Im sorry.

I had a friend. Well she was never much of a friend anyway..but she was there.. Even if she was sometimes a bitch to me, I still liked her. Truly I did. I thought that the good times outweighed the bad. It was one of those relationships that started since you were very little and then they slowly turned into hate. But I always hated that hate. She will always look at me with those envious eyes.. I might have been better looking than her but she had so many things that I didn’t. And so many things that she was blessed with.

I hated that she didn’t appreciate her life. I hated that she was envious of me. But most of all I hated her judging. I hated that she didn’t realize that my life wasn’t all rainbows and colours. I hated that she had become someone else of the bunch. Common. Typical. A Non critical thinker. She no longer thought about the others. She only thought about herself.

She turned happy too, happier than I have ever seen her. But she seemed fake. I missed the old days, the days filled with her grumpy gestures, for at least they were real, and they made me laugh. I liked her honest feelings; I liked her, this better self, this better side of her. Coarser you were but she never was as bitchy as she is now. She is so bitchy now; maybe the plastic smile turned her raw inside. But I no longer understand. I no longer understand her.

I always thought I could understand everybody. I always thought I could change people. I always thought that I could vanquish jealousy and make people love. I always thought.

You showed that I couldn’t.

I’m sorry I couldn’t erase your hate towards me.

I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you happiness

I’m sorry that I thought you valued me, you clearly didn’t.

I’m sorry that you couldn’t be the girl I thought you were

I’m sorry that you had to read this letter.

But I’m most sorry

That you changed.

I feel sorry for you.

Best regards,

from the girl who gave up on you,