Ode to a Fisherman’s Giant Crab

Oh, you naughty, giant crab!

How much I detest the fisherman

who fished you out of the salt waters

of Honda Bay’s deep.

How much I detest your wicked nature

for having caused this nation

so much suffering and greed,

now, then and forevermore.

From the moment you were caught

out of the depths of Palawan’s seas,

it was your tender, luscious meat

that has caused me to embrace greed.

Out of nowhere you have sprang

into the nation’s fishing net

with your fierce claws

constantly seeking for reach.

Through the malice of your claws

I have learned to be corrupt,

selfish and unforgiving

falling prey to the trances of death.

Your nasty, foaming mouth,

Has already brought this nation

too much wrath, hatred

and shame.

Your envy and conceitedness

has brought us great disunity

and unimaginable distress,

you naughty, intruder.

You have caused so much poverty

and endless divides among us

infusing this stupid crab mentality of yours

upon our innocent, fertile minds.

Because of your selfish character

our nation is now in crumbles,

you brainless,

ugly little creature.

But since your curse and plague

is constantly reborn and self-perpetuating,

we have no choice but to bow, be enslaved

by the seduction of your earthly delight.

How I wish I should have thrown you

back into the ocean

from the very beginning

or rather should’ve crushed you alive.

Blue and spotted as you are,

I still am very much temped to eat you,

grilled, steamed or baked

with all the tropical spices, garlic and butter,

tomato sauce and wild chili.

I’d love to feast with my family,

my foes and close friends,

to celebrate the tenderness of your meat,

the joy of sipping your succulent juice.

What an enticing and dishonorable delight that would be,

to hail the reign of the crustacean king!

- PIETROS VAL PATRICIO