JUNKIE

Hel Zalazar

00.

Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

Think about this first high as the last one of your life, like a bullet that’s a fragment of a second away from hitting your skull. This is what it feels like to take Black Butterflies. This is what it feels like to fall for Mattie Ellis.

The way that MDMA, Ecstacy works is that it bleaches your brain if you take too much, and that’s in a literal sense. All that gray matter in your skull protected by cerebral fluid to prevent it from rattling around your head, it turns white like you’re prepping yourself up for a dye job.

This is something you learn when you’re a responsible drug addict.

This is something that you want to avoid.

But acting responsible, acting sane, that's the last thing you ever want to do if it's Mattie involved.

Taking a hit only to fight it off is more than counter productive. It's saying that whatever you're doing, it's not worth it.

There is no cure for the drug called Mattie.

No rehab clinics, no nicotine patches, uppers or downers to numb the slow burn of her. Getting addicted to Mattie means imminent death for the user. There is no deleting her from memory, no losing her from your sight. Mattie is everywhere. She is indelible. She is forever.