It isn’t the end, it is the beginning. I never knew I would be able to feel like this again, happy that is. Time heals almost everything, but it is all never forgotten.

It’s been two years, two whole years. Boarding school is so boring but I couldn’t stay home after what happened on the farm…. Life can bring terrible things. My older brother, Bradley, stayed to help dad out on the farm but left with his a bit before I left. I haven’t heard from him since. He’ll be back when she gets bored of him. I’m a sixteen year old small town girl. Nothing exciting or good has, or will happen to me. I will probably just go get some boring job at a café somewhere for the rest of my life because I am not working on that farm. I have to come back for Christmas holidays, my mum wants to see me, and my dad, well my dad doesn’t really speak to me much anymore. Not after what happened.

So now I’m on my way home to a house of silence. Not that I don’t like privacy or some peace and quiet, but it includes awkward silences at the table and the peace the house never usually heard. The bus is pulling into the depot and I looked out the window and there mum is standing, waiting. I grabbed my things and walked off, grabbed my suitcase from in the bus compartment and slowly walked over to my mum. She held me awkwardly in her arms then let go and weakly smiled at me- unintentionally, just like when I left.

“It’s so good to have you back. I’ve missed you so much. You’ve grown so much and you look older.” She said with a little enthusiasm.

“Yeah, I missed you too.” Was all I said.

I didn’t expect anybody to be glad that I was home, I knew what was coming. Silent glares from across the paddock that I’m not meant to see. Talking behind my back. All about one thing. I haven’t spoken about the fateful incident in ages. I’ve only just started to get over it, not that I will ever completely, but now I’m coming back to the emotions and memories.

I watched the familiar trees race past my open window. My hair flaps in the wind just like it always used to. One hour later we got to the old rusted letter box out the front of our gate. I was supposed to paint that the day everything went wrong. I will try and do it this holidays before I go back to boarding school. Fifteen more minutes and we got to the sign. Woongana Cattle Station. We have more then cattle though, horses, sheep, pigs, chooks, you name it. The station has been in the family for eleven generations. We parked in the undercover area. Nothing had changed at all. Except things seem better looking, like they were fixed.

“Has dad been working hard?”

“Extremely. After what happened he hasn’t really stopped.” Mum said and looked despondent.

“Where is he now?”

“Out fixing a fence in the back left paddock.”

“Ok.” Dad and I used to be close doing fences, mustering and drenching cattle. Him showing me everything.

We got out of the car and took my things inside up to my room. Nothing had been moved or change after the two years. The light yellow walls and white paint chipped furniture, still the same. I threw my bag on my bed and sat next to it. My mum left me to it. I started unpacking my things and before I knew it the moon shone through my window. My dad would be back soon. In a way I couldn’t wait and the other, I didn’t want to see his reaction. I walked downstairs to a roast, mum was hard at work again. I walked into the kitchen and she was making the gravy. She turned to me and hugged me tightly.

“I’m so glad you’re back.”“Me too.” I wasn’t sure it was true though. I didn’t know if I was lying to myself or not. How could I not know? That’s when I heard the front screen door open and shut. My dad then walked around the corner. He looked at me expressionless. That one look made it feel like everything was my fault. It was the worst feeling ever. He then gave me a weak smile. I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him.

“You’ve grown heaps Carrie.” he said to me, lightly hugging me back. Two years and my dad looked heaps older too, wrinkles and all.

We all sat at the table and ate. Just like I thought, not much talking. If there was it was ‘What did you do in boarding school?’ or ‘Did you meet anyone Interesting?’ That’s what they were like when they wanted to know if I had a boyfriend. But me, my parents don’t mind if I have one, but when they say I can have one I don’t get one. But when my friends parents say they can’t have one they get one. It all confuses me too. I didn’t though. After dinner I felt completely exhausted from the bus trip. Sure I did nothing on the bus but travelling never really agreed with me. After dinner I had a shower and went back up to my room. I heard mum and dad go to bed so I climbed through my window on to the roof and stared at the sky. I hadn’t done it in ages, nor had I seen the stars in a while. I really had been away for a while. After a few hours I climbed back through the window, set my alarm and crawled into bed. Thinking about what I was going to do tomorrow. I knew I would get straight into the work because I knew dad needed some around here.

I woke up and went down to the smell of pancakes. Mum always got up to cook something in the mornings before we got to work. I scoffed some food and dad came out and did too.

“Do you want me to do some things today?” I asked.“Um, you can feed some of the animals if you want and milk Patricia. And there is a fence that needs fixing in the back, back paddock. I need to fix the pump down at the west dam. I’ll be a while I think.”

“Ok.” I said and finished the rest of my pancakes and set off. I walked off to the barn to get some of the feed for the chooks. I grabbed a scoop in the container and walked out of the barn. I walked around the corner of the barn and hit something. I fell to the ground and spilt the feed everywhere. I looked up to see what I hit and it was a boy.

“Carrie?” he asked, holding out a hand to help me up.

“Yeah.” I said a bit confused, taking his hand.

“It’s me, Luke.”

“Oh, I didn’t recognise you.”

“I hardly recognised you either.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Well ever since your brother left with my sister your dad has needed a hand. And I was available at the time so here I am. What about you? I thought you weren’t coming home?”

“Well I decided to, so, here I am.” He looked different over the years, well I probably did too. He is a year older than me. Him and his family live next door to us for like, forever. I bent down and scooped up the chook feed and so did he. “You know you don’t have to stay here now, I can do all this by myself.”

“It’s ok, I have nothing better to do.”

“No, seriously. I don’t need any help.” I said standing up. I didn’t want to be the girl everyone felt sorry for. The one that can’t do anything by herself anymore. I wanted to show people I was back. Me, Carrie, the girl working on the farm. That’s what people knew me for when I used to live here. The young girl who worked on her parents farm. They all thought I should be inside helping my mother bake brownies and scrub the floors, not mustering and fixing fences. Not that my mom cooked brownies and scrubbed floors or anything.

“Well I’m going to stay.”

“No, you’re leaving.”

“You’re still the same stubborn Carrie I used to know.”

“You don’t know me.”

“Are you kidding? Heck, We were best friends Carrie.”

“That was years ago. You went away, then I went away. We haven’t really seen each other since we were twelve.”

“Four years. I think that’s too long.”

“I think you’ve been kicked by too many horses Luke Connelly.”

“I think you broke my heart.” he said cockily. I scoffed.

“That was years ago Luke. I was eleven. You a year older”

“So, we were married.”

“Oh come on, grow up. I have to go.”

Flashback.

We were running through the cornfields, just me and Luke. We were supposed to be catching a stray chook but we just ended up running through the fields, chasing each other. We got through the field and ran straight for our tree.

“So are you gonna marry me or what?” Luke said running up behind me.

“Why would you want to marry me anyway?” I said as we got to the tree.

“So I can hold your hand. And we can live together in this tree and we’ll both become drovers and our kids will be drovers. And once you get married you get to kiss.”

I stayed silent and started climbing the tree.

“So are you going to marry me?” he asked again, following me up.

“Ok.” I said, I didn’t know why but it was fun. We climbed down the tree and stood under it’s branches. He took my hands and we stood near the tree.

“I do.” He said and smiled.

“I do.” I said as well. He pulled out two plastic rings from his pocket. We put one on each other.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” He said and leaned in.

End of Flashback.

“I’ll come with you.”

“No, you go do… something.”

“Aren’t you going to kiss your husband goodbye then?”

“You are still full of yourself.” I huffed and walked towards the chook pen.

But, he followed me.

“I still have the ring.”“That’s nice.”

“Do you still have yours?”“No, I-I lost mine ages ago.”

“That’s too bad.”

“Ok then.”

I threw the feed over the fence and opened to gate to let them out. He was following me still. I went back to the house to grab the scraps for the pigs.

“Well hello Luke.” My mom said.

“Hello Mrs Evans.” Luke said walking in and following. I grabbed the scrap bucket and went back out. Man, does he know when to give up?

I walked to the pig pen and dumped the scraps in their feed barrel.

“So how long you staying for?” He asked.

“A while I guess, till holidays are over.”

“Oh, ok.”

“So how is your horse Remmey going? He still kicking your but?” I asked.

“Um, yeah good. I-I’m sorry. I just remembered, I have to go help my dad with something. See you later then.” he said and started walking away. I must have touched a nerve. Maybe something happened to his favourite horse, he loved that horse more then he loved our tree back then. I should have known. I felt so bad now. I will apologise later but now I have some work to do. I finished milking Patricia and got ready for fixing the fence. I got on the four wheeler and rode down to the back, back paddock with all I needed. It was the boundary fence. We had fixed this fence many times before. Mainly because the cattle try and get through but this time it was only a snapped wire. I started on it and was almost done when I saw a horse coming. Great, it was Luke. I put the pliers back on the bike as he got to the fence.

“Hey.” he said.

“Hi.” I said back.

“Need any help?”

“No, I’m fine.” I said and there was a silence.

“We had to put him down last year. He had cancer in his brain.” Luke said jumping off his horse.

“Sorry.”

“No it’s fine. This is Cobalt.” he said pointing to his horse.

“Oh, cool name.”

“Yeah.”“So are you stalking me or something?”

“No, I just came to see you. And ask if you wanted to go for a ride later.”

“I don’t think so. I have things to do.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I do. I have to go fix pump down at the dam.” I lied.

“No you don’t, I saw your dad this morning and he told me he was doing that.”

“Well he’s not anymore, I am.” I said. “Well I better get going then.” I said as I got back on the bike.

“See you later then.” he said and I rode away.

I got back to the shed and put the wire and pliers away then parked the bike. I walked to the house and went inside. There was my mum and dad sitting at the table eating. As I walked in they both turned and smiled at me. There was a sandwich on the counter so I grabbed it and went and sat with them.

“So did you fix the pump?” I asked dad.

“Nah, I have to go back down. Part of the nozzle has come off so I got a new one from the shed.”“Oh, ok.”

“We got your report card back today honey.” My mum said holding a piece of paper up. Great! “It’s perfect marks. A plusses all through.” she said proudly. “You could be anything you wanted. A vet, doctor, anything.”

“Oh yeah.” I said, I had no idea what I wanted to be but I was sure I didn’t want to be a Vet or Doctor. I looked at dad and he seemed to know what I was think. It was the expression he gave me, like he knew.

“You wont have to stay here and work on farms all your life. You can have a career, move to the city and be successful.”

“Sure mum. I’m gonna go for a ride, so yeah.”

“Sure thing. You should take Mardella out for a ride. She hasn’t been ridden for a while.”

“Ok,” I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and went out after I finished my sandwich. I wish I had the guts to tell my mum I didn’t want to be what she wanted to me to be. I saddled up Mardella with my old worn out bridal and saddle and strapped a saddle bag on to put my water bottle in. Soon after I was off. I took off to the North paddock, that’s where the most open land is. When I got there I started cantering then getting into a gallop.

The field was the most tranquil thing. It went as far as the eye could see, even further. All you could hear was the ruffling of the grass and the branches of the trees above. The sound of the horses feet hitting the ground and stones beneath, were at a constant speed. Nothing could beat this moment. It was all like an art conveying concept, an art designed to present an idea rather than to be appreciated for its creative skill or beauty. It all has a meaning for everyone. I’m not sure what it meant for me but I’m sure I will find out one day. I hope.

I rode for hours. I stopped for a bit and in no time the sun was turning a deep orange and setting, so I took off for home. I took Mardella straight to the stables to get a drink. I unsaddled her and let her go. It was a great ride. My first one in two years almost.

I went inside and had dinner. I was exhausted. I sat at my old white dresser. I opened my second drawer and there was my old little lolly tin, right where I left it. I took it out sat it on my desk and just stared at it. My body felt like it didn’t even have the energy to take the lid off. I eventually lifted my hand and opened it. On the top was a few pictures of me when I was little. Underneath them was bit of my favourite horses mane, Buster, wrapped in a pink hair tie, an old lolly wrapper with half a lolly still in it, yuck, there was also the ring Luke gave me. I know I said I lost it but he won’t ever find out.