You’ve seen them on the street. You’ve seen them in school. Maybe some of them have asked you out. What you do know however, is that they are multiplying. The simple straight man has now taken another menacing form, worse than a bad fashion sense and stinky men’s cologne. They have morphed into what we know as “straight” emo male posers. The signs are all there: the sudden interest in bands that wail about lost loves and other forms of feminism, the tight jeans that you swear you saw in your own closet, (which as you remember, you clearly bought in the women’s department of Folded and Hung) the weird haircut that makes you wonder if they can actually see anything, and all of a sudden, they insist that their shoes are only supposed to be Converse, Vans, or broken ankle shoes. (as my friend calls them. They’re officially called high tops)

So here for your reading pleasure, I shall list 8 things I detest about these dudes. A note though, if you’re a gay guy and you want to do all that has been said above, it’s okay. You’re gay anyway, so no one’s stopping you.

They dress up like me going to the mall. In other words, they dress like women.
2. Some of them claim they are straight an refuse to be called gay. Yup, they think taking vain pics and dressing like their girlfriends is the epitome of manliness.
3. They just cut themselves for attention. Yes, that’s how much they don’t have lives.
4. The bangs are excruciating to look at, most especially when they tuck it behind their ear like what girls do.
5. They are manorexic. Why they refuse to eat and work out, I don’t know.
6. Most of the bands they like aren’t even emo. Also they can barely tell the actual difference.
7. They look like the type of men who would scream and run instead of protecting their girlfriends from holdapers. -_-
8. They just suck. Period. I can take gay men, but never ever emo “straight” men.