She brushed the tangles from her hair, fingers weaving through interwoven locks. She grimaced at the snares but knew this night would more than make up for the momentary pain. Sarah glanced at herself in the floor-length mirror next to the bathtub. Her slender arms and legs met a full-figure body. Her wheat tinted hair fell to her shoulders in wet strands, meeting her pronounced collarbone. Sarah’s powder-white skin shone in the fluorescent lighting of her apartment bathroom. This sort of light was what she hated most. The light that revealed all flaws, brought forth all scars and disfigurements. Sarah held her arms out in front of her, leaning in close to the mirror. And there, yes, she could see them, the hundreds of white scars that trailed from her left wrist, up across her forearm, and to her freckled shoulder.

Sarah had always hidden those scars from everyone. Even from the one person who knew her better than anyone. And tonight, he would see those scars. He would see the years of self-hate she had carved into her arm with keys, pins, razors, and any sharp edges she could find. He would see them and she hoped more than anything, he would not leave.

“Well, you look nice,” said Noah, pressing his lips lightly to Sarah’s cheek. He smiled that half-smile Sarah dreamed about.

“Don’t I always?” she asked, nudging him with her elbow. Noah nodded his agreement as he tossed his coat on the nearest chair.

“So, you’re cooking, huh? You sure that’s a good idea?” Noah smiled his question. He sat on the ratty sofa that had belonged to Sarah’s mother when she was still alive.

“Probably not,” replied Sarah, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Sarah put a pot of water on the stove, threw some salt in, and turned on the eye. She rummaged through a few drawers and cabinets, pulling out everything she needed.

After a few minutes of preparation, Sarah could feel Noah looking at her. It wasn’t unusual but she could feel the blush spread across her cheeks and neck.

“What’re you looking at?” she asked, glancing his way. He leaned forward, chin in hands, and said, “You’re beautiful, you know that?”

Sarah turned her face away quickly to hide the smile on her face. A smile that faded quickly because those words were too similar, too familiar. And no matter their meaning, they still stung.

Even she could feel the change in atmosphere, the coldness that seemed to seep from her very being that spread and left a silence on the apartment. She knew Noah could feel it, he always did. That slight change in her demeanor, in her stance, that revealed trouble.

“You okay?” he asked, leaving his place on the couch. The water was boiling by now, a nice froth building in the pot. Sarah busied herself, throwing a handful of noodles in to see if the water was warm enough.

“I’m fine,” she could feel her body stiffen as Noah put his hand on the back of her neck. His hands were big. And warm. So familiar.

He leaned down, his lips so close to her ear, his whisper, “I love you.”

Sarah jumped, the pan of water pouring from the stove, soaking her sleeves in hot water.

“Geez, are you okay?!” asked Noah, pulling her away from the stove and turning the eye off.

Sarah bit her lip to hold back a scream, “I’m fine, really, just let me get this sweater off.”

Now, Sarah was glad she insisted on wearing layers. Always layers because it was one more thing in between her and the rest of the world. She pulled away from Noah so he wouldn’t see. He couldn’t see the scars, not yet.

But she could feel his eyes travel up her bare arms, to the edge of her t-shirt sleeve. The hot water had not penetrated the heavy sweater she’d been wearing but she felt her arms burning with shame.

“Sarah…” Noah whispered, moving closer. “Sarah, why didn’t you tell me?”

She could feel the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. Sarah folded her arms across her chest and prayed that she could disappear, that she could turn to liquid and follow the boiling water as it dripped down the stove onto the chipped linoleum.

“There’s nothing to tell,” she replied, brushing at her eyes quickly, hoping he wouldn’t notice. But Noah noticed everything.

Sarah felt her legs lose their steadiness. She sank to the floor, her back against the cabinets, the bottom of her jeans growing slightly wet from the spilled water. Sarah pulled her knees close to her, until they touched her chest. And then it was easy, so easy, to clasp her arms tightly around her, her head buried in her knees.

The room was quiet for a moment. Then, she heard Noah’s knees pop as he knelt to her level. He put his arm around her shoulders. “Why would you do that to yourself?”

Sarah clenched her teeth. She knew it was coming. The I can’t handle this or this is just too much for me. This is why she hadn’t told him yet. Why she hadn’t told anyone. She felt the tears coming again. They slid down her face and bounced on the hard floor.

“You’re crying,” said Noah, moving even closer, “please don’t cry.”

Sarah shrugged. She felt the walls going up like they always did when anyone got this close. This was the time when her throat would go dry and the roof of her mouth would fill with the taste of unrest, bitter like rust. Then, she felt that familiar pang in her chest, the one that built in intensity every time until it was too much to bear. Until she had to make herself bleed.

Noah sat next to her; his always-warm body leaned against her cold one. “Can I….” he started, tilting her chin upward, forcing her to look at him, “can you show them to me?”

Sarah had not expected this reaction. Self-consciousness washed over her as she pulled her left arm even closer to her chest. Why would he want to see them?

“Please, Sarah….it’s ok. Just show me.” Noah’s large hand encircled her own as he slightly pulled her left arm toward him. His eyes grew wide as he slid his finger across the raised parts of skin, the hundreds of thin lines that marred her otherwise beautiful arm.

He brought her arm to his mouth, leaving soft kisses on her skin. His mouth touched every scar.

Sarah let the tears fall freely now, landing softly on her shirt.

“How didn’t I know?” whispered Noah, “after all this time, how didn’t I know….” Sarah could hear the shame in his voice. The regret that tinged his words.

“It’s not your fault,” Sarah replied, her other hand touching his face, tracing lines beneath his worried eyes. Now was the hard part. Now was when he would learn the why. She cleared her throat. “I told you that Mom and Dad split when I was five.”

Noah nodded, his eyes focused heavily on her own. She almost looked away but stopped herself. If she was going to do this, she would do it right.

“But I didn’t tell you why. My mom….my mom and I left. We packed up and moved away. We left my dad alone with nothing and we never looked back.”

Sarah could tell that Noah wanted to ask questions, but she had to get it all out. She had to say it all at once or she couldn’t say it at all.

“My mom used to work late at the hospital. She was a nurse and had weird hours. So she’d leave me with my dad, who ran a business from home. Mom was so glad that everything had worked out.” Sarah stopped for a second, gathering her next words, hoping that Noah would understand.

“One day, Mom came home because she’d left something. I don’t know, it was something stupid like her wallet. She walked in her bedroom…and found us. Found Dad doing things he’d been doing for two years.”

Sarah could feel the words she still hadn’t said, forming a lump in her throat. She continued, “By that time, I’d already learned how to stare at the walls. To count things in the room. There were forty-seven roses painted on that wall you know? Forty-seven. And every time, I had enough time to count them twice.”

The room was still now, Sarah’s shaky breathing the only sound. She waited, waited for Noah to leave, for him to run away, for him to search for the girl he had loved for the past year, not this mess of a human being deflated on her kitchen floor.

But he didn’t leave. Sarah could feel his grip on her hand tightening, his breathing growing heavier. Still, she waited.

Finally, Noah cleared his throat. “I…I don’t know what to say, Sarah. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I can’t even….I can’t imagine how that felt, how scared and sad you’ve been.”

Sarah’s tears fell with force now. A choking sound, almost guttural filled the room and she knew it came from herself.

“Not anymore, though, ok? Right now, it’s us. It’s you and it’s me. Nothing else,” said Noah, holding her face in his hands.

Sarah’s heartbeat quickened at the warmth of Noah’s hands, his fingertips brushing her face, her lips. Noah stood, pulling Sarah with him.

They walked slowly to her room, somewhere he had never been. Where she had never let him go. The couple sat on the edge of the bed, facing each other. Noah leaned forward, his lips brushing Sarah’s cheek, then her lips.

Sarah could feel herself react to him, every cell in her body responding to his warmth, his sweet understanding. And she knew, for the first time in fifteen years that she wanted someone.

“Noah,” she said, her face inches from his, “I want you to make me forget.” She reached up, brushing his hair from his eyes. “Please.”

She watched the decision dance behind Noah’s eyes. “Are you sure?” he asked, tilting his head. Sarah nodded. “Yes.”

Noah returned the nod and touched her lips with his own once more. This time, it was more firmly and Sarah could feel his need for her. Noah put his hand behind Sarah’s head, gently moving his fingers through her hair.

Sarah’s arms moved around Noah’s neck instinctively. She had never allowed herself to get this close to a man. Not willingly. Noah leaned her back, softly, never breaking contact.

Sarah felt the pleasant weight of Noah, his arms encircling her, his legs lightly holding down her own. She felt no familiarity. This was not like it had been fifteen years ago, when a hand had pinned her arms above her, another one exploring her before removing her clothes.

She forced her mind back to the present, pulled it away from those two years in her life when she had grown up before her time. Because now, she was here with someone who loved her.

Noah’s hands slid slowly under her t-shirt, raising the white hairs on her stomach. Sarah smiled at the feeling. She shifted as Noah pulled her shirt over her head. She melted into the comfort of her bed, trying to resist the urge to cover her bare chest. One look at Noah erased that urge. His eyes filled with something close to wonder.

Sarah waited as Noah removed his own shirt, pulling it off with one hand. She held back a gasp, her eyes taking in his strong arms.

Then, she relaxed as Noah, hand ran up and down her leg, traveling slightly up her knee-length skirt. Something inside of Sarah shifted and she let out a slight moan. She felt Noah’s reaction, his hand gripping her leg, just above the knee. He moved his hand to the waistband of her skirt and pulled slightly downward until the top of her cotton underwear showed. He stopped, “Can I?” he asked.

Sarah nodded. With one swift movement, Noah removed the rest of her clothing. A slight draft washed over her and she was suddenly aware that she was completely exposed.

Noah gasped and sat up for a minute, taking in the sight of her. “You’re so beautiful, Sarah,” he whispered. Sarah fought back the tears that those words brought to her eyes. Tears because she knew he meant it. Sarah could see him shaking as he stood and with no shame removed the rest of his clothing.

Sarah felt her heartbeat quicken as warmth spread throughout her body. Noah laid down beside her, a foot between them. He brushed Sarah’s hair behind her shoulder.

“I love you, Sarah,” he said, his fingers trailing down from her hair, across her scarred arm, and then let them rest on her hip.

“I love you, too,” she replied, moving closer, needing to close the space between them. Noah shifted until he was hovering slightly above her. He bent down, kissing her neck, her collarbone. She felt his breath rush across her chest and her hair once more stood on end.

“Please Noah,” she breathed, her eyes pleading with him. Shakily, Noah answered with a groan as their bodies met. Sarah knew only the here, the now as she breathed and felt and loved the one who made her forget.

The house was still, their mingled breathing the only sound. Noah traced small circles on Sarah’s left arm, his face buried in her hair.

“Sarah?” he said quietly, kissing her on the top of the head, “I want you to know…what he did to you, it lasted a long time, I know. But you and me, we’re forever.”

Sarah nodded into his chest, enjoying the warmth of his body against her own. Noah lifted her arm to his mouth and kissed flaws that flew up, away, paused once, and then faded into perfection.