AN: The first of many short little essays to come. The original idea came from a little book called "the writers match book" i suggest you all go out and get it.

xo Saint

I ran through the store, desperate to find the tiny box of treasure I was in dyer need of. Tonight was the night I promised myself, as I scoured the shelves. It had been so long since the last time I’d well, ridden that particular ride… I hadn’t been with anyone since my ex and that had been almost a year. And after so many failed attempts at finding love, I had finally met someone. Someone I could actually see myself with, someone who made me forget about… him. Liam, my kryptonite, the man who had stolen, and broken my sad sad heart. But he didn’t matter anymore, and the three years we shared, they were so easily pushed away when I thought about Michael. He was sweet and charming, a true gentlemen. And he had stuck it out, through my three month rule, and tonight I was finally going to give him what he deserved. The little piece of me I had kept locked away. I finally felt safe enough to share every part of myself with Michael, even if that meant id be giving him the power to break me completely.

I hurried around the isles, people stopped and stared at me strangely, I must have seemed mad. However if tonight was going to go as planned, I needed one thing. Condoms. Despite my reservations about buying such an item, I gathered up my courage and decided to go through with it. Better embarrassed then knocked up I always say. All the isles seemed jumbled; my search had become a game of hot and cold. Finally, after what felt like an eternity I found them, hidden between the pregnancy tests and the pads. I couldn’t help but see the irony in it. Condoms being the ultimate decider between pregnant and not pregnant. I reached for a box, only to realize, there were about a zillion different kinds. Ribbed and knobbed, ultra thing and ultra big. After some careful consideration I selected the barely there brand, and hurried out of the isle before anyone else could see. On my way to the cash register I grabbed a couple of candy bars and a people magazine. It was a feeble attempt to hide my tiny incriminating box. I just couldn’t help but imagine what the cashier would have thought if I bought just condoms. She would give me that evil teenager glare; she would think I was a whore, or a horny skank. I couldn’t deal with that, even if it was all in my head. Once I reached the front of the store, I caught sight of the most enormous line I've ever witnessed. The old woman at the very front was promptly sorting out her change, counting it slowly and hanging it over to the cashier. I sighed and got comfortable, since there was no other line open.

I was leafing through my people magazine when it hit me. A voice, the voice that I knew all to well. “Anna, Anna is that you?” he said, from what could only be right behind me. I turned slowly, and lifted my eyes to behold that lovely face. Liam smiled down at me, his deep set blue eyes shone brightly against his ruffled black hair. Michael who?

“Hi Liam, how are you, it’s been wow I mean a long time” I said, sounding extremely awkward. I never could hide my feelings well. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in for a hug. My breath caught in my chest, my knees turned to pudding. He smelled the same, like I remember, sweet and musky, the same smell that still lingered in the over sized shirt that still resided in my dresser drawer.

“I’ve been doing great!” he exclaimed, as he raised the package he had tucked under his arm. It took me a minuet to fully process what it was. Diapers, huggies to be exact. My heart sank, scratch that my heart exploded into a thousand tiny indiscernible pieces.

“Oh my gosh, you… you had a baby” I smiled the fakest smile I could.

“Well I didn’t exactly have it…but yea, not a plan, but the most pleasant surprise” he smiled wide. His eyes were full of fatherly pride. It took everything I had to keep from crying. All I could see was the future and life ME and HIM were supposed to share. All the plans we had made, all of our hopes for a family. He was now living those plans, only… with someone else. It was the weirdest mixture of jealousy and sadness, no part of me, could be happy for him. Not after all we’d shared…

“Congats, that’s amazing, I’m so happy for you” I lied. Liam’s smile melted away, he always could read me like a book. He rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.

“So what have you been up to?” he asked. It had been a year, I had ‘been up to’ a lot of things but for some reason, my mind… was blank. I thought about my job, nothing interesting there, and my family, well they were boring as ever. I could talk about Michael but then he might think I was competing with him. How childish, ‘oh you have a baby, well I got a boyfriend so HA’. He stared at me, waiting for my answer, one that may or may not have been coming his way. Before I could find something interesting to say, my worst nightmare unfolded. My little box of extra sensitive condoms, slipped out from between my people magazine and my deluxe hersy bar. The whole thing happened in slow motion, I watched them tumble to the ground, and the big bold words were extra readable. They hit the floor with such a thwack, the entire line turned and looked at me.

“Well, it’s obvious what you’ve been up to” Liam laughed. I felt my face run hot and red, never have I wanted to die, until that moment. With the entire line staring and Liam in stitches I bent down and shamefully retrieved my pack of condoms. I thought about pulling the ‘oh my god how did those get there’ but it didn’t seem worth it…

“Well its good to know you’ve been doing good then” Liam said through his fits of laughter. I tucked my shameful package back into its little hiding place, and turned away from Liam. He laughed most of the way through the line, and when he finally stopped, no more words were exchanged. When I reached the register, the little girl behind the counter gave me the most horrendous stare. I felt my face getting red all over again. I handed her my money and ran out of the store like it had caught fire. The cool breeze met me at the doorway and soothed my burning face. I stood for a moment and blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall. I heard the automatic doors slide open behind me.

“Hey it was nice seeing you again, maybe sometime you can stop by and meet little Carsyn” Liam said, his bag of diapers still tucked lovingly under his arm. I knew this was an empty invitation. I didn’t want to meet him anyway, the baby, and the family that should have been mine. I gave him a shy smile and waved before heading out towards the rows of parked cars.

There in the parking lot, was Michael, in the car waiting where I’d left him. He looked at me with the excited eyes of a child. He leaned over the passenger seat and flicked open the lock. I slid into the car, quietly, clutching my plastic bag of goodies to my chest.

“Did you get ‘em” he said lustfully, as he peaked into the bag.

“Yea… I did… but actually… I'm really not in the mood anymore”