Monday, November 02, 2009

I'm in history class now. I had my first honors assignment. The trouble is I don't know what she wants. She told me to research literary criticism for Le Morte D'Arthur. It’s Thomas’s version of king Arthur and the nights of the round table. The issue is does she want to have me write one? Does she want me to write about the people who do these essays and or literary reviews? Does she want to have me compare one review to another? Does she want to have me just write about the themes? I don't know.

This weekend, I talked with Cassandra about her apartment. She gave me all of the information, and she says I can come when I'm ready. Trouble is I'm afraid. I'm actually terrified. There is a reason I'm in this apartment program. I look at all the pros and cons now, and I do see quite a bit. Especially the place I have in mind. The place is literally $400 a month for a four-bed room apartment. I would like roommates, but I am not sure whom I will get. Kevin told me this morning he wants to move in with me, but I don't know. What if he ditches me, or gets me evicted? Travis also said he would move in with me if I did choose to go. I'm comfortable with them, but I just don’t know if I can totally depend on them. I often pictured this weekend Kevin and Travis kicking me out because Tracey or someone moved in. I don’t want to have that happen to me. Is that a trust issue? Because I don’t think, it is. Don’t get me wrong, I like Travis and Kevin, but will they help me as much as I help them? Some people think I'm being to cautious of these people, I mean, they are my friends after all, but what about this, friends turn on each other and backstab each other all the time. Will that happen to me? I hope not. I hope I can rely and count on these people. I think I've made choice, and now, I just have to act on it. I've been thinking quite a bit about this, and here is my conclusion. I think I will move in that apartment, sometime in January. I hope that's not too late. It will have to do.

I haven't even entered the dorm yet. I hope I don’t have to cook today. Ugh. I think I will be trying to do this honors assignment all afternoon, because she doesn't want to see a “blog review,” but a “professional literary criticism.". Where am I going to get one of those? It would have been easier if I just look up the themes! I don't know even when it's due! Sigh. I don’t even know what I'm supposed to write, if I'm even supposed to write anything! Well, it's almost time to go. I will write in here later. You know I will.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Yesterday was okay, at least the afternoon anyway. I didn't have to do anything, so I did Mrs. Parsons homework, which consisted of making a flyer out of my picked country. I picked Nigeria, because someone else picked England. I was doing that until about 10 that night, and I didn't get to bed until 12. Dan apparently likes to do his duties, and or chores at the last minute. At 11, he saunters off whispering. I'm on step two, so I had about 30 minutes to mop, and sweep the floor. Sweeping was the hardest part because I had to kneel down and I actually had to sweep tile by tile. I then started to mop, and that whole process took me about an hour, by the end I was hobbling to my room. My back was screaming in utter pain as though all the devils in hell were poking it.

10:13 AM

Apparently, Mr. Edwards knew I stayed up until 12, because he wouldn't let up on it this morning. I'm like a retard when I'm tired, and god retarded me this morning. Nick was shaking me awake this morning.

“Dude! I thought you were dead!” I look head and see someone else standing in my doorway.

“Oh go get dumb” I said and yanked the pillow over my head.

“Now Robert, Let’s not be like that.” Dan said. I should have known he would be in here as well. We were like the three musketeers.

After lots of tugging, and lifting, they finally managed to get me up. When I looked at the clock, I was one pissed off cripple.

“Um, why the hell am I up at 6:30?”

“We thought you died dude!” Nick gasps. You’re usually up by this time. You weren’t, and you didn't even answer until I shook you who knows how long you would have slept?” he did have a point.

“Thank you.” I say. I then turn; ready to go to the kitchen, but a brick wall met my nose. I smashed into it. I wasn’t even awake yet. Nick and Dan each steered me to the kitchen.

When I got out there, Mr. Edwards is there sitting at the table. My eyes are still closed, and I make it to the sink and don’t bump into anything.

“Well hello there!” Mr. Edwards says sounding as if he's just found some gold in my shoe. My eyes still closed, I moan high.

“Hi Mr. Ryan.” The kitchen stops dead, no sound can be heard. I literally force my eyes open and look ahead of me. Mr. Ryan isn’t there. He's white. Who is this person then?

“Earth to Robert, anyone home?” I was so out of it I nearly fell over.

“Hi… how are you tonight, uh, this morning?”

“What’s up with you?”

“Well sir…” Nick chimes in, and I almost sleep standing up as he says

“I think he's not sleeping well,” and as he says the rest I mimic him word for word.

“Think its sleep depravation.” I then open my eyes all the way and gape at what Mr. Edwards has on. He's got on a bright pink shirt with black pants. The sad part is he didn't even look out of place. In fact, he looked like he was dressed up to go to a party or something entirely formal.

“You like what I have on?” he said, almost daring me to say no.

“Um, well…. Yeah.”

After I wolfed down some breakfast, I had to help Nick out with the trash, and taking it to the dump.

“Could you please assist me Robert? In case I get lost.” Mr. Edwards immediately piped up with…

“Nick, in case you get lost? It's across the street!” this got laughter from all of us. I played along.

“Well, we all know Nick is mentally challenged.” Everyone, even Mr. Edwards, dies laughing.

4:06 PM

I GOT MY REPORT CARD! Sorry about all the capitals but I'm so happy! Whoop! Anyways, here are my grades.

English, honors 4. 90. Comments. Shows creativity.

Math 2. 77. Comments. Robert follows directions well.

History. 67. Comments. Works to ability.

Adult living. 98. Comments. Is a pleasure to work with?

Home Ec. 98. Comments. Is polite and shows creativity. Works well with others.

In addition, that about raps it up! I am determined to get a C on this damn next test even if it kills me. What I did last time, and I know, dumb move but oh well, but I tried to study the material all at one time, and it just didn't stick. I think. I don't know, I'm feeling very happy after I drank that oh so so so so wonderful tea! Wow! I want to run laps! I feel great! I know what I'll do next time; I will study for at least fifteen minutes at a time, because if I do I will retain more, since your brain maintains the last and first things you read.

I also had lunch with my speech teacher today. I told her about the district apartments, and how I honestly don’t want to be by myself. I didn't care if I sounded like child; I told her everything that my heart was keeping inside. I told her about how I want to have roommates, but I don't know if I will even be able to trust them, and I also told her that I didn't want to be taken advantage of, used, or abused. I voiced my thoughts about my own roommates kicking me out.

“I think that's very smart of you to have those fears and worries, but that's why you got to have a backup pln. What about division of blind services, can't they provide a place for you to live?” I didn't think so.

“No. I don’t think they can.”

“I would check. Obviously, you have limitations so you have to take those into account and your cerebral palsy too. You got to have someone there who can help you out physically.”

“Do you mean like a rehab center?”

“No. I mean housing for the disabled. If this apartment thing doesn't work out I think you should turn to division of blind services.”

“And they can help me get a job as well.”

“I'm sure they can. Did you tell your guardian yet?” that I didn't do quite yet, because I didn't even know if I was going to move soon.

“No. to be honest I didn't. I want to have all my ducks in a row; you know what I'm saying?”

“I understand. You have my cell. As far as a plan goes, I know you have one. You’ve formed one, but you don’t have anyone to back you up. Your opposite of most kids.” Funny, because last week I thought I was the clueless one. I told her as such.

“Well, you form plans quickly, and that's a good thing. I also think you’re doing the right thing by not telling your guardian now. Wait till,” she smiled as she used my phrase. “You have all your ducks in a row.”

“I know. I just think it would be dumb to tell her now when I'm not even sure yet.”

“exactly.” She looked at the time.

“I've got to make this quick. Do you know how to take a cab or a bus?”

“Yes. I taught myself how to take a cab or a bus. I can take a bus, since I have a yearly pass.”

“O. splendid! Well, if you ever need me, you have my cell. Anyways,” she said as we both stood up ready to go, “asks Mrs. Knor about division of blind services and disabled housing. See if you can't get more people on your back, helping you out. That’s what you need. You don’t need very much guidance, because you think things through quickly, but you don’t have any supporters. Get some now, before you leave here for good.” I nodded my head to show that I did in fact understand her, and I knew that what she was telling me was so true, that I saw it in front of my thoughts the whole way back to class. Trouble was, how big could I make my support team?

I asked Travis if he wants to move, and he says no, because he has to help his mom, I think. Pay the bills. I may ask him if I can move in with him. I could help with bills, chores, even his college homework. I actually would love to do his English homework one day! That would be awesome. I don't know if he feels comfortable at the thought of me moving in though. My sarcasm shield has gone down around him, which means I trust him and everything, but does he trust me? I swear, even though he may never know this, but if it comes to that, I will do whatever I can, whenever I can to help. I will. I'm looking at the district apartments again, and I have to say they look nice. When I get him on the phone this weekend, I will ask him, if I'm not busy moving that is. Well, it's a small backup plan, but at least I have one in mind. I have Amanda too. That's another. I've got options all lined out in a row, but I can't help thinking I'm missing something from this line up, and it keeps nagging at me like a annoying ant. Am I?

7:46 PM

Mrs. Corey was just in here. I complained about having to sweep the whole kitchen floor, and she actually suggested a good idea. I should just vacuum! Wow! There is a god! Okay, off to do history homework.

By the way, I'm entering a writing contest, like Mrs. G suggested. I'm looking for at least two more editors to try to help my sightless hope draft. If I do win, I could get some college cash under my belt. I have some big name authors I'm competing with, but hey, I can do it! I know I can.

Okay, I seriously need to stop procrastinating. I will write in here later.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I just got out of the shower. Its good thing Mr. Edwards doesn't check on us every 6 minutes. I'm up little early, and sneaking around this dorm like a cat. I think I my dust my room because I'm bored.

3:33 AM

I'm all done! Woo! I'll have to ask Mrs. Corey if I can get in trouble for being up this early. Wonder if my room still stinks. I don't know the stench did go away after Dan left the room, but I dusted this morning because I want to be thorough.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Wow. I had to fight tooth and nail for the duty of the counters yesterday. I had the weirdest dream though.

It was about Q, and the fact that we had a fire happen in the McWilliams building. The weird thing was I was Q.

*begin dream*

I sit in a lightly lit office, but my vision is much worse than it used to be the glowing light is a blur in my vision, other people are in the room with me, but I can't see them. When they speak, I recognize who they are. It's Mrs. Betty, and wade, and Robert are there. It's Robert Elkins, and he's speaking now.

“Well, see. I don’t like jasmine because her ego is too high.” I look down at my hands holding my cane. I then suddenly stand up and stretch.

“Q you going to try out?”

“Nah man.” I say. It's so weird to hear my thoughts mixed with Q’s voice that I stop for a second.

“I don’t have to because I’m doing well.” I don't know what she's talking about, or q. I’m just an observer, but why am I seeing things from Q’s point of view?

I walk to the mirror and gaze at myself for two seconds. I'm so tall it's awesome! As I’m looking at Q’s brown face, now mine, the fire drill goes off. Panicking, I start to run and instantly trip on a chair.

“Damn Q watches what the heck you’re doing!”

“I'm sorry!” I say.

We all rush outside and into the black infested world. I do see some orange flames high in the sky, but that's about all I see.

“What’s happening!” I say in Q’s voice.

“Someone set the patio on fire.” Someone tells me.

“Get back!” someone else says and shoves me backward. I have no control over my own actions, Q is the one driving this body, not me. He lunges forward.

“No! Stay back! He pushes me again, and I fall back into complete blackness.

*end of dream*

I will write in here later. I plan on going to the library.

8.:18 ARE

Last night I didn't have to mop! Nor do I have to mop tonight! Yay! Dan however freaking needs to chill the hell out. I think it's fair if I do the floors on Monday and Tuesday, and not Wednesday and Thursday. I'm not doing the floors 4 days in a row. Hell, fucking, no, way. My back can't take it.

12:48 AM

I got my flue shot. Now I just have to wait until I start walking backwards before I can talk again. Ha, a little bit of a joke there.

Me, gage, Tyler, domonic, Marcos, breah, and niree all weighted in the lobby to get the shot. I talked with domonic and gage and Tyler the most.

“Robby!” domonic said racing up to me and thumping me on the back.

“Why didn't you go to young life yesterday?”

“Because I had stuff I had to do.” This was true. I had homework, and chores to do. I did homework until about seven, then I did chores, and meal plans, since I will cook next week no doubt.

Dan was in my room literally all day yesterday. I told him time and time to leave but he didn't. Should I tell Mr. Ryan? Nick thinks I should because the way Dan treats me.

“No one should beat up on you like that.” Nick says. Envogue, Nick and I are in his room hiding from Dan.

“He beats on Robert?” Envogue asks. I don’t say anything because I don’t want to sound like a wimp, and besides, I want to hear what Nick has to say.

“And he stinks!” Nick says. Mrs. CC opened Robert’s door and said his room stinks. Roberts’s room never stinks unless Dan is in there.”

“Yeah. I keep my room clean!” I cut in.

“I mean, Envogue, the smell went away right after Dan left the room, and back to Robert’s smell.”

“Do I stink?” I ask perplexed. My deodorant was on its last leg and hasn’t been working for a few days, so I've made my own liquid deodorant that actually many people love.

“No. actually you smell the best out of us all.” Envogue says.

“Yeah, but anyways, he beats up Robert.” I think this is a tad bit harsh so I open my mouth but Envogue pipes up with

“He doesn't understand that Rob is not me. He's sparing with you”

“Yeah, but dude, Robert has cerebral palsy.”

“He’s not that bad.” I say…

“I would hate it.” Nick says.

“yeah.” Envogue says “Dan can be really annoying sometimes, and painful. Does Rob need a bone crushing hug again?” I glare at Envogue as he smiles at me nastily.

“No. I don’t.”

“I think you do!” with that, he stands up, and literally hugs me so tight I see stars. I'm sat down again.

“Better?”

“I'm going to make you read my history book Envogue. Be warned..” Both Envogue and Nick laugh right along with me.

6:13 PM

I just hand in my meal plans to Mr. Ryan, and he just snatches them and says, “Where did you get these?”

“Um, upstairs.” I say. What's the point in telling him anything different? None I can see. He shakes his head, and he mumbles something I don’t quite catch. I do however catch a “uh-huh.” Then he goes “of course.” I act like I don’t hear him and give him a huge smile.

“So is that good?”

“Add it to the shopping list.” I look on the table and see the list there. No ones writing down anything, so I take a pen out of my pocket and begin writing.

“Um, Mr. Ryan. Who let Robert write?” Nick asks.

“At least he's writing stuff down.” Ouch, that was a slap to the mouth. Nick just stands there with his mouth open a bit, then sits down next to me.

“Greetings and salutations!” I'm just now writing Mr. Fantastic on the paper when Nick asks

“Can we get pop tarts?”

“We have to see how our budget plays out.” I say

“But you never go shopping.” Nick wines.

“He’s never here on Sundays. Duh!” Dan says.

Oh brother. After that, I just chill for the rest of the night, and sit on my bed and head the book small steps. It's the sequel to holes, and it has to be one of the better books out there that no one will know about. I also finally finished repossessed, and that's a bad book in terms of style. Repossessed is about this daemon from hell that’s going to take over a human body because he's going to die anyway. He experiences sight for the first time, sound, love, greed, anger, hate, and kindness. He then sees that people sin for a reason, and they can't help it. The concept is a lot better than what I say it is, but the writing punches the concept and story down to the ground. I'm not talking about spelling and grammar, but I'm talking about just how she writes, how she portrays her characters, how she uses dialogue. That's so stilted I felt like I was reading a book of typical phrases. The writer gets so wrapped up in telling how wonderful sight and sound are, even when it's in the middle of the book, that it actual detracts from the story. It's like dressing up all formal like, and then wearing baggie jeans and some bling bling to try and mix, but it makes you just want to rip your eyes out instead.

I'm just so glad it's the weekend. I do have something to report however. I will be doing something on the show cooking without looking! Mrs. Parsons is going to record us cooking then send it in. I can't cook on national TV. I have to look at directions 4 times before I get it. I wonder how I will do on the show.

Well all. I'm going to go to bed. I have plans to carry out this weekend!

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Yes. I'm writing on Saturday. What a huge shock! Ha. I'm actually waiting on a call from Cassandra. I imagine she's pretty pissed because I didn't get back to her about the apartment, but oh well. We won’t be in a tent anymore. Now it's going to be in a house! Well, a trailer, but to my standards that's a house. I want to move in with someone, rather than get an apartment. My choices are Travis and Amanda. I'm going to try Travis first, because I think he could use the cash I can bring in. i'm going to save Amanda for an emergency.

I have a killer headache now. People actually caused it. Sigh. Ugh. Ginny caused it because she never, and I mean never shuts up! Jesus h Christ! See, I can't even think now my head hurts so badly. My god.

In addition, about me moving, well, I may move in with Travis. I want to talk to his mom as soon as possible. I can't move yet again, especially since I applied to colleges already. Since I may live with Travis, I applied at the community college in Jacksonville. I even applied to colleges in Saint Augustine, and some in Daytona. I'm applying everywhere, but I really hope Travis’s mom will say yes. Even though it's temporary, at least I could use another support beam. I just hope him and or his mom don’t think badly of me for using them as housing.