Me and my boyfriend were awesome together; we dated for 7 and a half months. Well... 7 months and 11 days. Before him I had boyfriends, but they weren't really anything. But me and him, we were different. I could be myself around him. We had SO much fun, half the time we had together we were laughing. I lost my virginity to him.

And then he cheated on me.

Drugs and drinking had been part of his life since he was 11 or so. I knew this, and I didn't like it, but it didn't do me any harm so I didn't complain. He told me that he was going to a party. I asked him what he'd be doing. He told me that he'd be smoking pot, but he wouldn't lose control because he'd "assigned people to make sure he didn't." I still didn't like these kinds of situations, but I trusted him. He reassured me, "I love you so much, I'd never do anything."

Well, he did.

He didn't remember it, apparently he heard it from other people at the party. He made out with some other girl. He waited a month to tell me, but I knew everyone at the party and he figured it would reach me eventually and he wanted to be the one to do it.

He told me.

I dumped him.

I cried for weeks.

That was summer.

And then we got back to school together.

We had decided to be "friends" but it was pretty awkward. Every time I tried to have a normal conversation with him, he'd bring up the 'incident' and start talking about how much he missed me, how bad he felt and stuff like that.

Then I kissed him. I'm not sure why. We were just hanging out and I leaned over and kissed him. Then I realized what I was doing, yelled "Jesus Christ!" and walked away. I went home and cried. He asked me out again the next day.

I said yes. Then I went home and cried.

We dated for a month and 6 days. It just wasn't the same. We had both changed too much over the summer. He had gotten REALLY into pot over the summer. Like before, he did it when he got the oppurtunity; maybe a few times a month. NOW, he does makes oppurtunities to do it. Like daily.

It just wasn't the same. Half the time we spent arguing. A quarter of it was sexual. A quarter of it was fun. Only a quarter.

We broke up. It was mutual.

Now it's like we're mad at eachother. It's just so odd. We haven't gotten in any fights. We haven't really talked since we broke up. It's just like this mutual anger. I think it's just anger that it couldn't be like it was before. We both kind of blame eachother. I'm sure I've changed in ways he doesn't like as much, as he has for me. But I still think every day about how awesome it was the first time. We were MADE for eachother. It was the PERFECT match.

And I'm wondering how it's possible to have changed so much to be SO incompatible.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.