How I feel about the upcoming December Holidays. Song belongs to Aly and AJ.

Not This Year

This Christmas card is contrived
A mannequin looks more alive
Haven't meant a word I've written here
The page is full not one thing sincere

How can I be expected to want to celeberate this year? Every decoration being put up, every song being played, they have no meaning to me. I've tried to buy some cards. They don't enlighten my mood. Not this time around. This time I want to be left alone for all the fun part behind Christmas.

I can't, I can't
I can't, I can't take it
This is the time to smile,
I can't fake it
Please allow me the chance now
To break it down

It's not snow, It's rain coming down
And the lights are cool,
But they burn out
And I can't pull off the cheer
Not this year
Not this year
Not this year

It's been a long year. 2 deaths. Jack and Bob. Almost three because Granddad won't make it much farther past the holiday, or not to them at all. I don't want to smile and I can't fake it for you lot. Believe me, I want to have fun, but I can't. Not this year. Not this year you guys. I can't pretend, I am out of energy to keep trying to pretend.

When I look into the mirror
No happiness is present here
Not supposed to whine,
Not supposed to cry
Try to hold it in, but not this time

I try to hold it in. But Christmas? It will be something different. It's supposed to be a joyous time of year, but this year I am not pretending like I want to celebrate. So I won't.

I can't, I can't
I can't, I can't take it
This is the time to smile,
I can't fake it
Please allow me the chance now
To break it down

It's not snow, It's rain coming down
And the lights are cool,
But they burn out
And I can't pull off the cheer
Not this year
Not this year
Not this year

I don't want all of these things that associate with Christmas. I really don't. I didn't want my birthday this or last year, I didn't want Christmas last year either. I want my wish to be respected.

Don't know, don't know
If you can hear me
I will, I will
Speak louder for you

No more whispering
Are you listening
I am pleading
I am pleading

Please bloody listen to me when I say I don't want this stuff. I want you to ignore me the days I say don't text, I want you not to get me anything for Christmas. Please! Just listen to me! I am begging you none of this Christmas stuff! I can't take it!

I can't, I can't
I can't, I can't take it
This is the time to smile,
I can't fake it
Please allow me the chance now
To break it down

It's not snow, It's rain coming down
And the lights are cool,
But they burn out
And I can't pull off the cheer
Not this year
Not this year
Not this year
I can't, I can't

I don't see beauty in the snow to come. I don't see beauty in the lights. I don't want the presents. I can't be cheery for you lot. And I don't want to ruin your plans. Ignore me during the break, that's all I ask. Because I don't want to ruin your lots moods. But I can't do all this festivites either. I just can't. If you could see how much I was going to cry, maybe then you'd understand why I can't have a Christmas. It would hurt me way to much to have one than it would to miss out on it. Honor my wishes. I am so serious. I don't care what anybody else says about it. I can't do all this cheery stuff and the only things I want are Jack, Bob, and my Granddad Dick. But I can't have them! So I don't want the stories, I don't want any gifts, I don't want anything. Don't feel bad about not getting me stuff, or writing me stuff. Let me sit out this year, I am begging you. I want you lot to have a Merry Christmas. But don't try and make it happy for me.

It's not snow, It's rain coming down
And the lights are cool,
But they burn out
And I can't pull off the cheer
Not this year
Not this year
Not this year
Not this year