SKOW Member Challenge: Let it Ring! Let it Ring! Let it Ring!

Plot: Guy likes girl, girl likes guy, and the only thing standing between them is a cell phone.

Requirements:

1) Male POV. I'm sick of whiny and/or clueless, etc. females, and plus, writing males is fun.

2) Protagonist's love interest's name must start with an R but cannot be Rebecca or Rachel. (Alternative: Her nickname can start with an R.)

3) A cell phone going off at an awkward moment (when everything is silent, in the middle of a conversation, before they kiss, etc). Most importantly, it has to have an embarrassing ringtone.

4) A character with an obsession with cell phones or ringtones.

5) A debate (big or small, your choice) about the gender of Blue from Blue's Clues. Fyi, Blue's a girl.

6) The words: banana, pacific, Volkswagen, ginger.

No:

- cluelessness from either of the MCs. We always hear about someone being clueless; why can't they actually know how each other feel for once?

- major drama/angst. This is supposed to be light and funny.

- descriptions of eyes. Yes, we know his eyes are electric blue or her eyes are a startling green, or whatever. Obviously they like each other for other reasons (I hope).

Beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just beat it…

Michael Jackson’s muffled voice came out of my pants pocket, while I clumsily went to work at silencing it. The school book that I was about to be put into my backpack was thrown unceremoniously back into the locker it had previously resided in, knocking over the unfinished bottle of Dr. Pepper from lunch, making the soda clatter to the ground and fizz up.

Why the freak out, you may ask? I knew who was on the other end of that electronic device, and there was no way in hell that school books were going to impede my answering that call.

Finally, my hand curled around the cell phone in the pocket of my jeans. Finally, Michael Jackson’s voice was cut off when I flipped it open and put it to my ear.

“Raisie?” My voice sounded embarrassingly breathless from the acrobatic act I did with my book. Thank God she couldn’t see me over the phone because I blushed.

“Mattie?” she mimicked my voice, adding in the giggle that I had come to love. “You sound like you just ran a marathon. Do I really take your breath away just by calling?”

“You know you do.”

“Good. I’ll have it no other way.” she said, and I could practically hear the smile in her voice. “So, guess what! Guess what! Guess what!”

“You… fulfilled your lifelong goal to act out all of Shakespeare’s plays while hanging upside down on monkey bars?”

“You don’t think I can do it?!” Raisie sounded absolutely appalled and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at her. “I’ll show you, Matt. You just wait.”

“Don’t expect me to hold my breath, Rai.” My laughter settled. “Tell me what you’re squealing about before I hang up.”

“You wouldn’t dare hang up on me.”

“Do you want to test that theory?”

“Yes.” she called me on my bluff – I could never hang up on her.

“Fine.”

Instead, I set the phone down, the huge smile on my face threatening to spread right off my face, and used the time to finish packing my backpack with the books I needed for homework. I could hear Raisie calling my name after about ten seconds of silence.

“What’s all the yellin’ about, crazy?” I asked with mock confusion when I returned the phone to my ear.

“You Douche! I can’t believe you did that!” she yelled on the other end, and I had to hold the phone away from my ear to prevent a ruptured ear drum. But then her voice became smug. “But you still didn’t hang up, so I win.”

“Rai, enough with the side tracking. What do you want to tell me?”

“Oh, sorry. I GOT A CAR!!” she cried at a higher volume than before, but I was not in a place to care at the moment. My mind was swimming with all the possibilities that entailed Raisie getting a car. Before I could say anything, she continued. “And you know what next week is.”

I did, and my smile grew even bigger. “Spring break.”

Finally! Unless Raisie was an extremely evil individual – which I know she is not… most of the time – I knew this meant we would finally be able to see each other. After all these months of nonstop phone conversations, endless amounts of Red Bull due to the all-nighters we frequently pulled, and the hours upon hours spent on her facebook page just to satiate the desire to see her face, I was finally going to see her for real.

It was a very good thing that the hallway I was walking in was already empty because my body automatically erupted into a celebration dance right there.

“It’s really a piece of shit Volkswagen that was rusting in a lot for seven hundred bucks,” Raisie continued, “but Dad’s been working on it and I think that baby can get me from here all the way to the pacific!”

She was, of course, referring to the fact that she lived in Dallas, Texas, while I was lounging on the beach in Los Angeles, California, living off the wealth of my grandmother. Raisie had often remarked about how awesome it would be to live on the beach, and frankly I always got excited thinking about her living on the beach; she would kill in a bikini for sure.

“I hope Holiday Inn has a kosher continental breakfast.” she broke me out of my fantasy land.

I rolled my eyes, even though she couldn’t see them. “You are such a Jew.”

“I know,” she giggled. “which is a shame because I love cheeseburgers.”

“A terrible Jew, I might add.”

“Shh, don’t tell anyone.”

Beep

Crap.

I looked down at my phone and saw my worst nightmare… well, my worst nightmare at this moment. My best friend and carpool buddy, Lorne, had just texted me, no doubt wondering where the hell I was because school had let out awhile ago and all I had been doing is wandering the halls talking to Raisie.

“Hey, Rai, I think I’m gonna have to call you back. Lorne’s being annoying.”

“Oh! I can’t wait to meet her too.”

I scoffed. “I can. She’ll love you, I’m sure, and then you two will be new best friends and I’ll never get you all to myself. The next thing I know, the two of you will be male-bashing me behind my back. Let a guy catch a break, Rai!”

“You’re so in love with me, aren’t you Mattie?” her voice made me aware that she knew the answer to that question, even though she was teasing me and my rant. We had kidded around about the subject before, and I think we both knew how we felt about each other, but not once had either of us spoken those three little words directly.

“Ha, you wish.” I lied. She knew I did, but there was no way in hell that I was going to tell her I loved her over the phone. When I did say it, Raisie was going to be standing right in front of me, and I’d be able to swipe my fingers against the skin of her prominent cheekbones, and she’d be able to curl her fingers into the hair that hung on the back of my neck.

Can you tell I’ve dreamed about that moment a little too much?

“I’ll talk to you later, Matt.” she said right before I heard the click of the line going dead.

Flipping my phone shut, I morosely made my way to the student parking lot, where Lorne would be waiting for me with a scowl on her face for making her wait.

If you’re wondering what kind of a name Lorne is, then you’re out of luck because I’ve asked her parents that same question a countless amount of times, and they always give the same answer: It’s a family name. I never understood that answer because the name Donald ran in my family and my parents didn’t see the need to curse me with it. To each his own, I guess. Still, the odd name fit my odd best friend to a tee. First of all it rhymed with all sorts of things, like thorn, porn and bullhorn, all things that described her perfectly… well, maybe not the porn, but that is good teasing material. Get this, she’s also a Capricorn! She also does a mean Ozzy Osborne impression. Get it, Lorne, Osborne?

Never mind.

When I did get to the car, Lorne was sitting in the driver’s seat, air conditioner on full blast, texting away like there was no tomorrow.

“Are your fingers permanently attached to that phone?” I asked her as I shoved my backpack into the back seat.

“I could ask you the same question.” She replied in a singsong voice, never looking up from the screen of her phone. “I can confidently assume that one Raisa Adelman is the reason I have been sitting out here for the past year, while the parking lot emptied itself around me.”

Lorne always used Raisie’s full name when we spoke of her, something that annoyed me to no end, which is probably why Lorne did it. What did I say about a thorn? Currently, she was looking at me with a smirk on her face, like she knew exactly what I was thinking.

“You know, that is going to be a mouthful every time you address her next week.” I told her, a smirk of my own now in place just from thinking about Raisie coming.

Lorne turned her scrutinizing eyes onto me as she turned her key and the car came to life. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“She’s driving up here to see me for spring break.”

“You have got it sooo bad.” she sighed, shifting into drive and ripping out of the parking lot.

~*~

Later that night, Lorne and I were in my room, our bodies and homework sprawled across the massive bed that occupied most of the floor space, when Michael Jackson started singing again. It was probably my grandma calling to tell me that her bingo game had run overtime and I’d have to fend for myself for dinner.

Lorne looked disgusted as I reached for the annoyingly vibrating phone on my night stand, which clacked against my retainer case every time it went off. “Is that really your ringtone?” she asked with clear condescension in her voice.

“Yes?” I responded, the answer sounding more like a question of acceptability. The answer to my unspoken question came when Lorne grievingly covered her eyes with her hand and let out a pitiful moan. She was such a drama queen; I don’t know why I put up with her.

“Give me that phone.” she demanded.

“No way!” I quickly flipped it open and put it to my ear. “Hi, Grandma.”

My grandmother’s croaky voice came over the other end. It was a little slurred, informing me that she would probably be coming home more than slightly inebriated again. “Mattie, can you handle your dinner tonight? My bingo meet is running long…er than I expected. Is Lorne over right now?”

What did I tell you? She really was not very creative in coming up with excuses. The woman didn’t even play bingo! She was still under the impression that I didn’t know bingo was actually code for her going out with a new man she had met at her country club and get drunk off her ass until flavor of the week decided she was too crazy for his brittle old bones. One of her random men even called the police on her once. Thankfully she was able to get out of that one by playing the “I’m just a poor old lady” card.

Let me just say that I have the coolest grandmother in the world, a fact I am eternally grateful for because I had to come live with her after my parents were both killed in a car accident when I was three. Yes, the crazy woman described above is the same person who raised the strapping young lad before you. How I turned out so good I’ll never know.

“Yes, Lorne the thorn is here.” I said, receiving a punch in the kidney from the aforementioned thorn.

“Gooood. I know you’re helpless in the kitchen, Mattie.”

“Grandma, you hurt me. You said that fettuccini alfredo I made last night was delicious.” Playing with her while she was drunk was always fun.

“Oh, hush. I never said anything like that.” Her deep laugh rippled across the phone. “Wait.” she paused. “When did you cook fettuccini?”

“I didn’t, Grandma. I’m just messing with you.”

“You cheeky little boy, go feed yourself without burning down my kitchen. And say hello to Lorne for me.”

“Will do.” And before I could offer any more of a farewell, she hung up.

“Bingo?” Lorne asked knowingly.

“Of course.”

“I love your grandma.” she laughed, probably thinking of similar memories as I was. Lorne was at my house way too much. “Now hand over the phone.”

“What?”

“That ringtone is atrocious. Hand it over.” she demanded, never deterred by a change in subject.

“What’s wrong with MJ?!”

“The guy is dead! I am so sick of people trying to commemorate someone they didn’t even know.”

“His music is timeless.” I argued.

“Not for a ringtone.” Lorne shot back, and before I could comprehend what to say next, she jumped on top of me, trying to pry the phone out of my fingers.

“Crazy bitch!” I yelled, pushing her off. Lorne persevered, pinching, biting and pulling being her main resources.

Beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it

No one wants to be…

“You never called me back!” Raisie scorned from the other end when I answered it, but I knew she was just playing with me.

“I’m sorry, Rai. Lorne and I have be- AHHH!” I gave Lorne a hefty shove to get her off of me, before cradling my throbbing arm. “What the fuck?!”

“What happened?” Raisie gasped.

“Lorne just bit me!”

Both girls started laughing at me, and I cursed myself for ever befriending either of them… except not. “I hate both of you.” I told them.

“Give me the damn phone!” Lorne shouted at me.

“I cannot… wait… to meet her.” Raisie said between fits of laughter.

“I think the two of you together would be the death of me.”

It was then, in my brief moment of contemplation, that Lorne decided to make her final pounce. She grabbed my wrist and bent it back until I could no longer stand to hold onto the phone. It dropped with a plunk into Lorne’s outstretched hand.

“Haha!” the victor shrieked, and then put the phone to her own ear. “Raisa Adelman, my dear, Matt will have to call you back, as he is in desperate need of a ringtone makeover.”

I could only stare at her with my jaw unhinged from where I lay on my bed, massaging my wrist, and listened to the one sided conversation. When Lorne hung up the phone, I finally mustered a frown and kicked her, albeit lightly.

“Didn’t your grandma ever teach you not to hit a girl?” she asked casually as though nothing had happened. Her fingers were already clicking away at the keys of my phone.

“You’re not a girl; you’re a demon sent to earth to make my life miserable.” I pouted, dreading what she was doing to my poor phone.

~*~

The next couple of days passed in quick bliss, while Raisie and I planned everything that we would do when she came the next Monday. She, of course, wanted to spend plenty of time at the beach in my back yard, something that she never got to do in Texas. Being male, I was thrilled about that. Raisie also wanted to play tourist around Hollywood and Beverly Hills and all the other places that television and movies had made famous. She nearly died when I told her I lived a few houses down from where they film Hannah Montana’s beach house.

Needless to say, I thought everything was going my way. That is until seventh period Calculus class on Wednesday afternoon. I should have realized that being so high on cloud nine meant that it would hurt a lot more when I fell.

The Epic Fail, as I like to call it, started during Calculus class, while our teacher, Mrs. Hyde, was talking about limits.

“As x approaches 1-”

With a taste of your lips

I’m on a ride

You're toxic I'm slipping under

I felt bad for the sorry lout who had Toxic as their ringtone… until I realized that the music was coming from my own backpack. Feeling the blood rushing up into my face, I scrambled with the front zipper, cursing Lorne, who happened to be sitting next to me with an innocent smile on her face. The question of how I had not realized that she had put this song as my ringtone, when Raisie and I had definitely talked on the phone since that fateful night, passed through my mind multiple times, until I came to the conclusion: Raisie never called me, I had been the one doing the calling.

Damn it.

The entire classroom was silent, except for Britney, who had no qualms with screeching my embarrassment at the top of her voice.

With a taste of a poison paradise
I’m addicted to you
Don’t you know that you’re toxic

“Shut that thing off now, Matthew!” Mrs. Hyde, easily the strictest teacher in this school, yelled from where her stub of chalk had stilled against the board. “You know the rules.”

I did. The rule was the teacher had the power to confiscate any cell phone that was seen or heard during class, and students had to pay the office $15 to get it back.

As soon as my hand touched the device, I silenced it and quickly took a peak at the caller id. Raisie. What was she doing calling me during school? She knew what time my school let out, and she was always prompt to call me then, but she had never called during school. Something must be wrong.

Without thinking, I flipped the phone open to answer it. “Rai?” I whispered, not wanting the rest of the class to hear my conversation.

“Matthew Jacobs,” Mrs. Hyde glared impatiently, “hang that phone up right now.”

“Mattie?” Raisie’s choked voice asked from the other end, and I could tell that she was crying.

“Are you okay?” I whispered, panicked and completely ignoring the angry teacher stomping over to my desk.

Before Raisie could answer, Mrs. Hyde snatched the phone from my hand and snapped it shut, the sound dramatically echoing in my ears like the world had just ended. I sat in a state of shock all throughout class. Only once before had I ever heard Raisie cry, and that was a couple months ago when she called to say her beloved cat, Dennis, had run away. Other than that, Raisie was never anything but happy when we were talking, which was all the time except for when we were in school.

By the end of class my hands were shaking with worry for why Raisie was crying. I could barely sit through Calculus because thoughts of comforting Raisie and strangling Mrs. Hyde kept going through my brain, and I still had another class to get through before I could buy my phone back from the office!

To make matters worse, when I did finally get the chance to buy my phone back, it was returned to me in a state of deadness, and I wondered why it had decided to lose the last drop of battery juice after the embarrassment in Calculus. I hated my phone sometimes. Having it back now certainly didn’t do anything to help my nerves. Lorne was getting pissed off at my random shaking while we were driving back home, and I was already pissed at her for embarrassing me the way she did. She was more than happy when I charged out of her car to search my house for my phone charger. I plugged it in and found that I had a new text message from Raisie.

Sorry, it stated simply. The people in the office probably went crazy when Britney notified them of that one, if it wasn’t already dead by then. Damn it, I was not in a good mood, and I did not want to call Raisie when I was in such a bad mood, but my curiosity won out in the end.

“Hey, Matt.” she answered after the second ring, her voice slow and weary.

“What’s wrong, Rai? You sound like Rip Van Winkle.”

That got a giggle out of her. “Nice one, Mattie.” She paused, sighing raggedly. “Do you want to help me make some muffins?”

That was random. “What?”

“Muffins. I’m making my famous banana nut muffins. Do you want to help?”

“Don’t you think it would be a little difficult to help beat the eggs through the phone? But if you really want me to, I’ll try.”

“I meant you could make your own while I make mine.” she stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I could practically feel her eye roll.

“You know, you can be a real smartass when you want to be.”

That got another giggle out of her, which was my second priority in this phone call; the first was finding out why I needed to cheer her up.

“Tell me what happened, Rai.”

She gave another worn out sigh. “I really want muffins, Mattie.”

Alright then. Muffins it was.

I put the phone on speaker so that she could shout ingredients while I got them. Of course I had to make a few quick calls to my grandmother because I had no idea how to work the damn oven; all those buttons and knobs were way too confusing for my little brain to handle. At least I got a few hardy laughs from Raisie, which made the humiliation worthwhile.

“You have no idea how to use beaters, do you?” Raisie teased after she read off that part of the instructions.

“Shut up.” I scowled. Not only did I not know how to use them, but I did not know where they were in this huge kitchen. What is the point in having top of the line appliances and interior design if your grandma does not teach you how to use said appliances or tell you where the hell they are in said kitchen layout?

Finally I found something that I recognized: a blender.

“Matt! You can’t use a blender for this.” Raisie laughed at me.

“Why not? We’re blending things, right?”

“Oh my God, there is a huge difference between what blenders do and what beaters do!”

“Really?” I said skeptically. “Enlighten me.”

“Blenders are for… like… well you… Forget it! They’re different! Use the damn beaters!”

“Alright, alright.” I laughed at her frustration. “Let me just call Grams really quick.”

“I am never baking with you again.” She stated flatly.

“Don’t lie to yourself, Rai. You know you love it.” I smirked at her, even though she couldn’t see it. Unfortunately.

It was a good thing that my grandmother had decided to spend a quiet night with a few of her lady friends, otherwise I never would have been able to reach her. She usually answered her cell quickly when she was with them because she claimed that they bored her to tears. My grandmother and I are two of a kind; she prefers hanging out with men, and I prefer hanging out with girls. She says I get my “wooing skills” from her, which I don’t really understand because I don’t think I’m a big wooer, if that’s a word.

“Mattie, if you called to say the oven exploded when you touched it, tell me now.” she said instead of a normal greeting.

“Sorry to disappoint, Grandma, but I’m only wondering where the beaters are.”

“What are you up to, boy. You never cook. Should I be worried? Do I need to hire a new decorator?”

“No, Grams. I’m only making muffins.”

“Is that supposed to ease my worries?”

“Yes. I have a good instructor telling me what to do.”

The silence on the other end scared me a little. It could only mean the old lady was thinking too hard, which was never good in her case.

“What’s her name and are you sleeping with her?” she asked, not missing a beat. See what I mean?

“What the hell, Grandma? You can’t just ask me that.”

“So it is a girl?!” her croaky voice shrieked, and I could picture her jumping up and down like a thirteen year old girl.

“Can you just tell me where the beaters are?” I asked her impatiently. I did not want to have this conversation right now. In truth, I had never mentioned a single word about Raisie to my grandmother, and I was not planning on telling the long story right now while Rai was listening on my cell’s speaker phone.

“It’s in the cabinet on the left side of the sink, second shelf in the back. Be sure to wear a condom.”

I didn’t try to hide my groan.

“Bye, Grandma.” I told her before hanging up. The woman drove me nuts more times than not.

“What did she ask you?” I heard Raisie’s voice over on the counter, where I had put my cell phone. At her question, I blushed, once again thanking god that she couldn’t see it.

“It was nothing.” I assured her.

“Sure.” she replied, not believing me at all; after all, I wouldn’t love her as much as I did if she was not smart. “Do you have the beaters yet?”

I reached into the cabinet and saw the weird looking device. “Yeah, but how the hell does it work?”

“Oh. My. God.”

I had a pretty good idea that she was going to stop helping me soon, so it was to my luck that I saw the instructions on the back of the box. “Oh, I found the instructions. No worries, my dear.”

“If that was supposed to reassure me, you failed. How are you going to last in the real world?”

“Pssh, I’ll always have you, Rai. I’m set for life.” I joked, even though a part of me was completely serious about it.

She was silent, and I had a sinking feeling that I had pushed a limit I didn’t know existed. Swallowing hard, I didn’t say anything else either, and set about the task of putting together the freaky looking beaters.

“Okay. Beaters are a go. What now?”

“Umm,” she snapped out of whatever haze she had been in, “uh, beat the eggs in one at a time. Then we’ll make the dry mix.”

“What’s the dry mix?” My voice was strained. I felt like I was walking on egg shells, no pun intended. Raisie and I were very rarely awkward with each other, and unfortunately now was one of those times.

“It’s just the flour, salt, baking powder, and baking soda. You said you had enough baking soda, right?”

“Yeah. Just enough.”

“Good.”

We fell into silence again, which we would have had to do anyway because the beaters were too loud to talk over, but the silence was filled with a tension that made my insides squirm into a knot. I heard her beaters turn off first, and I looked down at my concoction and realized that the mixture was kind of soupy, instead of the preferred smooth.

“Umm, Rai? I think I beat mine a little too much…”

“What?” her voice was a little confused.

“Well, I wasn’t exactly paying attention, and now it’s really fluidy.”

She started giggling, making a smile appear on my face. “Fluidy is not a word.”

“Who says?”

“Me.”

“Fine, Ms. Bossy, it’s liquidated. Does that compute with your lexicon?”

Raisie burst out laughing. “Yes it does, but I wasn’t aware that muffin mix could pay off debts.”

What? “What?”

“Jeez, you’re a dumbass. To liquidate is to pay off debts or turn something into cash to pay stuff off, not turn it into a liquid.”

“Well excuse me if the English language is ridiculous.” The fact that she was laughing and making fun of me was enough to let me ignore the fact that I just embarrassed myself for the millionth time that day.

“Don’t worry about it, Mattie. The dry mix and buttermilk will thicken it.”

“What?”

“We’re back on muffins, sweetie. Keep up with the program.” Her patronizing voice didn’t even faze me; I was too thrilled that she was not mad at me anymore, or whatever the hell that was before.

After the vocabulary lesson was over, she had to explain to me how I was supposed to alternately pour in the dry mix and buttermilk. Really, why did it make a difference whether I poured all of the dry mix in first? But, according to Raisie, it was very important. In my humble opinion, it only served the purpose of confusing the hell out of my already poor hand-eye-coordination. And why did my grandmother have to buy such heavy bowls?

“I take back what I said earlier.” Raisie laughed after we put our muffins in our respective ovens. “I really want to cook with you again, Matt. I haven’t laughed this much in a long time.”

“Then I’ll be sure to eat all of these muffins so we can make more next week when you come. They better be good, Rai!” I chuckled, expecting her to laugh with me then send back a quick quip.

All I got was silence. Again. Shit. What the hell?!

“Rai?”

“Damn it.” I heard her sigh before taking in a heavy breath. “Don’t make me cry again, Matt.”

“Rai, tell me what the hell is going on.” I demanded, trying my best not to lose my cool. The fickleness was getting on my nerves.

She took another breath. “Dad took my car out for a test drive and it died in the middle of the street. He had to call a tow-truck to get it back home.”

The knot that had previously resided in my stomach, the one that I thought I got rid of before, was back, except this time it hurt a hell of a lot more.

“So, I’m not going to be able to drive up to LA anytime soon.” she finished, her voice trailing off at the end.

“Oh,” was all I could think to say.

“Apparently the carburetor needs to be replaced; the exhaust system is all screwed up; and a few of the gaskets are too worn and shit is leaking everywhere. Just about the only thing that is working are the brakes.” she huffed, finishing her rant. “And those won’t get me to LA.”

“No, they won’t.” What was wrong with my tongue? Why couldn’t I say anything more than a few words at a time?

“I’m really sorry, Matt. I know you were looking forward to this. I know I was.”

“Right.”

“‘Right’? Is that all you can say? God, Matt, I’m really upset over here.” she sounded like she was on the verge of tears again. And that snapped me out of my funk; if there was one thing I could not handle it was Raisie crying.

The boyfriend instincts I didn’t know existed until now kicked in. “No, Rai! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I wish you could be here too. Really wish. You have no idea how much I wish.”

I was wishing so much that my brain forgot to tell me to breathe. Suddenly I felt the pressure in my chest and the faintness in my head, and I inhaled deeply, helping me think more clearly.

“But don’t worry about it, Raisie. Maybe I can fly down to see you this summer, or something. We’ll see each other eventually. I promise.” I hated my words. As Veruca Salt would say, I wanted to see her now!

“Thanks, Matt. I -” she stopped abruptly, like she was about to utter something blasphemous and she stopped herself in the nick of time.

“What?” I seemed to be saying that a lot today.

“It’s nothing. Forget about it.” she insisted.

Was she about to say that she loved me? Was she? Damn it, I hate phones! Who ever made the stupid contraption was a dumbass and should die. Except not, because then I never would have gotten to know Raisie, and… no, I don’t even want to think about that.

“I feel like Veruca Salt right now.” Raisie interrupted my inner rant, and her words made my breath hitch. “I want to see you now, Matt.”

“You have got to be shitting me!” I yelled louder than I should have. The gods were torturing me today, I swear.

“What the hell, Mattie?! I do have eardrums over here that I would like to keep intact.”

“Sorry, Rai. It’s just that I was thinking the exact same thing, even Miss Veruca.”

Raisie giggled, the sound making me ache to see her even more. There was nothing I would like more than to see, actually see, Raisie laughing; the sound was not enough at this point.

“Look at that. Our minds are already connected. We are so meant to be, Mattie.”

“Yeah. But I hate phones.”

“Me too.” she agreed.

My front door opened and closed with a bang, preceding the entrance of only one person.

Lorne the bullhorn’s voice echoed through the large house, “Matthew Jacobs! I’m ready to do my homework!”

“Sometimes I could just kill her.” I muttered to Raisie.

“I guess that’s my cue to leave.” Rai giggled.

“Yeah. I’ll call you after she’s gone. Bye, Rai. I – uh, bye.” I stuttered before pressing the end button. “Fuck.”

“What are you fucking, and what is that delicious smell?” Lorne strode into the kitchen. “Is Grams baking?”

“No. Raisie helped me make muffins.” I told her tiredly, right as the timer went off. Grabbing an oven mitt, I took the tray out to cool.

“You’re lying.” Lorne looked at me through narrowed eyes. “You don’t cook.”

She walked up beside me and looked at the contents of the tray. In it were fluffy, delicious looking muffins. Smiling slightly, I inwardly patted myself on the back.

“Hmm, I’ll have to get Raisa Adelman to cook for me when she gets here. If she can get you to cook well, she must be good.”

I turned to her, scowling, the momentary good mood disappearing in an instant. “One. Rai is not your personal slave. Two. She’s not coming, so shut the fuck up.” With that I stomped toward my room, feeling more angsty than I had in a really long time. “I don’t want to do homework!”

Lorne looked after me with raised eyebrows. “Well, someone’s cranky.”

~*~

My mood did not change over the next couple of days. In fact it worsened because I did not hear from Raisie at all on Thursday. The day went something like this: woke up from a restless night’s sleep; ate a muffin; forgot to brush my teeth; almost forgot to put on pants; got screamed at by Lorne because I made her late for school; got called a zombie approximately seven times, six of those from Lorne; went home; called Raisie; left a message on Raisie’s phone because she didn’t pick up; ate a muffin; called Raisie; left another message; ate another muffin; took a shower; called Raisie; did my homework; called Raisie; went to sleep. That’s all folks.

Needless to say, by Friday, I was in full on leave-me-alone-or-I-will-cut-you-Bon-Qui-Qui-style mode. Lorne didn’t even bother talking to me; with my new explosiveness and her already temperamental and obnoxious disposition, we would have killed each other… for real this time. I walked from class to class with my hands in my jean pockets, one flipping the silent cell phone around and around, and a scowl directed at the linoleum floor.

When I returned home after school, my backpack was dropped unceremoniously somewhere in the hall leading to the staircase. I took the stairs two at a time, and collapsed on my bed the second I entered my room. Throwing my cell phone grumpily on my pillow, I decided I was not going to call Raisie. One, I am a lot of things in this world, but one of those is not desperate… or at least admitting to being desperate. Not going to go there. Leaving four messages on her phone yesterday was not desperate. Two, as cute as Raisie’s voicemail was, I did not want to hear it again. After being denied seeing her, there was not a chance that I was going to be denied speaking to her as well. No. I would wait until she called me.

That was the plan anyway. Whether I stuck to it was a whole different story.

Two hours later, I found myself glaring at the phone like it was some form of leprous disease that was threatening to attack me. It was then that I decided that I needed a distraction, and facebook presented itself as the perfect solution. It was certainly an alternative for seeing her. Still, I needed to not give into temptation. Instead I responded to the two wall posts that I had received from a couple friends at school. Some girl from my gym class also sent me a suggestive message about a party she wanted me to attend the following evening. That was a big NO right there. Being hit on by a bunch of drunken girls I certainly did not like was not my idea of fun; the thought alone made me want to continue this new anti-social behavior. And the message made me cringe and click right over to Raisie’s page.

Of course, my grandmother had to have that perfectly timed entrance.

“Who’s the ginger?” her deep, smokers voice asked from behind me. Scared the shit out of me too, making me almost fall out of my chair. Grams raised a thin grey eyebrow at me, her wrinkled lips curling up into a mischievous grin. She wasn’t your typical grandma. I think getting back the responsibility to actually raise another baby, i.e. me, made her feel younger, oddly enough. Her grey hair was primped and perfect, with sunglasses resting atop her head. She always wore some sort of scarf thing around her neck; she said it was to hide her jowls, but I had never seen such a thing on her boney frame. If you looked at a younger picture of her, she looked a lot like me. We both had thin faces with prominent jaw bones, shadowed by thin pointy noses. When her hair had not been grey, it was dark brown, just like mine. Not to flatter myself, but my grandmother was quite the looker when she was younger. Now her face was etched with age that only makeup could hide.

Currently she was directing her squinting eyes at my computer screen, being nosey as ever. “Hmm, a Jewish ginger, if the name is anything to go by.”

She was eyeing the picture of Raisie, her flaming, orange-red hair standing out from her face in soft waves as she smiled for the camera with her new dog, Chipmunk. On the bridge of her small, up-turned nose was a light sprinkling of cute freckles, becoming lighter, and eventually disappearing across her prominent cheekbones. A ginger she certainly was, and, as she had told me numerous times, her name, Raisa Adelman, was very Jewish, even if her nose was not.

“Is this that girl you were so embarrassed about?”

I cupped my face in my hands tiredly, not in the mood to expose my secret to her just yet. “Grams, I am not in the mood to have a heart-to-heart, much less a sex talk. So can we not do this right now?”

“I knew I should have stocked this house with condoms the moment your voice started cracking.” she shook her head in mock-regret. If she thought she was the only one who could tease right now, she was dead wrong.

“Maybe if you were seventy years younger, I’d consider the sex talk.” I smirked at her.

“Boy, what kind of man have I raised? You want to talk sex with a seven year old?” she huffed, placing her hands on her hips.

“Ha, you can’t full me Grams. The makeup doesn’t hide that much.”

It probably was not a smart idea to turn my back on her while insulting her because the next thing I heard was a thwap, and felt a sting against my skull.

“Ow! What was that for?” I exclaimed, massaging the sore spot. I swear, the women in my life are too violent.

“For being sassy. God, you are your father’s son.” She sat smoothly on my bed. “Now, I came in here because you’ve been moping about the house for the last couple days, and I don’t like that. And now I’m getting the feeling that this Raisa Adelman has something to do with it. So spill, boy.”

“It’s nothing.” I frowned at how Lorne-like she had sounded, using Raisie’s full name.

“It’s nothing, my boney rear-end. I’ll have you know I almost broke a hip after tripping on that backpack you decided to leave in the foyer. How does that make you feel? Knowing you almost put your poor old grandmother in the hospital because of your pining.”

“You’ll never give in, will you?” I sighed, rolling my eyes.

She just smiled a triumphant smile.

“Fine, you crazy bat.” That earned me another slap across the head. “It all started about nine months ago -”

“NINE MONTHS!” Grams exclaimed, making me nearly jump out of my chair again.

“No, woman! Let me finish. I’ve never even met Raisie, much less got her pregnant!” I could feel the scowl on my face from the reminder of our lack of intimacy that I would kill for at this point. “She’s from Texas, never even been to California. She had some relatives from LA that she was trying to get in contact with, but she dialed the wrong number and got me instead…”

Summer breaks were supposed to be fun… so, why wasn’t I having any? Oh yeah, that’s right! Bailey, my rotten bitch of an ex-girlfriend, as of late, was sleeping with Mr. Head Jock of the football team. You know, maybe this wouldn’t have bothered me so much if I hadn’t walked in on them when I was picking her up for our date. Our five month anniversary to be exact. And to think, I had actually liked her at one point. That just proved how awful my taste in girls was. Maybe I should just do as everyone says and date Lorne.

Ick. Nevermind. Gross thought. See how screwed up I am?

Grandma was out doing something, probably involving liquor. Lorne was in France on a family vacation. I don’t know why she didn’t invite me; I’m over at her place enough to be considered family. Oh yeah, that’s right! I had promised Bailey that we’d take a road trip… before I found Football Phil getting it on with her. Damn, what a bitch!

I needed to get out of this house!

Grabbing my car keys off the side table by the door, I opened the front door, planning to go anywhere that the road turned. That’s when I heard my phone go off from where it was charging in the living room.

“I can’t even get out of the damn house! Fuck. My. Life.”

In the back of my mind, I felt sorry for whoever was on the other end of that phone because I was in a very bad mood as it was. When I looked at the caller id, it was not a number I recognized - it wasn’t even an area code I recognized. It was probably some telemarketer or something. At the very least, it would be fun to scream at them for a little bit.

“What the hell do you want?”

“Umm,” came the small voice on the other side, and I automatically felt guilty, “Uncle Todd?”

“Sorry. No Uncle Todd here. You must have the wrong number. This is a private cell phone.” I informed her as politely as my frayed state could handle.

“Oh, sorry to, umm, disturb you.” The girl’s meek voice mumbled. Now I felt really bad for yelling at her.

“Hey!” I got her attention before she could hang up. “Umm, sorry I yelled at you when I picked up. You caught me at a bad time.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I’m sorry I caught you at a bad time? Getting an annoying wrong number probably didn’t help you too much.” she tried to joke, and the giggle that I heard issue into my ear, the innocence and sweetness in it, made my tight, knotted with stress, body relax a little for the first time since the Bailey incident.

“No. It’s fine. Hey, out of curiosity, what area is 214 code for?”

“Dallas.”

“As in Texas?”

“Uh, yeah. How many other Dallases do you know?”She laughed again, and this time I had to join her, the sound was too sweet to resist.

I decided to continue with the playful banter that she started. “Wait a second. Does that mean I’m getting charged long distance?!” I laughed at the end so that she knew it was a joke.

“Hmm, well it depends. If you have my superior plan than that would be a no.” Her voice gave an air of mock superiority that had me smiling like the goofy teenage boy I am.

“And what is this ‘superior plan?’”

“Verizon.” She said in a lower tone than before, almost seductive. Any girl that could make ‘verizon’ sound seductive was cool in my book.

“No shit! I have Verizon too.”

“Sweet! Then the call is free, my dear sir.”

“Matt.”I blurted out my name, unable to stop myself.

“What?”

“My name is Matt. Not ‘my dear sir.’”

“Oh.”

I waited for her to give me her name, but she seemed to be hesitating. Thinking about it, I didn’t blame her. Here I was, some weird person she accidently called, expecting her to give me her name. Then again, she made me feel comfortable enough to spill my life story if she asked for it, so a name from her was not such a stretch.

“Am I going to have to call you ‘my dear lady?’” I prompted her, and I was happy to get some laughter out of her.

“It’s Raisie.”

“And we just kept talking.” I finished my story for Grams. She was sitting on my bed with her hands tucked under her chin. “We’ve called each other pretty much every day since then. It took her a couple months, but she finally let me add her as a friend on facebook, and that was the first time I had ever seen her. She was supposed to come visit me this week for spring break, but now she can’t, and now she’s not answering her phone.” I ended my tale with a pout, like the five year old kid that Grandma once knew me as.

“Is this why you were begging me to get you a laptop with a webcam?” Grams asked.

“Uh, yeah.” I chuckled at the memory. The woman had simply refused to get me one, arguing that I did not need both a desktop computer and a laptop.

“And you are just telling me all of this right now?” Grams’ scratchy voice sounded insulted. She jumped off the bed faster than anyone her age should, and kneeled down to look under my bed.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked her dryly.

She continued her perusal of the dust bunnies under my bed before hopping to her feet and checking my closet. “I want to know what else you’ve been hiding from me, boy. I’m half expecting a stripper to pop out any second now.”

“Raisie is not even comparable to a stripper, and I have never in my life had phone sex, you perverted old lady.”

Grams cackled while shutting my closet. That’s when Britney Spears started singing about poisonous lips from my phone. Gram was closer than I was and swiped it up before I could even make a move. A devilish smile played across her lips.

“It’s your Raisie.” Surprisingly, she handed the phone to me. I expected her to answer it for me and say something lewd. But she didn’t, and simply left the room instead.

“Raisie?” I asked into the phone, my heart rate doubling.

“Matt, my entire childhood is falling apart! I don’t know what to do or what to think, and I’m near hyperventilation state.” she replied quickly. As confusing as she was being, I was just glad to hear her voice.

“Wow, slow down, Rai. What happened?”

“Some bastard at school told me Blue from Blue’s Clues is a girl! What the hell? Tell me it’s not true, Mattie.”

I couldn’t help it, the laughter bubbled up and exploded before I could control it.

“Mattie! This is not funny!”

“You’re hyperventilating because you found out Blue is a girl?! Sorry, Rai. That is hilarious.”

“No it’s not! My whole life I’ve thought Blue is a boy! Now what am I supposed to think? That whole show was a lie?!”

“Rai, calm down. This is not a big deal.” I assured her, but she refused to believe me.

“This is a huge deal! I watched that show religiously when I was a kid. My big brother bought me this stuffed Blue for my sixth birthday, and I always used to kiss him on the nose before I went to sleep, and cling to him when I was scared shitless. Now I realize that I’ve been doing it all to a her this whole time! Come on, Matt, tell me Blue is a boy.”

“I cannot believe I’m having this conversation.” I sighed before breaking the news to her, knowing that she would not accept it easily. “Raisie, I hate to say it, but Blue really is a girl.”

“No. I don’t believe you. Prove it.”

See what I mean? I know this girl too well.

“I don’t need to prove it. Just google Blue’s Clues and everywhere you go will say that Blue is a girl. I wouldn’t lie to you about this, Rai.”

“But… but, but, what about Magenta? Are you going to tell me she’s a boy?! What about Baby Bear, or Orange Kitten, or Paprika?”

“I think all of them are girls.”

“What?! Are you going to tell me Steve was a girl too? There has to be some male presence in that show.”

“That would be a nice twist, don’t you think? Surprise, kids, Steve’s a girl!” I joked, but all I heard was silence on the other end and I could imagine Raisie scowling at me right now. “I’m just kidding, Rai. Don’t burn a hole through the phone.”

“You are so not funny, Matt.” She huffed. “Alright then, I have to go die a little inside, so I’ll call you back later.”

“Hey, Raisie? This isn’t really bothering you that much is it? I mean it’s only a stuffed animal.”

She giggled, and I calmed. “I know, Matt. I’m just being dramatic. Come on, you know me!”

“You got that right. Bye, Rai.”

“Bye, Matt.”

We hung up the phone at the same time, and I let out a bittersweet sigh. Bitter, because things had gone back to normal between us. Meeting each other was an excitement of the past, nothing more. Sweet, because things had gone back to normal between us. With this one conversation, we were back to where we were before the disappointing excitement started, and we still had unspoken hope that one day soon we would meet. Things would continue on as usual. I’d get a call from her later on tonight and we’d talk until we both fell asleep from exhaustion, then we’d call or text each other all throughout spring break, and then we’d be back to our usual schedule until summer break came along. I was hoping that Grandma would shell out some cash to get me to Dallas, and it was a definite possibility that she would, so I guess there was still something to look forward to.

~*~

Waking up Saturday morning was hell. The sun was shining directly in my eyes because I forgot to close my blinds the day before. Trust me it’s not as romantic as all those romance novels make it out to be… not that I would know anything about romance novels. Opening your eyes, only to be blinded? No thank you. To capitalize on my discomfort, the bed somehow slipped out from under me when I rolled onto my back, and I landed right on top of the shoes I had been wearing the day before. A shoe in the spine is the perfect thing to brighten my day, right after the sun of course.

“Fantastic.” I muttered, rubbing the new sore spot in my back as I got to my feet. I looked at my clock. 12:38. Damn, I hadn’t meant to sleep in that late. Although, maybe it was a good thing; now the day wouldn’t seem as long.

With the taste of your lips

I’m on a ride

Your tox-

I was disappointed when I saw Lorne’s name pop up on the screen. “What?”

“Cranky again? That’s a shame, Matt, because I’m on my way over to your place, so do us both a favor and put some clothes on.”

Before I could respond, the line went dead. Well, that’s just great.

Knowing Lorne, she wouldn’t have a problem storming into my room unannounced, so I did as she said and put my clothes on before she could do that.

Then I heard a knock at the door. What? Lorne didn’t knock.

Hurrying down the stairs, running to the foyer, pure curiosity was rushing through my veins. The hurrying and running and rushing probably were not a good idea because I was out of breath when I opened the door and came face to face with something that would have made me cry if not for my manly pride.

Her wavy red hair framed her face as it hung in a ponytail. The radiant smile was slowly growing bigger with every second that passed. All I could do was stare. Raisie was far more gorgeous in person than she was in photos, and that’s saying something. She was wearing plain jeans and a t-shirt, but for all I cared she was wearing a ball gown. All I wanted to do was reach out and touch her, but for some reason my body would not move. I think they call it shock.

I’ll have to remember to thank Lorne one day, even though it was completely embarrassing, because it was the only thing that could bring me to life at that moment: Britney, my girl Britney, singing Toxic while still clutched in my hand. Raisie looked down at the phone in my hand at the same time I did, a twitching smirk crossing her face, like she was trying to keep from laughing.

“Interesting, Mattie. I never pegged you for the Toxic type.” She told me, taking a step toward me.

I took the last step that separated us, and squeezed my arms around her waist, smashing her against my chest; she was smaller than I expected. Lifting her off her feet and swinging her around, I felt like my life was complete.

Knock on wood, of course. It would be just my luck to be struck by lightning at that moment.

But I wasn’t, and I got the extra pleasure of hearing Raisie laughing as I swung her around in my arms. I realized immediately when I put her down that her arms had snuck around my neck and were playing with my hair. The scene was oddly familiar, so I completed my old fantasy by bringing my hand up to sweep my fingers against her cheek, the smoothest cheek I had ever felt, I might add. Only one thing could make this moment better.

Raisie, being the trickster that she was, beat me to it. I could feel her body slide up against mine as she reached on her tiptoes, but my brain didn’t register what she was doing until her lips were against mine.

This kiss, our first of many, was not like any kiss I had ever experienced. The second we connected, my body was flooded with a tingling sensation that started in my center and overwhelmed my entire body in a flame. Her hair wound around my fingers, consuming them in its fiery mass. The hold around my neck tightened too, and we could not possibly get any closer. One of my hands dropped to her hips and hugged her tighter against me, proving that we could get closer, while heat erupted from every inch of our bodies. The raw sexual tension that had built between us over the past nine months was only now showing how immense it had become, and it took us both by surprise. She smiled against my mouth, and mine involuntarily smiled with her. We played with each other’s lips and tongues, experimenting with the feel of them meshing together, before our mouths separated, but by no means did our bodies separate. She clung to me, and I to her, as we stared at each for a moment, resting our foreheads together.

I had only one thing on my mind, surprisingly, and she was not going to beat me to it this time.

“I love you, Rai.” I said, kissing the tip of her nose.

She let out a helpless, relieved giggle and hugged me tighter, burrowing her face into the crook of my neck. “I love you too, Matt.” she whispered.

“Oh you guys are making me tear!” Lorne’s voice floated, more like rammed, over to us, making us conscious that we were on a planet inhabited by other people. However, when we did look at Lorne, I was struck with an image that shocked me more than anything: Lorne actually had a tear in her eye. Who knew that was possible?

Holding onto to Rai’s waist, I turned so we were both facing my best friend. “What are you doing here?”

Raisie elbowed me in the kidney.

“Thank you.” Lorne said to Rai before turning her attention on me. “Don’t be so rude to the person who drove your beloved here from the airport to surprise you. I’ll never do it again if this is the way I’m treated afterwards.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Matt, you dunce,” Raisie poked me, “I didn’t just magically appear on your doorstep.”

My face turned into a scowl that I directed between the girls. “I knew you two would team up on me!”

Rai hugged my waist and beamed up at me. “Just be happy that I’m a daddy’s girl and got to come here to begin with. Sulking around the house for days definitely has its merits.”

“That is something I can be happy about.” I leaned down and kissed her soundly on the lips again, not before I heard Lorne groan.

“Oh Lord, you two are too mushy for my taste. I’m out of here.”

We ignored her.

“Hello!” Lorne exclaimed. “I’m leaving.”

“Good. Go.” I urged her on, while keeping my lips against Raisie’s. Surprisingly, Lorne didn’t make a big fuss about not getting her grand exit and left me and Raisie alone.

Our kiss was softer this time around, less hungry. It let me appreciate just how soft her lips were, and how amazing it felt to hold her against me at last.

“Hey, Rai?” I muttered against her lips.

“Hmm?”

“Can we go swimming?”

She giggled. “Why?”

“I really want to see you in a bikini.”

She slapped me over the head, but kissed me quickly one more time before picking up her suitcase and heading toward the staircase. I watched her, in awe, as she moved. Seeing her movements - the way she took smooth strides and allowed her arms to sway beside her - made my heart jump in my chest. It made something else lower than my chest jump too.

Raisie turned to me at the base of the stairs. “You are so lucky that I want to see you shirtless.”

The grin broadened across my face, and I hurried up the steps after her, resting my hand on the small of her back to lead her to my bedroom. I knew this week was going to be amazing, no doubt the best of my life thus far, and I knew that it would hurt like hell when it ended, but I also knew that Raisie and I were no longer two teenagers who could only depend on an electronic device to keep our relationship going. No. We were way beyond that, and I could not wait for more.