Walter’s Tale

Told in the form of Diary Entries and other writings collected from our Main Characters

A Novel by: T.J., Kyle, and Milbert

Dedicated to the REAL Walter K.

…you know who you are. Yes, you.

5/31/09

Dear Walter’s Diary,

This is Walter. I move to America from Spain today. Me understand English good. I come here to live with my grandmother on Spain Street in the state of Pennsylvania. My grandmother has pet burro. When I live in Spain, I have pet burro. A burro is like a donkey, but fuzzier. Actually, I don’t know. Here, Grandmother have small burro with pointy ears. She call it “cat”, but I know it really burro. She only joking, like when bully back in Spain threaten to sock my face in. They are all funny. I laugh.

6/1/09

Dear Walter’s Diary,

Tomorrow is American’s first day of Summer Break. What do they break? I don’t get it. They not funny. I only laugh at Walter jokes. I have funny joke for you, Diary. There was a lemon and a lime. HAHAHA! They so funny.

6/2/09

Dear Walter’s Diary,

Today, Grandmother call me a “happy snapper”. I like that name. Walter likie. I tried to feed the burro a battery, but then the burro urinated on me. It made me sad.

6/3/09

Dear Walter’s Diary,

Walter the happy snapper has decided to throw himself a “welcome to America” party. I decide to invite neighborhood children. Especially one child—Scott. Scott very funny. I know we will be great amigos!!

6/4/09

Dear Walter’s Diary,

My “welcome to America” party that I threw for myself was today. There is also new girl in my neighborhood. Her name is Mattie. She very pretty. She have long red hair that smell like liverwurst. I also meet Jack and Tim. They seem pretty normal… Walter not impressed.

6/7/09

Dear Walter’s Diary,

Today, I go to Scott’s house. I did not tell Scott. I just arrived without invitation. I just assumed I am cool. I walk right inside, and find Scott in the shower. I say, “hello, Scott! It’s Walter!!” Then Scott scream and beat me with Shower Curtain rod. Scott very funny. His funny hurt, though. Reminds Walter of Spain.

6/8/09

Dear Walter’s Diary,

Today I talk to my grandmother about Spain. She say, “Walter, silly, we still IN Spain!!” So, now I know they joking about America. I really live in Spain! I tell this to Scott while he was watering lawn. He turn hose to full blast and spray me so that I was airbound and landed on other side of street. Scott, you funny.

6/12/09

Dear Walter’s Diary,

I haven’t written for awhile because today I gave Scott’s burro (he said it was really a cat, but he making a funny) a bath. Then, the burro sprout claws and maim me. Scott’s burro like Scott—very funny. I love Scott’s burro.

Anyway, after Scott’s cat hurt Walter, Walter went to hospital for three days. I have funny band-aid. I showed colorful band-aid to Scott. He pulled it off my arm with immense speed. It was painful.

JACK WAS HERE!!

SCOTT THINKS THAT WALTER IS A ***

TIM IS HUNGRY… AND WAS HERE!!

7/1/09

Dear Walter’s Diary,

Sorry, Diary, that I haven’t written in so long. But, Scott take my diary!! Scott came into my house during the night with his friends, Jack and Tim, and they ransack Walter’s room!! Then, they steal Diary and read it!! And they write in it!! (as seen above!!) I love Jack and Tim. They only do that as sign of affection.

7/2/09

To Americans (I know they joking, we really in Spain), they have special day called July 4th. They all dress up and have fancy parades. They also have big fire in sky!! That what Grandma tells me.

Anyway, Mattie is having July 4th party!! I know because I see her setting up decorations while I was stalking her.

After that, I found invitation in my mailbox!! It say, “because I have to invite you”. How polite!! I like Mattie!!

7/4/09

Dear Walter’s Diary,

Today was Mattie’s party. I wear tuxedo to it, but everyone else was wearing T-Shirts and Shorts. Mattie say, “It not a black-tie occasion.” What is a black-tie occasion? Maybe it’s another holiday.

Anyway, at Mattie’s party, everybody go in swimming pool. I no go in swimming pool. I no know how to swim. Besides, Scott told me he drown me if I try anything with “his girl”. I didn’t know who “his girl” was, so I went over and asked Mattie. Scott stare at me. I know he’s just impressed with Walter’s body.

Then, we play “spin the bottle”. I don’t know that game. I got stuck with his burro! I was sad. Walter cried, so Mattie kicked him out.