Monday, October 26, 2009

Wow! Today was a quite awesome day! Well, it is awesome in terms of events. I still did not get back the medieval test I took last week. I do not know even how I did on it. I do not feel good about it. I feel like I did okay, but I will have to wait and see on that.
In English class, something is always worth talking about, and today was no exception. When we all stood up to say the pledge, something seemed to be buzzing in my ear. I look all around, wondering if I have at last went insane. My eye lands on a red backpack. The odd noise that sounds like a clock, or timer ticking is going like it is about to go off. I then think I am just hearing things and sit down again. The sound however does not go away. It even starts to seep its way into my subconscious.

“What’s dat?” Kevin asks, and right then I want to jump up and go “see, I'm not nuts after all!”

“I don't know.” ivy says behind me beginning to giggle. “Is it a clock?”

“No. it's a vibrator!” I chime in before anyone else can ask. The whole class erupts in gay laughter. Mrs. Chancy finally notices, but she is a little behind on the game.

“Hmm, my, what is that, right? Mm, hmm, is it a bag? Right?” she has those kinds of voices that smokers have, those scratchy raggedy voices that put you to sleep while at the same time making you laugh when the person is really happy or vice versa. As the whole class is laughing at her softly, she goes over to the intercom.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Pam? But where is breah hopper, her backpack is…” giggles erupt from the class. “It’s making a vibrating noise. Could be ticking, but more like vibrating, hmm, right? Okay. It sounds like it's a bomb.” At this, kids leap up and stand on their desks.

“Oh yeah… if it were a bomb you all would be idiots. Keep standing on desks though. Yeah, great evading strategy.” I duck down and look at Nick who is doing the same thing I am.

“Cool! My first bomb threat!” Nick gushes.

“It’s a bomb!” someone cries.

“Shut up!” I scream, and everyone shuts up instantly. I loved having so many eyes on me. Tia looked at me angrily. ‘IT'S NOT A BOMV!” I cry. Where was breah, why wasn't she in here?

“I'll get rid of it,” Kevin said. He kicked up the backpack, and I opened the door for him. What I didn't know was what he was going to do. He heaved the backpack in the hallway. He completely blended in to the dark hallway so I didn't see where he chucked the bag, but the bag did hit the wall with a huge thump!

“Well,” Kevin said as he shut the door…” I saved all of you guys.” I laugh inside. The class just rolls their heads or eyes.

“It was something other than a bomb.” I say all serious now. “Bombs have beeps, not ticking.” The whole class is still laughing at the scene. I must say, we are one of a kind.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
nothing much happened yesterday, although, Mr. Ryan called me out on what I wrote in my journal last week. He calls me out in the hall, and I'm trying to think of something I did in the past day or so, when I get out there, he's looking at me oddly, as if he knows I will lie. I don't know, by this point, what he's even going to say.

“Do you remember talking about woman's breasts in the meeting last week?” I freeze. That came from my journal, but how did he know about it. My journals do go on face book, but only visible to my friends alone. I immediately think of Mrs. Corey. Why did she rat me out like this?

“Anything at all?” he's completely convinced I did it from the way he's looking at me. So what if I do remember that. We were supposed to be learning about fitness and health, not boobs. I want to tell him ‘yeah. I do, but I also don’t want to. I want to play stupid, because I feel that if I do, it will save me a lot of crap to have to deal with.

“No!” I say. I was amazed I could act so well, even with my brain shooting like a rocket.

“That’s crazy!” I instantly feel like an ass completely because I'm now marking Mrs. Corey as a liar. Will she be mad at me for long?

“You look shocked.” He says completely shocked himself. Well, at least I can act under pressure…

“Well, that's because I am. You were an excellent teacher!” I make my mouth fall open a bit in shock, just to put a little flare home.

“Okay. If you’re sure…” he leaves and I go in my room.

“That was nuts!” Nick almost shouts.

“What?” Dan ads.

“Well,” I say still playing stupid. “He thinks he talked about boobs in the curriculum.”

“We did?” Nick asks… “Or was that just Eric?”
He kept up the discussion. I think.

“You guys were talking about woman's breasts? Wow, shame I missed that class.” Dan says.

“He thinks we did it. I didn't tell. I'm not a tattletale! I don’t even remember it!” he says sounding like he wants to die.

“Calm down.” I say to the pacing Nick.
I feel so bad after that I immediately apologize to Mrs. Corey. I didn't mean to make her look like a liar….

11:59 AM

It's almost time for lunch. I have something I want to talk about later. Here's the short version. I have no plan for my future, and I will be in a tent soon. Literally, a tent. In the woods, with electricity though. Their won’t be a toilet I don’t think. We just can't keep up this house in palm coast anymore. My speech teacher offered me to stay with her.

“What about that Corey lady?” she asks.

“I don't know if she will even take me in or even if she can. You can't because you will lose your license, and I don’t want to see anyone get hurt in any way because of me.”

“But you have to get yourself settled. You want to go to college right. I think you should. You can't go to college in an unstable home.” I think back to my previous home, and I shudder. This home is heaven in comparison. No joke.

“I don’t want you to lose your license.”

“Does everyone know you’re this nice?” I grin, and stand and leave. I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm feeling lost, and confused. We plan to move to North Carolina, but is that honestly the best option, the best choice for me? If I do in fact move, will I be in fact killing my own chances for a successful career? If I move to this new school, I will have to pass the state standard test again. What if I can't pass the math? Well, I'm not passing it here anyway, but there I will have to take reading, and writing again. That won’t be an issue for me, but do I want to do that? If I keep moving here in Florida though like I've been doing, I can't apply for a community college because I won’t be in that city long enough to go to college. I don't know what I should do, and I tell my speech teacher this.

“Well, you have even more challenges than someone else, but I think you can do it. I care about you and want you to succeed. I don’t want to see you fail, because you can't. You just can't. You’re way, and I mean way too bright for that.” I feel so bad because I don’t feel good about my future. I don’t have a set destination; I don’t have a set degree I want to do. She says I have a clear head on my shoulders, and that I'm nice. How does that help me? Now I feel completely confused and lost.
“What about some kids last year? Can't you move in with them?”

“No one will take me in.” I say honestly.

“Why not? You’re not any trouble at all. You would think they be honored to have you in their home.”

“I don't know why. I guess it's because my cooking skills just plain suck.”

“So? You’re not useless. I see that, and when someone else sees it too they will be sorry.” I don't know whom she's attacking, but I don’t like it.

“Look, your mom put you in a situation you had no idea would come. Now you have to find some way around it. It's not over, even if you’re out of your mom’s place.” This was true. It wasn’t over. Even so far away, my mom still has so many hands holding me down. Will it be like this the rest of my life? I guess only time will tell. I just hope it's a happy conclusion for me.

Where will I live? What will I do? She's right, but I don't know what to do with that information. I'm drowning, and I don’t think I can save myself. Why does getting into college, and getting my life back on track have to be this hard, this challenging? I'm nice to people, in fact some may even say too nice, I'm tough, so I thought, but yet I can't handle something as simple as my life? How sad is that? I look at everyone else, and they seem to have no worries like mine in the world. Do they have it so easy, or am I just jealous?
“Look. Robert. Let me tell you something. You have a long, I mean long road ahead of you, and it's going to be hard possibly for the rest of your life. Your past life isn’t going to go away. Your mom has made it harder on everything from now on. You, my dear sir, are tough. I know you are. You’re nice, and caring to other people. Now, I don't know if they care about you, but you do care about them a lot. They don’t know it yet because they are immature. Now, the woman who you’re staying with needs to stop taking all your cash. It's very generous of you, but you have to take care of your needs. You have to stop helping other people until you can help yourself. You know what I'm saying?” I did know, and it's somewhat ironic. I'm also in a jam, that I don’t think I can get out of.
“Try to stay here in Florida. Please Robert, try.”
“Okay… I will…” I say not knowing if that's a lie, or an unseen truth.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Wow. Dear god! I cooked yesterday, so I decide to get hamburger helper stroginaugh…. I'm not sure how to spell it so don’t sue me, but anyways, I get the recipe, and it to Mr. Ryan the week before, and I think I'm all done. I get in, and I'm looking for the box as I start to wash my hands. I see a big block of meat on the counter, but why is that there? It's about 4:30 now, and when I'm done washing my hands, I start to put the pieces together. Meat on the counter, nothing else is there, and I can see the directions… they are a little bit different than my own though. The paper is different.
“Mr. Ryan? Where are my directions?”
“Oh, um, I don’t want to have you doing boxed stuff. It's too easy.” I give him a tight-lipped grin, and talk through my teeth. I deduce what this means, and now I want to die, because I know what I have to do.
“So… I have to make the meat, the sauce, the noodles, the corn and everything all from scratch?” the smile on my face is glued on there and I don't know why.
“Yes. Read what the directions say.” I do so without complaint, but then I look at the first direction with a frown.
“Cut meat into long thin strips…”
I look at the big chunk of meat on the table and sigh. On the cutting board, I start to try to cut the meat. The huge chunk of meat literally looks like it's nothing more than a ball. I look towards Mr. Ryan about to ask him just why I'm going to make homemade meals in the future, but he won’t look at me. He's watching my arm slide back and forth, as I cut, or try to, but he's not looking at me. I know why. On Monday, Nick is in my room, and we are talking about Mr. Ryan.
“Yeah. He really hates you” Nick says like it's a thing to be proud of.
“I know he does. So what? I don't care.”
“He’s 100% convinced you told on him. He told me so. He's even told Nick dada he thinks it's you.” I don't know about deglomine because I didn't hear that, but he was asking Nick dada about me one night as I was mopping the bathrooms.
“Did Robert go and see Mrs. Corey at all today? Were they talking about me?” I can feel my grip tighten on my mop handle.
“no. robs been in his room reading’”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay then, if you say so.”
Now in my room, Nick asks me
“Why does he hate you?”
“He just assumes a lot. He doesn't hate me. He can't hate me.”
“Well he thinks you run your mouth... Eric told her that, not you”
“Maybe that'll possibly teach him not to assume.”
Now, cooking, cutting, I can't help but feel drained. I've been at this for almost two hours now, and Mr. Ryan is watching me do it like it's some show. He doesn't help me, but watches me like some interesting bug. He does this to everyone. He let’s them cook and he just watches. It's his way of teaching us independent cooking.

After he leaves, I go and ask Mrs. CC what am I supposed to do with the damn meat because it won’t cut, and she tells me to use scissors. In short, her idea works!
In short, it takes me so long to cut the meat dinner is done at 8:20.

“You still have to do the dishes and everything, you know that right?” I didn't even want to talk. I was so drained I saw stars if I moved my head.

“Yeah.”

“Just making sure you know.” that night, I plop on my bed and don’t even take my shoes off.

Today we had a fire drill. That was awesome. It looks cloudy today… I got my test back, at last. I got a 67%. Nick has offered to tutor me in history. This should be fun. I don't know what it is about me, but when I get her tests, all the information I memorized runs completely out of my head. I stare at the paper, and I'm freaking out.
What? This doesn't make sense! Why is this there? What is that? Is that even real? I'm hungry…”

The whole test goes on like that and I start freaking out even more. It seems to happen every time I get one of her tests. What is it about her tests that make me act like a complete retard?

In addition, tomorrow is the carnival. Envogue and I will be working on a wheel. It should go smoothly. I'm not worried about it.
Have to go. I will write in here later.

5:19 PM

Well, I got my history grade up some. Last quarter I think it was a 53. Now, I think it's a 67, or was that my latest test grade. I can't remember
WE are still taking notes. I want to read the play the Canterbury tales even though she keeps telling us that this section will be the last section. A test is coming up on the play everyman, but I have that down pat. She said there will be something extra for Gabe, Nick and I of course and now I want to know.

Have you ever almost fallen asleep on the keyboard? That's what I feel like I'm going to do. I just got this awesome new book called interworld, by the same author who did Caroline. Neal gaimen. That book is good, but I think go ask Alice is better than any book I've read in the past month. Now that is an awesome book! My eyes are about to close, and I am starting to sleep type, so I will write in here later. I hope. I may be to busy tomorrow, but we will see.

10:03 PM

I went to my first young life meeting. It was quite awesome! Even though I didn't know many people there, I went over and introduced myself to quite a few people. A blonde woman with a wiry frame and almost preppy voice, mat, a tall lanky person with short brown hair, clean-shaven, and mostly just kids there. Some special needs kids, but I didn't talk long. There was this one black special needs kid who I got along with awesomely. His name is tiroan. I of course see Dan Creswell there, and Nick, and domonic there as well. We all three sit at a table. Dan looks at me with his red hair a bit dark, not light like it usually is.

“So Rob shall we initiate Nick and domonic into the nerd club?” Nick laughs and we all say yes. Dan puts his hand in the center, and then with all of ours on top of one another, we shout “English!”

“Although, domonic doesn't count. He's not one of us!” Dan says sarcastically

“I agree.” I chime in catching on. “What shall be his initiation? Shall he read Shakespeare?” I can hear Nick laughing he's doing it so loud, and in the special needs cafeteria the place is like a teseract with sound waves.

“I think he should read the great Gatsby!” I chime in.

“No, Beowulf!” we all laugh. So hard we nearly fall out of our chairs t the table when domonic asks “is that a song?”

We chatted for a bit more, and then the games start. Closing our eyes, we had to pass a pumpkin overhead and underhand. I didn't want to close my eyes, I would lose for sure. Someone kept looking at me though; one of the staff there keeps looking at me so I have no choice. I do, and the whole world shuts into blackness. I can hear the pumpkin being passed from hand to hand. It gets right next to me in the second line and then I head

“whoa!” and this huge splat. Everyone exclaims in utter horror, and the game continues again. I'm behind Dan, and in front of Nick. The heat is warm, and the pumpkin is at our line in the back.

“I'm scared.” Nick says sounding terrified.

“What you’ve never been blind before?” the pumpkins soft squishy sounds come closer to me. I reach out. I feel Nick’s hands and I grab it. I then toss it under my legs to Dan

“This is shouting one thing...” I say to Dan because I know he'll get it. “Gay!” he laughed hard at that one. In short, we won the game. We did it the quickest. Nick, Dan, domonic, and I all slap air high fives.

“Nerd power!” we all shout... everyone laughs. Becka comes up to me, her blonde hair flowing behind her.

“Hi Robert. Glad you could make it.”

“Ooo Robert! You bad boy!” domonic says.

“Stop looking at her chest” Nick says.

“She’s mine.” Dan says. Domonic just shakes his head.

“You two doing okay?” I ask Dan.

“Yeah. We are. She's awesome!” I just hope that statement Dan tells me is true.

“You know domonic likes her right?”

“Oh I know.”

“I think you two should talk it out. Kind of settle things now before you two get extremely pissed t each other.”

“I want to wait and see what he's going to do...”

“Suit yourself, but I would want to solve this as soon as possible.”
After that, we watch a movie about falling in love with sins, but Jesus will always have open arms… it was a good film, actually it was a music video. In the video, this girl at first loves Jesus and they have an awesome time together. She then meets sin and she falls in love with so many sins, that she's lost all sight of Jesus, even though he's still there. She keeps trying to get to him, and she finally succeeds and that is where the movie ends. The movie rocked! We then all head back to the dorm, and most of the kids ask me to come back.

“You’re the coolest!” someone says as they thump me on my back and go to the dorm. When I get back, I still have to mop all the bathroom floors. Today was a blast. I want to ask you something journal. Later. Not now. I will write in here later.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I feel so bad for Mr. Edward. He looked so tired this morning I came in and his head was even down on his desk, game on the screen of his computer. He must have heard me approach because he looked at me. I approach cautiously, tip toeing in the room. I think he is going to give me a ticket. I want to run, act as if I never went in here. He seems to be very guarded, meaning he won’t talk about himself that much with me. I want to get to know him a bit better though, and I don't know y. it's like this connection I had with Mrs. Corey. I want to talk to her and get to know her, but I never even spoken with her before. I don't know why I have these urges, but they are weird. That's why I'm drawn to a select few people, but there are few times where I grow friendships. They happen rarely though. I don’t want to stay in here to long, because I don’t want to annoy him and then get in trouble. I start to bolt, but he stops me.

“Why do you look like I'm going to hit you?” he asks bluntly. I don't know how to answer because I don’t want to get in trouble.

“I… I… you must be tired?” he pats the chair next to me and I sit down.

“I am tired.”

“I'm sorry.” I said automatically. He stretches, and then looks at me.

“You’re not looking so good yourself. You have black eyes.”

“Eyes? Like both eyes?”

“Oh, no. sorry. Just one eye. You got a shiner. Who hit you?”

“No one.” I say honestly.

“Then you must not be sleeping well. I checked in on you this morning and you were thrashing’ about like a fish. You have something on your mind?” well, not last night. I was happy, calm, and just at complete peace.

“Hmm. Odd...” I say thinking

“Well, at least you say hey to me. You never say hey to me. I have to hunt you down in your cave.” I laugh

“Ha. I'm so sorry sir.” I stop and look at him. “You want to have some water?”

“No son, I'm fine. You do what you got to do.”

“And you have to live too; you can't work yourself to death either.”

“You’re one to talk.” He snaps at me. “Mr. Shiner.” I smile, and I look at the clock. It's time to go. When I get to the door, I look back.

“Have a good day.” Mr. Edwards tells me.

“You too.” I say honestly. “Get some rest.”

“See you tomorrow, that is, if you come out of your room.” I smile, and leave.
I haven't done anything all day. Academic wise. I've been making posters for the senior carnival. I was gluing letters on signs all morning. I'm in history now, and I have nothing else to do now, so I thought I might write in here.

Mid terms are out. I just hope I did a good job in all my classes. History is my worst I think. I'm not sure though, we will see. I completely forgot however, what I was going to ask you yesterday. Overall, I think it's been an interesting week to say the least. I need to go home tomorrow and just sink into the couch with a book buried in my ears. Don’t get me wrong though, I had a good week. Travis told me about an assignment that he did in English class, and I want to see if I can't do something like that. He told me he had to describe a penny. The thing he wasn’t clear on though was that if he can describe it metaphorically, or both literally. I think I will ask him what assignment he's doing next, and then try it and see if I can't do it on my own. That will be so much fun!

Friday, October 30, 2009

it’s amazing I'm alive.

Last night was awesome and painful at the same time. My PSG, psycho stalker girlfriend, wanted to be with me all the time. I didn't like it very much at first, but it was after all a huge help to have her shout at people with me, since she's a cheerleader after all.

When Envogue and I arrived, we didn't have to work until 7:30. That didn't get us off “working” however. We were lifting, shoving, carrying, standing, helping, and hurting the entire time. About 6:30 came around and Envogue just plops in a chair and never gets bad up again. I still have to move heavy stuff, lift chairs, heave tables, and help people get where they want to go. I hadn’t seen Ciara yet, and that was kind of a good thing. I liked the freedom of going where I wanted when I wanted, when I had off anyway. I decide to get some food so I walk to the concession stand. I stop, and look at the person at the front of the line. It's a Muslim, and she has a black guide dog with her that looks very familiar. That can't be Amanda can it? She's beside a shorter girl who I can't see. They both have the Muslim attire on. They leave, and I think about following them, but I don’t want to seem weird, and I'm too hungry to care about that or them any longer. Just as I get in front, hands thump my shoulders. The first thing I see is red hair. Dan Creswell is behind me, and gives me a smile.

“Hey buddy! Guess what?”

“You can count?” I quip.

“No. guess who's here!” I take a huge stab in the dark as I say “um, Amanda Fadden?”

“Yeah! You know, the restraining order is still in effect. She doesn't know I know she's here.”

“Let’s go look for her… wait, restraining order?”

“I'll tell you about it later. We’re not supposed to be within 100 feet of each other.”

“I'm not even going to ask why, but I'm guessing sex.”

“Something like that.” I step forward in line and get a funnel cake, sandwich, and nachos and cheese. I'm hungry as hell, and I don’t mind showing it.

“I want to say hi to her, sit with her and all.”

“I'll come too!” I give him a raised eyebrow look. I cock my left brow up, and scrunch my eyes in a manner that say three things. No, hell, and way.

“No. you stay here. She doesn't need to be scared to death.”

“Ouch, buddy… I'm hurt. You hurt me so much!” he puts his arm around me and adopts a gay voice.

“Besides, you’re better than she is…”

“I'm also taken.”

“No. You’re single. You’re psycho stalker girlfriend doesn't count, even though it's what she wants.”

“By the way, don’t tell her I'm here.”

“Right buddy!” we start walking, and we literally walk the length of the carnival before stopping.

“See her? Just look for a dog.”

“Kaila’s not that hard to spot isn’t she?” Despite myself I do laugh.

“I guess not.”

“How about let’s look inside! Huh? OH MY GOD!”

“Okay Mr. Genius, Let’s go.”

We see Amanda and Kaila together and approach. I get near her ear and bend down.

“Hi Amanda!”

“Whoa…. Hi.” She turns to me not knowing that Dan is behind me.

“Hi Amanda.” Her face registers total shock.

“Dan… hi… how are you?” I can tell she's much freaked to see him, the way her eyes get big, and the way the left eyebrow hitches up.

After this I sit and chat a while, then it's time for me to work. Oh, and Ciara finds me because she begged her mom and dad to look for me. I go over to my station, which is shaving balloons, and I get to work. Not long after I sit down everyone comes over to me. The issue, right off from the bat, is that I'm right next to a speaker, and I can't talk anyway. I have to scream at everyone who comes over.

“WOULD you LIKE TO SHAVE A BALLOON?”

“Sure…. What do we do?” after I yell and gesture how to do it even more people come over. Even Mrs. Nannette comes over. Deaf kids also come over, and I'm so glad they know sign language. As I'm doing all of this, my psycho stalker girlfriend is glued to my side, just sitting there smiling because she's close to me.

In short, it's a yelling success and by the end of the night, my throat is hurting. When I get back to the dorm, I head straight to my room and plop on the bed. I fall dead asleep.
It's dark and someone opens the door. I don’t even want to move. My back hurts from all the lifting, and I'm feeling the aftermath.

“Robert?” it's a voice I know, but I'm so out of it I don't know who it is at first. I don't know what she even says after that, but she comes over to my bed. I think I mumble something about my back hurting me like hell, but I don’t remember. She asks how it was and I just moan. She comes over, but I don’t want to get up. It even hurts to move my head

“Don’t make me get up.” I wine. I don't care about wining because I'm hurting. I plain don’t care if I sound like a baby.

“I'm not going to.” She says, and I realize its Mrs. Corey. I want to float away I'm so tired and out of it. I don’t even remember what I say after that, but I sense her moving towards me in the blackness. She hugs me, and ash she does. I feel something comfortable on my back. She's massaging it, or trying to. I don't care though, since I'm so out of it. It feels so good I want to have her do it all night. Make the pain go away! I think as I just lay there in bed. I will say this though, if I had any chores to do tonight, I would have received my first ticket all year because I wouldn't even do them. She stops whatever she's doing to my back, stands up, walks to the door, and bids me a good night. She does say if my back still hurts the next morning, I should go to the HCC. I don’t want to do that. I just want to go to sleep, and never wake up. She shuts the door, and all is lost in sleep.

Today we took an English test about medieval period. I didn't finish it. I took a math test too. I got an A on the test. It was easy… I had fun last night except for the small issue at the balloon shaving. That was fun, but I'm glad that only happens once a year. I was so dead in English test today. I mistaken Kevin for Nick, and Eric for Mrs. Chancy. At one point I even fell asleep standing up. I fell back on the wall and woke up. Breah and Nick rushed over.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“Yeah... Just tripped.”

“Actually Robert, you just kind of fell backwards.” I give nick a hard look, and he shuts up.

“Oh Robert, did Travis reply?”

“Oh. Yeah, he did.” I wait until Mrs. Chancy is out of the room, and then show him the message.

“Is that mean?” he asks. I palm my face.

“No. he's kidding.” Nick giggles and snorts. He and I look at each other.

“Do you know what this is?”

“Yeah… it's…” We both say at the same time

“its terrible tedious typing!” we are silent for some time, and then we look around. We look at each other again, and in perfect unison, we both go “alliteration and hyperbole!” and then we bust out laughing. I look up and see Kevin standing over us. Kevin is looking at us like we have three heads.

“You guys are so nerds.” That makes us laugh even harder.

“Hey. Eric pipes up. “Roberts like the cool nerd!”

“Epic to the epic proportion!” Nick shouts…

“Sup.” I say in his high-pitched greeting. The whole class busts out laughing.
It's almost time for lunch, and the end of this week. What an interesting week this has been. If only past seniors were here… if only. Oh well, I had a blast. I wonder what's ahead on this happy road less traveled. It was such a relief to lock all my thoughts in a back door, and put them out of my mind. I loved turning off my worries and fears, and turning on laughter, smiles, and overall happiness at the carnival. There, all my problems could be gone, and I loved every minute of it. It's a feeling I can't describe, and it's a feeling, though faint and new to me, I wish I could experience all the time. How I wish I didn't have so many issues in my life. How I wish I could just let my laughter float forever high in the blue cloudless skies of earth… but I know I can't. It sure is fun to hope and dream though…

Update:

We won’t be in a tent, we will be in a trailer In orange springs Florida