Title: Choices

Author: Britnie

Summary: It was all that she could do not to say those words. She could not say the only words that she wanted to say because they would be the words to affect someone else's life.

It was all that she could do not to say those words. The words that she wanted to say, so desperately, were the only words that she could not allow to pass her lips. They were words that, to anyone else, would be nothing unusual. But to her... to her, they were the words that would seal her fate. They would be the words to change someone else's destiny, to possibly ruin another person's life.

No matter what, she could not do that. No matter how much she wanted to, she would not be the one to influence them like that. She would not hold that much power over someone, would not use it knowingly. She would not, could not, no matter how much she wanted to, allow herself to be the one to change another person's life.

She wasn't worth anything. There was no reason that she, who was worthless, should have the ability to change someone else's life. If she could do that, it would mean that she was worth something. More than that, it would mean that she was worth a lot. It would mean that she had the ability to be part of something bigger.

It would mean that her stupid choices, her mistakes, her actions would become important. It would mean that she needed to think about her choices, think about everything and how it would affect other people. It would mean that she would have to care, that she would have to become something, become someone.

She would much rather stay useless, so she did not open her mouth. She let the chance to speak pass her by even as her heart was aching for her to say those words. She kept her mouth clamped shut until the time to say them passed. She sat still, even as other people were leaving. It was only when there was nobody left in the room that she let the words, and the tears, flow.

“Don't marry her. I'm sorry. I love you. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm...”

But there was no one there to hear her, no one there to tell her that it would be okay. There was nobody there to tell her that she had done the right thing or that she had done the wrong thing. There was nobody there to comfort her or berate her. She was completely and utterly alone.

That was the way that she had wanted it to be, so she would cry, all alone, on the church floor as the only man she had ever loved married the only woman she had ever hated.