30 Minutes to Neverland

by Hannah Smith

"You shouldn't do that."

"Do what?"

"You shouldn't smoke so much."

"Why not? It's good for you."

"No, it's not."

"You'll understand when you're older."

"I am older. I'm as old as you. I'm 20."

"I'm 25."

"No, you're not."

"Look at my driver's license."

"Well, 5 years isn't even that far apart. 20 is like 25 in dog years."

"Go back to preschool."

"Anyway, look at these bills. How are we ever going to pay these bills when you're buying cigarettes all the time?"

"I'll pay 'em. I'm magic."

"You are not."

"I'm friggin' Peter Pan."

"Quit playing. I'm serious."

"Jack, Wendy, all you have to do is think happy thoughts and they'll lift you into the air."

"I'm not kidding. Look at these bills."

"It's about 30 minutes to Neverland from here."

"Read that number."

"I can't read. Read it to me, won't you? Read it like a bedtime story."

"Oh, come on. Even you know you can't do this forever. You can't just sit around and smoke cigarettes all day and not even--"

"I take out the trash, thank you very much."

"--and not even pretend to be looking for a job. You said you'd go job hunting last month."

"I did. They were out of season."

"You didn't even look."

"It's illegal to hunt when it isn't job season."

"I can't keep calling my parents and asking for money. What are they going to think when their daughter brings home a girlfriend who won't even--"

"What are they going to think when their daughter brings home a girlfriend in general?"

"They'll get over it. This isn't the 1800s."

"Debatable."

"Anyway, I can't keep bothering them about money. You ought to be doing something."

"I am doing something. I'm looking at the classifieds right now. I've got the newspaper right here."

"You're reading the comics."

"There are about as many jobs in the comics as there are in the classifieds."

"You're a lunatic."

"I'm a genius. I'm a friggin' genius."

"So get a job."

"You know, you ought to take up smoking. It'll take the edge off that sweet little voice of yours."

"You're not as cute as you used to be."

"You're not as cute as I used to be, either."

"You're a waste of space."

"I'm a V.I.P."

"What would you do if I broke up with you? And kicked you out of my apartment? What would you do then?"

"I'd hit the road, Jack. I'd walk the tracks. I'd be a railroad bum."

"And see, that's exactly why I can't break up with you."

"I'd hop on a train to Kalamazoo. K-A-L-A-M-A-Z-O-Oh what a gal..."

"I can't leave you by yourself, because you'd end up hitchhiking with an axe murderer or selling both your kidneys or living in an opium den or something crazy like that. And like it or not, I still care about you."

"An opium den? I thought you said this wasn't the 1800s, Dorian Gray."

"I still care about you, and I still love you, even though it's stupid and silly and you're never going to listen to a word I say."

"Hey, let's train-hop together. I've got a great idea. Let's train-hop together, and ride all the way to Norway. We can learn to speak Norwegian and do Norwegian things."

"You can't ride a train to Europe."

"'When in Norway, do as the Norwegians do.'"

"This isn't going to work, you know that? We can't keep pretending forever, you and me."

"It's not pretending. It's real. It's you and me and the friggin' Velveteen Rabbit real."

"You're worthless."

"I'm a poet."

"You're useless."

"I'm friggin' Emily Dickinson."