HOW TO SAVE A LIFE

© All Over You, November 2009

“Ugh...” I groaned, dry heaving once again.

“Fal, baby, are you okay?” River knocked lightly on the bathroom door.

I coughed a bit, gagged a little, and then emptied the contents of my already empty stomach into the toilet bowl. It was the second time I had thrown up that morning and I was feeling like shit. All week I had been sick, throwing up every morning. I knew I had a combination of the flu and food poisoning, from the seafood I ate last weekend, but I still couldn't understand why it was still affecting me.

“Ugh, no...” I flushed the toilet and picked myself off of the bathroom tiles. I opened the door and River was standing there, a concerned look on his face.

“I don't get why you're still sick,” he said, pulling me into his chest and kissing me on the forehead. “Have you been resting and taking your medicine?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I don't get it eith--” I rushed back into the bathroom, throwing up once again.

Behind me, I heard River lean up against the sink. How could he listen to me throw up? The retching sound always made me want to gag whenever I heard the noise come from someone else. “Maybe I should just stay home today...”

“No,” I managed, once I was done puking. “Just go to work River, I can always call Perry. And Charity's in town, so I can always call her too.”

“Baby, are you sure?”

From his tone, I could tell that he wanted me to say no, but I was still too stubborn to go against my decision. Besides, River just started working with his father and older brother, Logan, at their family's law firm. I couldn't let him skip out on work just because I was practically throwing up my intestines. Not really throwing up my actual intestines, but I think you get the picture. Even if it's a disgusting one.

“Yes, just go,” I waved him off, coughing a few more times. “I'll be fine,” I assured him, flushing the toilet. Wiping my mouth, I turned around to face him and gave him a smile.

River gave me a sheepish look before smiling back at me. It was amazing that we had been together since we were seniors in high school. Well, scratch that. We did break up during our second year at Yale and didn't get back together until our senior year there. It wasn't a bad break up or anything, but we decided that breaking up was the best thing to do. We were each other's first real relationship and we needed to see what else was out there, experience new people. River had told me I was The One and I felt the same way, but we would never know for sure unless we branched out and dated other people. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done, and the memory still makes me want to cry a little.

“Fallon, we need to talk,” River said during dinner one night. We decided to move in together the summer before the semester started and I was thankful that we were in the privacy of our own place. I knew he meant business because he called me 'Fallon' and said those four little words that no one ever wants to hear in a sentence.

Pushing away my food, my heart started to pound faster. “What is it?” I tried to smile.

He took a breath, grabbed my hand and locked his deep blue eyes with my ocean blue ones. “You know I love you, right?”

I nodded. “River, you're scaring me...” my heart started to pound more than it already was. It was rare when I ever allowed myself to show him this much vulnerability, but at the moment, I didn't care.

“I can't believe I'm even going to say this, but,” he took another breath, “I think that we should break up.”

My heart dropped. And I was pretty sure that I could feel it break into millions of little pieces. I pulled my hand away from him and just sat there, staring at him. What the fuck? “Wh—why? I thought things were great. I mean, I know we still fight and all, but--” my voice cracked, and I felt a little pressure behind my eyes. “Why are you doing this to me, River? What did I do to you?”

“Baby, it wasn't anything you did, I promise,” he grabbed my wrist to pull me closer to him, but I pulled away. “Fallon, don't be like this,” he sighed.

“How the fuck do you expect me to act, River? You tell me that you love me, but you want to break up? I don't get it!” I was half-yelling now, and a tear slid down my cheek.

“Fallon, will you just calm down so I can explain?” he sighed.

“What is there to explain? You don't want to be with me anymore,” I got up from the table, but River grabbed my wrist once again and pulled me to his chest. He was standing now. “River, let me go!” I tried to push him away, and the more I struggled, the tighter he held me. After a while I just gave up and let the dam break. We just stood there and I felt like an idiot for crying into his chest.

River sat back down in the chair and pulled me onto his lap, smoothing down my hair and whispering soothing words to me. Pushing me back from his chest once I had calmed down a bit, he wiped the tears from my face with his thumbs. “Listen to me, okay?”

I nodded.

“I plan on marrying you one day, Fallon Kennedy. You're The One, I know it. But I think that we need to see what else is out there. You're my first real girlfriend and I know I'm your first real boyfriend. I don't want us to spend our lives together wondering 'what-if.' I want us to be able to say that we experienced new things, new people. I don't want to hold you back. And if there's someone out there that's better for you than I am, then I want you to be able to find him.”

Damn him and his stupid speeches. I wanted to cry all over again. “But, River, I don't--”

He kissed me softly to silence me. “I don't want to do this either, Fallon. My head is telling me that I'm making the right decision by doing this, but my heart is saying otherwise,” this time his voice broke. “But we have to do it. We need to do it.”

River was right. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but I would never know for sure until I saw what else was out there. Kissing his forehead, I slid off his lap and went to the bedroom.

“What are you doing?” he asked, following me.

I looked in the closet for a duffel bag and started to put my clothes and other items in it. “Packing my stuff,” I said simply.

“Fallon, you don't have to move out...”

“Yes, I do. River, if we break up, you're going to bring other girls back here, other girlfriends. And if I'm here and have to watch them grope you and...” I shuddered at the images in my head, “kiss you, then I know I'll claw their eyes out. Plus, I doubt you'll want to see me with other guys either.”

He sighed. “Where are you going to stay?”

I shrugged. “With Perry. Maybe Charity and the girls,” I continued putting clothes in the bag.

“I don't want you to leave though,” River said, hugging me. “This is your apartment too.”

“I don't want to leave either, but like you said, this is what's best for us right now,” I told him, hugging him back fiercely. I was hoping he was buying how calm I was acting because on the inside, all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry.

When he released me from his embrace, he helped me pack my things with a sad smile on his face. God, walking out that front door was going to be my undoing. I was going to lose it once I was in the comfort and safety of my own car.

River walked me to the door and hugged me one last time. Fuck, breaking up hurt like a bitch. My heart was breaking all over again. Smiling sadly, I pulled River down for one last kiss, a kiss that I made sure he would never forget. I applied just enough pressure for him to want to lose control, but I knew he was holding back. Breaking it, I kissed him softly one last time and grabbed the door handle.

“We'll find a way back to each other one day, Fallon. I promise,” he said seriously. “I told you; I'm going to marry you.”

“Helllo, Earth to Fallon,” River waved his hand in front of my face. “You still with me, baby?”

“Yeah, sorry,” I said. “Zoned out a bit.”

He turned twenty-four in February and I still had five months to go. In December we would have been together for seven years, if we didn't count the two year hiatus. If you really want to get technical, we've been together for three years since breaking up and getting back together. No matter how anyone looked at it, it was the longest relationship for both of us, and we didn't want to be with anyone else. We still fought, we still made bets, and we were still in love with each other. Corny, right?

Once we were back together, I moved back in with him in the cute little apartment his parents and my grandparents bought for us in New Haven. After we graduated, we moved into our own house, which was a few miles away from his parents' house. I had been spending time with my father's new family and my new younger brother, Ryder, who was the same age as River's little brother, Forrest. River started interning at his father's law firm after we graduated from Yale and just recently started working for him full time in the beginning of the year. I, on the other hand, took over the daycare center I volunteered at when I was in high school.

“Okay...” he said slowly. “But if you need anything, you just call me, alright?”

“Yes, yes, I promise,” I assured him. “I'm feeling a little better now, so you can stop worrying,” I ushered him out of the bedroom and downstairs towards the front door. “Now get your ass to work before your dad tears into you again,” I smiled.

“I'm serious, Fallon,” he kissed me on the forehead. “Call me.”

“Okay, okay, get out of here, Masterson.”

River smiled and kissed me on the forehead once again. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said to his retreating back.

Once River left the house, I looked down and clutched my stomach. What was wrong with me? I had been sick for the last week, but the only time I ever threw up was in the morning. I also noticed that I had been gaining a little weight, but I brushed it off as being bloated from being on my period. My eyes widened, a possible explanation for my sickness hitting me. When was the last time I got my period? I'd been pretty stressed lately, so I couldn't remember when my last cycle was.

I ran into the bedroom, picking up my BlackBerry Curve off of the nightstand. I pressed Perry's speed dial number, praying that he would answer as soon as possible. The phone rang three times and I was starting to loose my patience. “Come on, Perry. Pick up the fucking phone.”

Hello, darling, he picked up on the last ring.

“Jesus, Perry, what the fuck took you so long?”

Why hello, Perry, my best friend in the world who I haven't talked to in weeks. How are you?

“Hello, Perry, my best friend in the world who I haven't talked to in weeks. How are you?” I repeated, rolling my ocean blue eyes.

Oh, Fallon, how nice of you to ask, I could feel Perry's grin from the other end. I've just been wonderful. Stephen and I are thinking of adopting a baby from Cambodia. We're totally going Angelina Jolie here, but we're just starting out with one baby for now.

“That's great, Perry, but—”

How about you, darling? How are things on your end?

“That's what I was calling about, Perry. I need your help.”

Sure, Fal. What is it? Are you okay? I could hear the concern in his tone.

“I sure as hell hope so,” I sighed. “Perry, I need you to pick up a couple things from the grocery store for me, but you have to promise not to freak out when I tell you what I need, okay?”

Perry scoffed. Fallon, I'm a little upset that you think I'll squeal like a schoolgirl when you ask me for this favor. That hurts, Fallon. That really hurts.

“Perry, I don't think you'll squeal, I know you will,” I shook my head with a smile, even though he couldn't see it.

Fine, he sighed. What do you need?

I took a deep breath. “I need you to get me a few pregnancy tests,” I held the phone away from my ear just before Perry let out a loud shriek.

I emerged out of the bathroom for the tenth time, my eyebrows furrowed together. I just took my tenth pregnancy test and Perry was laying on my bed, his eyes closed. After he hung up the phone with me, he rushed over to the house with about twenty different pregnancy tests in a bag.

“Fallon,” he yawned, blue eyes still closed. “That's your tenth test. It's going to tell you the same thing that the last nine tests told you,” he assured me. “You are not pregnant. You've been super busy with the daycare lately and River's been working non-stop. You're probably just stressed out. Not to mention sick. You probably just have a food baby or something.”

“Perry, I just have this feeling that I am,” I laid down next to him on the bed. “If this last test has one or two lines on it, I'm going to the doctor regardless of what the test says. He can do whatever he has to do to tell me if I am or not. Besides, you can't really count on home pregnancy tests. I don't know why I didn't just make you take me to the doctor.”

“Because you're not pregnant, that's why.”

“I don't want to be, but I think I am,” I told him. It didn't make much sense, but call it 'woman's intuition' or something. I just had that feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Perry sat up and looked down at me, baby blues full of concern. “Well, what makes you think your eggo is preggo?”

“The last time I had my period was in March,” I started.

“And you could just be stressed out, like I said,” he argued.

“I've been gaining weight,” I sat up next to him. “I mean, look how big my boobs have gotten,” I looked back and forth from my chest to Perry.

Perry shook his head. “It's about time you've started putting some meat on that skinny ass body of yours. All that crap you used to eat in high school is finally catching up on you.”

I scowled at him. “Fuck you, Perry.”

“Love you too, darling,” he patted me on the head. “Throw something else at me, Fallon. You're not pregnant.”

“Fine,” I said, playing his game. “Explain to me why I've been throwing up every morning for the last week.”

“Easy,” Perry grinned. “You're just sick from that bad seafood you ate. Seriously, what did you eat?”

“Calamari,” I frowned. “It was good when I ate it. I guess my stomach just didn't agree with me,” I shrugged.

“Well, whatever. Trust me, darling, there's no little bun in your oven. But go check your little test, just in case you think I'm wrong,” he nodded his blonde head in the direction of the bathroom.

I sighed and headed into the bathroom. Even though I was sure I was pregnant, I was hoping that I wasn't. Perry was just reinforcing my hope and I was praying that he was right. River and I weren't ready for a baby. Babies had to be a number one priority, and we both had too much going on in our lives to take care of one. Plus, River and I weren't even married! We really didn't have any plans to get married either. We were fine the way we were and marriage just made a mess of things. Well, at least that's what I thought of marriage. River, on the other hand, thought that we could make marriage work and live happily ever after like his parents.

I exhaled deeply before I picked up the test. My heart was pounding and when I held the plastic piece of fate in my hands, I frowned a little. There it was. The test had two pink lines on it, the only one different from all the other ones. One out of ten. I needed to go to the doctor.

“Perry,” I called from the bathroom.

He appeared a few seconds later, a perfectly waxed eyebrow raised. “What's the verdict, Fal?”

I didn't answer him right away, I just stared at the test. I looked up at him when I finally decided to answer. “Can you take me to the doctor?”

“Congratulations, Ms. Kennedy. You're twelve weeks pregnant.”

I felt my world drop. Twelve weeks? I had a baby growing inside of me for that long and I didn't even know it?

“I just have a few questions.”

“Okay, go right ahead and ask.”

“How come I wasn't experiencing any symptoms until now?”

“Every woman is different, every body type is different. There are some women who don't even know they're pregnant. We actually had a young woman in here the other day who was six months pregnant and she didn't even know. She's a much taller girl than you are and her torso is so long that she wasn't even starting to show. She was having regular periods. She was just very sick.”

“I see,” I nodded.

“This is for you,” he handed me a black and white picture of the baby he showed me earlier. “That's your baby, Ms. Kennedy.”

Dr. Reynolds' words kept playing over and over again in my head as I stared at the black and white picture of the baby growing inside of me. I know when most women find out that they're going to have a child, they're usually pretty ecstatic, but at the moment, I didn't know what I was feeling.

Part of me was on top of the world! River and I were going to have a baby boy or girl. The other part of me was scared shitless. Even though River and I were adults, we were still pretty young. And I didn't know if we were ready to have a kid running around the house. Sure, my sister, Charity, had a baby when she was around my age. And I absolutely loved my niece, Summer. Even River's older brother, Logan, was getting ready for his wife to pop out triplets. And they were twenty-six. But Logan and Charity were two completely different people from River and me. I thought we still had some growing up to do.

“Fal?” River called from downstairs.

I quickly shoved the picture in the nightstand on my side of the bed and called, “Up here!” My heart started pounding faster. I had to tell River about the baby right away. He did deserve to know after all.

River walked into the bedroom and flashed two rows of pearly whites at me. “Hey,” he said, climbing on top of me and kissing me softly on the mouth. “You feeling any better, Fal?” he asked as his hand smoothed down my dark brown hair, deep blue eyes meeting my ocean blue ones.

I smiled at him, briefly wondering if the baby would look more like River or more like me. “Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm all better now.”

“Good,” he smiled and kissed me again. “Are you hungry? I can make us some dinner. Or my mom actually called and said she wants us to go over there tonight. Forrest wants to see you too,” he laughed.

I nodded, telling him that dinner with his parents would be fine. I opened my mouth to start the baby conversation, but the words died on my lips and I snapped my mouth shut. I couldn't figure out how to exactly bring that up without just springing it on him. I could tell River anything, but we always seemed to argue about it for a good half hour. I didn't want to argue about the baby since I already knew what I wanted to do with it. I wanted an abortion.

Just thinking about it made my mind wander to the conversation Perry and I had on the way home from the hospital.

“Oh, darling, this is so exciting!” Perry exclaimed. I'd never seen anyone so excited about being wrong before. “You're going to be such a good mommy. I can just see how spoiled rotten this kid is going to be. With your sister and River's brothers. And not to mention Tyson, the boys, and me. If it's a boy, he's going to be the ultimate jock and if it's a girl then River won't be the only one fighting off all the boys in the neighborhood!”

Perry continued to ramble on and on, but I was still trying to process everything. “Yeah,” I said absent-mindedly, looking out the passenger window.

Perry looked over at me. “Fallon,” he said. I didn't have to look at him to know that he was disappointed at my less than enthusiastic response. I looked over at him just as his eyes moved back to the road. “What's wrong?”

I shrugged. “I'm not ready to have this baby, Perry,” I sighed. “River's not ready either. I'm just so busy with the daycare and River's busy at the law firm. We have too much on our plates already. I think I'm going to get an abortion.”

“You're going to get a what?!” Perry swerved the Jeep.

“Perry!” I glared at him. “Pay attention to what you're doing!” I clutched the door. “God, pregnant lady in the car.”

“Fallon, you are not going to get an abortion.”

“Yes, I am, Perry. It's my body and I'm going to do what I want with it,” I argued.

“What if River wants the baby?”

“If River wants a baby, then he can wait a few more years until we're finally ready to have one. Perry, we're not even married. Not that it really matters, but still. Weddings are complicated to plan for and babies are even more complicated than that.”

“Fallon, be reasonable,” he said. “Don't have an abortion. If you don't want the baby, then just put it up for adoption. Let someone else take care of it since you think that you can't. Even though I know you would be such an amazing mother.”

“I don't know how I would feel about someone else taking care of my baby, Perry.”

“Fal, you don't want it, remember? Instead of getting rid of this kid before it has a chance to see the world, let someone else give it the love and care you know he or she deserves.”

“Perry, I don't want to talk about the baby anymore,” I sighed. Perry was making a lot of good points, but I didn't think I could give the baby up for adoption. I just wanted to nip it in the bud before I got attached.

“At least talk to River about it,” he said. “It's his baby just as much as it is yours.”

“Fal?” River waved his hand in front of my face. “Baby?”

I turned my head to look at him. “What?”

He chuckled. “You were zoning out again,” he kissed me on the forehead and then he frowned at my sad expression. “Are you sure you want to go to my parents' house, Fal?” he asked. “You don't look so good. We can always just stay here and I'll make us some dinner. It's my night to do so anyway.”

“No, I'm fine,” I assured him. It wasn't a lie or anything since I really was fine. I was just having an internal battle with myself at the moment. I got off the bed and slipped on a pair of flip-flops. “See? I'm good. Let's go, I'm starving.”

Once River and I got home from his parents' house, he started bombarding me with questions. I had a lot of anxiety built up that day. I barely ate any of Mrs. Masterson's chicken alfredo, which was my favorite, and she kept giving me this look like she knew what was on my mind. I had no idea how that woman did it, but she still scared the crap out of me every now and then.

“What is wrong with you?” he asked, getting a water bottle from the refrigerator and handing it to me. “You barely ate anything at dinner tonight. My mom made you your favorite.”

“I know,” I sighed, sitting at the table. “I just have a lot on my mind right now.”

River sat down in the seat next to me. “Fallon, I know things have been crazy lately, but we'll get into the swing of things soon. Things will be back to normal in no time,” he gave me a reassuring smile.

I wanted to laugh at his last statement. Things would definitely not be going back to normal anytime soon. Not with a little bundle of joy on the way. And certainly not with me getting rid of it. “River, I have to tell you something...” I said, looking at my water bottle.

“What is it?” he asked. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it's just...” I took a deep breath. “I'm pregnant,” I whispered. I said it so softly that River had to lean in to hear what I was saying.

“What did you say?” he asked.

I looked up at him, a sad smile on my face. “I—we have created a baby.”

River leaned back in his chair, blue eyes wide. He scratched the back of his head lightly, thinking over the bomb I just dropped. I knew what he was thinking. We weren't ready to have a kid. We were still young and we both had careers to think about.

“River, I know what you're thinking,” I said. “It's not the right time to have a baby. That's why--”

“What are you talking about?” his expression turned into one of excitement. “We're going to have a baby, Fallon!” he exclaimed, lifting me up in the air and spinning me around. He stopped abruptly and set me down quickly. “Sorry,” he said over and over. “Are you okay? That didn't do anything to the baby did it?” he pressed his palm to the lower part of my stomach and smiled. “We're going to have a baby,” he looked at me, blue eyes shining.

I placed my hand on his and gave him a sad smile. “River... I don't want to have the baby...”

River's smile fell and he backed away from me. “What do you mean you 'don't want to have the baby'?” he narrowed his eyes. “What's wrong with us having a baby, Fallon?”

“You know how much I love kids, but we're not ready...”

He scoffed. “That's bullshit and you know it. Sure, some people plan on having babies, but most people aren't ready when they find out they're going to have one. You and I are no different from that half of the population.”

“I know, River,” I raised my voice a little. “But babies have to be a number one priority and you and I can't do that right now. You just started at the law firm and I have a daycare to run.”

“Fallon, people will understand that we're having a baby. Just think of how excited my parents will be. Logan's having the triplets soon. And now you and me,” he grabbed my hand, face softening. “Fallon, we can have this baby.”

I shook my head. “No, River, we can't,” he dropped my hand. “I don't want the baby right now.”

River narrowed his eyes at me again. “You don't want to have the baby or you don't want to have my baby?”

“River, that's not fair! You know that's not what I mean,” I sighed. “It's just not the right time.”

“It's never the right time for you, is it? It's not the right time for us to get married. It's not the right time for us to have a baby. When will the right time be, Fallon? Why the fuck are you still with me if you don't want to have a family with me?”

“River, you know how I feel about marriage,” I snapped.

“We've been back together for almost three fucking years,” he shouted. “I've been faithful to you this whole time and you know it. When we broke up, yeah, it was a bitch to go through. You should know by now that you're the only person I want to be with,” he started pacing around the room. “Goddamnit, Fallon!” he slammed his fist down on the table, causing me to jump.

He was fuming and I knew it. I didn't respond to him because I didn't want to start another argument. I just wanted him to calm down so we could work it out. “River...”

“No,” he shook his head. “I'm putting my foot down,” he looked at me, blue eyes hard. “You're going to have that baby, Fallon,” he said.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “No, River, we are not having this baby. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to schedule an abortion.”

“You're going to the doctor for a what?” he said incredulously.

“You heard me. I'm getting an abortion.”

“I don't think so,” he scoffed.

“Well, I think so!” I shot back.

“No, Fallon,” he said. “That's my kid and I'm not going to let you kill him or her!”

“It's my body and my decision to do what I want with it. You're not going to be the one who will have to hold it inside you for six more months. I will. You won't be the one who'll have to go through countless hours of labor. I will. And I'm not ready to have this kid. Look at us, River. We still argue like we're in fucking high school. It's not a healthy environment for a baby.”

“We wouldn't argue so much if you talked about this kind of shit with me instead of making up your mind all by yourself,” he said. “It may be your body, but I have just as much of a say in your decision as you do. That baby is just as much mine as it is yours and I'm not going to let you have an abortion.”

“Too bad,” I crossed my arms over my chest, “because I'm going to have one whether you approve or not.”

“I swear to God, Fallon,” he said through clenched teeth. “If you get rid of this baby, then I'll--”

“You'll what?” I raised an eyebrow, challenging him. I may have seemed tough on the outside, but inside I was afraid of what he was going to say. I wanted to cry, but I bit back the tears.

He took a deep breath. “If you do this to me, if you abort my baby, Fallon, I'll never forgive you,” he said sternly. “I'll leave you and we'll be done,” he walked out of the kitchen, the scowl still on his face.

And once I heard the bedroom door slam shut, I collapsed in a chair, and let the tears fall.

“Ms. Kennedy, you know there are other alternatives to abortion, right?” Dr. Reynolds asked me in his office a week later.

I nodded, looking down at my hands. I was fidgeting and I knew that if I looked at the doctor, I would burst into tears. All week, I cried myself to sleep in the guest bedroom. River was still upset with me and the tension between us was still thick. He said a curt goodbye to me before he left the house that morning, but I knew he was holding back what he really wanted to say. I saw the doctor after our big fight and it was finally time for me to get rid of the baby. River's baby.

“Is the baby's father going to be here to talk about this?” he asked softly.

“Um, no,” I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes and I quickly wiped them away. “He's not going to be here for the procedure.”

“You know you can always put the baby up for adoption, Ms. Kennedy. If you don't want the baby, then adoption is the best alternative.”

I shook my head and finally looked at him. “No, I want to go through with this.”

“Are you sure you don't want to call the father to be here with you? I know I said we could schedule you in today, but if you want to wait a few more days and talk with the father about it more, then we can always--”

“No, today will be fine. If I don't do it now, then I don't think I ever will.”

Dr. Reynolds nodded. “Okay, well let's get you to the waiting room and schedule you in.”

I followed Dr. Reynolds out of his office, briefly wishing that River was with me.

“Fucking Christ,” River swore, shoving the papers away from him and leaning back in his chair. He rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. He couldn't focus on work at the moment. Not when his mind was on Fallon and the thought of her getting an abortion. She called him and left him a voicemail telling him that she was at the doctor's office and her appointment was scheduled for that morning.

River wanted to throw his cell phone against the wall after he heard her message. Why was she so set on having an abortion? Fallon was so good with kids. He couldn't figure out why she wanted to get rid of theirs. She took care of other people's kids every fucking day. Why couldn't she just allow them to finally become parents?

River thought for a few moments until it finally dawned on him. Fallon didn't have the best relationship with her parents growing up. Her mother neglected her and her sister when they were younger and she pretty much just drank herself to death. And Fallon's dad molested her after her mother's funeral. He could see where she was coming from, but she needed to see that history wasn't going to repeat itself.

“Hey, Riv,” Logan appeared in the doorway. “Are you done with that—what the hell is wrong with you, bro?” Logan's blue eyes scanned the room. Papers were a mess on River's desk and he had his eyes closed, rubbing circles on his temples.

“Logan, I'm in no mood to deal with your shit right now,” River said.

The oldest Masterson smirked and shook his head. Logan knew that tone. River probably got in another fight with Fallon the night before. Or they were still in the fight River wouldn't go into detail about. He plopped down in a chair in front of his brother's desk. “What did you guys fight about this time? Is she withholding sex from you again?”

“Fuck you, Logan,” River glared at his brother. “I told you I don't need your shit.”

“Whoa, calm down, Riv,” Logan put his hands up defensively. “It was just a joke,” he rolled his eyes. “Just tell me what you fought about and maybe I can help you out.”

“Fallon's pregnant,” he sighed.

“That's great, man! Congratulations! Fal's great with kids,” Logan told his brother. “How far along is... she...?” Logan raised an eyebrow when his brother just started at him. “What's the deal, bro? I was on cloud nine when I found out Crys was pregnant.”

River let out a sarcastic laugh. “That's the thing. I was on cloud nine,” River sighed. “And then she told me that she was going to get an abortion and I just blew up at her.”

“I see,” Logan nodded. “Did you tell her you'd support her in whatever decision she made?”

River shook his head. “I told her I wanted her to keep the baby,” he explained. “I've forgiven Fallon for a lot of stupid shit that she's done, but I could never forgive her for doing that to me.”

“I know what you mean, Riv,” Logan nodded. “But just because you're ready doesn't mean that Fallon is. You should have her back in whatever she decides to do.”

“I'm not ready either,” River admitted. “I'm scared shitless, but I know we could make it work.”

“Have you told Fallon that?”

“No...”

“You better get home and tell her then, you stupid fuck. Fallon needs to know she has your support. Try to convince her to keep it without bitching at each other.”

“I—fuck, I can't. Fallon's not at home,” River said. “She's getting the abortion now.”

Logan smacked his forehead. “Why the fuck didn't you say anything to me or Dad?” he shook his head. “Get the fuck out of here, River. Fallon's made her decision and needs you to be there for her.”

River didn't say anything to his brother, he just raced out of the office and building as fast as he could. Logan was right. Fallon needed him to be there for her. She needed his support in whatever she decided to do with the baby. Abort it, keep it, put it up for adoption. Whatever she decided, he would be there for her.

He sped through Fairfield to the doctor's office, half hoping that she decided against the abortion and half hoping that if she still wanted it, she would let him be by her side. Once he finally reach the doctor's office, he took up two parking spots and hauled ass into the lobby. He looked around the waiting room, but Fallon was no where in sight.

“Hi,” he said breathlessly to the red headed woman at the desk. “My name is River Masterson, I was wondering if you could tell me where Fallon Kennedy is.”

The woman nodded and typed a few things into the computer, eyes scanning the screen for a few minutes. She looked up at him with a small frown on her face. “I'm sorry, Mr. Masterson,” she said. “But Ms. Kennedy left a while ago.”

She started to say something else, but River quickly turned around and raced back to his black BMW. She already got it done and over with? That was quick. He started the engine and nearly clipped another car on his way out of the parking lot. He tried calling her, but she wasn't answering her cell phone. River drove past the daycare center, but there was no sign of her black Jetta anywhere. He sped away from the building and raced home, hoping that she was there.

River didn't realize he had been holding his breath until he let out a long sigh when he saw her car parked in their driveway.

“Fallon?” he called, once he stepped through the doorway. He looked in the living room, but she wasn't on the couch. He raced upstairs to the guest bedroom, since she slept there all week, but she wasn't in there either. He didn't know why he looked in their bedroom last, but he opened the door slowly and found her curled up in a ball on the bed. “Fal?” he said softly.

Fallon sniffled a few times and wiped tears away from her ocean blue eyes. She sat up and left the picture she was looking at on the bed. “River?” she sniffled again. “What are you doing home?”

River rushed to her side and wrapped his arms around her. “I'm sorry,” he said into her dark brown hair. “I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I shouldn't have blown up like that last week and I just—damn it, Fallon. I shouldn't have let you go to the doctor by yourself today.”

Fallon's arms tightened around River's waist and he kissed the top of her head. He couldn't even imagine the emotions she was feeling at the moment. The front of his shirt was getting damp and River knew that she was silently crying. Fallon rarely ever cried in front of him, so he stoked her hair, telling her that everything was going to be alright.

After a few minutes, she wiped her eyes again and looked up at him. “I'm sorry, River. I just couldn't--”

“Fal, it's okay,” he kissed her softly. “We can have a baby when we're both ready.”

Fallon shook her head and pulled away from him. “I couldn't do it, River. I was sitting in that waiting room, getting ready for them to call my name and I just... I don't know what it was, but this lady sat down next to me with her baby and then I just started thinking about you and our baby.”

“Fallon, what are you talking about?”

She sighed. “I know that you want this baby, River. And I... I want it too,” she smiled and reached behind her to grab the picture she had been looking at. She handed it to him and said, “This is our baby.”

River looked at the black and white picture. He didn't know much about fetuses, but he was surprised that it's tiny body was already formed. Arms. Legs. Hands curled into tiny fists. He looked up at her, his blue eyes searching hers. “You mean you...?”

She shook her head with a smile. “No,” she said. “I told you I couldn't do it, River. I couldn't go through with the abortion.”

A slow smile started to spread across River's face. “So that means we're...”

Fallon nodded. “We're going to have a baby.”

“Miss Fallon?” twelve year old Forrest said, looking up from his homework.

I stopped placing cookie dough on the baking sheet and looked over at the three kids sitting at my kitchen table. Forrest was with my brother, Ryder, and their other friend, Lena Cooper, and they were busy doing homework while I starting making chocolate chip cookies for the Masterson family Christmas party that weekend. It was getting close to Christmas break for them and they wanted to help me make cookies.

“Forrest, you know you don't have to call me that anymore, right?” I smiled at him.

“I know, but—are you okay?” Forrest, Ryder, and Lena all rushed to my side, pushing me over into an empty chair.

I closed my eyes and clutched my large stomach, waiting for the sharp pain to subside. It was getting down to the last few weeks of my pregnancy and I was ready for this kid to pop out already. He or she was definitely a Masterson, considering the endless pain and suffering I had to put up with. River laughed when I told him that, but it was true. Only a Masterson could put me through so much hell. I opened my eyes, three other pairs wide with worry.

I laughed softly. “I'm fine you guys, the baby's just kicking,” I smiled, resting a hand on my stomach.

“Oh, can I feel, Miss Fallon?” Lena asked, brown eyes shining. “How come you don't know if you're having a boy or girl?” she asked, feeling around my stomach.

“River and I wanted it to be a surprise. Plus, we made a bet out of it,” I winked.

“Another bet?” Ryder raised an eyebrow. “Can you guys ever do anything without a competition?”

I smiled at them. “Life's just more fun with a little competition, Ryder,” I explained. “Besides, whoever's right get's to name the baby. I'm hoping for a boy, since they're a little easier to deal with,” I looked over at Lena, who frowned. “Sorry, sweetie, but girls are just a handful. Why do you think you spend your time with these two knuckleheads?”

“Hey!” the boys exclaimed while Lena giggled.

“And for some reason, River's hoping for a girl,” I rolled my eyes. “Probably because he knows so much about the female population,” I snorted.

Forrest scratched his head. “Why do you say that?”

I laughed and smoothed down Forrest's black hair. He was definitely starting to look more and more like the older Masterson boys and I was still hoping that he didn't grow up to be like Logan, River, or Brock. As great as the Masterson boys were, I was hoping Forrest wasn't going to end up a total manwhore.

“Don't worry about it, buddy,” I shook my head and looked over at Lena. “You keep these two in line, okay, Lena?”

“Okay,” she agreed.

The oven beeped, which meant I had to get the first batch of cookies out, but once I moved to get up, I felt another sharp pain in my stomach. “Ooh,” I closed my eyes tightly.

“Fallon, do you need something? Maybe you should go sit on the couch,” Ryder suggested.

“Ry, I'm fine,” I said. “I just need to—ah!” I grabbed my stomach once again. And that's when I felt it. “Can one of you grab my cell phone off the counter and call River for me?”

Forrest grabbed the phone and dialed River's number, patiently waiting for River to answer. “Hey, Riv, it's Forrest,” he paused for a few moments and then replied, “Um, Fallon's okay, I think. She wants to talk to you though, here she is,” Forrest handed me the phone.

“Hi,” I breathed into the phone, ignoring the sharp pain that I felt once again. I clutched my stomach. “River, come home now,” I winced in pain.

Fallon, I'll be home in a few hours, he sighed. If everything's fine, then we can talk about whatever's on your mind when I get home.

“No, River, it can't wait.”

Fallon, I told you--

“River!” I snapped, causing the kids to back away a bit. “Either I just pissed all over myself, or this baby is ready to come out.”

“Hee, hee, hoo,” Fallon breathed.

“That's it, baby. Just keep breathing,” River coached. He was thankful for all those Lamaze classes Fallon made him go to, but they definitely didn't prepare him well enough for the real deal.

“AHHH,” Fallon groaned, squeezing River's hand so hard that he thought she was going to cut off his circulation.

She was sitting upright, clutching the bed rail and River's hand tightly. Dark brown hair was up in a messy bun, damp from all the exertion she was forcing on her body. Sweat was beading on her forehead and a nurse kept placing a cold towel on her so she could cool off.

“I want the drugs,” she cried, clutching River's white t-shirt instead of his hand.

“Baby, I told you that you should have--”

“Ms. Kennedy, it's too late for the epi--”

“I don't care!” Fallon yelled. She turned her head to glare at River and pulled him to her by his shirt. “River Masterson, you better find a way for them to stick that needle in me or else I'm going to—AHHH!” she cried out. “River, get me the drugs!”

“Can somebody find a way for her to get that fucking shot please?!” River looked around at the two nurses in the room.

“Mr. Masterson, she's almost ten centimeters dilated, it's too late for her to have the epidural,” one of the nurses explained to him.

River ran a hand through his black hair. Fallon definitely wasn't going to like hearing that. “Fal, baby,” he said gently, trying to get her attention.

“You better have good news,” she narrowed her eyes at him. Fallon cried out in pain once again. “I swear to God, River. I'm never having sex with you again. You better keep your dick away from me for a long, long time,” she groaned again.

“Mr. Masterson,” the other nurse said quietly. “She's just finished active labor and now she's going through the transition stage, so it's normal for her to be a little cranky. ”

“Good to know,” River said dryly. Since Fallon bitched about a lot of things, he wasn't surprised that child birth was another thing she chose to bitch about.

“Ah, Ms. Kennedy,” Dr. Reynolds finally entered the room, a big smile on his face. “I hear you've been giving the nurses a hard time,” he chuckled. “You should have taken the epidural when you had the chance.”

“Fuck you, Reynolds,” Fallon spat and then winced in pain. “Goddamnit, River!”

“Fallon,” River said incredulously and gave Dr. Reynolds an apologetic look, but the doctor only laughed and shook his head.

“Don't try to reprimand me, River. This is you're fucking fault,” she said through clenched teeth, her head resting on the pillow.

Before River could respond, Dr. Reynolds put on a mask and gloves, lifting up the blanket over her legs. “Yes, it's definitely time for you to start pushing, Fallon.”

Fallon held out her hand and River hesitantly took it. It wasn't that he didn't want to hold her and help coach her through the process, but he was afraid that she would break his hand.

“The contractions are about one minute apart, so we’ll have you push every minute or so,” Reynolds told Fallon as other nurses began to flood into the room.

“Once this is all over, River, I'm going to kill you!” Fallon squeezed River's hand as the doctor signaled for her to start pushing. “Oh my God!”

River had no idea what she was feeling at the moment, but from the look of pain on her face and in her voice, he knew it definitely wasn't pleasant. “Baby, you're doing so good,” he tried to soothe her.

“It hurts so much, River,” she cried.

“Okay, Fallon, stop and take a quick break for a few seconds,” Reynolds said as he firmly kept her legs open.

“River, I hope you're fine with just having one kid because we are never—ahh!” she cried again.

“Fallon, you're having another contraction,” Reynolds told her. “Start pushing again.”

As Fallon pushed, she seemed to squeeze River's hand harder to relive some of the pain she was feeling. He winced a little. “Jeez, when the fuck did you get a death grip?”

“Fuck you, River,” she groaned, squeezing his hand harder than the last time.

“You did, that's how we got here.”

“I love you, but I fucking hate you right now. I hope you know that,” she closed her eyes tightly, wincing in pain.

“What did I do?” he said incredulously.

“Where the hell have you been the last twenty hours?” Fallon glared at him briefly. “You did this to me!”

“You weren't exactly complaining when we were going at it,” he scoffed. “You were even asking for more.”

Reynolds laughed a little and looked up at River. “Is she always like this?” River nodded and Reynolds focused on Fallon once again. “The baby's beginning to crown, Fallon. You're almost there!”

“I'm going to hurt the both of you once I get this baby out of me!” Fallon yelled and squeezed River's hand again. The pain must have been even more unbearable, because River swore she looked like she was going to cry. “I can't do it anymore,” she said. “It hurts too much.”

“Fallon, we're in the home stretch now,” the doctor said. “Sit up more so pushing will be easier for you.”

As Fallon sat up, River massaged her shoulder with the hand she wasn't holding, trying to get her to relax. “Just breathe, Fal, it's almost over,” he kissed the top of her head. Sweat was trickling down her face and River realized she was pushing even harder now.

“That's it, Fallon. One last push,” Reynolds urged.

Fallon closed her eyes tightly and let a loud scream, pushing hard enough to force the baby out. Once the baby started crying, Fallon leaned back, relieved that it was over. She closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing, taking in as much air as she could to fill her lungs.

“I'm so proud of you, Fallon,” he whispered, kissing her sweaty forehead.

“Ten fingers, ten toes, and a beautiful baby girl,” Reynolds said. “River, would you like to cut your daughter's umbilical cord?”

Daughter? A wide grin spread across his face as he cut the cord. He watched in awe as the nurses cleaned the gooey looking substance off his baby's body and head of black hair. His baby was screaming loudly, but River couldn't even describe how overjoyed he was in the moment. The nurse handed the baby girl off to Fallon, who just cooed and smiled down at the bundle of joy wrapped in a pink blanket.

River wasn't much of a crier, but the sight of Fallon holding his baby, their baby, definitely pulled at his heart strings. Fallon lightly kissed the baby's forehead and looked up and River with a smile.

“Baby, are you crying?” she asked.

River shook his head quickly. “No,” he blinked a few times to get rid of the moisture in his retinas.

“I think you were,” she teased.

“Just don't tell my brothers, okay? They'll never let me live that one down.”

“You win, River,” Fallon laughed a little. “We have a baby girl,” she smiled. “Now come name your baby, Daddy.”

River walked over to Fallon's side and kissed the top of her head. Looking down at his daughter, he took the time to remember all of her features. She had his black hair and nose. And River was positive that she had Fallon's full lips. She was beautiful.

“Dannon,” he said, looking down at her.

Fallon looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. “You're naming our baby after a brand of yogurt?”

“No,” River laughed and shook his head. “After my mother, Danielle, and you, Fallon.”

Fallon looked down at the baby in her arms and nodded. “Dannon Aurora Masterson,” she said. She looked up at River and he nodded in confirmation. He liked the sound of it. River smiled at Fallon and quickly pressed his lips to hers. “Thank you,” she whispered.

River smiled and kissed her softly once again. “No, Fal. Thank you.”

FIN.