I did it. I killed a man today. He had it coming, after all. It wasn’t very hard. He begged like a child too. My father never swayed when I did that as a boy, so why should I? I smiled as I walked through the stupid little white picket fence that encloses my yard.

No barking from the neighbor’s yard. That was a relief. I had, of course, taken care of the damn dog too. I pushed the key into the lock of my door and twisted. I needed to clean the house soon. How long until they found his body and came asking? I sighed and flipped the light switch. They’d come sooner than that, actually, because they’d want to know if I knew why he’d gone missing. They wouldn’t find any evidence.

The answering machine was flashing. Jennifer must have been calling. Here comes another lecture. I decided to save it for later and take a shower. As I threw my clothes in the washer and stepped under the hot water, I marveled at the silence. No loud dog. No drunk, obnoxious neighbor. No nagging girlfriend. I smiled. As of now, life was good.

Jennifer called me again while I was in the shower. Why did she have to be so damn persistent? I threw some clothes on and grabbed a dry towel. I pressed the play button on the machine and then began to towel off my dripping hair. She sounded pissed and even used my whole name. Apparently I conveniently forgot we had plans tonight. What a shame.

I rolled my eyes at the message and threw the towel on a chair. I grabbed the cordless phone and dialed Jennifer's number. She answered on the second ring. Silence hung over the phone.

“What, no hello?” I asked, trying not to sound smug. That was all it took.

“Benjamin, what the hell? This is the second time you’ve STOOD ME UP! What’s your problem? Are you getting tired of me?”

I grabbed the towel from the chair and began to walk to the washer. “Of course not, Jennifer,” I started soothingly. She cut me off in her anger. I hated it when she did that.

“Then why do you keep doing this? You don’t even seem interested anymore! Are you listening?” I threw the towel in the hamper.

She was becoming hysterical. “Jen,” I muttered, “hold on.” She interrupted again. I clenched my teeth. She was more upset than usual. I almost felt bad. Almost.

“Jenny,” I said, louder this time. “Calm down; hold on.” She finally quieted down. I formulated the words in my head. Then I realized her breathing was ragged. I narrowed my eyes in confusion.

“Are you crying?”

She took a deep, shuddering breath. “No, I’m not. What were you going to say?”

Great. Now she was crying. I sighed. “Jen, I didn’t stand you up on purpose.” I was just killing my annoying neighbor. “I got held up at work.” I laughed inwardly to myself. She wasn’t swayed.

“Ben,” she said, suddenly sounding tired. My name came out in a sigh.

“No, I’m not done,” I continued. She waited wordlessly. I needed to appease her somehow. What a hassle. “I know it’s no excuse. I’ll make it up to you.”

She tried to argue. I guess I couldn’t blame her for thinking I might stand her up again. “Jen,” I said harshly to get her attention. I was beginning to grow tired of this game. I softened my tone. “Please let me?”

She was silent. Finally after a long time she sighed. “Okay,” she said in defeat. I smiled and grabbed a coke out of the fridge. I win.

“Ben?” she asked.

“Yeah?”

She was silent for a moment. “Can I come over tonight?”

I hesitated. Why did she…well that was a stupid question. I supposed she just wanted to feel comforted. I really should try harder with her.

“Sure, Jen. You want me to come get you?”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll drive.”

“Okay. See you in a few.” I hung up and snapped the coke open. I wondered if she’d notice the absence of the neighbor and his dog.

2

I knew this was a mistake. She was still on the verge of tears. How was I supposed to celebrate my liberation with her here needing my comfort?

We sat on the couch not really doing anything. I kept reassuring her that I was simply working late and I forgot that we had plans because of stress. And yet, she still seemed unsure.

“Jen, aren’t you tired?”

She flushed in either anger or embarrassment, but I couldn’t tell which one. “Are you?” Guess I should have seen that one coming. I shrugged.

“A little bit. It is kind of late.”

She looked at her hands which were knotted in her lap. Her face held a mixture of so many emotions that I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. And then she looked at me with a expression of surprise. What now?

“It’s a little quiet here tonight, isn’t it?”

I was surprised. I didn’t actually think she’d notice his absence. Although, the missing dog was more understandable.

“I know. Maybe the drunk took that bastard to the pound.” I couldn’t help but smile at my inside joke. Jennifer looked horrified at the thought. I realized my mistake at once. That would offend her, seeing as she was a vet. I feigned remorse.

“Shit, sorry Jen. I wasn’t thinking.”

She didn’t seem to notice. “Do you really think he did that? I know the dog was annoying, but that would be terrible!”

“No I don’t think he did that. I was just joking. Sorry if it bothered you.”

She sighed. “No, it’s okay. I think it’d drive me crazy if I lived by him too. Come to think of it, he’s being awfully quiet tonight too.”

Don’t smile. Don’t do it. “Yeah, he is. Maybe he’s out.” She didn’t say anything, and instead sat in silence, presumably thinking. I wondered what was going through her head.

“Ben?” she asked suddenly. I looked at her for a cue to continue. “I’m sorry I said all that stuff to you. I know you’re busy too. I just hope you’ll remember to call if something comes up again. Okay?”

Interesting. “I still should have called. I’m sor-” She kissed me before I finished. She leaned back slowly, blushing.

“I told you I’m sorry, so you stop apologizing,” she muttered.

She meant it. I skipped tonight so I could kill my neighbor and she was the one apologizing. I knew this would be worth it. I leaned forward, pulled her face close and kissed her again. She responded instantly. Was this what she wanted when she came here tonight?

I pulled away to take a deep breath. “Jen, I have work tomorrow,” I managed. She sighed and smiled.

“I understand. So do I anyway. I should go—”

“It’s too late; stay here tonight,” I insisted. “You never know what psychopaths are out there anyway.” Haha. Funny, Ben.

She flushed. “Okay.”

Once she was asleep I slipped out of the bed. So quiet. I walked into the kitchen and pulled the curtains over. The lights in his house were out and there was no barking dog. I leaned against the ledge and stared. How long would it be before someone came to check on him? Two days? Three days? He couldn’t officially be missing for three.

I know because Dan wasn’t my first victim.

I smiled, thinking of the first person I’d ever killed. I was a loner in high school. I was the kid who didn’t really fit in anywhere and so all the jocks picked on him. They used to shove me around and put me into trash cans upside down. But if high school was my living hell, home was worse than hell.

My father was a cop, and a drunken one. I really hated drunks. They completely lost control of themselves because of a bitter drink, and worst of all, they did it on purpose. The taste of alcohol never really jived with me anyway. I preferred coke; however, my father had a thing for whiskey. He used to beat me, so it became commonplace for me to not be home. But even when I wasn’t at home or school, those guys always managed to find me.

One day when I was avoiding home, the leader of the gang found me loitering in a secluded area behind a pathetic old drug store. He decided it would be a good idea to make fun of me until his crew showed up. I’d had enough of him and his friends, so I killed him. I didn’t plan it or anything, but before I knew it, he wasn’t moving. I checked his pulse and at first I started to freak out. But, you know what, then I decided that it doesn’t matter. He had it coming too.

I despised my father’s career as a cop, and didn’t think he knew shit about how to solve a case. For this reason, I didn’t have any compulsion to turn myself in if I had a chance of freedom. So I covered my tracks and left as soon as I was sure there was no evidence left.

My dad never figured out who killed the guy and eventually they thought that maybe it was just a homeless man looking for easy cash. The best part is that the gang always knew it was me, but they couldn’t prove it so I was home free. They never bothered me again. I was only seventeen years old then.

Besides my neighbor, I haven’t killed a man since then. I won’t say I haven’t been tempted though. I was never really afraid to do it if I had to, and the need didn’t arise until now. I put a lot of thought into this kill, so there’s no way they’ll be able to prove it was me, if they even suspected it.

I sighed and drew the curtains back. I turned around and leaned against the counter again, closing my eyes and tilting my head back. It’s one thing to kill a man out of necessity, and another to enjoy it. I knew there was probably something wrong with me. I smiled. But if there was something wrong, no one else seemed to notice it. Even Jen’s sister, Margaret, who happens to be a certified psychologist, thought I was perfectly normal. My smile widened. It was just too ironic.

I was busy relishing in my accomplishments when Jen called me. My smile disappeared immediately. “Ben?” she called. She sounded exhausted. I guess that was it for my celebration. I sighed and pushed away from the counter.

“Coming,” I responded so she’d stop calling my name. I walked slowly back to my room. She was sitting up on the bed. Her hair was disheveled. I’d loaned her some of my clothes to sleep in, and the shirt she wore hung slightly over her shoulder. The moonlight shone on her face.

“Where’d you go?” she asked.

I smiled and climbed on the bed. “Just wanted a drink of water,” I lied smoothly. She bought it without question. She blushed at our proximity. Her shyness never ceased to surprise me. I brushed some of her hair aside and fixed her shirt. This resulted in an even deeper blush. She looked away, determined not to look at my face.

“Sorry if I worried you,” I whispered. Now she definitely wouldn’t look at me. I tried not to smirk.

“No, it’s okay.” She didn’t want to seem to dependant.

“We should probably go back to sleep then.” She nodded and I lied down by her. After a moment, she gained some confidence and rolled over into my chest and wrapped an arm around me.

“Your place is much better without all that noise,” she mumbled into my chest. I smiled. At least I wasn’t the only one benefiting from this.

“Yeah. I wish he were always this quiet.” The smile remained on my face as I fell asleep, and I had good dreams that night.

3

I woke up warm. It was a good feeling, this warmth. I wasn’t quite sure where it was coming from, though. The alarm clock was loud and annoying. Jennifer moaned in frustration and pushed herself closer to me. Ah, she was the warmth. I forgot she stayed the night. I opened my eyes.

I needed to get up but Jen wouldn’t let me. When I tried to move, she clutched me tighter. “Jen,” I rasped. Too early in the morning. “I need to get ready for work.”

She sighed and let go unwillingly. I understood her annoyance. I wanted to go back to sleep too. We both sat up and she rubbed her eyes tiredly. I yawned and pushed the blanket away, which I regretted immediately.

I walked into the bathroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth. When I came out Jen was in the kitchen grabbing her stuff. I watched her fumble around for everything. When she noticed me standing there a blush spread over her face.

“I need to go home and get ready,” she said. I knew that.

“Yeah,” I said. She stood there awkwardly for a moment, not sure what to do, before putting everything down and advancing towards me. I raised an eyebrow. She reached up and did something to fix my hair. I guess it was messy. Then she tried to hurry away, but I grabbed her wrist.

“Be careful,” I said, before pulling her closer and kissing her. After a few moments I let her go, and she seemed a little dazed.

“Sure,” she murmured.

She scuffled about, grabbing her coat, keys, and purse. I smiled while watching this. After she was gone I took a quick shower and finished getting ready.

When I walked outside I saw some patrol cars parked on the street. I narrowed my eyes. This was a bit early wasn’t it? Maybe they were here for something else. It must be a coincidence. I waved as I walked to my car.

I trudged through the day and finally got off work. I couldn’t stop thinking about those cops on my street. It wouldn’t bother me if it were just one cop car, but there were two. There must be more to this story.

I quickly went over my process, making sure I didn’t forget anything about Dan’s untimely death. I should be in the clear. When I got home the cops were gone but there was another car idling on the side of the street that I didn’t recognize. What was this about?

I parked my car and started to walk to my door, keeping my eye on the car the whole time. It was empty. Where was the driver? I pushed my key into the lock and opened the door. As I pushed it open, someone tapped on my shoulder.

I froze for a second. Don’t be so suspicious, Ben. I put on a fake smile and turned around. The man who stood in front of me looked like he’d just stepped out of a detective movie, trench coat, shades and all. But he clearly wasn’t a cop. What the hell.

“Can I help you?” I asked politely.

“Mr. Benjamin Hawkins?”

“That’s me,” I confirmed, wondering what he wanted. What was this guy up to?

The man smiled. “If you don’t mind, I just have a few questions.”

About what? I thought about blowing him off, but that could be a dangerous blow to my façade. I gave the appropriate confused look. “What is this about, Mr…?” I waited for him to announce his name. I’d need to look into him later.

“Walter Murray,” he said slowly. Murray, like Dan Murray? My face didn’t change. Was he trying evoke a response out of me? I waited a few seconds before looking thoughtful.

“Are you by chance a relative of Dan Murray?”

He smiled. “That’s right. He’s my little brother.”

I stood there awkwardly waiting for him to say something else. What exactly did he want from me? “Where was he last night?” I asked curiously. His shock was somewhat unexpected. He couldn’t know Dan was missing yet could he?

“I don’t know. That’s what I came to ask you,” Walter responded. I tilted my head in mock confusion.

“Why would I know?” I asked.

Walter stared at me harshly. “How did you know he was missing?”

I blinked. “He’s missing? I don’t know anything about that. I just know he was being unusually quiet last night.”

Walter faltered. “Oh.” Damn right. I have my facts straight. You can’t mess me up.

“Okay, so here’s the thing Mr. Hawkins. Dan usually calls me every night. I know something is up when he doesn’t, and he didn’t call last night. I kept trying, but he wouldn’t answer the phone. So I finally came all the way down here and he’s gone. I can’t find him anywhere. Not only is he missing, but so is his dog. He loves that dog. I just wondered if you knew anything.”

So much information to process. It’s weird to think that Dan had that close of a tie with anyone, even a brother. Well that was no matter.

“What about the police?” I ventured, remembering the cop cars this morning.

Walter grimaced. “They won’t listen to me; they think I’m paranoid. They told me to come back in two days if he hasn’t shown up because they can’t do anything legally until then.”

The police weren’t involved yet and I didn’t have to tell Walter anything. I weighed my options. “I’m sorry; I don’t know anything about it,” I apologized. Walter opened his mouth to reply, but someone else beat him to it.

“Ben!”

I looked around and saw Jennifer running over from her car. I didn’t even notice her pull up. Odd. When she got closer I realized she was holding something that looked like an animal carrier. I had a bad feeling about this. I smiled apologetically at Walter before turning to Jen.

“What’s this?” I asked neutrally, looking at the pet carrier. She gave me the most pleading look.

“A cat?”

Why did it sound like a question?

“And why did you bring a cat to my house?” I pressed. She blushed and looked at Walter.

“Who’s this?”

I bit my bottom lip and sighed. “Mr. Murray, this is my girlfriend Jennifer. Jen, this is Dan’s brother.”

A look of understanding dawned on her face. “Oh! Is he okay? He was so quiet last night,” she asked earnestly.

Walter looked at her suspiciously. She didn’t seem to notice. Oh come on. This is my girlfriend. What would she have done?

“I’m not sure. Look, I’m sorry to have bothered you. I’m sure you want to go inside and enjoy the rest of your evening. Thank you for your time, Mr. Hawkins.”

I nodded and watched as he walked back to his car and disappeared around the curve in the road. Jennifer looked at me curiously. I had to admit, she could be rather cute when she was worried.

“What was that about?” she asked.

I shrugged and told her quickly what I learned from him. “So,” I said as I let her into my house, “what’s with the cat?”

She hesitated and then jumped into a story of how she found the cat but the clinic she worked at wouldn’t take care of it because it was a stray. Their reasoning insisted that the cat could have a disease and infect the other animals, making it a liability. She couldn’t keep the cat in her apartment because her tenant was according to her a heartless asshole. This part amused me.

“But I couldn’t just put him back on the street!” she insisted. “So I got him looked at and cleaned up somewhere else. But, he has no place to stay…”

She trailed off hopefully. “Jen, I like cats, but…”

She gave me her biggest puppy eyes. “Pleeease Ben? I’d be so grateful!”

I grinned and kissed her. “How grateful?” I teased, staying inches from her face. She flushed and pushed me away playfully but sternly. I laughed.

“I’m kidding!”

She gave me a look. I laughed again. Her angry face made her seem so harmless to me. “Okay, okay. I was kidding, really. I’ll keep the damn cat.”

“You will? Oh my gosh, Ben, thanks so much!” she squealed. The next thing I knew, she tackled me in a hug. I practically had to catch her. She smelled like strawberries.

“Hmm. Whatever.”

Jen grabbed some cat food and other supplies out of her car and hauled them in. Then she pulled the cat out of the crate. He was an orange and white tabby cat, maybe a year old. She informed me that he was in need of a name.

“Connor,” I suggested. She looked at the cat carefully.

“Connor,” she agreed. “I like it.” She let him go and he immediately ran off. She smiled. “He’ll be shy at first. Connor needs to adapt.”

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” I asked. She smiled sarcastically.

“You have food in this house?”

“Very funny. You’re probably right though,” I added. She said she’d try to make something out of what I had, but we ended up making spaghetti. It was surprisingly good.

“So,” Jen ventured. “Do you think Dan is okay? He doesn’t seem to be home today either.”

It was times like this I wish I were alone. I didn’t really want to talk about this, but I knew she’d bring it up eventually. “I don’t know. Maybe something happened,” I responded stiffly.

She could tell I didn’t want to talk about it and poked awkwardly at her food. “Are you okay?” she asked nervously.

I frowned. “I don’t like the way he asked me about his brother. I feel like he was accusing me of something,” I admitted.

“Why would he do that? You don’t know anything about this,” she observed.

“Yeah, you know that. But as far as he knows, I’m the next door neighbor and that’s it. I’m his number one suspect if foul play is involved.”

She put down her fork. “I don’t like this. Does he really think you have something to do with this? That’s completely ridiculous.”

I shrugged. Sometimes I thought one day Jennifer would look at me and see me for what I really was and run away screaming. At least, she would if she were smarter.

“It doesn’t matter, so don’t get worked up. For all we know, Dan is fine and just decided to take a vacation without his cell phone.” I smiled at her and took a bite from my spaghetti. She looked away at the floor, unsatisfied.

“I hope so.”

4

Walter was back again. Two days in a row. I suppose he didn’t trust cops when they told him not to worry. But, seriously though, what kind of full grown man calls his brother every night like clockwork?

Jennifer just left and I only had so much time to do a background check before I had to go to work. I closed the blinds and sat down at my laptop. I didn’t really expect to find anything on Google, but I tried it anyway. His website was the first that popped up. Well, what the hell, this guy is a detective. That would explain the costume he wore when we met.

This was just getting better and better. So Walter Murray would be snooping around tomorrow too, most likely, but the cops couldn’t do anything until the next day. Maybe I could put a thought or two into his head before then. Or maybe I should just play it cool. Hmm.

I closed my computer and jumped in my car. Walter spotted me and I waved. He waved back, hesitantly. What do I need to do to gain his trust? I would think about that at work.

When I came back, Walter was gone. I supposed he’d be back tomorrow. Connor was eating when I came inside. He jumped a little and then scurried away. The cat was still disoriented I guess. I generally liked cats better than dogs. They were less of a hassle and were, unlike dogs, usually not afraid of me.

I think dogs can see what I really am inside because they never seem to like me and always bark and go crazy when I’m around. Maybe they were trying to warn those around me. I laughed.