Robert Kingett…

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Beowulf summary. Both Grendel's mom and the fight with Grendel's mom...

(From the mordant news archives…)

MONSTER SLAIN DOWN UNDER!

It appears that another monster murder has miraculously taken place here in the down under, or inside the home of the Grindle populace.

It appears that just a few hours ago, after she had came and stole and decapitated Hrothgar’s best friend, and taken her sons severed arm and false teeth, the under cover hair dresser/soldier slain this Paris Hilton like creature with a giant sword that people have said to look like a giant toe complete with fungi and athletes foot. “Beowulf really liked them false teeth, since he doesn't have any of his own.” One bystander said ignoring me.

The murder took place earlier tonight. Rumor has it that the Paris Hilton like creature was the mother of the serial killer and talk show host, Grendel. Police are sure of this because, they say, “that boy was ugly, and I mean ugly. We didn't even need a DNA test to confirm it. When we looked at Paris Hiltons face, and one of our solders died screaming in terror we knew that this beast was Grendel's mother. No one can be that hideous.”

A lovely eyewitness account by the walls of the establishment told me after my Schizophrenia stopped was that the toe sword sliced right through her.

“Beowulf came to kill her because she didn't let him do her hair.” The floor of the battle arena told me after I stopped talking to my shoe. “She didn't want to be pretty. She liked scaring mirrors.”

Hidden cameras showed the two fighting each other fiercely. Grendel tried to wrestle the beast as he did her son, but that didn't work because the great Paris Hilton can't be just taken down by nail scratching, she has to be killed by giant toe like swords.

Evidence depicts that Beowulf at first tried to shave off her hair with the gift that king Hrothgar had given him. It was a battery-powered shaver. It did no damage however, and so he looked desperately around for a weapon, and found one. It, ironically, was hers…

There was attempted damage on Beowulf though. One lone helmet with holes, and lipstick prints on it lay in the arena as well. This was destroyed after Paris Hilton was offered plastic surgery. “You mean you want me to look decent? Now you must die!”

Beowulf's special pink dress kept his body from harm dealt by the beastly creature. There are wholes in it and it did take a beating, but Beowulf did manage to escape unshaved. Everyone is happy that they and mirrors can now be safe once more in the community.