God is dating the Anti-Christ, whose best friend the Devil is completely infatuated with a living human, while her brother Christ desperately plans to elope and Angel who’s mother has decided he isn’t worthy of.- What the hell?

________

Satan sat in her large office, which was on the lowest level of Hell, watching the death tolls stack up on her desk as they appeared out of no where. She turned in her big spinny chair to watch her twilit kingdom. Her best friend and right hand had been disappearing lately. Satan knew exactly where to, but let her friend keep the relationship that she was sharing with Satan’s counter part a secret.

Turning back to her desk Satan heard a small knock at her office door. “Enter.” She called sensing the familiar presence of her good friend the Anti-Christ.

“Good morning Satan.” Anti greeted. “Bloody Hell! Look at all the tolls! What’s happenin’ up there?”

“Mighty fine question.” Satan answered solemnly. Looking up she regarded Anti’s attire. She wore grey skinny jeans and a florescent highlighter yellow sweater. Her short black hair was framing her pale face and those crystalline blue eyes that always knew when somebody was lying; and could almost always tell what they were thinking.

There wasn’t any particular dress code in Hell. However even in a [lace as eclectic as Hell the florescent sweater would stick out.

“Going somewhere Anti?” Satan questioned drearily, she had become bored with Hell and she wasn’t used to the feeling. Nor did she find that she liked it.

“I was planning to go top side for a bit.” Anti replied. “A vacation of sorts. My family is…well just that my family.”

The slight ghost of a smile brushed over Satan’s soft pink lips. “Of course. Enjoy yourself.”

“You should come too!” Anti said jumping onto Satan’s desk. “Leave the tolls to the others! You don’t even have to come with me. Just pick a town and stay awhile.

“I’d rather not, truly.” Satan replied returning to her work. “You go have fun,” she cast a sly smirk at her friend out of the corner of her eye “I’ll be perfectly content right here signing tolls and assigning suites.”

“No you won’t. Come on, I know you. Or at least I used too.” Anti continued standing in front the desk Satan was broadly pushing papers across. “What happened to you Satan? You used to be the life and soul of the party. I know you’re bored with these men down here. Come up; get some fresh air and a taste of your old self.”

“I also used to be respected, remember that?” Satan smirked sarcastically. “I’ll come but honestly I don’t have any intention of following you and God around while you two make-out.”

Blushing just barely Anti left the room with a quick: “You’ll have fun, I promise.”

________

Jesus walked through the Golden Gates into the Angel’s common rooms. His lovely Mary was waiting for him, as demure as ever, at the lunch counter.

“Forgive me for being lately Gabriel needed my signature eon a toll.” He apologized kissing his love on the cheek.

“That’s alright.” She answered kissing him back. “Anyways, what was so urgent?”

“Could we go somewhere private?” he questioned as he nervously looked around the restaurant.

“Sure.” They walked out so that they were beside the Golden gates. “What did you wish to speak to me about?”

“I’ve been certain of this decision for sometime. You and I have been together for a while and I love you.” He knelt to the ground. In his hand appeared a black velvet box. Jesus opened the box. Inside was a white gold ring with an amethyst jewel in the center. Silver wire branches entwined around it. Between the branches small sapphires were embedded.

“Of course!” Mary squealed leaping into Jesus’ arms. “You are asking me to marry you right?” she asked worry spreading over her face.

Laughing Jesus tightened his embrace on her. “My silly Mary.”

________

“Mother! Mother!” Mary called “Jesus has asked me to marry him! We’re going to be wed beneath the Golden Gates. Can you believe it, he asked me to marry him!”

“Mary! Quit your babbling! Now who has asked you what?” Mary’s mother asked.

Mary calmed herself and solely related her afternoon to her mother.

“Mary I absolutely forbid you to accept that man’s request.” Snapped her mother. “You’re to marry Matt.”

“But I love Jesus not Matt.” Mary begged “Mother, he does not think of me in that way. He’s more of a brother then anything.”

“It’s not open for discussion, Mary. Now go to your room.”

“Mother this is not your decision. Also this engagement has been sanctified by God!” Challenged Mary shakily but still determined.

“This is not open for debate.”

Mary stalked to her room. And for the first time in her life she snuck out her bedroom’s window.

________

‘What am I doing here?’ Satan thought ‘I am the ruler of Hell, I’m known around the world. I have underlings, and yet I’m here.’

Everyone in the mall was bustling around Satan like she didn’t exist. Nothing was that amazing about her appearance right then. She had short black hair and a small tan. Only her eyes she couldn’t manipulate so she had large sunglasses so her deep red eyes weren’t visible.

Turning on her heel she matched straight to the food court.

‘Still can’t believe I’m even here!’

________

“There is somebody to here to see you my Lord.” A shaken angel informed his lord.

“Who is it?” the glowing figure asked.

“It is the Anti-Christ, Lord.”

‘That explains why this kid is so edgy’ thought God. “Please inform the guards they are of now off duty.”

“But, sir! She is untrustworthy! Please don’t let her in here alone.” Burst out the small boy.

Raising an eyebrow God said “Do as I say, now go.”

Anti walked in. “Hi God. Thanks for the procession.” She winked.

Stepping down from his throne he folded his wings into his back. They disappeared along with there never ending glow.

“Thank you for coming. How have you been?” he asked after he kissed her.

“Great. Satan’s been a little weird lately. I’m trying to get he rout of Hell.” The two laughed at the irony of that phrase.

“She just needs a good fucking.” God stated seriously.

“You think that’s the cure to everything.” Anti replied rolling her eyes dramatically.

“Only ‘cause its true.” He laughed “Imagine if she had a strong man to go home to. If she were massaged head to toe by, said man. Left satisfied on every account each night she lay to sleep. Wait, can the bitch queen sleep?”

Together they laughed before ordering some apprentice angels to get them food.

________

Jesus lay on his bed reading one of the fiction novels he’d picked up on Earth. ‘I’ll have to take Mary there, she’d love it there.’

Thinking about the second hand bookstore that he’d visited very frequently when down under reminded of his “sister”.

With absolutely no biological connection the two had just sort of adopted each other as siblings. Constantly he found himself pulling her out of oncoming traffic when they were together.

She was a good person, on the outside; he laughed. Mary was a good friend of his stupid little sister. Even God didn’t find her presence completely revolting, it was a step. Of course that just might be because of the company she kept. Another laugh and he returned to his book.

________

An ever so light knock stirred Jesus from his light doze.

“Who’s there?” he questioned sleepily. As he sat up the walls of his room slowly started to emit a soft light.

“I-it’s me.” A soft voice spoke through his window.

“Mary? Is that you?” he asked throwing open the large window “what are you doing here?”

“Mother has banned me from accepting your proposal.” Mary replied softly as she vaulted herself into Jesus’ room.

That was one he saw the small black velvet box and his heart started to break. He looked away from her.

“But I don’t care what she thinks.” Mary said with a new found determination. “I love you and I don’t care if I die all I want is to have married you.” Removing her perfect ring from the box she slipped her ring finger and said: “I’m yours.” it on

________

Walking into the bathroom Satan check to see if anyone was around. Noting that she was alone she looked at herself ion the mirror. She focused ion her black hair. Slowly it turned strawberry blonde then richer reds came in. all the while she changed style. As a finishing touch deep purple streaks. Then focusing on her more original body she watched as her shoulders bulked out the tiniest bit. Slight changes to her proportions and height adjusted.

Finally a 5’2, red haired, red eyed and slightly busted young woman stood in front of her. It was as close as she could get to her truly natural form and look human.

“Perfect.” She grinned wolfishly as she as she spun in a circle and her outfit changed. Her voice was perfect, deep yet feminine and slightly scratched from bad smoking habits. “Time to play.”

Satan was now wearing a tight orange tank top with fairly tight blue jeans. Her jeans were tucked into her knee high heeled boots that laced up. Making her stand at 5’4.

Walking out of the washroom Satan headed for a table of guys around the age she looked.

“Hey, I just moved here and I was supposed to go get my stuff. Then go meet up with a realtor to see if I had a place.” She leaned forward slightly as she sat on the table opposite theirs.

All four guys looked over at her.

“You see my ride bailed on me. So, I was wondering, if any of you might be able to help me out?”

“I got a truck?” one of them offered.

“Perfect.” She smiled.

________

“Good god.” Anti exclaimed.

“Yes?” her eating companion smoothly replied.

“This is delicious! What’s in it?” she asked taking another spoonful of the cheese cake in question.

“That is a secret.” God answered.

They were still sitting in his throne room thing. Except they had ordered Angels to carry in a table and two chairs. When they were font decorating it looked like a small table in Spain. There was a whole other table just for the food. The couple had finished it all and then requested desert. Just as they were finishing up the door to the throne room was thrown open.

Immediately God threw out his wings. Their blinding light filling the room. Anti had never really seen his wings before. The best she could relate them to were dove wings. They pointed out twice the span of his shoulders. Tucking them down they reached just a bit down is thighs. When her eyes adjusted to the light Anti recognized her boss’s brother.

“Hey Jesus! How’s it going?” she greeted jumping up from her chair.

“God I need your help.” He said.

“Oh I need a tape recorder.” was God’s very professional reply.

“Hey! I said hi!” shouted Anti, rather indignantly.

“Hi Anti. Now can you two be serious!” Jesus yelled exasperated.

“We can try.”

________

“I’ll only be a sec’.” Satan said as she excited the truck. Walking into the Greyhound she felt a summons. Quickly walking into the bathroom she locked the door and answered.

She appeared in front of her council advisors.

The council of advisors was made up of seven people plus the two elders. Each of the seven people represented one of the seven deadly sins. They all looked after an individual layer of Hell.

Rachel, who was a complete bitch, embodied Wrath. She hated almost everything. Never had she respected the elders. On more then one occasions the elders had come to Satan petitioning her removal from the council. However for reasons she found no need to share, Satan just brushed off their requests. Rachel took care of the sickest level. Where truly horrible people stayed: rapist murderers, etc. It was not a pretty place. Rachel enjoyed torturing those who were truly bad. Level 4.

Laura, who was intelligent but always thirsted for knowledge, was Greed. She looked after the archives of Hell. Her position also covered suicide victims. She found them a purpose, having been one herself. Level 6.

Rachelle, who was strong yet caring, embodied Pride. She was in charge of the underage residents. Students who got into trouble: Alcohol, drugs, felonies. Though she was Pride she never looked down her nose at the ones she worked with or the tenants in her care. Level 7.

Lane, slightly seductress Lane was known as Lust. She had everyday members. No one special. Some people who paid their toll could eventually work their way to the basic suites. It all depended on how you had lost your chance at the Pearly Gates, that your time was spent in hell. Level 8.

Brooke did not over eat, but she over did over do, that made her Gluttony. Reining over the level reserved for gamblers, politicians and the like. Not any level only held certain people. Everyone was allowed to wander. Only level 4 was an off bound area; as well as Satan, Anti and the Councils’ personal rooms. Level 9.

Estrellas who was truly an angel in their dark world always looked for something else. She was sweet but always desired what others had. This made her Envy. Her level of Hell was dedicated more to women, ones who’d been murdered viciously or along the lines. Level 5.

Kale was the only male on the entire council, except Elder Dan. He was Sloth; his job was to do the exact same job that Satan and Anti did. Assign suites, greet newcomers, as well as keep an eye on the odds and ends of Hell. The only people who had larger authority then him were Satan and Anti.

“What can I do you for?” Satan asked making her way to her chair at the head of the boardroom.

“Will the Anti-Christ be joining us?” asked Elder Wilda snidely.

“Shove it. What did you want from me?” Satan snapped; looking at one of the servants she nodded her head. The young man ran off to get her usual.

“I can come up with an idea or two.” replied Sloth. He had a stupid smirk on his face.

Rolling her eyes she looked at the others. “Talk fast I’ve got a tight schedule.”

“It’s just some small stuff-” started Gluttony before being interrupted.

“Then run it over with Sloth. Anything else?” Satan asked curtly “No? Good. I’m taking leave. I’ll be in once a week to check up. Anything big can be dealt with then. If it’s really urgent you know how to reach me.”

The young man returned with a drink and a cart of cigarettes. “Here you go Satan.”

“Thanks Danny.” Before leaving the room she looked at Elder Wilda and commanded. “Do not under any circumstances contact Anti with out my authority!”

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