Chapter Five: Rising Sun, Falling Dreams

I walked the edge of the island twice before the sun rose. It was not a full circle- the cliffs on either side prevented me from traversing the circumference of the island- but I was exhausted, and several times stopped just to converse with the moon. I asked it why it was so happy when my life was so miserable, and pled with it to send my family whispers of me. I rallied at its mocking, cried at its coldness, and finally collapsed on the beach to watch it bleed silver upon the water.

And when the sun began to take over the sky, I got up, found my way back to the path, and faced the shadows of the castle. Shadows that seemed to reach through me and darken my heart. It looked even colder now, with the warmth of the sun rising behind it, and the night still clinging to its face. It felt colder, with the new, unwelcome memories, the dread I tried to smother, the emptiness that began to overtake me.

It was hard to drag myself up that path. I felt like I was a disobedient dog, limping back to an owner that did not deserve its obedience, unable to go elsewhere because there was no other home for it. There was nobody to love me, nobody to care for me, nobody to care about me, no one else to run to, so up the hill I went, hoping only for a clean dress and some food.

I heard laughter as I entered the castle; I would have ignored it and gone upstairs to change but for the enticing smell of sausage and toast that gave me pause. But Étaín‘s simpering smile as she disdainfully eyed me on her way down the stairs changed my mind, and I started past her tiredly. It occurred to me that I would have to go into Kainan’s room to find my clothes. I was not sure if I had the strength just yet to look at him without losing my temper or breaking down in tears.

Adina came out of the dining room then, and she looked at me with concern. “Are you… are you hurt?” She touched my arm, grasped my hand . “Come; Kainan is still asleep. I’ll find you a dress.”

She led me up to one of the rooms on the second floor; it boasted an ornate screen in the corner, several gowns flung over it, a bath in one corner, a stand with a porcelain pitcher and bowl. I washed my face while she rummaged through a trunk filled with undergarments, and while I dealt with my hair, she found me a blue gown that looked remarkably akin to one I had once owned.

“Are you going to be all right?” She watched me as I dressed.

For a moment, I did not answer. I did not know. Could I paste on a smile and tell her everything would be fine? Could I tell her I was hurt without losing myself to tears that would last for days on end? I swallowed the emotions that clogged my throat with words dying to be released, and simply nodded. To avoid her eyes, I walked to the mirror on its stand and gazed at myself in the reflective glass.

There were dark circles beneath my eyes; my skin looked too pale, my eyes too tumultuous. I could feel the sand still clinging to the roots of my hair. I felt used, dirty, worthless. The blue dress covered the bruise on my hip, the long scrape on my left leg, the purpling skin on my arm. I fingered the lace, and wondered how the sins of the night did not mar my skin. There was only the burning shame of my heart to give me away, and I forbade my heart to ever again show upon my sleeve.

Adina came to stand beside me. “You are beautiful,” she said, and I forced myself to smile at her. She seemed so untouched by Kainan’s cruelty, though her lip still showed the slightly swollen evidence of his beating, and her neck bore blue marks where his fingers had tightened around it.

I studied her face in the mirror. Her eyes, hazel, wide, innocent, were windows to a kindred soul, and they spoke of a tender heart. A heart perhaps too sensitive at times. Her heart-shaped face was flecked with freckles, framed by wild orange curls, and somewhat doll-like in its innocent perfection. How had she survived Kainan? How long had she been here?

“Étaín and Mira; are they happy here?” They seemed to be content in their prison. But Adina shook her head.

“Mira pretends not to care; she hides behind her impassive façade to avoid going insane with Kainan‘s abuse. Étaín… every day, she comes up with a new plot to gain Kainan’s attention. She does not love him, but he is a man she cannot conquer, and that annoys her.” She sighed, rubbed her belly. “She will probably attack you for a while, until Kainan puts a stop to it.”

I turned and put a hand on her arm. “And you? How do you survive him? How will you survive him?” I desperately wanted some way to shield her, protect her unborn child.

She shrugged a little. “I have hope that one day I will be free to love the father of my child without fear of Kainan’s hand. I had a month of complete freedom; I live on those memories until my day of freedom comes.”

Her eyes shone so brightly, and she was so naïve. It was then that I committed myself to distracting Kainan from her. What did I have to lose? He had already ruined me; I had no future in the outside world without my family and my friends. Adina had a hope. Adina had a future. She deserved it more than I did.

“You must be starved!” she said suddenly, grasping my hand. “Let’s join the others for breakfast.”

I smiled at her, hiding the fact that I would rather collapse on the floor and sleep.

As soon as we entered the small dining room, Étaín stared at me with a new kind of venom in her cerulean eyes. She took in my dress, my hair, my face, and then she lifted her chin. In a way, she was magnificent. Her eyes sparked with life, her blonde hair fell in soft, perfect waves to frame features that were just a little too sharp. But she knew where her beauty lay, and she used it to her best advantage.

“Well.” She raised an eyebrow. “You know, you look almost pretty in that color. If one likes bedraggled sea urchins that crawl in looking like the dead.”

No one laughed with her as she attempted to insult me; Mira seemed to ignore all three of us completely, and Adina just lowered her eyes. I remained silent, and sat down to eat. The toast was smothered with butter and jam, and I just barely kept myself from devouring it in one bite.

“What’s your story, urchin?” She fiddled with a lock of her golden hair and smirked.

I did not care to tell her about my life before this island, so I kept on eating, helping myself to tea, sausage, and a hardboiled egg.

“I’ll bet you were a rich girl.” She tilted her head. “All stuck up and prim. You think you’re better than us, don’t you.”

Adina spoke up. “Étaín…” Her voice was shaky, and she did not get anything else out.

Étaín leaned forward. “You’ve probably had everything you ever wanted in your life. I’ll bet they all kissed your feet where you come from. I’ll bet you never worked for anything,” she scoffed at me. “I’ll bet you went running to daddy every time something didn’t go your way. Well, urchin, who’s going to rescue you now? You’re used goods. Your family wouldn’t want you if they knew you were still alive.”

That one stung, but I ignored it and let her keep going.

“You can’t even look up at me and deny it, can you, princess?” she said. “Your family’s love was conditional, and now that you’re used, they wouldn’t even look at you. Your daddy would turn you away like a beggar.”

She waited for me to respond, twirling her hair and challenging me with her eyes. From the corner of my vision, I could see her smugness; she thought I had nothing to combat her with. Adina was afraid of Étaín. I could tell by the way her eyes never quite met the older woman’s gaze, the way she fiddled with her fork and opened her mouth to defend me, but couldn’t.

“You act so wounded, urchin.” Étaín delicately picked up her fine china cup and sipped some tea. “Staying out all night, wandering like a lost soul.” When she put down her cup, it rattled. “I’ll bet when Kainan took you, you screamed. You’ll claim it was forced,” she bored her blue eyes into me and leered, “but I’ll bet you want more.”

Something inside me snapped. Adina’s shocked face; Étaín’s smirk; the words about my family; the smug jab that I somehow found pleasure in Kainan’s abuse. It had begun to build up within me like fire that I just barely held back, but at her last comment, everything went cold.

I finally looked at her. “Kainan tells me you were a whore,” I said, without blinking.

Étaín froze. Her eyes narrowed just the slightest, and she slowly rose from the table. “How dare you---!”

“How dare I?” I scoffed. “Do you expect me to take your spite without a word? Like a mute servant? I won’t. I’m not a toy, Étaín. I won’t be your doll to shove around and order as you like.”

She lifted her chin a little. “Who says I want to order you around, urchin?”

“You want control over me just as much as you want Kainan to favor you in your bed. You were the favorite whore in your brothel, and you cannot bear to be the lowest in his eyes.” I felt no remorse for the harsh words. Instead, a spark of life rose up in me again. It was life of a different kind. Survival.

“You won‘t be Kainan‘s favorite forever,” she said softly, harshly. “And when the day comes that he casts you aside, you won’t be so proud.”

I shook my head. “I look forward to the day he casts me aside, Étaín. When that day comes, I will be free. And you will be ever his puppet, unable to untangle his strings.”

From the daggers that shot out of her eyes, I knew I had won this argument. I also knew that this was not the end of it. Étaín would not rest until she had dominance over me, just as she had control over Adina and Mira. And I could see in her eyes a fear- a fear that if I rose against her, the others would as well. She did not want to be below us. Somehow, she thought herself better than us. Seeing that I did not care to play her games only shoved the splinter deeper that she was only a toy to Kainan, and she could not change it, no matter how hard she tried.

With a slight hiss, she swept out of the room, and slammed the door.

I turned to look at Adina. Her hand was over her mouth, and her eyes were wide. Mira, too, was looking at me with a shocked gaze. I knew then that neither of them would ever have dared to speak to Étaín that way. She must have been Kainan’s favorite for too long.

Smiling slightly, I went back to eating my breakfast.

“She’ll do everything she can to spite you, you know.” Mira spoke to me for the first time. Her voice was low, husky, and she had a slight accent. French?

I nodded. “I know.”

With a slight laugh, Mira shook her head. “Wrath has no match but Étaín.”

I only smiled, and Mira finished her breakfast without another word. She left the room without so much as another glance in my direction. Adina was not eating; she had cracked open her egg, scooped out a bite, and then left it on her plate. Her eyes were lowered to the table. I looked at her. Was she going to be sick? She covered her mouth with one hand.

And then she started to cry.

Immediately, I reached out a hand. “Adina, what’s wrong?”

Taking a shaky breath, she shook her head. “I was just thinking… how Étaín… she cannot abide that anyone be happier than she.” She sniffled, and I handed her my napkin. She seemed to have lost hers.

“She is a diva.” I tightened my grasp on Adina’s fingers and smiled a little. “At least now she will be upset with me, instead of with you or Mira.”

Adina shrugged a little, still sniffling. “If it hadn’t been for Étaín’s jealousy, Kainan would never have known about Zuberi and our child.”

I blinked slightly. “Zuberi?”

The panic that came into Adina’s eyes was nearly tangible. She opened her mouth, covered it, then closed her eyes. Her breathing sped up slightly. Was she afraid I would tell Kainan? I did not blame her. If Étaín was right, I was his favorite, and therefore I had his ear. I could manipulate these women however I wanted, and they did not know that I had no intention of doing so. Not even Étaín, in her jealousy and spite, deserved Kainan’s wrath.

Softly, I squeezed her fingers. “He’s one of the slaves?”

She looked at me, and her eyes were pleading. “Please, don’t tell Kainan,” she whispered. “He will kill him.”

I shook my head. “Not a word of this will reach Kainan. Not by my mouth.”

Her soft smile made it worth the pain I knew would come to me in the future. Every secret I kept from Kainan became a risk of inducing his abuse. It was a path of destruction, but it was the only path I could take and keep my conscience clear of causing others pain. In my heart, I felt as though I had been destroyed already. I released Adina’s hand, stood.

Exhaustion hit me just as soon as I rose from the chair. Never had my body gone against me with something so debilitating. Everything swayed; Adina’s face blurred before my eyes, and I stumbled backwards. Something stopped me from falling. It was hard, but it was not the wall. It had arms, hands, warmth; it had a voice, and that voice shot adrenaline through my veins.

“You ought to be in bed,” Kainan said, and I struggled to right myself. I had no time. He swept me off of my feet in one move, and smiled at me like a hawk.

I did not want to be there, in the arms that had pinned me to the ground and given me pain only eight hours before. I did not want to feel the warmth of his skin, nor see the eyes that pierced my soul, nor hear the loathed voice that mocked my pain. But he carried me out of the dining room, up the stairs, and into his room before I could so much as conjure up words to speak.

Chills ran over me when he lay me on his bed. Memories flashed through my mind; the breath my lungs could not hold with him shoving me down; the sand scraping the back of my neck and flinging into my eyes; the hard laugh when he was done with me; the taunting moon. I close my eyes and tried to breathe. He was right there beside me, and his hand was softly caressing my cheek.

“Afraid?” He coiled a strand of my hair around his finger.

I clenched my jaw. “I should not lower myself to fear a dog,” the words flew from my tongue, and I tensed in expectation of a blow.

“No,” he said instead. “And you should not fear me, neither.”

I looked at him, meeting my fears with a brave gaze. I said nothing, feeling the heaviness of exhaustion join the blackness that dragged on my soul, cursing myself for flinching away when he again touched my face.

“So long as you obey me, I mean you no harm.” His lips twitched just slightly, a ghost of a smile. “I only want a son, and then you may leave.” He took a deep breath, ran his fingers lightly down to my stomach. “Can you produce me an heir?”

I pushed away the bile that rose in my throat at the thought. “What do you want with a son?”

He tilted his head, and his brown hair fell over his brow. There was calculation in his gaze; he blinked for a moment, and then his eyes slid down my face to my neck. He fiddled with the lace on my dress. “I need a son to carry on my name, take over when I die.”

“Take over what?” I ignored the fingers softly stealing up my neck. “Your reign of piracy? Murder? What kind of legacy is that for a son to carry on?”

His eyes sparked just slightly, but he smiled. “You are a clever woman, Ione,” he addressed me by my name for the first time in five days. “Are you spiting me to avoid the intimacies of being in my bed?” He shook his head, and I lowered my eyes. “I know your schemes.”

I turned my head away when he kissed my neck. “Will you at least have the decency to let me sleep before you ravage me again?”

The words had no visible effect on him. There was no shame that he had used me so forcefully, no anger that I accused him of such indecencies. He only traced the line of my neck, and sighed softly. “Sleep, then.”

He was not going to leave the room. Slowly, I rolled over, putting my back to him. I was laying on my left leg; the leg that bore wounds from sliding into the boat last night, but I ignored the soreness and closed my eyes. Could I sleep with Kainan laying behind me, his hands sliding over my waist, his breath warming the back of my neck?

But with my eyes closed, I saw the night replayed over and over again. I agonized over what I could have done, how I could have escaped him. I was tormented with the recurring feeling that somehow it had been my fault. Perhaps if I had not incurred his wrath upon me, would he have let me be? I saw myself on the dock, remembered the shame of knowing that my family thought I was still so innocent, and I lost my breath. The pressure upon my heart was too great.

So I opened my eyes, and I stared at the wall. I could not tell if Kainan fell asleep behind me, but it seemed that I lay for hours before suddenly, I was dreaming.

I dreamt that I had fallen into the sea, and glass lay between me and plunging upward to air. My family walked upon this glass, and as they passed over me, my father looked down at me and shook his head in shame. The moon shone smugly above me, and boasted that it could command anything that came into its presence, but it would not let me through the glass to breathe air.

Then Kainan came to me with the tail of a fish in place of his legs, and he pressed his lips to mine, and he sucked all of the air from my lungs. He swirled around me with a dark rope, and bound me to a rock at the bottom of the sea. Then, flicking his black tail, he told me that I was his queen.

And he laughed.

__

A/N: I have to say, I am in love with the end of this chapter.

Ahem. Anyway. This chapter is dedicated to cinnamon zombie, because she demanded it. ;) Kidding. She deserves this dedication; she's been story-stalking me for a long time, and she's a big encouragement for me to keep going.

I surpassed my 15k goal by 395 words. ;) just 9,605 words more and I'll be halfway done with my NaNoWriMo goal. :D

~Mara

P.S. If you want me to finish, please drop a word and review. It helps my muse and wordflow immensely to have some encouragement.