I woke up from that memory and blinked hard, then looked at my surroundings. I was still in the blue Mini Van that my aunt owns that smelt of Febreze lavender and vanilla air-freshener and a pine forest from one of those cardboard cut outs of trees that you put on the rearview mirror inside the car.

I looked beside me and saw my aunt Flora. Her blond bob was shinny and she was focusing on the road in front of her, a smile possessing her slim and wrinkle free face.

Adam had died only three months ago and that’s when I found out about my aunt Flora and uncle Dave on my dad’s side. They had been living in Fort Nelson, British Columbia, where my uncle Gary lives. He, “unfortunately”, wasn’t able to take me in since he travels so much for his work.

So, the police took in my family information when they came to me after I called them when I came home to find Adam murdered the same way as my mother.

Also, I had not only lost Adam, the only family member I had thought I had left, but, I lost Ryan too. He had moved away when he was nine and I was eight.

______________________________________________________________________________

I waited patiently on the gazebo bench for Ryan to come and join me. That gazebo had become our spot, we even carved our names in the small tree beside it.

When I looked to my right and saw Ryan walking over to me in his jeans, white t-shirt, now reddish-blond hair and eyes that now look like raw Amber since there is a slight amount of reddish-brown around his pupil and then it’s hazel for the rest of the iris.

I smiled and then I began to worry, he was dragging his feet and staring at the ground with his hands shoved in his pockets. That only means one thing, he’s sad about something.

I immediately stood up and he came over to me and smiled weakly as he sat down on the bench.

“Please sit down Marie-Anne.” he pleaded.

I bit my bottom lip and sat down beside him, now playing with the cuff of my blue sweater.

“Marie-Anne, you have no idea how hard this is for me to say, and I have no clue how to start it, but, you have to understand that I didn’t choose this.” began Ryan.

“What do you mean?” I asked, perplexity taking over my mind.

“Marie-Anne,” he looked over at me, staring into my eyes. “I am moving away.”

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I bowed my head and bit down hard on my bottom lip, so hard that I could taste the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. “Why?” I whispered.

Ryan took my hands in his and started rubbing the tops of them with his thumbs. “Because, my father must move to get more deals in this one spot for his company. He is saying we might come back, but, please don’t get your hopes up in case we don’t”

“Oh.” was all I could say, and then, Ryan lifted my face by putting his hand under my chin.

“Please don’t cry, it’s making me cry.” he pleaded as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“I just don’t wanna say goodbye to you.”

“Then, this isn’t goodbye, it’s only see you later.”

I stared into his eyes and nodded my head. “Deal.”

Ryan smiled weakly and then leaned in close to my face. He kissed my cheek and leaned back, looking into my shocked eyes. “I love you Marie-Anne.”

I stared at Ryan in idol shock. I love him too. But, words couldn’t escape from behind my lips.

“Marie-Anne!” yelled Adam from across the park.

I looked over at him and he was angry, steaming angry. He was marching over to me in his sweats and t-shirt, waving around his papers I accidentally spilled pop on last night after he went to bed. And, I seriously did it by accident. I tried to dry them as much as I could with a hairdryer this morning, but, they are still pretty badly stained and waved.

“See you later Marie-Anne.” said Ryan, waving goodbye as he walked away.

I hadn’t even seen him get up, or heard him. I waved goodbye and nodded, since I didn’t want to blurt out in front of Adam that I loved Ryan, he’d only make it a huge mess.

I just kept watching the only man I ever loved, other than my father and Adam, walk away through the trees. And I vowed, from that day on, I will always wait for him to come back, even if he never does.

______________________________________________________________________________

But, Ryan then came back two years later, when I was ten and he was eleven. I was so happy that day that I “accidentally” kissed his lips instead of his cheek. But, Ryan didn’t seem to mind. And, only four years after that, we became boyfriend and girlfriend.

Our relationship was different from everyone else’s. He said I was what he lived for, and he would never die because he had something to live for. He said I was his girl forever even if something caused us to stay apart. And he was all of that to me.

But, his death was terribly depressing. He died because he wasn’t looking as he was crossing the street to come to my house, since I had been on a three week trip to London, England with Adam. He forgot to check for any cars coming, then, bam! He was hit, and a second car drove over his ribcage, causing his ribs to puncture three holes in his lungs and his heart to be damaged from his sternum.

When I saw him, I ran out of the house and witnessed this whole accident. I ran to the middle of the street with Adam behind me the whole way. I held Ryan’s hand as he said his last words, that made me cry hysterically for weeks. Those words were “It’s not goodbye, but see you later.” as he was choking on his own blood. Then he curled his index finger halfway to his palm and straightened his thumb, to create half a heart, which I finished with my fingers. Then, his eyelids became heavy, closing before he no longer breathed.

“Are you okay Marie-Anne?” asked my aunt Flora, looking over at me while we were waiting at a red light.

I looked over at her and smiled weakly. “Yeah. Just a lot of bad memories.”

She patted my knee and smiled lightly. “I bet. Well, we’re only ten minutes away from the house.”

I looked around and saw forest surrounding the road. I felt confusion consume my thoughts and I sighed heavily. How could we be ten minutes away in this forest?

The car slowly advanced, starting to speed up to the limit. I watched the trees pass by, slightly blurred from the speed of the car. After a short while of straight driving, we turned right, onto a dirt road. We drove down this dirt road for a little while and then a large brick house appeared in the distance.

The house was was like a mansion. It was huge! Like, not one of those medium sized townhouses you would say is huge, since it’s a townhouse, but, an actual huge mansion-like house in the middle of the woods.

It was made of classic red brick. The house had a small porch in the front, just some concrete with blue painted wooden steps with a gray, tiled roof like the rest of the roof. There were little gardens in the front yard, and some on the side of the house. The two railings that led to the porch and front door had vines twirling around the railings with blossoming white flowers.

Aunt Flora parked the car in front of the porch and she smiled at me. “Home sweet home.” she said and got out of the car.

“Yeah.” I said under my breath as I also got out of the car.

I walked to the back of the car and took out my stuff. Most of my belonging had already been sent through a moving company and my aunt already unpacked all my things, apparently.

So, we took out only two boxes, a suitcase and my backpack. We walked up the porch steps and aunt Flora opened the door. She led me up a large flight of dark green-carpeted stairs. Once we reached the top, she brought me to the right and led me down a long, wood floored hallway with several doors.

I counted the doors as we went by and when we reached the seventh door to the right, she opened that door. When we walked in, I was amazed.

The room I walked into was twice the size of my old bedroom. I had a Queen sized bed that is on the wall to the right from the door, with a black, wooden bed frame and my dark green and dark blue stripped duvet and red sheets already on it. I had a bedside table on the other side of it, a light wooden one with a black fan, coaster, and a couple of my pictures of friends and family.

Across from the foot of the bed was a light wooden desk with some of my friend and family pictures on it, with a black chair which spins around and has wheels on the bottom with a light wooden bookshelf beside it with all my music awards, CD binders and books I owned, even some rolled up posters that I have.

Then, a few feet away from my bedside table was a white door. I walked in my room and placed the box I had and my backpack on my bed. I walked over to the door and opened it to reveal a beautiful bathroom that was fairly large as well.

Right in front of me was a white counter with a sink to the far left of it with a white and black checkered tile floor. Above this counter, reaching from each end of the counter, was a large, rectangular mirror. Beside the counter was the toilet, and beside that was the bathtub/shower with a white shower curtain.

I turned around and saw another white door across form the bathroom door, which was only a few feet away from my desk.

I started walking towards it when I stopped halfway at a pair of large, iridescent yellow curtains that reached form almost the ceiling to the floor. I pulled them apart and saw two sliding, window doors that lead onto a patio.

I opened one of the doors after unlocking it and walked out onto the concrete. There was a black, Victorian railing - with intricate designs for the polls holding the top part of the railing up - surrounding the concrete. There were four chairs to he left - white with light blue cushions - that were gathered around a white, circular table. To the right were two long, beach chairs with light blue cushions as well.

I turned around and went back in, curious about what was behind the other door. I walked over to the other door after I shut and locked the patio doors and I opened the other white door. When I opened it, I was in absolute awe, and I think my jaw was hanging open slightly.

The room was half the size of my new bedroom and it was full of light wooden dressers with my some more pictures on them and hangers with clothes I have. And, in the middle was a large, light wooden, square shelving area with shoes and some comfortable looking chairs around it.

I turned around and looked at my aunt Flora. She already put my other box on my bed and my suitcase beside it.

“Do you like it?” she asked kindly, a soothing smile on her face.

“I love it! Thank you.” I said happily and walked over to her.

I hugged her and she accepted immediately. “Now, do you want to meet your uncle and cousins?” she whispered in my ear.

“Cousins?” I repeated, pulling away from her with my brows furrowed in perplexity.

She smiled widely at me. “Did I forget to mention them? I’m sorry. Well, your uncle and I have one son and one daughter. Our son is the eldest, his name is Timothy, or Tim. Then, our daughter, who is only one year younger than Tim, is Brittany.”

“Oh. What are their ages?”

“Brittany is your age, sixteen and Tim is seventeen.”

“Well. Okay. I’m ready.”

She smiled and took my hand, leading me out of my room. She walked about five doors down from mine and knocked on the door on the left. I heard a chair slide on the wood floor and pounding footsteps coming to the door.

The door flew open to reveal an angry, tanned face with dark brunette hair pulled back in a high pony tail and fury filled brown eyes. She wasn’t that tall, maybe an inch or two taller than me, but I was only five foot four. She had on a black, pleaded mini skirt with a crimson red tank top.

“What is it mom?” she asked, and then she looked over at me. “Who’s she?”

“Brittany! Don’t be so rude. This is your cousin, Marie-Anne. She is the one who is moving in with us.” said aunt Flora, pulling me to her side so Brittany could get a better look of me.

She scanned me up and down. I wasn’t really a site to see. I had on a pair of black sweats and a white tank top with an open, gray, baggy, zip up hoodie.

“So, she’s the one who lost everyone?” she asked. That hurt.

“Brittany! Why are you being so rude?”

“Because I don’t honestly care.” and then the door slammed shut in our faces.

Aunt Flora turned to me. “I’m sorry for Brittany’s rudeness, she will definitely get a TALKING to later this evening.” she said, yelling “talking” louder to inform Brittany that she was in trouble.

“It’s okay.” I said and she smiled.

She pulled me across the hall and past the stairs to the other side, where there were more rooms. She pulled me to the fourth door down and nocked on the door on the left side, which would be the right side down the other hall.

I heard light footsteps and the door opened lightly, unlike how Brittany opened it. It revealed a boy who was tall, well, to me. His ash blond hair was cut short and spiked in the front. He was wearing a pair of plaid shorts and a white polo. His blue eyes looked into mine and he smiled, putting out his tanned hand.

“You must be Marie-Anne. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” he said kindly.

I was shocked for a moment. They are siblings, yet polar opposites. Weird. I thought as I took Tim’s hand into mine and shook lightly.

“Uh, it’s nice to meet you too.” was all I could get from my puzzled mind to escape from behind my lips.

He smiled and looked at aunt Flora. “Dad is in his study.”

“Thank you Tim.” she said.

He nodded his head, waved goodbye and shut his door.

“I know it’s strange that your two cousins are so different, but, it happened.” said aunt Flora, looking at me.

I smiled. It’s like she read my mind. “Yeah. I guess it happens every now and again.”

She took my hand and brought me to the stairs. She walked me down them and we turned to the left and went straight to a wooden door. Aunt Flora knocked on the door.

“Come in.” we heard, muffled from behind the door.

Aunt Flora opened the door and walked through. I saw a man with brown hair, tanned skin, and brown eyes staring at a computer screen. He was in regular work clothes nowadays; a white dress shirt, black dress pants, a gray and pink stripped tie that was loose and hanging under two unbuttons top buttons of the dress shirt.

“Dave, sweetie, this is Marie-Anne.” said aunt Flora.

Right when she said my name, uncle Dave snapped his head my way and smiled widely, getting up from his seat. He walked over to me and picked me up, since he was way taller than I was.

“Hello Marie-Anne. Welcome to the family.” he said as he hugged me tightly.

I hugged him back. “Thanks uncle Dave.” I said, feeling a little awkward, yet, surprised and happy about this new and strange way to hug.

He set me down and smiled. “I’m sure you’ve never hugged someone like that before.” he commented.

I smiled. “No. I must admit I haven’t.”

“I used to hug Tim and Brittany like that. Then, Tim got too tall and Brittany, well, let’s say she is embarrassed around Flora and I.”

I laughed. “The usual teenage girl.” I commented accidentally.

Uncle Dave chuckled. “Well, you must not be the average teenage girl if you let me do that.”

“No, I’m not. But, then again, I never really had someone love me enough to do that.” I admitted, holding my forearm with my opposite hand shyly.

“Well, you’ve got Flora and I now. And, your uncle Gary will visit every now and again.” said uncle Dave, still smiling.

“Okay. That sounds good.” I replied.

“Come on. Let’s unpack the last bit of your things, shall we?” asked aunt Flora.

“Sure.” I smiled widely for the first time in a while and I waved goodbye to uncle Dave. He waved goodbye and headed back to his desk as aunt Flora and I left.

We walked back up the stairs and to my room. Which I will remember as the seventh door to the left down the left hallway.

We walked in my room and opened my boxes, placing my belongings in their proper places. We emptied my suitcase and backpack as well. We placed my suitcase in my huge walk-in closet and my backpack just stayed by my desk.

When we were done, I went to my bed and sat cross-legged in the middle of it. Aunt Flora walked over and sat at the edge, smiling wholeheartedly at me. I smiled back.

“Now. Just so you know, we have a pool in the backyard, along with five different hammocks. Now, Dave and I have ours on green stands. Brittany got hers in a pink color and Tim has his in a light blue color. I hope you don’t mind, but I couldn’t find out what color you liked the best. So, yours is the original color and is hanging between two trees, fairly close to the pool. We have a dog, but he is at the vet clinic right now getting his shots. It’s a male Sheltie named Riley. He is tricolored and has his left ear still half flopped down.” aunt Flora explained.

“Okay.” I replied, since she paused.

“I’m not done.”

“Oh, sorry.”

She smiled. “No problem. Anyways. We also have a barn closer to the edge of the forest. Everyone has their own horse. But, I don’t have one for you yet. I was thinking, if you want, we can go out and get you one. But, in the mean time, you can ride my horse, Wind Dancer. You can just call him Dancer. He’s a seven-year-old, Palomino Quarter Horse. His tack has his name under it in the tack room and his grooming kit has his name on it. Now, we also have an archery field. If you go to the barn, there is a forest path that is behind the barn and has a sign saying “Archery Field” on it, and point down the trail. We have signs with arrows along the trail so you don’t get lost on the way. Also, since we have a huge forest, you can go exploring, as long as you are good at finding your way back. I don’t want you getting lost on me from curiosity.” she laughed a little.

I smiled. “Okay. I won’t. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome sweetheart. You have fun here, okay? I’m just going to check on Brittany.” she winked at me when she said “check”.

“Okay. I’ll probably explore for a while. But, I’ll come back, no worries.”

“Oh, that reminds me.” she said as she walked back to me. “Here is your house key.”

She handed me a gold key on a golden chain. “Thanks.” I said and took the key from her, placing it around my neck.

She nodded her head and left my room. I sat back and inhaled deeply, finally realizing how depressing my life is and how much it has changed. I sighed heavily and sat back up, hopping off my bed. I walked over to my closet and searched everywhere to find what I needed.

Once I found that black sweater from Stitches, I smiled and then frowned. I pulled it off the hanger it was on, put it between my legs and slipped off my other sweater. I placed my gray sweater between my legs and slipped on the black sweater, putting my thumbs in the already made thumbholes in close to the end of the sleeve.

I took my other sweater and brought it to a laundry basket that I found near the shoe shelving unit. I walked out of my closet, zipping up my sweater. Once it was halfway zipped I stopped and walked out of my room. I ran down the stairs and slipped on my white and blue runners. I opened the door and walked out, shutting it behind me.

I walked around the house and as I walked at one side of it, I saw a small, trail that lead into the forest. So, I decided to check it out.

I walked down the path and found my way to this clearing. It was magnificent. There was a large boulder surrounded by healthy, green grass that wasn’t too tall, yet not freshly cut either. There was a small stream that was flowing only a few feet away from the boulder.

I walked over to the stream and I heard the whooshing of the water against the ground that enclosed it to its small amount of room to flow in. I knelt down and looked into the clear water.

My reflection was staring back at me. My light soil brown hair was straight, but up in a messy bun with right, side-swept bangs. My eye-of-the-peacock-green eyes stared at my fair skin that started to show little red bumps. I saw my pale lips change into a frown.

Great. I’m getting acne. Stupid life changing too drastically. I thought angrily.

I got up and looked at the black hoodie I was wearing. I sighed and felt a tear roll down my cheek. I lifted my hand to it and wiped off the drop of salty water from my face, looking at it rest on the tip of my finger.

I got this sweater with Ryan at Stitches one weekend when he had stained his other sweater pretty badly at my house. So, we decided to get a sweater for him to keep at my house so he doesn’t have to worry about his sweater getting dirty. Basically, it was his backup. He said I could wear it whenever I wanted to, but, I normally got him to wear it and then I wore it for a couple of days since it smelt like him.

I looked over at the large boulder and decided to try and climb it. I walked over to it and saw a rather jagged side. I grabbed some jagged rocks and placed the tips of my feet on them, pretty much rock climbing.

When I was back home, before Adam and Ryan died, I would constantly rock climb and horse-back ride. So, I had to admit, I’m not that bad. I still love rock climbing, and I’m thinking of finding a place near here to keep it up, just to preoccupy myself from thinking about my terrible past. Also, I wouldn’t mind getting my own horse. Because, when I ride, I feel more connected to nature, and I feel absolutely free and peaceful. One of my blissful escapes.

I also used to love daydreaming, but, I’m now slightly scared to, considering I can’t always control my thoughts, and if I end up on my past, any depressing part of it, I’m scared I’ll start crying randomly and get unwanted attention.

I reached the top of the boulder and sat down as a small breeze blew back my bangs and breathed in the smell of spring.

It’s the end of April and I’m going to a new school. Not awkward at all! (note the sarcasm).

I looked back down at the stream. Ryan also loved to swim, but not enough to join a team. He said he didn’t want to shave his legs like a girl like all the other guys on the swim team do. I just laughed at him. But, when he would try to get me to swim, I refused. To be honest, I’m scared of water. Well, swimming in it. I’m scared of drowning.

This fear started when I was only five years old. I don’t remember much of my childhood, from when I was six and younger, except this memory is as clear as day. It almost feels like it happened only yesterday.

I was five and at the beach with my mom and Adam. I was running along the beach and then I didn’t listen to my mother. She told me to stay out of the water unless Adam or her were with me. But, when Adam was talking with some random guy about kites and my mom went to the bathroom quickly, I snuck in. However, that was an idiotic move on my part. I couldn’t swim properly and I was under the water, I couldn’t breathe. I saw something dark and flat come towards me. I saw it’s think tail with a spike at the end of it. It was a stingray.

My head popped out of the water, luckily, for a moment and I screamed after the water poured out of my mouth. I heard someone yell that a little girl was drowning and then my head went back under. I saw it swimming only a couple of meters away from me and I remember it was dark under the water. It was almost a dark seaweed green with navy blue and black, all mixed together and foggy a bit from the constant movement of sand from the crashing waves.

Then, someone grabbed me and I looked up for a second to see Adam holding me, worry spilled over his face. Then, I blacked out.

Only a few hours later I woke up in a hospital with beeping machines. My mother and Adam, luckily, didn’t get mad at me. They were actually worried if I was alright, if I felt okay, even asking me where I hurt. My mother told me never to leave her side again, and I promised I wouldn’t. That, was the day I began my fear of swimming, drowning, and of stingrays.

I still remember my mother’s face when she knew I was alright. Her dark brunette, wavy hair was up in a messy bun, like mine is now. She smiled at me with her red lipstick covered lips and her blue eyes stood out with relief.

See, my dad had sunny blond hair with green eyes. So, I got light brown hair with a greenish-blue color for my eyes. Pretty weird, huh.

I looked down at my watch after I pulled my thumb out of the thumbhole and pulled back my sleeve a bit. It was around eight thirty. I decided it was time to head back and placed my thumb in the thumbhole again. I shifted over to the side of the boulder where the jagged rocks were.

I climbed down carefully and when I reached the bottom, I felt proud of myself. I smiled and stretched my arms above my head before I walked down the path I remember so well.

I don’t have a great head for languages, Math, Science, or History but I can retain memories and names very well. Therefore, I’m amazing at Geography, luckily. But, I’m actually slightly good at Math, Science and History, since I can remember the names of things, but dates and numbers we’re and never will be my strong point.

When I exited the forest, the sun was almost done setting. An array of colors, pink, orange, red, purple and yellow covered the sky almost like it was painted over the fading blue the sky normally is.

I walked back to the house and opened the door. I walked in, slipped off my shoes and walked up to my room. I took a nice, calming and relaxing shower and then changed into my black and white striped pajama pants and my yellow t-shirt that says ‘I’m Not As Think As You Drunk I Am’. I walked over to my bed when there was a nock on my door.

“Come in.” I said and the door opened to reveal aunt Flora and uncle Dave.

“Hello Marie-Anne sweetheart.” said aunt Flora and she walked over to me, uncle Dave following her.

“He aunt Flora. Hey uncle Dave.” I replied, a faint smile possessing my lip.

“Please, call us mom and dad.” said uncle Dave.

“Um, okay.” I said.

“Goodnight sweetheart.” said aunt Flo-, I mean, mom while hugging me.

I hugged her back. “Night, mom.” I said and she kissed my cheek then let go.

Uncle Da-, I mean dad, came over next and lifted me up again while hugging me. “Goodnight Marie-Anne-girl.” he said, before kissing my other cheek.

I hugged back. “Goodnight, dad.” I replied.

He placed me back down and I smiled at both of them.

“Sweet Dreams. And, you can sleep in as late as you want. The kitchen is right beside dad’s study. Okay?” mom informed me.

“Okay. Thanks. See you guys tomorrow.” I smiled while getting under my duvet.

“You bet.” said dad and they both left.

I lay down in my bed after taking off my pajama pants, leaving on only my black panties and my t-shirt. Also, I remembered to place a clear nose strip on the end of my nose, above my nostrils. I have a thin nose, so, I don’t always get enough air in my lungs when I sleep, ergo, causing a bad nights sleep. So, I wear these Breathe Right strips that help open my nostrils my forcing them to flare a bit and I get a good sleep.

I closed my eyes in a faint happiness. I have an escape in the forest. I have a hammock that I can just nap or read in. I have the option of getting a horse. I will soon have a dog as a companion. I have mu aunt and uncle who are now my mom and dad and love me like Adam, my real mom, and my real dad did. And, I now have a home to stay in, with a fairly nice room!

But, why do I still have an empty feeling inside me? I thought and sighed heavily. It’s probably from all my loses in my life.

I just closed my eyes and curled up under my duvet, feeling warm and safe. I turned on my fan, since I can’t fall asleep without noise, and I soon fell into a deep sleep.