Characters

Frank: College student

Julie: College student (Average looking)

Katie: College student

Setting

Basement lounge in a dorm, 3am.

Frank enters, groggy as though he just woke-up. Julie sits, engrossed in the television. Jerry Maguire is on as Julie sits clenching her pillow, wrapped up in a blanket.

Frank: Um…What are you still doing up?

Julie: Shhh!

Frank: [Mid-yawn] Sorry. Couldn’t sleep. Hungry.

Julie: He’s just about to tell her “she completes him!”

Frank: Oh God. How many minutes is it for popcorn?

Julie: SHUT-UP!

[We hear the famous quotes, “I love you. You... complete me,” and “Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at "hello." Julie stifles tears.]

Frank: Oh right, popcorn button... um… Jerry Maguire, seriously?

Julie: You’re lucky it’s on commercial right now.

Frank: So… what is it with girls and chick flicks?

Julie: For your information, Jerry Maguire is a lot more than just a “chick flick.” It is unfairly billed as such. It is an intellectual comedy about a sports agent and his struggle to keep his integrity in such a competitive profession. He just happens to find the love of his life along the way.

Frank: Uh huh.

Julie: It’s got sports. Men like sports.

Frank: [Laughs] Look who’s advancing stereotypes now!

Julie: Well, you’re a guy. What’s your favorite baseball team?

Frank: The Yankees. What’s yours?

Julie: The Mets.

Frank: You just disproved your own stereotype!

Julie: No I didn’t. I didn’t say women don’t like sports. I just said that men do. That’s all.

Frank: Well, you know, liking the Mets doesn’t count as liking sports anyway.

Julie: What’s that supposed to mean?

Frank: You know what METS stands for? My Entire Team Sucks.

Julie: Ha. Ha. It takes more heart to like a team that’s the underdog, than it does to like a team that wins all the time. Way to join the bandwagon.

Frank: I take offense to that. I’ve been a Yankees fan my whole life. My whole family likes the Yankees. I’ve been watching their games since before I even knew what baseball was.

Julie: Like I said, “Bandwagon.” Ok, ok, it’s back from commercial and your popcorn’s been done for the past 10mins.

Frank: Yankees rule. Mets drool. And you just don’t want to accept it!

Julie: Real mature. Movie!

Frank: Sorry, I forgot you are waiting to see the ever-so-charming (and insane) Tom Cruise win back the heart of the doe-eyed Renée Zellweger. Are Scientologists allowed to marry single mothers?

Julie: QUIET! [Raises the volume to block out Frank.]

Frank: [Popcorn in hand, sits beside Julie on the couch.] Seriously, how many times have you seen this movie?

Julie: I don’t know.

Frank: I bet it’s one of your favorites. Even though you have it on DVD, you still have to watch it whenever it’s on TV. Right?

Julie: Are you still here? Don’t you have an exam to study for or something?

Frank: Geez, I’ll leave you alone. [Stops talking, but doesn’t move.]

Julie: [Beat] I thought you were leaving.

Frank: What? Can’t I enjoy an intellectually stimulating film at three o’clock in the morning, with my big bag of satisfying, freshly made popcorn?

Julie: Fine, but only if you share your popcorn. It’s the end anyway.

Frank: Good.

Julie: And you can’t talk.

Frank: Fine.

Julie: [Beat] What’s with you tonight?

Frank: Jerry Maguire! Shhh!

Julie: Ugh.

[We hear the last quote of the movie, “Hey... I don't have all the answers. In life, to be honest, I have failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my life. I love my wife. And I wish you my kind of success.”]

It’s over. What’s up?

Frank: Credits! SHHH!

Julie: Ok, I get it. I’m a bitch when I watch chick flicks. I can’t help it. Honestly, it doesn’t matter what type of movie I watch, I hate being interrupted right at the end of it. I’ve been bonding with the characters for the past hour and a half, and right at the best part, someone brings me back to reality. And I’m the worst with chick flicks.

Frank: You know the first step in solving a problem is admitting you have one. Congratulations.

Julie: Thanks. I’m getting help.

Frank: Good for you.

Julie: So what’s up? I usually have this lounge all to myself at this time of the night.

Frank: I… um… can’t sleep. Too hungry.

Julie: Uh huh. Ok. Well I needed an escape.

Frank: So… uh… what’s with girls and chick flicks anyway? Really. I want to know. Is it the whole “knight in shining armor” thing?

Julie: No. Not really. Ok, maybe. I don’t know. Romance in the movies is a lot less awkward than it is in real life. The hard work is done and scripted. Leave it up to the writers, and Prince Charming will be ready and waiting to sweep you off your feet.

Frank: You mean off your feet.

Julie: Yeah. Off my feet. Nothing romantic ever happens in my life. So I live vicariously through the characters, but what girl doesn’t? That’s why Hollywood created the billion dollar industry.

Frank: Did you ever think that nothing romantic ever happens in your life because you never let it?

Julie: What do you mean?

Frank: I mean, you know, you’re probably just oblivious to it.

Julie: Oh come on! Me? All I do is watch chick flicks. I own both versions of Sabrina on VHS and 2 disc special edition DVD’s. I can quote Pretty Woman and As Good As It Gets in my sleep. I think I’d be aware if I were having a romantic moment.

Frank: [He inches closer to her] Well… you said it, Julie. Romance doesn’t happen like it does in the movies. Unlike your favorite leading men, normal people don’t typically say exactly what’s on their minds, even when, you know, the time is right. Everything is easier (not to forget unrealistic) in the movies because it is scripted. You’d be surprised, but a lot of men wish they were as smooth as Richard Gere in An Officer and a Gentleman, you know, to be able to sweep you off your feet.

Julie: Off my feet?

Frank: Exactly.

Julie: [Beat] When did this become about me anyway? I thought I was trying to get to the bottom of why you are still awake. Don’t tell me insomnia.

Frank: Well, I… uh… You know, Julie, you are impossible. I’m going back to my room and getting some overdue sleep. Enjoy your fantasies.

Julie: Finally. Good night, Frank.

Frank: Sweet dreams, Julie.

[Frank Exits.]

[Julie resumes watching television, she flips through channels.]

Julie: Clueless! Perfect!

[ Julie is once again engrossed in the television. After what seems like only a few minutes have gone by, Julie is startled by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. Anxious, she looks to see who it is. It’s Katie, her roommate.]

Katie: Hey Jules. You’re up late.

Julie: Oh, hey. Yeah, I know. I can’t sleep.

Katie: Everything chill?

Julie: Fine. Just watching a movie.

Katie: “Fine?” From that tone of voice, I’d have to disagree. What’s up, girl? You look like you are trying to find Pi to the 1,000th decimal.

Julie: [Pause] What?

Katie: Never mind. What are you watching?

Julie: Clueless, but it’s the end.

Katie: Alicia Silverstone? Should have guessed. That’s her only good movie.

[Pause]

I thought I saw Frank coming up the stairs before. What did he want?

Julie: Huh? Oh yeah, he was hungry.

Katie: Are you sure you’re ok? I know you love your chick flicks, but you seem a little more distant than usual. What did Frank do to you?

Julie: What?

Katie: Nothing.

[Beat]

Hey, I came down here for some tea. Do you want some?

Julie: What kind?

Katie: Chamomile. It’s good for insomnia, ya know.

Julie: I’m not an insomniac.

Katie: I know, girl, I just meant it helps when you can’t sleep, that’s all.

Julie: Ha, right. Sorry. Um… yeah, that sounds good. Thanks.

Katie: [Confused] No problem. Shit, what are roommates for?

Movie over yet?

Julie: Almost, they’re at the wedding.

Katie: So tell me, honestly, how the hell is it you can watch the same movie over and over again without getting tired of it? I mean, you do know she’s gonna end up with Josh in the end, right?

Julie: Of course I do! I don’t know. I just get into it all over again.

You like reading The Great Gastby right?

Katie: Yeah, sure, it’s my favorite book. I’ve read it at least a dozen times.

Julie: And you know, ever time you read it, that Gatsby is going to die at the end, right?

Katie: Yeah. [Pause] Ok, I see your point. But shit! I read Gatsby like once every six months. You watch Clueless every time it’s on TV, sometimes twice in a row! You don’t give yourself enough time to even try to forget what happens.

Julie: Are you going to lecture me, too???

Katie: What??? No, I was just…

Julie: [Interrupting] Look. Yes, I watch movies on TV that I own on DVD. I know I completely engross myself in the lives of these characters. And I know that because I do that, I’m probably oblivious to any romantic moment that happens in my own life! I know! I don’t need to be told twice in the same night.

Katie: Someone’s bitter and angry.

Julie: Wha… no!

Katie: Explain why you are so on edge tonight.

Julie: I’m not on edge! [Pause] Ok, maybe I am. It’s just Frank is so fucking frustrating!

Katie: Aha!

Julie: What?

Katie: [Smirking] Nothing, continue.

Julie: He came down here tonight with the excuse that he was hungry, proceeded to incessantly ask me questions though I hardly answered them, and continued to torture me even after I asked him kindly to leave. And then when I finally did give him the time of day, he lectured me on how oblivious I am and left in a huff declaring that I was “impossible.”

Katie: Well you are.

Julie: Not you too!

Katie: Hold on, girl. Let me get our teas, and then I’ll explain.

[Leaves to retrieve teas]

Julie: Ugh. Ok. Three teaspoons please.

Katie: Sure thing.

[Returns with two mugs, tea bags inside, plates covering the tops]

Better let them sit a while. They need still need to brew.

Julie: Well?

Katie: Ok, Jules. Listen. You are oblivious.

Julie: What do you mean?

Katie: Frank didn’t come down here because he was hungry.

Julie: He didn’t?

Katie: No. He knew you were down here by yourself. He wanted to keep you company.

Julie: He did? How do you know this?

Katie: Shit, Jules, we only live down the hall from each other. [Beat] I kept the door open after you left. He stopped in to wish us “Goodnight,” and asked where you were when he saw your empty bed. [Before Julie can even ask, “What did you say?”] I told him you went to the lounge to watch a movie, probably another one of your chick flicks, so you weren’t likely to be back in the room for a while. I told him he could stay and wait with me if he wanted (I wasn’t going to bed any time soon), but he wasn’t interested. He said he was hungry and was going to make some popcorn before bed. And I guess that’s what he did?

Julie: Yeah. So he did what he said he was going to do, big deal. What does this have to do with my being oblivious?

Katie: You don’t get it do you, girl?

Julie: I guess not.

Katie: Well, it’s not my place to explain further.

Julie: What? That’s it?! You’ve got to be kidding me! You’re going to tell me I’m living my life wrong and then not explain to me how… Fuck. That’s helpful. Thanks for the tea.

Katie: First of all, girl, don’t put words in my mouth. I never said you were living your life wrong. I just said you were oblivious. There’s a huge difference. Second of all, it’s not that fucking easy.

Julie: Why not? What’s the big deal?

Katie: Look, you and Frank are two of my best friends. I’d do anything for you guys. If I say you’re being oblivious, there’s got to be a reason don’t you think?

Julie: Yes, but…

Katie: And if I say it’s not my place to explain it to you then there’s got to be a reason for that, too. Right? Or do you not trust me even though I’ve been your roommate for the past two years?

Julie: Of course I trust you. I just… don’t… get it.

Katie: In due time, Jules, in due time.

Julie: Great, now you’ve gone Yoda on me.

Katie: Ha! [Does her best Yoda impression] “The force is strong with this one.”

Julie: Not bad. I only hope you’re not going to try a Jedi mind trick now.

Katie: Of course not. [Waves hand in front of Julie] You will go to bed tonight.

Julie: That’s not going to work, Katie. There’s no way I’m going to sleep tonight.

Katie: It was worth a shot. On the positive side, girl, you did manage to stop paying attention to the television for the duration of our conversation. Congrats!

Julie: Thanks. Not much of a feat, however, when it’s Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

Katie: What? Not a fan of Jim Carrey? Or just not interested in a movie if Hugh Grant’s not in it?

Julie: Both. Heh.

Katie: Alright. Well, our teas are done brewing. If it’s ok with you, girl, I’m going to enjoy mine upstairs. I’ve got a Calc exam tomorrow. I gotta catch at least a few Z’s if I should have any chance of passing it…

[Begins to exit, stops, and turns to speak to Julie who, after flipping through the channels again, resumes watching television.] Julie?

Julie: Ya, Katie?

Katie: I know I wasn’t much of a help tonight, but trust me, girl, you don’t know how good you’ve got it.

Julie: Thanks? Get some sleep. You sound like you need it more than I do. I’ll be up to the room at some point tonight, I’m sure. Good night.

Katie: Night, Jules.

[Katie Exits]

Julie: “Julie”? She never calls me that. What is with everyone tonight? Hey! Something’s Gotta Give is on! Awesome!

…

[Having finally relaxed, Julie begins to doze off in the middle of the movie. She is awakened by the sounds of footsteps down the stairs. She jerks her head up to see who it is. It’s Katie, again.]

Katie: Sorry, wanted to wash out my mug before it grows mold.

Julie: Over night?

Katie: Better now than later.

Julie: I guess.

Katie: And… I can’t sleep either.

Julie: Actually, I had just started to doze off when you…

Katie: Sorry.

Julie: For what?

Katie: Waking you up.

Julie: Nah, it’s ok. I wasn’t really asleep yet anyway.

Katie: Good.

Julie: Everything alright?

Katie: Yeah. Just haven’t been sleeping much lately, you how it is, girl. Exams. Stress. Same old same old.

Julie: I understand. Want to join me and finish watching this movie, Yoda?

Katie: I should really get some sleep.

Julie: Come on! It’ll help you get your mind off of things. It works for me.

Katie: Ok, maybe for a little bit. [Noticing the still full cup of tea sitting on the table in front of them] Hey, you didn’t touch your tea.

Julie: I did… but it worked so well, I dozed off immediately.

Katie: Right. It didn’t work for me either, girl. At least not tonight.

Julie: You know what will work?

Katie: Seeing Jack Nicholson’s ass crack?

Julie: YES! I love Jack Nicholson and his 65 year old ass crack!

Katie: I couldn’t agree more!

Julie: Ha! Ha! It’s all according to my plan!

Katie: What plan?

Julie: My plan to get you to love chick flicks as much as I do. It starts with Jack and then there’s no going back!

Katie: Sure, Jules. Whatever you say. It’s late and you’re getting loopy. I think you’ve hit the Zone.

Julie: You’re probably right. But I love the Zone. It’s the best place to be because everything is always so fucking funny.

Katie: Agreed! I do love me some Jack, girl. Jersey boy, ya know?

Julie: Oh trust me, I know. I know all about him and how he was raised by his grandmother thinking it was his mother while his actual mother grew-up beside him as his sister.

Katie: Shit, that’s a mouthful.

Julie: Yup. I couldn’t make it up if I tried. It’s amazing that he turned out so successful. You know he was considered quite a hunk in his day too? Have you seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest? Gorgeous!

Katie: I have seen that! You know who he kind of reminds me of in that movie?

Julie: Who?

Katie: Frank.

Julie: What?!?! Because he’s insane???

Katie: No. Just the way Jack looks, you know, with hair. Just think about it, Jules. Besides, he’s not insane in the movie, Nurse Ratchett is!

Julie: Ok, ok. But really? You think Frank looks like a young Jack Nicholson?

Katie: Yea, sort of. Maybe…

Julie: If you squint.

Katie: Yeah! But, seriously girl, Frank is attractive, don’t you think? Be on honest.

Julie: I guess so, if you like ‘em discomfited. [Thinking] His olive skin does look great with a tan though… but I hadn’t really thought about it until now.

Katie: Jules, you know you love his baby blues just as much as I do!

Julie: His eyes are green. And what did you just say?!

Katie: Nothing.

Julie: I think you’re the one who has a thing for Frank!

Katie: No, no way in hell! Frank and I are best friends. It’d be like dating my brother.

Julie: Uh huh, sure.

Katie: Seriously, Jules. I’ve known Frank so long his mom calls me asking what to get for his birthday and what color it should be.

Julie: [Teasing] What is his favorite color?

Katie: Orange. Sometimes blue, depending.

Julie: On what?

Katie: If she’s getting him clothes or something else… For clothes, he usually prefers blue… but for other things… Damnit, Jules! That’s not the point! It’d be too fucking weird that’s all. Besides, you were the one who knew what color his eyes were… that’s pretty observant don’t you think?

Julie: Ya… well… they stand out.

Katie: Riiiiight. I never met someone so oblivious to their own feelings before.

Julie: [Beat] You’re right. I am oblivious…

Katie: Thank you!

Julie: …Oblivious to what’s been going on between the two of you! You have been spending a lot of time together recently. Whispering to each other… walking together from class... [Beat] Wow! Is that why you couldn’t sleep tonight??? Because you were afraid something happened between us when he came down stairs? Oh, honey, nothing happened. I assure you. He was just being a pain in the ass (as usual).

Katie: I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about! It’s not me, Jules.

Julie: Oh come on! Don’t lie to me like that. I know he calls you every night before you go to bed. And you’re always eating lunch together in the corner of the cafeteria. It’s like you’re part of some secret club that no one else can know about.

Katie: It’s only secret around certain people.

Julie: Like who?

[Footsteps are heard coming down the stairs]

Katie: Never mind. Just drop the subject.

Julie: No! I want to know who you’re talking about.

Katie: Fucking drop it, will you?

Julie: Just tell me who!

[Frank enters]

Frank: “Who” what?

Katie: [Ignoring Frank] You!

Frank: Me?!?

Julie: [Simultaneously with Frank] Me?!?

Katie: [With Surprise] Oh! Hey Frank! Jesus, you scared the shit out of me.

Julie: Oh! Hey! Me too! What are you still doing up? I thought you were going to get some “overdue sleep”?

Frank: I was about to ask you the same thing. Well… I had no luck falling asleep. I just… you know… stared at the ceiling. And then I had to pee… and when I went back down the hall, I heard voices from the lounge… so, you know, I decided to see who else was still up at this ridiculous hour. It figures I’d find you two.

Katie: Right. Well… we were just going to go to bed, weren’t we, Jules?

Julie: Not until you tell me what the hell you were talking about before.

Frank: What were you talking about before?

Katie: Nothing, Frank. Just “girl talk.”

Frank: Lame excuse. Why do people always say that? What exactly does “girl talk” mean anyway?

Julie: Not now, Frank.

Frank: If not now, then when?

Julie: Later.

Frank: You know, I don’t think I want to wait until later.

Julie: What?

Frank: Katie, don’t you have a calc exam tomorrow?

Katie: Not now, Frank!

Frank: Why not?

Julie: What’s going on? I am so confused.

Katie: Not now. I’m not ready now.

Frank: You’re not ready? What specifically does this have to do with you?

Katie: Nothing… but I… Um…. Uh…

Julie: [Fed up] WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT?!? I told you you guys were always going around having little conversations behind my back! I never understand what’s going on because of this little bond you’ve developed over the past semester. Why don’t you just go out already?

Katie: You still don’t get it, do you, Jules? Damn, you are oblivious! Why don’t you explain it to her yourself, Mr. Secrecy? Explain to her exactly what’s been going on between us. I’m so fucking tired of all this beating around the bush! I’m human, too. I have my own wants and desires, or did you forget that?

[No response]

Forget it. I’m tired. I’m going to bed. Have a pleasant evening.

[Katie exits]

Frank: Katie, wait!

Julie: Frank?

Frank: Not now, Julie. Katie! Wait up! What happened?!

[Frank exits]

Julie: GREAT! No one wants to tell anyone anything right now. Didn’t anyone ever hear the expression, “Carpe diem”?!? Ugh. At least Jack and Diane seem to get it. [Pause] Haha Jack and Diane. Like the John Mellancamp song.

I am ridiculous.

[Beat]

What did she mean, “It’s only secret around certain people”? Does all this drama have anything to do with me?

No. Jesus, Julie! The whole world doesn’t revolve around you! Relax.

But what possessed Frank to say that in the first place?!

[We hear Diane Keaton’s Character crying incessantly while typing on the computer.]

I could use a good cathartic cry.

[Silence. Julie is looking at the television, but not paying any attention. She turns off the television and begins to sob and laugh at the same time. There are footsteps once again. Quickly, she wipes her eyes, not sure of what emotion has just come over her. This time, it’s Frank. He sits next to her on the couch. There is a beat. With hesitation, Frank starts.]

Frank: Uh… Hey.

Julie: Hey. How is she?

Frank: Um…Ok.

Julie: I don’t believe you.

Frank: No, she is. A little frazzled, but ok.

Julie: That’s a relief. I’ve never seen her act like that before. It was scary.

Frank: I know. I had no idea what was going on.

Julie: Me neither. If you don’t mind me asking, what is going on between the two of you?

Frank: Nothing.

Julie: I see.

Frank: And that’s the problem.

Julie: Ah. So I was right.

Frank: About… what?

Julie: She does have a thing for you.

Frank: That’s what she just cried to me upstairs.

Julie: What did you say?

Frank: Well, I uh… told her she already knew how I felt.

Julie: Oh. I see.

Frank: You know I would do anything for her…

Julie: Right.

Frank: And that I want her to be happy.

Julie: Of course. What did she say?

Frank: Well… she said she needed to be alone, you know, to relax. So… I put my arm around her and told her we will talk more tomorrow after we’ve slept some. We’ll go out for dinner, or something, and we’ll discuss everything. She liked that idea, so we hugged.

Julie: That’s good.

Frank: Yeah. I asked her if it was ok to leave. I… um… wanted to come down here and see how you were doing.

Julie: Me? Oh. I’m good. Confused. Lost. And a little annoyed, but good.

Frank: That’s what I thought.

Julie: So much craziness has happened tonight. I just wish someone would let me in on the joke.

Frank: I… uh… ya…. I know what you mean.

Julie: Well, you guys should have fun tomorrow on your date.

Frank: Date?!? Who said anything about a date?

Julie: You did. You said you were going out to dinner to discuss things, I just assumed…

Frank: Well, you assumed wrong. Katie and I have a lot to discuss, but it has nothing to do with a future together.

Julie: It doesn’t?

Frank: No. Of course not. I love Katie, of course I do, but like a sister.

Julie: Really?!?

Frank: Yeah! I thought you knew that. Katie and I have been best friends since middle school. She was one of my band’s groupies.

Julie: You were in a band?

Frank: Um… yeah… The Eccentrix. A short-lived garage punk band. We played several shows in a church basement in town, and one school dance. Our big break. Ha! We broke-up due to unforeseen circumstances, and, you know, because our guitar player fell in love.

Julie: Aww puppy love.

Frank: Actually, he’s still with her today. Eric and Lindsey both go to Boston University. Funny thing is she’s one of my ex-girl friends.

Julie: Ouch. That sucks.

Frank: Not really. It wasn’t meant to be.

Julie: I see. So what did you play?

Frank: Uh… well… I played bass guitar and sang back-up vocals.

Julie: Were you any good?

Frank: Me personally or the band as a whole?

Julie: Both.

Frank: Well… I was amazing. The best! Better than Hendrix! [Pause] Yeah… I’m exaggerating, clearly. I wasn’t the best, but I was skilled enough. Not bad for someone who taught himself how to play and sing. The band, however, was, well, you know, the typical garage punk band. All the same chord progressions, A & G.

Julie: Like Blink-182?

Frank: More or less. Yes.

Julie: It must have been fun.

Frank: Oh, it was.

Julie: Too bad your guitar player fell in love.

Frank: Ahh... well… true love stops for nothing, not even crappy garage punk bands. And he’s happy which is what matters. Besides, you know, we had other problems along with that. We were doomed from the very beginning. Such is the fate of middle school punk rockers. “The Man” got us down!

Julie: Ha. Of course. Damn “The Man”! “Anarchy!” [Beat] So do you still play?

Frank: Um… sometimes, you know, when I feel like reminiscing. [Beat] Geez, those really were the days. Everything was so much easier back then.

Julie: Sure, except when the hormones kicked in and the drama ensued.

Frank: But when isn’t there drama? There was drama tonight wasn’t there? And we’re in college!

Julie: Yeah. Do you think Katie is going to be alright?

Frank: Sure… yeah… I think she’ll be fine. Our friendship has lasted through a lot worse than this. It’s strange because, you know, she’s not usually one for drama. She tends to avoid it like the plague.

Julie: I know. Tonight has been absurd. I haven’t experienced anything like it since my old school.

Frank: You’re a transfer student?

Julie: Yup. I came here spring of our freshman year.

Frank: Why did you transfer?

Julie: Why did I transfer here or why did I transfer in general?

Frank: Both.

Julie: A lot of reasons. Mostly financial. My school was ridiculously expensive and I decided the stress wasn’t worth it. Not if I was unhappy and afraid all the time.

Frank: What were you afraid of?

Julie: Maybe “afraid” wasn’t the right word. More like insecure. It seemed like I missed the memo on how to achieve my dreams. Everyone else already took Life Lessons 101, striving towards their goals, while I was still busy trying to adapt to college life. I felt… lost. That school was too competitive for me which is why I came here. I like the way we can work at our own pace, choose the classes we want, and explore different options. I don’t know why this school wasn’t my first choice. At least I only missed one semester and the credits were transferable.

Frank: So it wasn’t a total loss. That’s good. You know, we all feel insecure sometimes. That’s a pretty universal feeling so… it’s not much different on this campus.

Julie: I know. But, there’s less pressure to have things figured out. I can take my time to find myself here.

Frank: [He gently places his hand on her shoulder] Well, I’m glad you transferred.

Julie: Me too.

Frank [Removing his hand, quickly changing subjects] The TV’s off! I just noticed…

Julie: Huh? Oh yeah. I needed a break.

Frank: So, um… what’s with the late night movie festivals in the basement lounge?

Julie: Sometimes when I still feel overwhelmed, I want to enjoy something familiar and comfortable, and not have to worry about anyone judging me. Therefore, I take refuge down here with good friend— in my case, a good movie.

Frank: And you just so happen to like chick flicks because, um… tell me if I don’t get this right, um… “Romance is less awkward in the movies.” Correct?

Julie: You got it.

Frank: So… what else was it tonight? Anything after Jerry McGuire?

Julie: Clueless, Something’s Gotta Give, Ace Ventura…

Frank: Ace Ventura?? Which one???

Julie: The first one, but I changed it. I’m not a big Jim Carrey fan.

Frank: Oh come on! The Truman Show was good.

Julie: His best.

Frank: And Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was pretty genius. Too bad he never worked with, you know, Alicia Silverstone. Clueless. That’s the only good movie she ever made. Unless you count Batman and Robin, but nobody likes that movie. The “Governator” as Mr. Freeze just kills it.

Julie: That’s what Katie said, minus the “Governator” thing.

Frank: She would. Geez, I wonder how she’s doing right now.

Julie: Me too. I feel like this is partially my fault.

Frank: Why?

Julie: Because we were sort of in the middle of a heated discussion when you came down here. I was a little edgy and snapped at her, and then she got all Yoda on me and went to bed. I thought everything was ok, but she ended up coming back down stairs because she couldn’t sleep (which seems to be the theme of the night), but instead of making her feel better, I ended up accusing of her something I had no right to accuse her of… and without knowing it, I was right.

Frank: About Katie liking me?

Julie: Yes.

Frank: Geez, I wish I had seen that sooner. And I called you oblivious! [Beat] I don’t know how I missed it. She was my band’s groupie after all. She came to all our practices, the few shows we managed to obtain, and, you know, we weren’t very good. I always thought she was just being supportive. Then we grew-up, and, you know, she became my best friend. I should have known better. Men and women can’t be friends with out one or both being attracted to the other.

Julie: Have you seen When Harry Met Sally?

Frank: Why?

Julie: Because in When Harry Met Sally, When Billy Crystal’s character, Harry, first meets Meg Ryan’s character, Sally, he tells her that men and women can’t be friends because someone is always thinking about sex, usually the man. [Before Frank can say anything, she interrupts.] That’s what he says in the movie. She disagrees with him with the intention of being friends with Harry. Of course, he is thinking of sex and proceeds to make a pass at Sally that she, of course, refuses

Frank: Of course.

Julie: I would have, too.

Frank: So… you agree with Sally?

Julie: Yes.

Frank: But don’t they end up, you know, falling in love in the end?

Julie: Ya, well. It’s a movie. It’d have no plot or dramatic purpose otherwise.

We’re friends, aren’t we?

Frank: Ya… but...

Julie: There ya go. Point proven.

Frank: Um… not quite.

Julie: [Apprehensive] What do you mean?

Frank: Well… you know why Katie was really mad?

Julie: Why?

Frank: [With a gulp] Because… Jesus, this is really hard to say…

Julie: Why? You can tell me…

Frank: Well… um… I…

Julie: Yeah?

Frank: See, it’s because I… uh… you know… I’m really bad at this…

Julie: Bad at what?! Jesus, Frank! Way to increase the suspense. What is it already?

Frank: [He sighs, to himself] So it’s now or never. [To Julie] She… um… you know, she knew I had feelings for you, Ok? And she was tired of playing matchmaker between us. If I had known she had feelings for me, I would never have asked her to do that.

Julie: [Pause] Matchmaker?

Frank: Geez, this is embarrassing.

Julie: Just tell me. I could use some honest answers.

Frank: Ok, you’re right. You could. [Pause] Well… um… Since Katie was your roommate, I figured you know, she could help me get to know you better, you know, by leaving us alone together and whatnot. You and I were friends, but not that close. So I was scared. I wanted her to talk me up to you. So… that’s why she came back down stairs tonight. I saw her in the hallway and asked her if, you know, you were still down here watching television. When she said you were, I asked if she would mind going back down and working some magic for me tonight. And well… by the looks of things, she did just that, except the plan backfired when Katie’s own emotions got in the way. You must think I am such a chickenshit for asking her to do that.

Julie: [Stunned, but conscious] Yes…

Frank: I knew it.

Julie: I’m also flattered…

Frank: Well, that makes sense.

Julie: … And touched.

Frank: Really?

Julie: Yes. I know, unexpected right?

Frank: A little.

Julie: Well, it’s just… That’s probably the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for me… in a creepy stalker kind of way, but still… romantic… [Beat] Romance really doesn’t happen like it does in the movies.

Frank: That’s what we’ve been saying all night.

Julie: It’s a lot more awkward and ridiculous, which is probably why I’ve avoided it for so long. I don’t blame you for being scared. I would be, too. Everything you said about me earlier tonight was true.

Frank: [Interrupting] Don’t take what I say too seriously…

Julie: No, it’s true. I am oblivious. I do pay too much attention to chick flicks and not enough to my own life. I wouldn’t notice a real romantic moment if it fell from the ceiling, told me it loved me, then hit me on the head with a sledgehammer.

[Pause]There’s just one thing…

Frank: What?

Julie: If you asked Katie to “work her magic,” why did you end up coming back down stairs yourself?

Frank: Honestly?

Julie: Yes, please.

Frank: Well, when I heard the two of you squabbling downstairs, I decided it was time to grow a pair of balls and approach you myself. Inconvenient, huh?

Julie: A little, but someone had to get the truth out there. Thanks for doing that.

Frank: [Slightly embarrassed] You’re welcome. It’s the least I could do after all the trouble I caused tonight and for being such a pain in the ass earlier.

Julie: [She smiles] Eh, it’s nothing I’m not used to. I just can’t believe I had no idea…

Frank: Me neither… I thought you would have known by now.

Julie: You’d think I would have with Katie as my roommate and all. I guess I wasn’t paying attention. You and I are always fighting, I just thought… Actually, I don’t think you and I have ever had a real conversation about anything, or one that didn’t end with you telling me the Yankees are better than the Mets and Derek Jeter is God.

Frank: That doesn’t make it any less true!

Julie: Whatever you say, Frank. The Mets work miracles. It’s what they do. The Yankees just buy the best players to make the best team.

Frank: The Mets have to work miracles because it’s a miracle if they win a single game.

Julie: Tom Glavine just won his 300th game. They must being doing something right!

Frank: And A-Rod just hit his 500th home run. You know, he’s well on his way to breaking Barry Bond’s record!

Julie: I can’t believe Barry Bonds broke Hank Aaron’s record while on steroids.

Frank: There’s no proof of that.

Julie: Only that he’s ten times bigger than he was when he began his career in baseball.

Frank: But there’s no proof he’s still shooting. Besides, records were meant to be broken.

Julie: Not illegitimately. [Suddenly changing subjects] Why do you like me, Frank? We are always bickering. Even now when we were doing so well.

Frank: Well… um… I like talking to you. You make life interesting, Julie. Stagnant conversations aren’t interesting. A good “heated discussion,” you know, livens things up.

Julie: So there’s never a dull moment with me, I guess?

Frank: Yeah… well… you’re passionate… especially about chick flicks.

Julie: Ha, yeah… I know… I don’t know how you put up with me.

Frank: Well, it’s easy… it’s… um… uh…

Julie: Yes, Frank?

Frank: … sexy.

Julie: “Sexy”?! Wow… ha… that’s a new one. My utter obsession with chick flicks is “sexy.” Who would have thought… ?

Frank: Well… passion is sexy. [He walks over to her] It proves you care deeply about something… or someone…

Julie: I…

Frank: [Looking into her eyes, he shushes her] … it only ignites when loves involved.

Julie: A love of baseball and home run records.

Frank: [He grabs her hand] And romance.

Julie: Ha. Right… yeah…

Frank: [She can feel his breath against her face, she closes her eyes] And…

[He kisses her, square on the lips.]

[Pause] Hm… I know I can do better.

Julie: You know what this reminds me of… [Thinking] Screw it!

[She takes him in her arms, and kisses him.]

Frank: [After a moment] Wow, Julie, I… had no idea…

Julie: Neither did I…

Frank: I mean, I took a chance, you know… I had hoped, but I didn’t think you’d really…

Julie: Yeah, I know… me neither. But the way you were being so honest with me before… and you’re bravery just then… I wanted to try for myself…

Frank: And?

Julie: Amazing. [Beat] Frank, you’ve completely destroyed me.

Frank: What do you mean?

Julie: I mean when I least expected it, you, of all people, saw through my bullshit and… well, swept me off my feet.

Frank: Huh… almost like Richard Gear…

Julie: [Interrupting his train of thought] Almost...

Frank: [Beat] Wait... what do you mean “ you of all people”?

Julie: Come on, Frank, you know what I mean. [Pause] You hid it really well that you had feelings for me. I thought… we always seemed to clash. I never expected you to be the person to bitchslap me back into reality. But then all of the sudden, you were. Out of nowhere... All these things you’ve said… You really get me. I don’t know why, but you do… and I’m glad. And yeah… that’s all.

Frank: [Laughing] Well, if that’s all… [Beat] So… what were you going to say earlier?

Julie: When?

Frank: Right after I kissed you…

Julie: Oh. Nothing. It wasn’t important.

Frank: [With a smirk] Good. Then you won’t mind if I give it another try?

Julie: I think I can manage that…

[He kisses her again. This time more passionately. A moment passes as they remain in each other’s arms.]

Julie: [With a smile] That was definitely better. [She yawns.] I’m tired. Let’s get some sleep.

Frank: Sure, yeah… I’d like that. Come on, let’s get out of here.

Julie: [As they walk out] So… you know… those are the two most spoken lines in movies. In Three to Tango, Mathew Perry tells Neve Cambell… [Etc…]

Frank: You are ridiculous.

[Black Out]