|NICE GUYS MYSTIFIED
Author: FLIPPER66 PM
This is a story of a young man who finds information about nice guys and jerks and tries to fiqure out what he's doing wrong or rightRated: Fiction K - English - Humor - Words: 7,259 - Updated: 06-10-11 - Published: 09-22-09 - id: 2723223
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
TITLE: NICE GUYS MYSTIFIED
PROLOGUE: You know its been said and documented that the nice guys finishes last , or do they? Some young girls say yes , older girls say no. Hmmm..... who is the nice guy to believe.
John Meade sat at his computer looking at a web site called
"Nice Guys Finish Last" , and was viewing what some of the comments about nice guys were. John was there because he considered himself to be as such, a nice guy. Whom it seemed also was always relegated to the friend zone so to speak. The reason he was there looking at this site was hoping he could understand why this kept happening to him all the time.
John looked at his screen:
guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a
Posted: 4/2/2005 12:27:13 PM
lot of things have been said about "nice guys", both
negative and postive. A big positive that isn't mentioned is that
they contribute to the stability of society. They help uphold values
that keep everything together. It's the "nice guys"
that often do the thankless tasks, help the needy, or just simply be
there when someone is down. I think we ought to consider,
where would society would be without "nice guys". More than
that where would humankind as a whole be without them. Just a
It's the "nice guys" that often do the thankless tasks, help the needy, or just simply be there when someone is down.
I think we ought to consider, where would society would be without "nice guys". More than that where would humankind as a whole be without them.
Just a thought.
John chuckled at that one , but he thought that whoever posted it might be right. He scrooled to the next comment
I'm 18 and female. There is absolutely NOTHING that is attractive about a jerk!
I want a NICE GUY. I will admit though, that it takes more than simply being 'nice'. You must be sexually attracted to him or it won't work. I think a lot of women confuse SEX APPEAL with JERK APPEAL.
My advice to nice guys sick of hearing, "You're a great friend", is to increase their mystery and explore their sexuality. Being nice and sexy, is a major turn on! So, ditch the jerky attitude and release your (nice) sex appeal. And be confident about it!
John again chuckled , she had a good point but he thought she was talking about the nice guy. He mused ,girl nice guys generally don't have the jerky attitude the jerks do however and have it in abondance. At least for him anyways ,because he fiqured he couldn't speak for other guys in his situation but he assumed there probably were others like him. And how do we nice guys who get shot down
when or if we build up the courage to ask any girl
for a date and, this sometimes rudely. John thought
yah, its might be nice to say have confidence but how does one do that with the powers that be seem to be working totally against us
John scrolled on down .
People have different definitions of confidence. I guess the general consensus is that an assertive man is confident. When we're younger, I think our definition of "confidence" is different. You have to run through the gamut of varying forms of "confidence" until you find the one that's right for you (hence the common belief that women, especially younger women, tend to date jerks).
John thought ,"yah , how true that seems".
I'd say I fall somewhere in between shy and the widely-accepted definition of confidence. But I have learned that sometimes slow and steady wins the race. If I come across a woman who takes my breath away, I will make every effort to initiate some kind of conversation with her, it need not be one that directly leads to a date. In this way, I get to see what kind of personality she has, which in turn will let me know if I'd even want to date her. I try to keep my dating life as stress-free as possible, and that including avoiding communication or initiating anything with a woman I know to be high-maintenance, rude in her rejections, or a woman who tends to make bad dating choices based on my previous observations of her with other men.
- March 17, 2009 05:40 AM
Hey dude , eveidently you haven't gotten as many rejections as some of us has gotten, we've gotten gun shy. So yes we're alittle apprehensive about approaching girls . And glad that your able to make that inial contact however , John was alittled miffed at this statement but realized that some of what he said made some sense about seeing as to what kind of girl she might be by watching how she treats other guys.
John continued scrolling down:
nice! guys! finish! last!
it sickens me. all this wonderful talk of how great nice guys are! i'm a nice guy, i've been a nice guy all my life, and yet not a single bloody woman ever seriously considered having a relationship with me but always said, "but you are a nice guy. it's not you, it's me"! it sickens me, if the only way to find companionship and someone to love is by being a prick, by god, i will be a prick. i'm tired of being alone, and being a nice guy never helped me in any way! i'm sitting here drinking one beer after the other only because i heard the aforementioned quote one more time, and honestly: being a nice guy has never got me anywhere. i'm tired! to all of you nice guys out there: lie, deceive, be dickheads, but maybe then you will finally manage to get a girl to go out with you. then you can show your nice side, and maybe then she will appreciate you. but no girl i ever met wanted to be with me! why? coz i'm a nice guy. fuck that!!!
John ,"whoa i can maybe see what he's saying but how is a nice guy supposed to act like a jerk if he's not one? "
John scrooling on down:
7. Posted by LP on Wed, Apr 8, 2009
Nice guys do and will always come in last because they always put everyone else first. You can't change yourself without affecting your true nature. You can fake it and get the benefits the selfish do, but inevitably you will turn back into the nice guy as soon as you start caring about someone else. It's like the saying:" Let no good deed go unpunished". Good luck turning into something you are not, for any length of time.
John let out a loud laugh , "Ha.. Ha.. Ha... Ha.. ,m yep you hit that one on the head. John scrooled on down the page.
As I was walking into a building, I tried to be nice and opened the door to let a woman behind me go first. Before I knew it, a group of guys just quickly and carelessly walked out through the door I was holding open for the woman. It was a glass door so they must have seen I was trying to let the woman go first.
I wasn't sure which shocked me more - the fact that they didn't wait for the woman or that they expected me to hold the door for them without even a "thank you"! As I stood there simply dumbfounded with what happened, I began to ask the age-old question: do nice guys finish last?
I decided to finally answer this question once and for all. This can only be achieved by applying a scientifically rigorous approach. My method was to think of a few questions that would test my theory, arrive at the answers using my gut instincts, and then use Google to see if anyone else agrees.
Note: the question, "Do nice gals finish last?" also applies!
Do Nice Guys Finish Last REGARDING LOVE?
This was a big
question, so I had to make sure I had very good proof to support my
claim, and I may have found the most authoritative source there is. A
article described seventeen steps (yes, seventeen!) to
ask for a date. You can't get more detailed than that. Although the
article does recommend being nice, a much more emphasis was put on
being persistent in order to succeed. If you believe the article, you
would deduce that if a woman who was being asked out by two people,
one being nice and the other being persistent, the person who gets
the date would be the persistent one.
Answer: When it comes to finding love, nice guys finish last.
Source: Hamed Masoumi
happens after love is found? Happily ever after does not happen by
itself. The relationship has to be fresh, alive, anew. According to
of Manliness article, you gotta feed the flame. The
article continues by recommending to give attention to the partner
through actions such as being courteous, giving gifts, and having
date nights. Clearly, being nice is important in keeping the romance
Answer: When it comes to keeping love, nice guys finish first.
Do Nice Guys Finish Last REGARDING FRIENDS?
This question is
easy. If you're not a nice person, why would anyone want to be
around you? You can attract more flies with honey than with
Answer: When it comes to casual friends and acquaintances, nice guys finish first.
There is an
exception to the answer. When you need to ask for honest advice, do
you go to your casual friends or acquaintances? No, you go to your
best buddy, your confidant, your partner in crime. Why? Because
that's the only way to get an honest answer, whether you like the
answer or not. If your best friend told you any different, that
person has lost credibility with you. Trust is more important
than being nice when it comes to your best friends.
Answer: When it comes to best friends and confidants, nice guys finish last.
Do Nice Guys Finish Last REGARDING WORK?
This looks like
it should be a no-brainer. When you're working in a team
environment, a good attitude is contagious. Being polite,
professional, and courteous helps with team chemistry.
Answer: When working with other employees, nice guys finish first.
Things are a
little different when it comes to sales. When was the last time you
said "no" only once to a salesperson? I'm sure there's a nice
salesperson out there that takes the first "no" for an answer,
but there's not that many. Why? Because they wouldn't last
long in their job. I had a telemarketing job once that paid on
commission. I learned real quick to be persistent or else I'd be
working for free.
Answer: When it comes to making money and sales, nice guys finish last.
Do Nice Guys Finish Last IN A CONFRONTATION?
It takes quite a
level head to be able to maintain composure and still be nice when
faced with a confrontational situation. It's so impressive, it's
actually disarming. I usually find that after the other person vents
for a little bit without any push back, that person would typically
decompresses and then start to engage in a reasonable
Answer: When it comes to confrontations, nice guys finish first.
What if the
other person doesn't decompress? What if the other person is
stubbornly looking to escalate the situation some more? What if it
gets physical? It's still not too late. If you're able to still
be mindful of your safety, there's still a chance you can
decompress the situation. However, there is a point where you may not
be able to mind your own safety against a belligerent person, and if
it comes to the point where you need to physically defend yourself,
just remember the one rule about street brawls: there are no
rules. That's why the confrontation should be decompressed at
Answer: When it comes to surviving a fight, nice guys finish last.
Nice guys are in danger of finishing last when they confuse kindness with weakness. As long as they keep that in mind, nice guys can indeed finish first.
Hmmmmm......... John thought as he continued on down:
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot.
I am a nice guy and I hardly ever
finish first . I can be a little shy and quiet ( sometimes ) which
in general does not help . I am opened minded about women in
general . If I meet a woman and I feel some type of attraction
towards her and I do approach her , it is aways with the intent of
trying to get to know her and see if there is potential to
develope a true relationship ( not just get her in the bed )
because I am looking for more than that .
I think that women in general aren't looking for a nice guy to develope a relationship with because they preceived nice guys as boring , which is not necessaryly true . They want nice guys as friends , so they can have someone to depend upon to be there when things don't work out elsewhere . I have talken on the roll of being a good friend several times waiting to see if more could develope and what usually happens they end up meeting some " macho hunk " that they fall for . But being a friend you just sit back and wait to see what happens ( caring about them being happy ) and usually this " macho hunk " turns out to be a jerk / ***hole and treats her poorly . They turn back to me as a friend , because they know that I am there for them if they need someone to talk to and help them get past the bad experence .So you continue on your friendship waiting to see if anything develops and the cycle starts over again with a different guy .
So , I think that women are afraid to try to develope a relationship with a true friend because they are afraid to lose your friendship and they would not have anybody to turn to , to be there for them , which might be true in some cases . I myself do not give up on friendships that easiey . If you have a true friend that really cares for you , they can look past the fact that a relationship did not work and still be friends because they care about your happiness .
I was married for 6 years and have been divorced for 19 years and I have had several good relationships during that time and I am still friends with most of them .
Women need to open there eyes and see what a true nice guy wants and have to offer , which is usually what good relationships are based on . Afterall , everybody looking for a relationship sometime in there life time unless they are planning on being alone all there life .
I realize that all nice guys are not "TRUE " nice guys , but i know that there are some because I am one . I make a good friend , but I have potential to be so much more . I just need to meet the right women that can see & feel that potential . There are alot of men & women playing games you just have to dig past them to find the right one , just be careful and not pass them up too quickly .
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Scrooling on down:
He's So Nice, He'll Always Be There
I've seen some friends take their time with a nice guy. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Maybe a woman wants to meet some new guys and "sew her wild oats" while the nice guy fawns over her. She enjoys keeping him in her life as a friend, but somewhere in the back her mind she knows that she can probably return to him later at some point. Again, it's all about risk management: if you want to take the risk of him meeting someone else, then go for it.
I'm a DJ working in a popular bar situated in New Zealand, and I've always been a nice guy. I don't mind talking with girls about their boyfriends, if I respect that girl. I don't care about missing out on a girl, because if she can't see a guy for who he is, who needs her?
I believe in treating women with respect, but some women don't deserve respect because they're too full of the "all men are bastards and rapists" ideas of the feminists. Many are convinced that all we think about is what's in their pants, and that gives women a great feeling of superiority.
I get a lot of women after me because of my job, which is BS because it's just one of my jobs, and many of them don't even try to get to know me. They just want a status score. I study I.T. too, and that's my real passion, but you can't tell that to many of them. That's too nice and predictable.
I agree with the notion that confident men get more women. It comes down to supply and demand: if you go about your life with focus and dignity, women perceive you as a resource of scarce supply, and the demand for your time goes up. Conversely, if you spend your time thinking about your lack of female companionship, this affects your behavior with women, and they pick up on that immediately.
You could be the world's best lover, but they won't care to find out.
John snickered," Maybe "DJ's" jobs are considered sexy or something on New Zealand who knows? He continues to scrool down:
December 8th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
I have always been attracted to nice guys, and have never liked jerks. My dad was a nice, fun, outgoing guy, and that's what I'm drawn to.
"Nice guy" is often associated with someone who's also a wimp, or boring, or just lacking in confidence. None of this is necessarily true. There are wonderful men out there who are kind, self aware, confident, who love and respect women. And they have no problem getting women to love and respect them back.
John thought ,"i'm not so sure about that statement, she evidently never watched the movie "Shallow Hal". He seemed to have no problem approaching women but constantly got shot down by the women. He contunied reading.
This study is very limiting, because it's not saying what kind of women are attracted to what. Sure, there are plenty of women who are only attracted to bad boys. But if a woman reaches a certain level of depth and self-esteem, she won't accept anyone who treats her badly.
So in my opinion, if you want a partner who is sexy, confident, interesting, exciting, and KIND, simply because they love people and the world around them, then be that type of person and that's what you attract.
Scrooling on down:
I just believe that if you are a nice guy and you think you have to act like a jerk or bad ass for a girl... that's pretty dumb.... I think people should be real and they shouldn't have to act. If a girl will only like you if you act like a jerk, then the relationship will most likely not last very long... you can't pretend to be a hard ass or a jerk forever.
And for the people that are jerks... there's nothing wrong with that... as long as you find a jerk lovin girl...
I just believe that you shouldn't have to act or pretend to be anything in a relationship.
John thought , "yep however wrote this i think has it pegged , at least for some of us." John continued scrooling:
Wesley Chapel, FL
I know for a fact that a lot of women likes a nice guy, I for one will never date a so called bad boy, I like being treated well and most of all, respected.
John thought ,"go girl". Scrooling:
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
As a nice guy I can say,that statement is true,I got so many different excuses,I wasn't trying to get a women to bed but, a conversation,food,a cold,beverage,that I finally had some introduction cards made up, then they told me they didn't call men,and they were right even after I called them,I'v probably gone out alone for so long the women think there must be something wrong with me,and going out alone is better than sitting at home alone,and let me tell you ,pricess charming does not make house calls,in fact she doesn't make calls at all,sex is nice ,sex is fun,I don't live by it,it is nice however to get that oppurtunity,so ladies,you meet that nice guy,you think"I don't need a relationship right now" I'v been told that,why would you presume to think you would,maybe your nice,pretty,funny,interesting,the guy might want to add a new friend to his life,you might need a new friend,maybe there's a problem in your life,maybe he can help,and yes,I'v seen women,with guys who were rude,mean,unkept,and jerks,not just a sometime jerk but an all the time jerk,and I look and think,I would rather stay alone than treat a women like that.
Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 12:19 am Post subject: What's wrong with nice girls like me?
I don/t understand guys. I see all these guys oogling over these total sluts. They never even glance at me! I'm pretty, although I don't dress like a whore! Why do all the bitches get the guys, and then just use them up and divorce them and ruin them for girls like us! IT's true. I just get sooooo tired of seeing it. Do I have to wear sleezy clothes and talk loudly on my cell phone to get noticed? Is that what guys want? IT seems like it is.
What about a nice girl who you can take home to mom, who HAPPENS to be a wild cat in the sack if you'd just give her the chance!
Johns mouth dropped open ,"You mean girls have the same problem as some of us guys....?"
This is the tale of two male friends who are no longer friends mainly because the "nice" one very rarely got the girl and because the "bad" one, while an undeniable ladies man, would get the cream of the crop simply because he was able to talk to the ladies with zero inhibition and with absolutely no regard for the consequences.
The two friends were having a party at an apartment they shared. The nice one invited the girl that he had been pining over for the past few weeks. He would always make small talk with her but didn't ask her out or make a move on her because he was waiting for the right time and did not want to blow the one shot he thought he would have.
At the party the nice guy started to dance with the woman and both were having a groovin' good time. All was well, but during the night, the bad boy began to glance her way and gradually move toward her. The woman stopped dancing with the nice one and ended up talking to the bad one for a while. We all know what happens here?-- the bad boy ends up getting the girl."
I must admit that in my younger days, I too was guilty of trashing a very nice guy. He was almost perfect. He would make elaborate plans to show me a good time that was different from the run-of-the-mill dinner and a movie. He always opened doors, pulled out chairs, and helped me with my coat. He took me to comedy shows, specialty restaurants, and even on a camping trip. He gave me small gifts out of the blue. Once, he knew I had a cold and picked up some cough drops and vitamins. He worked close to my job and on one occasion left a sweet poem on my car windshield while I was working.
How did I return his kindness? I gave him the cold shoulder. I shrugged off his calls and slowly cut him out of my life right before Christmas. I was young and he was several years older than me. I guess I was guilty of being wrapped up in 'the game.' I wanted to play the field and didn't want to be tied down by this nice guy. Unfortunately, I wasn't mature enough to break up with him in a dignified manner.
Looking back, I truly feel horrible about the way I treated him. And if he is out there somewhere reading this, I hope he accepts my apology and I sincerely hope he has found someone that appreciates all of the nice things that he does. I am glad to say that I have grown a lot since then and revel in the goodness and realness that a nice guy brings to the table. Fortunately, I have been able to meet more nice guys and treat them with the same respect they give to me.
Now, to answer the why part of this 'nice guy treated like crap' equation. There are many reasons, although lame ones in my opinion, why women choose bad boys over nice guys. Some women like 'the chase,' they like a challenge, and often see nice guys as pushovers. Other women feel so comfortable around nice guys that they can only view them as friends. A few women actually seem to thrive off of relationships that involve a lot of bickering. They don't know how to deal with a guy who showers them with compliments instead of insults.
I think that women who prefer a callous man to a nice guy are emotionally immature. Sure, there is something to be said for the excitement and spontaneity that a bad boy can bring to a relationship, but as women grow older, wiser, and more mature, most realize that a nice guy can also provide excitement and spontaneity in addition to attention, kindness, and most importantly, genuine love.
Does a nice guy stand a chance? Yes!!! In the end, they almost always win out. No woman in her right mind wants to spend her life with a shallow, wild, bad boy. Although it's often a rough road for nice guys in search of returned affection, don't give up. Going back to the fable of the tortoise and the hare, the bad boy is the hare and the nice guy is the tortoise. The bad boy thinks he is the hotshot, but in the end it's the nice guy who prevails.
Nice guys: while you are on your quest for real love, don't let women use you. If you feel like you are being taken advantage of, ignored, or otherwise dissed--move on. Even if it means being alone for awhile, it's not worth it to focus your attention on someone who is unappreciative and undeserving of your goodness.
So, to every nice guy that's staying true to his heart and not changing his nature to attract women that can't appreciate him, I say cheers! Keep your head up. Continue to hold doors and pull out chairs. Your time will come and your niceness will be rewarded with a fulfilling relationship with a 'nice girl.'
Please feel free to email Chelsea if you have a 'nice guy' comment or story to share.
Chelsea Badeau can be reached at .
Regarding the nice guys vs. jerks topic..... If a woman wants to be treated crappy, and doesn't appreciate someone who has class, manners, and knows how to carry himself, etc.... Why would I want to be with her?
"Often guys mistake their passive, wuss-like behavior as being nice, when really they're just weak." - so true.
Some guys think that agreeing with everything she says and doing everything she wants is the same as being nice, when in reality it's just showing her that you should have 'WELCOME' written on your face, because you're a doormat. A woman, a real women, appreciates a man who has a backbone, opinions and stands up for himself and what he believes in, even if it differs from her.
Speaking of terrible cliches, I agree with hounder, how about this one 'all men are dogs' - please. Whoever was the first to say that line of bs, needs to be bitten on her butt by a doberman! ha ha ha
If all men are dogs…are all women FEMALE DOGS? Yeah…I didn't think so.
Comment by G SE — January 26th, 2009 10:03 am
John thought , "Really I don't think so."
Robert A. Henru said:
It might be a thin difference, but there are some differences between good guy and nice guy. Good guy is secure of himself, able to build boundary, independent, confident, and not a people pleaser.
And actually I think, if you're a good guy, you won't mind finishing last (as when you open the door) coz you are very secure of yourself that you even dare to serve them. You don't have to impress them, as you managed to impress yourself, you stay true to your values.
tigger: could it be that I'm a "Nice Guy".... and the
saying goes - they always come last!!!!!
So could that be it, I guess it makes a whole lot of sense, what the f**k is wrong with you!, what is it that you want? Is that why you couldn't love me, cos i made it too easy for you, you knew I would always be there, would do anything for you, always tried to keep you happy and to please you, sounds a little like what you would expect from a dog, but you don't get rid of them do ya, unconditional love, that's what you had from me, now I know I never had that from you, I wonder if you ever had that for anyone. And as far as nice guys are concerned take a look at your brother for a second, are he and K happy - YES!!! is he a 'Nice Guy' YES!!!, and what about D, he's a nice guy, it seems good enough for M. You think they are both fantastic, maybe that's how you ended up loving me - like a brother.
The bottom line to me is that you never really tried did you, you never ever gave me the chance to help or even have my say.
You have taken so much from me, friends, family. happiness, love security, opportunity, travel to name only a few, and for what?
What is it that you lost......
It dawned on me that you never really tried to love me with all of you, I don't imagine that you ever really tried to figure out why you felt like that, are you afraid of commitment, what is it you want in you life, what is it about me that you really didn't like.... I still believe that if I was what you really wanted we would be together still. Did any of your friends ever challenge you about you decision or did they just say sorry and i'm here for you... while in the meantime you felt a little sad and then just shut it out as much as you could busy busy busy..... but the reason that happened is you cant have ever really wanted too ... you took me for a ride, what more do you want from someone, i thought we had it all.
Re:explain yourself!!!! twobeautifulkids: I'm so sorry she did that to you, Tigger. I could have easily written that post myself. Of course I'm the "nice girl" instead.
I have actually tested this theory several times. From when I was very young to my current age. Women every time loved me the more I acted like a total uncaring ass. I'm not that type of person, but I wanted to see what would happen when I began being my self. They lost interest, until I started being the jerk again. I don't like women to be treated badly and I don't like ones who enjoy being treated badly so I usually ended up breaking up with them. Which of course made them want me more.
Nice guys are not insecure. Nice guys are not going to leave you during the hard time. Nice guys will stick by you through thick and thin. Nice guys are handsome, ugly, rich, poor, tall, short, fat, thin, they come in all types and styles. Nice guys like doing all the things bad boys do but they don't do 'bad' things to themselves or others. Nice guys finish last because...women don't recognize them as being QUALITY MEN.
Flashiness, loudness, bossiness, self indulgent men are not quality men. Bad boys are exactly that BAD BOYS WHO ARE ALSO MEN. Mature women of all ages eventually find that out and find nice guys. Usually though after finding pseudo nice guys who are really wolves in sheeps clothing. That's where the term 'baggage' comes from. "Oh, this guy is nice, he is going to do me wrong just like that other guy I thought was nice." How can a nice guy fight against that when he isn't even aware unless the woman tells him?
Not all women are like this but in some cultures, women (just like men) egg each other on to go with the bad boy. Some are flat out told 'he's too nice, something has to be wrong with him.'. Yeah, like bad boys have nothing at all wrong with them.
Quality women CAN find quality men, where they can: is a mystery. Bad boys prey on good girls just like bad girls prey on good guys. Just like my spontaneous experiments to see where my relationships were, bad boys can't keep up the good guy actions just like good guys can't keep up being bad.
Yet, and here's the kicker, It's easier for a good guy to act like a bad guy when you WANT him to, then a bad guy to ever act like a good guy when you NEED him to.
John thought, "This guy said a mouth full , but it seems true though".
Nice guys ABSOLUTELY do NOT finish last. They've always been winners in my book. They may sometimes be abandoned by awful people; but, that certainly does not mean they finish last.
I guess, then, the term nice guy is all relative. Nice people are attracted to other nice people; and, I would imagine that awful people are attracted to other awful people.
Where in the world did that phrase come from, anyway...what does it mean? I'd much rather be associated with a nice guy than one who is not. I've known a number of nice guys, and a number of those who weren't. And, the nice guys are more fondly remembered.
The world is full of so many insincere people; when they come across a nice person...whether it's a guy, or gal...they feel they can run all over them by virtue of their nature. They aren't fools...just a tad tolerant. They just want to fit in, like anyone else. They are rare. I would imagine their world is lonely; and, folk have little tolerance for their company.
They seem to be perfectionists; are clean-cut, and pleasant. They're intellectuals, and respectful of other's intellect, or lack thereof...sometimes to a fault. They care a great deal about how they are perceived, and may find themselves wanting to fit in with the most frivolous individuals, just to break the monotony.
Yes, they may be teased, and taunted from time-to-time; most people who are different usually are. This may be the reason they (allegedly) are perceived to finish last. I don't know.
I'm currently dating a very nice guy, who've had two failed marriages. Now, before you get any bright ideas, I want to inform you that I think he is the most amazing man I've ever known. He has raised two children on his own, put them through college, while keeping a house, and earning a living. One of those children (the younger of the two) is a female who was born with a birth defect. She's a brilliant, and beautiful young woman in her senior year at college. His son is, also, a nice guy who left home to attend college, and is now married.
My guy placed 'developing a meaningful relationship' on the back burner to give his children the best life he could give them on a very tight budget. He has hobbies that have extended over thirty years, which I currently join him in both. He loves me, is IN LOVE with me...and, is SO into me.
So, I can safely say that this nice guy is a winner; and always finishes on top!
his is (yet another) response to Why do nice guys always finish last?
I want to put this out as a warning to the younger girls out there. Nice guys are boring. Of course, when you start dating in high school and in college, you want fun and excitement, and while most nice guys can do that, we certainly aren't as fun as bad boys. But eventually you learn that bad boys are just that, and then you can have a much more stable and meaningful relationship with a nice guy who respects you.
Here is the warning: while you are learning, so are we. And we are learning from you that being nice will get us nowhere and only guys who are stereotypically "bad" will get the girl. I've seen nice guys fed up with this scenario only to start treating women badly because they feel it's what you want. I've even, myself, felt like being nice and caring is a waste of time, since all it brings is solitude. Fortunately, that is not all it brings; it also makes you feel good, and even un-returned kindness is generally a good feeling.
Of course, I am not suggesting it's a girl's fault that her boyfriend is a jerk, but by staying with him, you are sending a message to all the other guys that he is the ideal.
Posted by LAWRENCE H on Mon, Apr 13, 2009
Advice from one nice guy to the rest: Read "The Game" by Neil Straus. It will teach you all the tricks that bad boys use. It's not about getting in to women's pants, it's about getting the confidence to make the first move, and also know what women are looking for from a man who makes the first move. It has nothing to do with good guys or bad. It has everything to do with being confident and interesting. Nice guys finish last because they are shy and awkward. Ladies, if you or your friends have ever said "where are all the nice guys?", the answer is EVERYWHERE. I would say 80% of guys are nice guys who will treat you well. What they probably won't do is walk up to you and tell you everything you want to hear, the way a jerk will. So if an average-looking guy awkwardly comes up to you and says something really dumb or ridiculous or uninspiring... cut him some slack, cuz he's likely going to treat you better than anyone else ever has.
do not crave reckless relationships nor do they possess
a laughable 'maternal' instinct to fix their partners problems."
....hmmmm, not entirely sure about this one since have seen many a
friend go for the guy with the rakish, devilish grin rather than the
dependable 'friend' who has always lent her a shoulder.
Ditto for the 'maternal' instinct - I think quite a lot of women rationalise potentially reckless relationships/marriage by saying 'he's different with me, my love will change him blah blah'
Thats not to say they crave disastrous relationships naturally - but its just the difference between the nice, safe guy and the swashbuckler.
Ask Hollywood - Clark Kent/ Superman, Pete Parker/ Spidey, Depp/Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean - the reckless ones are so much more interesting
November 30th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
I think a woman wants the good, honest, respectful guy. But they also want a guy that will try something new. The "nice guy" stereotype is often a man that has too much of a pattern, and is afraid to change that. The "bad boy" can be unpredictable, bringing an air of spontenaiety.
Also, the "nice guy" often makes the mistake of being too repectful. Respect is good, but some take it so far as to almost turn off their sexuality completely. This gives the woman the impression that he is not really interested. The "bad boy" is often overly self-centered, so natually, their focus is primarily on sex and other forms of personal gratification on many levels. This gives a woman a false sense that he is interested in her, after all, he has been checking her out from the start.
Then there is the fact that a "nice guy" may give the impression of being weak, afraid to stand up for what he believes in, and unsure of his own opinion. The "bad boy" appears confident, determined, and acts strong. Normally, this is due to the "bad boy" not caring about others' viewpoints, and determined to do what they want, regardless of the effect it has on others. Once again, it can be difficult to see the truth of the matter right away.
All in all, I think woman do want the sensitive, compassionate, loving guy, they just want to make sure he has a backbone, is willing to try new things, and is in touch with his sexuality, and therefore can please them too. Just my take, I'm a man though, so i might have missed it totally.
i had to take this route to set up the rest of the story sorry about it being so long.