CHAPTER FOUR

There's nothing from Gemini in my inbox the next morning when I check it. I try to pretend like this doesn't bother me that much. Maybe he's on vacation. It's really no big deal, right? Maybe he has family visiting and doesn't have time to go online.

I'm tired when I get to work, due to my lack of sleep waiting up for Gemini. Margo greets me with a peppy "Hi, Nathan! How are you this morning?" and she looks hurt when all I manage is a grunt. At my desk, I slump down in the chair and wonder if I can sneak in a nap and still keep my productivity at those wonderful levels that make Jensen happy. As I'm contemplating the merits of a keyboard as a pillow, I hear faint strains of "The Bitch is Back" from my cell phone. Amanda's calling me. She probably wants me to babysit the devil children tonight or this weekend. Oh, dear god, no. I answer it anyway.

"What?"

"Seriously, Nathan, it wouldn't hurt you to be more cheerful in the morning." It's not Amanda, it's her husband, Blake, and that delicious voice.

"Uh, right." What is it that makes it so hard for me to speak when attractive men are talking to me?

"Anyway, I was wondering, are you free this weekend?" Free for you to do with me what you wish!

"It depends." I'm trying to be casual and all, but I have a good idea that Blake is NOT asking me to babysit. Amanda always calls me for that.

"A couple of the guys from work are getting together for a guys weekend. My friend Ken's got a cabin in Vermont, and we're gonna do some camping, drinking, just hanging out. You interested?"

"Sure." A cabin in Vermont with booze and a bunch of guys? That's a recipe for danger, but I don't care. I need something fun to cheer me up.

"Awesome. If you meet me at my place after work on Friday, we'll drive up together. Bring warm clothes and cash."

"Cash?"

"For poker. And the booze."

"Right." I suck at poker, but I'm not about to tell Blake that.

"All right, see ya then!" After we hang up, I turn my computer on and get to work. I wonder why he invited me, of all people. I've never hung out with him or any of his friends before. What are they like? Are they all big butch manly slap-each-other-on-the-ass kind of guys? Am I going to spend the entire weekend with a hard-on?

"Nathan." Speaking of hard-ons. I swivel around in my swivel chair to see Jensen standing there, holding a paper Dunkin Donuts bag in his hand.

"Donut?" he asks, holding the bag out to me. I stare at him for a long moment.

"Me?"

"Yeah. I got chocolate glazed, jelly, and maple frosted." I start drooling a little bit at the thought of a maple frosted donut. Jensen notices my reaction and opens the bag, offering it to me again. Gingerly, I reach in and take the donut.

"You look tired," he says to me, looking concerned, "Not enough sleep last night?"

"Uh, not really. Stayed up late waiting for something that didn't happen." I shrug. Jensen's sudden interest in me is strange.

"That's too bad." He leans against the top of my cubicle. "So, uh, Nathan, I was wondering if you might like to join me for lunch today?" He's looking at his donut and not at me, which is probably good, because at least he can't see my jaw drop at his question.

"Lunch?" I sound like such a loser, repeating everything that he says like that.

"Yeah. I like to get to know my employees, and I realize that we haven't really spent a lot of time together." He shrugs. I'm not going to argue with him. Lunch together sounds like fun to me.

"Okay," I agree. He grins.

"Great. Meet me at my office when you're ready for lunch." He pats my shoulder and then turns and walks off.

I swivel back around in my chair and stare at my computer screen for a long moment, a smile growing on my face.

[&]

By eleven thirty, I've got a ball of nerves in the pit of my stomach, but I try to drag it out as long as possible. Finally, at twelve thirty, my stomach can wait no longer. I shut off my computer, grab my wallet, and head over to Jensen's office. I knock on the door, even though I can see him through the glass. He's sitting at his desk, talking on the phone. He waves me in. Nervously, I push open the door and step inside.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea," he says into the phone, "She might have a problem with that." He gestures for me to sit, so I take a chair, looking around his office. It's still as sparse and impersonal as it was the last time I was here.

"Well, I don't want to be any part of it then." He frowns. "I'm serious." He shakes his head. "Listen, I have to go. Think about it and call me back." He sighs. "I love you, too." He shakes his head and hangs up the phone. For a minute, I'm wondering who he could possibly be talking to. A girlfriend, maybe? But he's sleeping with Margo, so probably not.

"My mom," he says, shrugging, "Are you ready?" He stands up from the desk, grabbing his wallet and keys from the top of his desk.

"Yeah," I reply. I'm nervous about this.

"I was thinking of going to the diner down the street. You ever been there?" he asks, as we walk out of the office. I know it's none of my business, but I want to know what his phone conversation was about. I'm a naturally curious person, I suppose.

"No," I reply. As we leave the office, the people that stay in the office for lunch instead of leaving, are watching us. I wonder if it looks like Jensen and I are going on a date, even though we aren't. We're just going to lunch together, and as much as I would like it to be a date, it's not.

Once we're outside the building, Jensen starts talking again.

"My mom is trying to set me up with one of her friends' daughters," he tells me, shrugging, "I have to keep telling her I'm not interested."

"That must be hard," I reply, with the hint of someone who has not been in that situation before. At what point in my life have I ever had to REFUSE a date? My mom's never tried to set me up on a date, though Amanda tried once. It never got past the planning stage, though.

"Yeah." He shrugs. When we reach the diner, Jensen grabs the door and holds it open for me. It's awkward, but I step inside and wait for him.

After being seated, I flip through the menu, unsure. It's just your basic lunchtime fare - club sandwiches, burgers, fries. I can still have my usual turkey club sandwich, or I can try something new.

"They have a really good apple cobbler, so save some room for dessert," Jensen suggests, peeking at me over the top of his menu. I nod.

The waitress comes to take our orders. I decide on the turkey club, and Jensen takes a chicken sandwich. After she leaves, he turns to me.

"So, Nathan," he says. Whenever he starts off like that, I get worried that he's going to say something startling, "Are you seeing anybody?" My face goes a little hot. I hadn't been expecting that question at all.

"Not really," I reply, purposely being vague. I want to know what's going on inside his head, why he is acting so different from what I am used to.

"And what does 'not really' mean?" he asks, raising his eyebrows at me. The tiny smirk on his face makes the entire look even sexier.

"It means 'not really'." I shrug, "I mean there's this... guh... person." I was this close to saying "guy", but do I really want to out myself to my boss at lunch?

"And why is it just a maybe?" he asks.

"Well, we don't really... I mean, that is..." I shrug, as the waitress brings our drinks. "We talk and stuff, but we don't see each other in person."

"Oh, I see. It's an online thing," Jensen says, taking a sip of his soda, "How does that work? Do you go on fake online dates? Does he send you fake online flowers?"

"He doesn't --" Oh. Shit.

"So I was right," Jensen says, smiling, leaning forward.

"I didn't mean that. I meant to say 'she', but..." I'm blushing, and I'm sure that Jensen knows I'm lying.

"You don't have to lie to me," Jensen says, "If you're gay, there's nothing wrong with that." He shrugs. He swirls the straw in his drink, "I'm gay, too."

My heart officially stops beating.