The Christmas Goodbye

Summary: Violet always said that she loved Sophia. So, why is she writing a goodbye letter to her girlfriend on Christmas? Violet realizes that sometimes, those who say that they love you aren't always telling the truth. After going through the breakup, she starts to realize that she holds feelings for her Advanced English teacher, Amy. But, Amy isn't the only person who wants Violet to love her. Life's so confusing to Violet and on the brink of despair, and about to jump into the darkness, the one person she thought who would never even hold the slightest feelings for her tells her the most startling news. Sometimes, life's unfair when you fall in love with two people

Rating and Title Subject to Change

Dear Sophia,

It’s finally Christmas time and it’s just now finally starting to snow here. I remember last year, when we first bumped into each other! The weather in Missouri is so unpredictable and you had never seen the wet snow before.

I still have your gift sitting here, on my desk, all wrapped up in its tiny box and paper. I wanted to send this to you so many times but baby, I can’t bring myself to.

I did receive your gift the other day ago. The ring… baby, the ring is so beautiful. It makes me glad I chose something just as beautiful and special like you did. I put it on my ring finger earlier and my roommate flipped out. She’s a huge homophobe which didn’t turn out too well between us.

Oh, baby, I miss you so much this year. This is our first Christmas away from each other and I hate it so much! I really wish now I would’ve accepted that acceptance that was closer to you… I wish I could turn back time and make everything not happen. It still hurts me whenever I think of everything, but maybe, at the same time, us being so far apart, maybe it’s for the best. Maybe us having a relationship right now is a bad idea.

I do really wish though baby, that you could be here for Christmas. But, maybe this Christmas will be too depressing if we were to see each other…

I just wanted to say that… I can’t be in this relationship anymore…

oOoOo

I stared out my dorm window, staring at the snow that was finally falling. It was so funny how I had not thought about Sophia up until that moment. Even when she sent me the ring, I didn’t think about her. I felt like we were growing apart and it was something that no longer scared me. She’s a wonderful person, just, too far away for us to make any real progress on our relationship.

I twirled her ring around my finger before slowly slipping it off. I felt that we both needed a change and that the change needed to happen soon. I sighed heavily, glancing up at the grey sky and I could feel my chest tighten with sadness. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. It was Christmas and I didn’t want to call her now and ruin anything she had going with her family. The ring felt like a thousand pounds resting in my hands and suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. I gasped for air, then quickly pulled the window open and let the cold air rush into my dorm room.

“Shut the damn window you freak!” My roommate came in, screeching about how cold it was in the room and I slammed the window back down into its resting place. I glanced out of the corner of my eye at her corn colored hair and rolled my eyes. She had all kinds of bags with items poking out at random places. I let out a sigh and sat up a bit, tossing the ring onto my bed.

“Let me guess, girlfriend problems?” she asked rudely after she had walked to my bed and picked up the ring. I snorted, folding my legs underneath of me.

“None of your damn business honestly.” I replied curtly, biting my lips to keep from saying what I really wanted to say to the snobby freshman. She glared over at me and fingered the ring. I felt a curl of jealousy but then I stomped it down. I let my gaze travel back out the window and I heard her sit down on her bed.

“Obviously something is bothering you,” she smarted off, kicking off her shoes and kicking her feet up. I rolled my eyes again and turned towards her.

“Look, Bella, I know you want to help but I don’t think you honestly can. You’re just.. Too.. Homophobic honestly and it kind of ruins any thoughts or advice that you might suggest.” I pushed away from the window sill and moved across the room, picking up my coat on the post on my bed and shrugging it on. Flinging open the door and stomping out into the hallway, I couldn’t hear nor did I want to hear, her reply to my comment.

“If only you really knew Violet, I’m just as confused as you might be.” Bella whispered to the empty room.

Somehow, when I was walking out of the dorm room, I had grabbed Sophia’s ring to me. I fingered the worn gold; she told me in her last letter that she had found it at a second hand store and it made me smile that she had gone through all that trouble. Her own gift was still at home, wrapped in a blue box. The ring had her favorite gem, a pearl. I had the ring specially made nearly three months ago when I had moved to college.

“Why is this so hard?” I asked the falling snow, knowing I wasn’t going to receive an answer. I sighed, seeing my breath in the air and I sighed sadly. Why was dating so hard, especially when it wasn’t of the opposite sex. I stuffed my hands deeper in my pockets, lost in my own thoughts.

“It might seem hard but you don’t have to do it alone.” a soft feminine voice said from my right side. I startled and looked over and saw an older woman staring up from her seat on the bench. “And, it looks like your questions won’t have answers for a long time.” she also said, blowing on a cup of hot coco.

“Eh, I guess not for a long time I won’t know the answers to anything really.” I said, shrugging my shoulders. She smiled up towards me, patting the empty seat next to her on the bench.

“Sit down. Maybe you’d like to talk about it?” she suggested, smiling at me. I nodded slowly and sat down next to the lady. “So, what’s on your mind?” she asked, looking at me with a kinder smile that I’ve ever seen on someone.

“It’s just.. Love is so complicated!” I gasped, feeling my heart hammering in my chest as I thought about Sophia. The lady nodded and waited for me to continue. It struck me as odd that a complete stranger would want to sit and listen about my problems. “I’m sorry, but, what’s your name?” I asked, staring at her face, trying to place her somewhere.

“It’s Amy,” she said smiling. “But, I know who you are because you are one of my students.” she said, smiling widely. I gasped, suddenly remembering where I had seen her before.

“Advanced English! Wow! I cannot believe I did not recognize you!” I chuckled, smiling and I suddenly had an urge to drink whatever she was drinking. I dug around in my jeans, hoping that I had those few dollars to get a large cup of that or hell, a hot cup of coffee would even be perfect. She nodded and watched as I dug in my pocket.

“I’m wanting a cup of whatever you had,” I said, not sure why I suddenly felt compelled to tell her why I was digging in my lint filled pockets. She laughed and it struck me her voice was very pretty sounding. I nearly groaned out loud, realizing that I had forgotten my money in such a rush. Hell, even my wallet was at the dorm room.

“Here, I’ll buy you a cup. And don’t even start in with saying no. I know how people get without chocolate. So, graciously accept my gift to you.” she smiled widely, pulling out a couple bills, grabbed my hand and dragged me after her to the stand. I blushed, feeling the heat from her hand through her gloves. It felt nice, being here with her.

We stopped in front of the guy and I barely heard Amy speak to him. My only concern was my hand in hers and how wrong but wonderfully awesome this felt. A moment later a cup was thrust under my nose and I couldn’t help but moan out loud of the warm, tasty smell from it.

“That smells amazing!” I said, grabbing the hot cup and enjoyed the warmth and feeling coming back into my hands. Amy smiled, pocketing the change and we moved back to the bench. She sat down first, moving her cup aside and patting the cold metal again. I nodded, a few snowflakes getting stuck in my hair. She smiled and giggled nervously, her blue eyes lighting up and she brushed the flakes out of my hair.

“Thanks,” I said, smiling towards her.

“So, you are definitely having relationship problems.” she spoke softly, cocking her head to the side and gazing up at me. I nodded and it suddenly hit the back of my mind that she was so tiny, so short compared to me.

“But, you are right. Serious relationship problems.” I said, not sure how to explain that I wasn’t having problems with a guy, but a girl instead. I blew on the hot liquid before taking a tiny sip of it and I moaned when the liquid rushed down my throat.

“Ok, so talk already.” she prompted, nudging me in my ribs. I sighed and looked up at the grey sky.

“Do you want the whole story, or the parts where I know I’ve screwed up?” I asked sadly, remembering what I told Sophia the first day we met. I heard her intake a breath.

“Tell me what you want to tell me,” she said softly and without hesitation, she grasped my hand and squeezed it.

“I told the girl that I thought I loved that I wanted to break it off. She even..” I stopped, unsure how to continue. “She even bought me a ring to show me how much she loved me even though she’s four states away. It’s not fair! I don’t even know if I’m really a lesbian or if I’m confused! And hell, it just.. It just doesn’t seem like everything’s right with her.” I rushed, covering my mouth after my words had spilled out like word vomit.

Author's Notes: I hope you guys like so far. I'm trying to start writing more stories for the LGBTQ community. =) Please read and let me know any thoughts of yours. This is a ROUGH draft so it's not edited at all. ^.^''