Mellie's POV

I heard the door cracked open and it froze me. I've been wrapped up in talking out loud for a while now I forgot this building wasn't empty.

I didn't turn around to look at who it was; he was already out the door anyway. I stared down at the floor again. I hated this, every week she does this to me and every week it always goes into my time. She always gives me the same time: 6:00pm. I'm constantly on time.

I don't even know why I still come here. Krause never gets me. She interrupts a lot and asks a bunch of questions that have nothing to do with anything. Her voice is so annoying. She doesn't really listen when I answer anything. I hate how she passes judgment when she feels like it. Like I want to hear what she thinks? What happened to just listening when people talk?

Here I am, once again, submitting to this self-torture that's supposed to be of some help in my life. I didn't need help. People think that just because youre young you need to be examined all hours of the day. I sit in this room every week and dread talking to someone who doesn't care. She's only doing this because of one reason.

"Melinda? I'm sorry that took so long, she was with a new patient. Dr. Krause is ready for you now." The oh-so-blond receptionist whispered through the half-open glass window.

"Oh, great, thanks." I rolled my eyes as I dragged my body to the future waste of time session.

I can't tell myself I'm going to be nice when I'm not. She has such a prodigious attitude over me. Reminds me of the teenager teachers I used to have way back when. I never listened to anyone with an annoying tone and holier than thou personality.

I treat this like the joke it is. Sometimes I'll just sit there and whistle. She'll try to make her version of a conversation, but I brush it off. I like to irritate her while she tells herself she's a doctor. She's a fuck up herself. Middle-aged, alone, always dressed like a depressed zebra, her calm but irate tone she passes off as her "listening voice". I don't understand how people like become doctors.

She reminds me someone I know very well. To call this person what I'm supposed to call her is insult to other people out there. I never considered her of any importance. But it makes a story a little more interesting when more people know; doesn't it? I mean God forbid if someone didn't bring her up. If the Earth didn't worship the ground she walked on. She knows this. Krause knows this, but then she tells me I'm supposed to deal. Let its not affecting me. I don't sleep anymore. I haven't slept normally in 2 months. This is affecting me every second of my life.

But the main problem is: I have a huge personal offense to the doctor really not listening to my side of the story. I mean, she's acting like it would be a sin just to confront her directly. She thinks because of course I am very young, which makes me therefore inexperienced and wrong about everything. Did she think I had that much free time on my hands to invent a story just for amusement? I'm just a kid right? I'm just a kid who just imagines like I'm tripping on LSD or some street drug. This is how people judge me before I open my mouth.

I've been depressing everybody? Really? Maybe I should just bury my head in the sand and spend my eternity suffering for all my bad deeds. I'm confused, what exactly did I do? What do I do to cause such a threat? I'm in the clouds lately when people just glare at me. Random people. People who just have their mind made up.

Whatever the excuse is, I'm treading on with my rebuttal, even if refuted. I'm still moving right? Every moment is another chance.

I pulled the hair out of my eyes and took a deep breath. Sitting down was the worst. I wasn't nervous, just prepping for the future judgments ahead.

But why am I talking about it so much, let's get to what we talked about this time. Maybe you'll learn something about me. Heh.

"How are you today?"

"Eh, am alright."

"What have you done since last week?"

"Lots of things."

"Melinda please."

"What, I'm just answering your question."

"Have you spoken with your mother yet?"

"No, I have no reason to."

"I still believe you could try and converse with her. You never know if you don't try."

"Not interested, thanks."

"Making peace is always a better option than sweeping the issues under the rug."

"Look, we both know you're full of shit and you know absolutely nothing about my home life."

"Are you using again?"

"Using what?'

"Melinda, you know what I'm referring to. Have you been on it again?"

"Maybe I have maybe not."

"That isn't solving matters much. If you continue this behavior its on the direct path of self-destruction. Its important you know this before its too late."

"No, just to calm your false compassion for my well being I'm not using anything."

"Alright, are you sleeping at night? Do you still have headaches?"

"There are always there. My eyes never close."

"This isn't good. The ambien isn't helping?"

"Its like swallowing a tic-tac. I stopped taking it."

"Maybe the low dosage wasn't strong enough."

"No, I dont think thats it. If I go any higher, Ill be pulling my hair out. Makes me cracky."

"Are you really taking it?"

"Of course Im taking it."

"Good, Im just checking. We all want to listen and start from somewhere Melinda."

"Damn, you just rehearsed this speech before I got here, didnt you?"

"Im prepared yes, but I do not reiterate myself if that is what your implying."

"Its good. Im bored now, lets talk about something else."

"Hows school? Are you concentrating? Do you still have distractions?"

"You know, yeah, something is distracting me. What is that? Oh yeah, the people"

"Are you being serious?"

"Of course I am, I didnt blink or look down."

"How are you handling the conflicts?"

"Three magical words: Go Fuck Yourself. How else am I gonna get anything done?"

"There is another approach. You could also politely tell them to be quiet. When your tone is calm, people do listen."

Like now right? Does she really believe the things shes saying?

"Yeah, sure. Im handling it."

"You could try it. Wouldnt make things worse if you come at things a little differently."

"Ok, Ill let you in on the scoop."

"Thats good. Are you quitting the other habits?"

"Those would be?"

"Smoking, unprotected sex, hanging around bad influences?"

"Oh well those things are too important to me. And Im hardly influenced by the dark side. Besides, all they wanna give me is cookies."

"Again, this is not good for your self-esteem. Treating yourself this way is not the right path. Can you imagine if something horrible were to happen to you? Maybe you will finally get a grip on reality and focus on positive things. You shouldnt be harming yourself."

"I have no regrets. Besides, it isnt like I murder people or steal shit on a daily basis. Im just living my life."

"It isnt right to think this way. You may think its not a big deal, but realizing it this early while youre still young will be vital to your future. Im just offering my side of the coin here."

"And I see it. Thank you."

"Do you think I should call your mom and have she come in on one of the sessions?"

"Why would you do that?"

"Well, for one, if its all altercations as you hint at frequently, then I can be in-between and offer some advice. Maybe see into the problems a little deeper."

"You know, I appreciate the suggestion but you are wasting your time. She has nothing to do with me. We dont talk because we dont want to. I dont see the hassle in forcing this intervention you got up your sleeve. Plus, I feel insulted whenever you brought her up. I should have a say in this. Its my life."

"If I saw you both together, maybe I could gain some insight firsthand. All Im saying Melinda. Its something to consider."

"Dont bring her up again. Its futile and beneath you."

"Ok, how are things going with your dad?"

"Things are fine and dandy."

"When did you last speak with him?"

"Oh, when he has time. Two weeks ago. He has a baby with new wife. Life is good on his side."

"Do you think hes ignoring you?"

"Probably. Its good for me though. I tend to forget people who forget me anyway."

"What kinds of things do you chat about usually?"

"Hmm, yeah, I dont know. I think he calls when he wants to show me off to everybody. He throws a lot of "love me" parties to all kinds of yuppies. Yeah, so he needs me for those. Sometimes I dont come."

"When was the last time you ever talked to him about something important?"

"Never. He doesnt do emotions."

"Have you tried?"

"Once. Learned my lesson. Caught by surprise a little."

"What do you think is wrong?"

"He lacks social, communicative, father, and human skills. And hes proud."

"You mentioned he used to abuse your mother and you as well; do you think hes changed at all?"

"No, I dont."

"Have you ever brought it up? How you feel?"

"No need to. Im better off not remembering anything he did to me. And Im not weak when I say that. I just know him better than anyone."

"Maybe theres something youre not telling me. I wont pry but thats what Im feeling."

"There isnt. You have my permission to clear your conscious."

"Youre welcome to walk out anytime. No one is forcing you to be here."

"Beats being at my house."

"It doesnt hurt to have her here, Melinda. It could be of some help. Maybe youd be home more."

"Just because I like going out, doesnt mean I cant be at home."

"But this is what you choose. There must be a reason."

"Like I said, its preference. There isnt any reason for it. Im an adult, I can do what I want when Im not at home."

"But she controls you when you are at home?"

"She has an eccentric personality. Yeah, she likes things her way but I like to stay out of the way. I dont feel ashamed that we arent best friends."

"But you live together. Do you not say anything when you see her?"

"Very rarely Ill say hi, but Ive only done that once or twice. Usually when Im in a good mood, she cant stand it. Its hard for me to hide how I feel. She wants to know why. She dares to know why. I dont invite her in. I dont owe her anything."

"You dont mean that. I know I cant speak for you but for the sake of living with each other, this is unhealthy behavior."

"You gonna go back to that brilliant plan?"

"I wont press it anymore if you dont want it to happen. But Im still strongly suggesting it."

"Thanks."

"Was there anything else that went on since last week?"

"Ill let you know when I publish the book."

"Even if that was sarcastic, feel free to tell me anything you need to."

"You ask, I tell, up to you if you think Im lying or not."

"I dont think youre lying. Youve answered more questions this time than last week. Thats an improvement."

"I know, I can feel myself healing as we speak."

She rolled her eyes and turned around as she always does every time I come here. In a way, while I was really not trying to solve anything, I guess I did. It works like this: I tell her what I want, she eats it up, I waste the money of my lovely mother, and I feel better about the world. Aint the power of persuasion a bueat? Or am I just that good of an actress?

My birthdays next week, hopefully she wont schedule on that day. She spun around in her chair, stood up and walked over to the couch.

She handed me the card and smiled, "See you next week. Good job today."

I took it and glared at the date. She totally did this on purpose. She turned around and set back on her chair.

I opened my mouth to oppose but I was interrupted, "See you next week. Im all booked until then."

Oh, great. If Im gonna spend that day here, eh, gives me something to do.