I like spoons.

Yes that sounds weird. Me. Liking. Spoons. Yes I know I have an obsession, but my therapist says its good to have an obsession with spoons. She says it’s much safer than having an obsession with knives, like I used to.

She says spoon collecting is a good outlet for my anger, and I can drag spoons along my wrists without nearly dying like I did with my knives. I was in hospital for a year and a half. But that’s ok. I met my therapist there. And found my first spoon.

Sigh, I still remember that fateful day. They had given me a bowl of green jelly, which I didn’t like. Now don’t get me wrong, I usually love my jelly, especially with jellybeans and whipped cream… lol… whipped cream, cream from cows that have been whipped. OH NOES! I just realised that’s animal cruelty, and animal cruelty is wrong.

But anyways, where were I? Oh yes. I usually love my jelly, all sorts of flavours. Especially banana flavoured but for some reason that particular day I didn’t like my jelly. But sitting in that bowl of horribly disgusting jelly was a bright, shiny… oooohhhhhh look. A shiny, no come back shiny. –Sob- my shiny ran away –sob-.

But my spoon was sitting in that bowl. Just peeking out of the top. Peering up at me with eyes like the moon. I fell in love instantly. At first we had a love-hate relationship. But we soon got over that. Then the jealously started.

Spoony would get pissed at me when I used other cutlery. She was especially jealous of forky, cause I used forky more often that I used spoony.

I finally got fed up with spoony acting like this and went to my therapist to see what she said I should do. She told me that it was ok for Spoony to get jealous, but I needed to talk to her and see why she was jealous. So I did.

Spoony wanted to know why I couldn’t use her every day. I told Spoony that she was so special that I could never bear to use her so I had to use the second-class citizens. After that we were fine. But then WoodenSpoony came along.

One day I walked into my therapist’s office and sitting there on my seat (which had MY name on it) was WoodenSpoony. I fell in lust instantly. I just wanted to grab her and put her in my mouth and use my tongue on her in ways she never knew possible. Then I wanted her too… -drool-

Then Therapist walked in, and she picked up WoodenSpoony and put her to the side and asked me how Spoony would feel if I did that to WoodenSpoony. I tried to think about it, I really, really did but my mind just kept wandering back to WoodenSpoony and my ability with my tongue. Therapist just told me that it was my choice on what I do, but she warned me that I had to face the consequences.

So I started up a love affair with WoodenSpoony behind Spoony’s back.

We continued on with it for about 6 months. Then Spoony found out.

I don’t remember much about that day anymore.

I remember a lot of shouting. And weird looks from the people around me.

Then the next thing I knew I was wrapped up tight in a white jacket and put in a padded room and the only person who visits me is Therapist.

Spoony, WoodenSpoony come back! Please I did nothing!

Hey Look! My dinner. It comes with a fork.

I can deal with it anymore. I need to die!

Using all my strength I broke out of my blankets, strangled my guard and picked up the shiny… hypnotising… beautifully sharp… fork.

I put it against my wrist and stabbed.

Hey look red water is escaping out of my skin. It tastes good.

Hey look, everything has gone black…

Will the Spoon lover survive? Find out next time on (insert title here)

If I get enough reviews I will put up part two…

-Princess Ducky