Friends Like These

The greasy boy is sad because

The bus driver stole his tea cup and he needed that tea cup,

Isis stopped returning his calls and

No phone sex girl will marry him.

I never mean to talk to him, but sometimes he's my only option.

I just wanted to be nice

Like I always am, even pinned to her sheets, fists curled around them

To avoid touching her skin that turns my body's every flush

To spiritual treason.

I talk to greasy teacup losing phone-sex addicts

To avoid something worse you see…

He says she lives in my mind so I'll never be alone.

And he's right, for once, to say I'm never alone.

I'm sullen these days, I miss everyone that knows her

Or remembers who I was when she was there

Not that I miss that person, being that person.

I could live a long life without her, though my dreams say otherwise.

My dreams are always haunting me with repeating high school and

Choir dress rehearsals where she

Slips a note into my hand, promising a call she'll never make

Because she knows I'd wait by the phone for hours

And never answer, or even know if it was her.

My dreams remind me that I'm old and stale.

My soul is a whore, but my mind is a virgin.

I can't speak for my body anymore.

I wounded it myself to prove to me I could

With a barber striped candy vibe, too big for a finger-raped lesbian,

Two hours before my aunt's wedding

I did it just to do it and I pushed until my body cramped with pain

And it hurt to sit or stand or walk for longer than a week.

The tip was like a pinprick to my center on its highest mode

And I would hold it to my pearl and scream blended obscenities

I could not think enough to scream beneath my breath

I never came but blessed the pretty pain

Until it leaked copper liquid and buzzed without command

Muffled in a towel I bid farewell the leaking mower

That took what she took only in spirit.

I am sad because

A rapist stole my purity and I needed that purity,

The gods ignored my pleas and

My deflowerer won't love me

Even as a sourly bitter "sorry I killed your soul"

Afterthought.