We sat on the ground, unusual and out of place, in front of his door. We discussed the many significant and insignificant matters of life, of which we laughed about and got fights over. These fights were always friendly and made me smile just as much as the jokes would make me laugh. My relatives, I loved them. They made me love life, so losing them would be like losing my life.

I was the silent child of all and I sat there in the circle of our generations. I know I’m bothered by being called silent and shy by people who don’t know me. This bothers me, because they’re right. Unlike them, I can’t accept my own personality just yet. I do not pretend to be different than I am, but hate it when someone makes a statement out of it. It’s the fear of losing those new people in my life, just by being myself. I often wonder.. Why do I have the friend I still have left? Half of them are gone already. I was me, so they left. It was a painful stab in the heart and I’ve realized it hasn’t healed yet, but I avoid the pain by hiding it. Though I know, a band-aid has no healing powers.

But, my relatives, they accept me. I dare to speak my mind, even if that doesn’t happen often. I can sit silently and observe. I feel best that way, because I need time to think. Everything crosses my mind at any moment, that’s why I don’t speak too much. There are certain people I prefer to have around me, because I feel safe, happy and warm when they are close. They might not know that, it’s better they don’t. I should not depend on it.

So we sat there, as a unity. I felt warm inside, my heart didn’t skip a beat. It dared to keep me alive. My brother and I had just moved out of the house, and I guess we were celebrating the start of our ‘new’ lives. He got many gifts and so did I. With a smile on my face I looked over at those gifts, not thinking of the materials, but the thought behind them. My aunt had given me melons. They stood there, in front of the door to my new life. Melons. I had to keep myself from laughing.

The smile, I lost it then. I stood up and looked down at my legs. I felt the faces of my relatives stare up at me. There was an orange snake crawling at my feet and I was frozen by it’s appearance. My uncle tried to scare it away, but it didn’t work. Slowly the snake twisted around my left leg and made it’s way up to my tummy. The fear choked me. My heart cried in vain, voicing the feelings of every cell in my body. My thoughts screamed helplessly to my conscience, but a signal was blocked by an imaginary iron wall in my brain, and it was unable to be put into movement.

Slowly, the images of my relatives disappeared before me. My whole body turned cold and the ice fought to take over my beating heart. The snake’s eyes pierced me with it’s fearsome eyes, it didn’t let me go for a second. The smooth beast started to bind me with it’s long body and squeezed the last breaths out of my lungs. I didn’t even struggle, because I couldn’t find a way to break the iron wall. In any possible way I was left alone, unaware of any purpose for me to live for. Crying was a useless sign of weakness at this moment, but the tears were forces out of my eyes. Once they started falling, they poured like bucket of cold water falling.

Still, somewhere far away a voice echoed it’s way into me. It rang a bell in my heart and warmed it up for only a second. Quickly I opened my eyes, but I had become blind by the snake’s poison. I wished I could twist my ears like a dog does, but then I wondered if any of my wishes ever came true. The soft echo of this voice was what I longed for, at the moment I was losing consciousness. My last breath was too long ago, my heart gave over and was crystallized by black ice. It was time to say goodbye to my solid life form and descend to the sky.

But then a chain of light wound itself around my wrists and pulled me back with a great force. From that unexpectedly soft chain a warmth was spread and revived my soul. The energy of my life, it inhabited my heart once again.

Two hot hands pushed my chest. My left hand was held inside a firm fist of entwined fingers. I could feel many hands shake me from everywhere. My legs, my arms and even my head. It was as if their life energy was transferred into my limbs and got sucked into my heart.

And then it thumped. I inhaled, so strongly that I hurt my lungs. The voice told me to open my eyes. I heard more voices on the background, they sounded relieved. So, I moved my eyelids, expecting the darkness I saw before, but above me were the colors I’ve always known. A pair of blue eyes blinked twice before settling to cry. It made me cry too.

The eyes, belonging to my brother, were never poisoned by these unnecessary tears before. I told him not to cry, even though I was crying just as much.

He said there was no way he couldn’t. they were a liquid form of his relieve.

Behind him appeared the faces of my relatives once again. I sat up and observed them, completely astounded. Speechless, I tried to form a smile with my cracked lips. They appreciated the thought, even though I failed. They said there’s more to life than the towering darkness within our hearts.

After all, you can’t emit darkness, for it is merely a lack of light. So, might you ever be consumed by darkness, remind yourself that without light, there couldn’t be dark. So just follow the little dot that spreads the light, no matter how small.

I’m sure that someday, it will feed itself with happiness and grow to the size of the sun.

As a note of explanation, i'll tell you that this outpour of my feelings was a result of a dream i had.

I often have dreams that are symbolic for a happening or something other important in my life. I think that, if you remember, you too have those dreams. In fact, every dream stands for something. It shows you, in a tricky way, what your deepest desires are, for example.

To me, they have shown me the way i truly feel. There's an always returning subject that shows in my dreams and takes in many forms. I've learned form this, that there's a part of me i haven't accepted.

Now, this 'story' was pretty much my dream. It was, of course, a little different than the real thing, but if i told you what litterally happened, it would be an even more vague story. i took the messages, the 'symbols' and the 'storyline'. Also, i made an ending (it's always hard to remember the real ending of a dream, because it's usually at the point i wake up).

Relatives/family appearing in a dream means the love, the warmth and the safety you feel when you're around them.

The snake tells me that, if i'm correct, there are hidden fears or sorrows within me, of which i am not aware. This, in combination with my relatives that appeared, means i have hidden fears or sorrows that has got to do with them.

I already know what this means, but it's too personal to explain that right now. Although this story is already very personal.

*Any spelling or grammar mistakes may be due to english being my second language*