seem to put some importance on that title. If it was so important, why was I left alone for the past year and a half? Why was I sent away from this place Sirius called Superbia Cnidaria, if I was important?

“Where are we headed?” Starla asks with a happy sounding tune. Sirius sighs, sounding exasperated.

Fatalis cuts in before Sirius could snap something up, “You ask to come along when you don't know where we're headed? That's silly.” Starla laughs, looking defeated, but willingly so.

“You're right, Ensis. How could I have been so careless? … But now that time has passed, where are we going?” She looks at me while she asks the question, and I feel as if it were directed at me. She wants me to talk? It's true I haven't spoken for a while, but that's because I never had anything to say. Now, given the opportunity, should I speak? Fatalis' arms around me feel so much like a vice, I feel so trapped, should I really speak?

I wasn't given enough time to think, as Sirius answers for me, “To the Feretrum's second home.” Although some of the things they've talked about revealed little, it is teasingly small, leading only more questions in need of asking. Also, Fatalis seems different from yesterday. Is it because of Starla? Or Sirius? There seems to be not very good connections in this elevator, and I feel suffocated once more.

When we reach ground level, Fatalis hastily ushers me out before the other two, much to Sirius' annoyance and Starla's surprise. He let's me go, saying, “Lead the way, Kusui,” in a very normal tone, much like yesterday's. Surprised, and now being followed by three people—one of which already knows where I live—I start walking towards home.

Then it occurs to me. “If we walk, it'll take a long time, and I'll be missing school. Fatalis, didn't you not like me missing school?” He thought for a moment before answering, still ushering me forward.

“That is true, but Sirius and I were planning on stealing you today anyway. From midday, onwards, you were to be under our watch.” I try to sneakily look back at him by turning my head sideways, feigning looking at the scenery, but Sirius quickly shoots a glare at me and I face forward again.

“Look where you're going, Feretrum. I don't want to waste anymore time getting to your second home.” I hear Fatalis quickly whacking him on the head and Sirius crying out, while Starla laughs. “What was that for?” I look back at the two of them, walking backwards now and on the road. They continue to walk on the side, on the grassy path.

“I advise you no longer call her Feretrum. I assume she's not used to it. Please call her by her name, which is Kusui.” Starla nods in agreement, then looks at me and winks. It was nice of Fatalis to do that, and I smile. But I don't really understand what Starla's trying to get communicate with me, so I ignore it.

“Yeah, yeah. Just like you to hit me over something so trivial, Ensis,” Sirius says, now grumpy. His words only deliver him another painful blow from Fatalis. “Would you stop that?” he snaps. Starla laughs, and I can't help but laugh, too.

“Don't be so insolent to your superior, Sirius.” There was a cheerful expression on Fatalis' face which contrasted with his tone of voice, making me laugh. Sirius stops walking, so does Fatalis, following him. I was going to stop, also, when Starla runs to me and clings to my arm.

“Leave those two alone for a bit. They're always like that, bickering like brothers. Might as well be, really,” she said, happily chatting away as if nothing's out of the ordinary. Now's my chance to ask questions.

“Could I ask you some things, Starla?” I ask. She looks at me, half curious and half surprised.

“You're still calling me Starla?” She pauses, thinks for a moment, and then smiles. “You can keep calling me that if you'd like, but I'd prefer if you'd call me Staris when it's just us, or when we're with Sirius and Ensis.” She called Fatalis Ensis again.

“Why did Fatali-- I mean, Ensis, give me a fake name?” She laughs, and I wonder what's funny. Was my question really that stupid?

“It's not a fake name, Sue, it's his last name. Ensis Fatalis, is his full name...” She trails off, looking at me curiously. I look at her, too. What is she thinking? Is she thinking about how stupid I am or something? “Does the name ring any bells for you?” Oh, so that was it. Was this her plan?

“No, it doesn't,” I reply dejectedly. She frowns and glances behind us at the two following men before ahead.

“That's too bad, Sue. In the past, you three used to be good friends.” She then looks at me pathetically, showing her pity. “I'm really glad I was the first of us to meet and befriend you, but I wish you could remember them, and Superbia Cnidaria.” She pauses for a bit, thinking about her thoughts. “I think everyone would be a lot happier, especially Ensis, if all your memories were intact.” I want to look back at him, as if to make sure he's still there, but ignore the sudden impulse. Ensis Fatalis... he claims he loves me, and has sure shown me some affection, but there are so many doubts I have of him, simply because we've only just met. To me, we've just met, and I have a lot to learn.

“What's Superbia Cnidaria?” I ask aimlessly. She scowls and looks down at the ground ahead of us. Does she not want to answer? She was talking so lightly of it before, why the sudden change?

“It's our home. It both saddens and angers me that you don't know anything of it, even though it is to be expected. You are the Feretrum, so it should always be you who would never forget such an important thing as your home.” A home which I know not of, is not a home to me. The place where I currently live, with two loving parents and a warm house... That is what I call a home, not some mysterious place with a strange, foreign name. Because of Starla's devotion I don't speak about my hidden disappointment.

“What's the Feretrum?” A firm hand comes to rest on my shoulder and I stop walking, surprising Starla and pulling her back. I turn my head to see Fatalis... I mean Ensis.

“I think that's all you need to know for today, Kusui,” he says calmly, but somehow I could tell he was upset underneath. He then turns his attention to Starla. “I expect you to not release such information so lightly, Staris. If you let go of all boundaries, you might break this girl's brain.” He looks down at me with a smile, then kisses me on the forehead before he goes back to talk with Sirius. All of a sudden, Starla laughs.

“Wow, he really does love you, Sue! If only you'd remember how he was before, even you'd be surprised,” she says, small laughs between her words. She does not comfort me, in fact, she worries me. If what she says is true, that would mean there really was a difference between then and now. On the train yesterday before school, he said he could finally tell me he loves me, meaning he was holding it back before. Why would he do that? Was there something wrong with showing his feelings for me? I'm the Feretrum, perhaps that's why he had to keep to himself. If I think about this properly, and calmly, it starts to make sense. The title of Feretrum has importance, and I am exactly that, meaning I am important. He loves me, he's devoted to me, but because I am the Feretrum, must think highly of me. Thus, he must think he is not worthy of me, or something. I'm not quite sure how his thoughts are, and I don't know too much about normal men—meaning I know only of those who are in jail—so I am uncertain of how he felt in the past. And no one is going to answer anymore questions I ask. I give up, for now.

When we reach my house there is no one home, as expected at this time of day. Cherie, my mother, is in the market, and Thomas, my father, is at work on the deck of a ship. I awkwardly show everyone to the living room. It's a strange feeling to have Ensis and Sirius, two strangers, in my home, seeing and feeling the same things of my daily life.

My house isn't very large, and is in fact relatively small for a house with two floors. There are two bedrooms, one bathroom upstairs, and a living room. The kitchen and dining room are the same, and can be accessed from both the front and back doors, and the living room. The floors are hardwood, except in the kitchen, which is covered in black and white checkered tiles. In the living room there is a single fluffy carpet that covers almost the whole room, two warm, old couches of unequal sizes, and an old fabric recliner chair near the red brick fireplace. On the fireplace are a lot of old photographs and cards sent from faraway relatives.

“Would you like anything... at all?” I ask, albeit nervously. Despite showing them to the living room, no one sits.

“Take us to your dinning room, please?” Ensis asks, and I obediently obey. I am host, and these are guests. There's not much that can change that. I lead them to the dinning room and everyone takes a seat.

“We don't have much to eat right now... Cherie's out shopping at the market.” I quickly go over all the things we do have, and run upon cereal. Sirius was about to say something but I quickly dashed into the kitchen half of the room, grabbing the box of cheerios in a cupboard, and then pick up the jug of milk. We always have a lot of milk because Cherie bakes cakes for the townspeople, but since she's out shopping I'm sure it's no problem if I use up all the milk. I set out the food on the dinning table and then set out the bowels and spoons. “Help yourselves.”

“Cereal? It's so simple, Kusui,” Sirius says as I sit down in my seat beside Starla and across from Ensis. I shoot him a quick glare as Starla makes the first grab at the box of cheerios. There was barely any talking at the table, giving way to silence and the sounds of metal spoons hitting porcelain bowels. Despite the foreign silence, it felt nice. I felt familiar. It could be possible we used to eat like this all the time, during the time I'd forgotten. Desire is all I feel for those lost times, the good and the bad. What precious things could be hidden in my own mind?

Just like they had promised, Ensis and Sirius arrived at the end of fourth period, the beginning of lunch, midday. They stood around, loitering around the front of the school. Now that I had the actual chance to compare them to my classmates, I noticed they were a lot taller than most people here. But when compared to the staff, who had been brought outside by one of the younger students, they weren't much taller. The one who really stood out, though, was Sirius. His face looked mean, cold, and bare. His body language was very formal and stiff, as if he were stale bread. The formal suit only added to the strangeness of his appearance.

My classmates seemed to gather around the front, more than usual, but not necessarily crowded. I was masked behind the unfamiliar faces as I stood at the very entrance of the warehouse-like school, Eli and Starla at my side, the three of us watching and listening to the people talk. About Ensis, about Sirius, about who they were, what they were. Where they were from, and why they were here. I enjoyed the moment before Ensis finally spotted us. He headed our way immediately, leaving Sirius by himself. Sirius did not look like he was liking the attention, and didn't want to dive further into the situation.

Ensis kissed my forehead and smiled in greeting. “Hello, Staris. You ready to go, Kusui?” The complete ignorance of Eli made me feel a bit lonely. This person, who was very close to me, was being left out of all the importance. And Starla going along with Ensis' cruelty, wouldn't that make her cruel, too? I glance at Eli, who seems to be upset. I smile at him, and he smiles back. Such a normal thing to do, except for him.

“Can I come, too?” Starla suddenly asks, hope in her eyes. She really wanted to come, but what was the big deal? It must be something to do with where we're going. Or how she wants to 'observe' our interactions. Where are we going, anyway?

As if on cue, Sirius suddenly pipes up, “No, Staris! You can't come this time. After only a few measly hours together I feel already sick of you. Could you go away and never come back?” He laughs at his own words and looks at Starla as if she were a nasty, filthy beggar. As if she were full of shit that couldn't ever wash off completely, and was attracted to her every time she spoke.

A whining sound came from Starla's mouth and she pouted. “It was you who was supposed to deal with her in the first place, so yes, you can come,” Ensis said with a firm voice. She smiled brightly and trotted happily to Sirius, shoving the decision in his face. Ensis smiled down at me, looking oblivious to Eli. “Do you want to leave now?”

I nodded to him, and then turned to Eli, whispering, “Hey, I'm leaving with Starla. Do you mind covering for me? Tell the teachers I felt sick.” Sighing with a look of defeat on his face, he nodded and left.

With only the lunch hour starting, I left school with the three people who could lead me to my past, and, hopefully, new future.