Note: Reposted, revised.

my boys

-

i've had two.

okay, maybe three.

but not really.

It's not like

we were real

or we had

a lot in common.

I didn't

have them,

not in the way jennifer had ben,

or how angie has brad.

or

screw it

how zac

and vanessa

were

all the rage

-

i had him.

a friend

a brother

an almost but not quite,

wanted but pushed away,

dreamt of,

lover.

who made that pen explode

threw it at me

and now

only talks

because we sit

next to each other

-

i had him.

the kick-ass,

rebel,

who won't watch his language,

treats me like a person,

who's too much like

che

to really have me.

we were

friends

but now

God, what about now?

-

i had him.

actually,

i think i still do.

we sat together at lunch last year

and yes,

it was with other people.

and yes,

this year

we share history

and when he said "i've been wanting to sit next to you forever!"

and he

(who just happens to be his cousin)

snorted,

i smiled.

but inside

i think

i know

something changed.

-

i think

i do love them.

those boys

who were

never

mine

to start

with

.