For myself..'cuz this is how I feel right now...

Life Ain't Always Beautiful

Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

It's weird how things can change so quickly. Really unfair to those who have to suffer through it, knowing that there really isn't anyway to escape, or turn back time. Things can never be the same, no matter how hard one tries. It's scary to see what time can do, scarier to know that more can still come. No one really realizes what it takes to be strong. Nobody can til they are forced to have it as their only option. Everything that once seemed so right, taken away. Changed and altered in one way or another. Leaving you broken at your very best.

Life ain't always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

Life's been like that for me for almost the last two years. Hard, wearing down every last part of me. And just when things started to look up, they were simply broken down again. I couldn't move, couldn't fix the things that were wrong. My life stopped and I became nothing more than a train wreck.

But the struggle makes you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has it's own way of takin' it sweet time

Trying to fight through life's challenges is hard. But it's even harder when you are meerly thirteen going on fourteen and things are being throw at you. Life is meant to be a challenge, but what is it really when your fears revolve around what you've seen? What you've been through? Trying to find the right people to stays with, trying to make sure would be there til the storm was over. Well, that just made things worse. People just seemed to make the pain worse. All, save a few, who were basically my light in the dark.

No,life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

Tears fell. Sadness was the only emotion I could really seem to feel. Even though I had been told things would get better, the bad seemed to control my life. And things seemed to only be getting worse every moment of it all.

Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles

March 2nd, 2009. A day that rocked my world the worst. The day I lost my uncle Jack who had meant the entire world to me. The one who had taught me to be strong. It hurts me still because I see you everyday. You're always there. In everything I do; in everything I am. You made me into the person I am. How can it be possible that you are gone? Worse still, August 1st, 2009 I lost Bob. The day before your five months, and also a short time before Tyler was made to deploy. Life's trails seemed to crash down on me once more.

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life dont work that way

I cry at night. I don't really think the majority of my friends really realize how often and how much I really do hurt. I wish every day, every night, that even for a short moment, I could see your faces, have you with me once more. But it can't be like that. You were taken from me and I can't have you back.

But the struggles makes me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has it's own way of takin' its sweet time

However, I know what you would have wanted from me. And I know that every step of this journey is making me stronger. Though it hurts I know you are with me, if not physically then spiritually. And I can never forget that. I can never really be without you, you'll always be there in some form. I also know that no matter what I feel now, I can and will be happy again. Life can only get better, somehow. Happiness takes building up to. It isn't something we are automatically handed. But it will be something I am again someday.

No, life aint always beautiful
But I know I'll be fine
Hey, life aint always beautiful
But its a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride