The Haven

chapter 1

I stumbled through my grandfather's empty apartment, my heels skittering crazily on the polished wooden floors as I tried to find someplace to hide away. Breathe, I reminded myself, my urgent hands brushing against the walls and furniture. Just breathe.

Fighting was pointless. And how could I run from something that didn't truly exist? Instead, I retreated to a corner of the quiet room and let my body fall to the floor. Tucking my knees into my chest and closing my eyes, I tried to focus on simple things; my racing heart beating a steady tempo in my chest, my hands trembling violently on the floor. That's right, calm down, my reason whispered soothingly. Just breathe, it's not real.

Gasp, pant. Gasp, pant. My ragged breathing ripped through the silence, a testament to my terror. I wondered if the things knew what they were doing to me.

A breeze flowed into Grandfather's apartment through an open window, brushing against my clammy skin as it traded the familiar tobacco scent for exhaust and the sounds of the city below.

Pant...Pant...Pant...

My hysterical breathing slowed as I luxuriated in the everyday sensations, in their normalcy. The strange feeling in my chest faded into a memory. For a moment, I could have been anyone in a city of millions, exhausted by the oppressive summer heat, relieved by the brief coolness. For a moment, everything was fine.

Pant............Pant............Pant............

Then, I opened my eyes too soon.

“Ah!”I gasped, curling back into myself and throwing my arm over my eyes. Because in that small glimpse I saw that the ornate room was filled with thousands of humming golden lights, larger than fireflies and beautiful to the point of impossibility. Realistic in away that told me that I had lost my mind once again.

The feeling returned; as if thousands of small fingers had pressed themselves urgently in my chest, filling me with their sadness, needing something only I could give them. It was overwhelming, but I knew it wouldn't let me go. Not yet.

The apartment door suddenly swung open, and my mother's heels clicked on the wooden floor. “Zoe?” She called, concern resonating in the echo. My only response was to press my face more securely into the crook of my arm and wait for her to find me.

“Oh, no.” she sighed as she caught sight of my defeated figure, tapping closer and then stopping to kneel down beside me. She stroked my hair for a moment before asking gently, “Another headache?”

I dared to peek again, only to see the golden lights pressed up against us, wreathing my mother's red curls and illuminating her worried face. Their lovely glow was reflected in her dark eyes as they crowded the room with their strange humming.

But she couldn't see them. I was crazy and she was sane. The imaginary lights were the line between us, the one she didn't need to know existed.

So I closed my eyes again and sighed. “I'll be fine.” I told her. “ I just need to be alone for a little longer.”My chest throbbed as I spoke.

Mom stood hesitantly, clearly unsure. After a few seconds, her heels clicked slowly down to the door.

“I'll wait outside in the hall.” she promised over her shoulder.

As soon as I heard the door shut shut behind her, I opened my eyes and stood cautiously. The golden lights swirled around me gleefully in response. The fingers in my heart seemed to grow warmer. You see us, the lights seemed to be saying, their vibrations intensifying.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the fray and walked to the center of the room. The golden lights danced around me, reflecting off the mirrors and windows. Above the fireplace, my grandmother's timeless smile, captured in oils, seemed delighted by the scene before us; her former home filled with impossible light.

If things had been different, perhaps I would have been able to understand that kind of reaction. It was beautiful. It looked so real,I felt I could reach out and touch it. More than that, part of me wanted to....

But I knew the truth; It wasn't real, and I was probably, definitely crazy. Reality was my mother waiting for me in the hallway, and the people at the party downstairs gossiping over my disappearance. Reality was the mysterious city I lived in, and the incredible beauty of the sky above it.

I sighed and closed my eyes again. You're not real, You're not real, You are not real, I chanted silently. You're not real.

The fingers in my chest seemed to find new strength and gripped tighter. I winced. We are real! They insisted.

Fine! I told them. You're real! Hallelujah! But I can't help you! I'm sorry, but I just can't! So please, leave me alone!

The hold on my heart loosened slightly. Please. Please. They asked simply. I only shook my head. Then, reluctantly, miraculously, the fingers released. I opened my eyes to see the last of the golden lights disappear, leaving the room still and dark. Grandmother's portrait was once more nothing but a beautiful imitation, bereft of the life the model once had.

My chest felt hollow, and I childishly pressed my hand over my heart, just to be sure that it still remained.

“I'm sorry.” I whispered to the darkness, before picking up my purse and moving slowly to the door. Pausing at the mirror, I brushed my hands over my bewildered face. It looked practically bloodless, though my lips were darker than usual. My strange, kaleidescope blue eyes were dark too, nearly black, with random sparks of silver. I examined them for a few seconds, mentally tracing their unusual changes.

Was this what the eyes of the insane looked like?

I shuddered, and pressed a hand to my wild brown hair, which was struggling to escape the bun it had been confined to earlier. Who could know? It wasn't as if I ever told anyone about the things I saw, things they only dreamed of......

My mother suddenly rapped at the door, bringing me back into the present. “Sweetheart?” she asked, anxiety creeping into her voice once more.

With one last look at the mirror, I hurried to the door.

....................................................................................................................................................................