BURNING MEMORIES

--The Broken and The Shattered--

Maybe if i did things differently he would still be around...

Some days I wonder if leaving the past behind was enough to get over this. Some days I just believe that I am the idiot they made me feel like. Those days I just burn more memories…

Leaving the past behind is harder than I would have ever imagined. It tears me apart slowly. Piece by piece. Everyone you come in contact with leaves a footprint on your heart. Well, he left a hole. The worst part is… it was my fault. I gave in. I was weak. Listening to the poison that seeped through my ears. Filling my mind with horrendous thoughts. I thought I would never succumb to its whispers. Her whispers. Her words. Her poison. No…She is the poison. Her poison killed me. Taking away the only thing I ever loved. With no one but me to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart.

You can fix something broken, but can you fix something so shattered?

Still, I can’t blame her. I was the one who was weak. I was the one who choose the bottle of that acidic liquid. Then came the phone call. The phone call that sent him away. For two years I’ve regretted every word.

All I know is… I can’t keep running forever.

--------

I pulled my legs up closer to me as I watched my two year old nephew run around the living room. I was finally home for the holidays. I hadn’t realized how much I have missed home until I stepped through that door. Two full weeks here will most likely want to make me stay here. Just two more years left though. Not that long. I watched my sister and her husband talk silently. Snuggled close together on the couch. That kind of love is unforgettable.

My mother held the conversation with my aunt as they prepared dinner. Tradition was that the family had dinner together every Monday until Christmas. Don’t ask me why because I was an infant when they made this rule.

I decided to go for a short walk.

“I’ll be back.” I told my mother as I put my coat on. She nodded looking at me with her concerned eyes.

I just smiled softly and tugged at my coat.

Stepping out into the cold winter air, I shivered.

‘Left or Right’ I thought.

‘Right’

The sidewalk was smooth and even underneath my feet. I turned the corner onto a familiar dirt path. The one that led to MY place. My sanctuary of absolute relaxation.

I dropped down on to the plush green pasture that over looked the clear and lonely lake. So many memories. So much time to let go. I fiddled with the chain around my neck. So what happens if I don’t ever let go? Will he ever come back?

I laughed out loud. A breeze swept my hair out of my face. Brushing the green grass gently. The trees swayed, letting go of their softly colored leaves. Ready to move on into spring. Starting over.

If you love something so much then you should set it free. If it’s meant to be then it will come back. Isn’t that how that saying goes.

“Fine.” I whispered. I unlatched the chain that hung loosely around my neck.

“I’ll let you go.”

With that, I threw my past into the lake.

And it was like that…I could breathe again.