Something To Live For

Amanda Schulman

It was very dark, with the moon barely peeking through the clouds. The corner streetlamps illuminated Overland Park’s city park. Early summer trees, tall and green, cast shadows over the sandbox of the playground. Beyond the light provided by the streetlamps was an eerie nothingness. Two figures walked out of the nothingness and moved towards the swing set.

The first figure, slender and lithe, moved gracefully compared to her friend. It was obvious that the figure was a girl. As she walked farther into the park, her features became clearer. Though young, she was angelically beautiful. Her pin-straight long brown hair was down, and blowing freely in the light breeze. Her face was perfectly sculpted, with high cheekbones, smooth pink lips, and a pale complexion. And despite all of this, there was a perpetual sadness in her light brown eyes.

The second figure was masculine, with a tall, muscled frame. As the light hit his face, you could make out his shaggy brown hair and god-like features. He was looking down, a shadow cast over his eyes. It wasn’t until he looked up towards her that you could see the green tint of his hazel eyes. He shrugged off his jacket, which appeared to be an athlete’s letterman jacket, and put it around the small shoulders of the girl. He took her hand and led her to the swings, sitting cross-legged on the ground in front of her. She sat on the swing and put her feet on his knees. For a few moments they sat and stared into each other’s eyes.

“They should be here soon,” whispered the girl. The boy took the girl’s hand and looked into the dark nothingness that they had just come from.

“I know Kris, I know.” He replied to the girl. All of a sudden, another more figure emerged from the same direction that they had only minutes ago.

The figure looked over to the two on the swings and shouted out a greeting.

“Hey Kris! Hey Luke!” he shouted. He walked towards them and sat down on the swing next to Kris. He looked to be about the same age as Luke, but that was all that could be said for similarities between the two. Where Luke was tall and buff, the newcomer, Jonah, was at least four inches taller, but more lean and lanky. His bright green eyes danced in amusement, but his most striking feature was the shock of blue hair on top of his head. He got up to back into the darkness and dragged another person along with him.

This person happened to be a girl. The girl, Ani, was tall, though not as tall as Luke or Jonah, but an inch or two taller than Kris. Her shoulder-length raven black hair framed her face. Her features were sharp, and though very pretty, looked slightly feline. She scowled at her captor, but there was a spark of amusement in her bright blue eyes. She sighed heavily and followed Jonah to where Kris and Luke sat by the swings.

“Where’s Justin?” asked Luke.

“Oh, he should be here soon.” replied Jonah.

Ani, still holding hands with Jonah, scowled at him again.

“Yeah,” she said sarcastically, “He, supposedly, had to finish off some business first.” She rolled her eyes dramatically.

And finally the last figure appeared. The boy, Justin, was tall and broad. His muscles were obvious, even under his black leather jacket. His dirty blond hair stuck up in random directions, giving him that just-rolled-out-of-bed look. He gave off a dangerous aura. His brown eyes had a dark and tortured look to them, and there were deep bags under both. It looked like his face was set in a permanent frown. He walked over to where the others were sitting and pulled out a cigarette. He lit it and blew the smoke into the air.

“Those things can kill you, you know.” said Kris.

Justin narrowed his eyes at her.
“If I wanted to kill myself there are faster and much easier ways. But you already know that, don’t you.” He spat out.

Kris’s eyes watered, but she shut them and turned away before anyone could see the tears fall. Luke grabbed her hand and turned on Justin. He glared at the blonde and let out a feral snarl.

“That was out of line.” He said menacingly. “Especially today.”

Justin closed his eyes and tilted his head up towards the sky. He took a drag on his cigarette and sighed weakly.

“I know.” He said sadly. He shook his head slightly. “I’m sorry, Kris.”

She nodded her head in acknowledgement but did not accept his apology. The entire group grew solemn. It seemed like they were all waiting for someone else to say something first.

“It’s so hard to believe that it’s already been a year.” said Jonah. Everyone nodded in agreement. There were tears running down Kris’s and Ani’s faces. Ani put her head in her hands, while Jonah put his arm around her and rubbed slow circles on her back. Kris climbed off the swing and into Luke’s lap, and buried her head in his shoulder. He put his arms around her and rocked her comfortingly. Justin continued to look up at the sky, his mind a million miles away.

They sat there for a good hour before Justin finally stood up.

“It’s getting late.” He said. “I’m going to head home.” He stood up, turned, and walked back into the darkness from where he came before. After a few moments, Jonah stood up, with a sleeping Ani in his arms.

“I should be getting her back, too.” He said before walking away.

Luke and Kris stayed by the swings for a few more minutes before getting up as well.

“Let’s go.” He said. But Kris pulled on his hand and led him in the opposite direction.

“I just want to see her first. Then we can go.” Kris said. Luke nodded his head and followed her obediently.

They walked until they reached the gates of Overland Park Cemetery. The gates squeaked creepily and the two pushed them open. The leaves of the trees swayed in the wind, giving the entire place a haunted feel. There were no streetlamps here, so the only light was that provided by the moon. The tombstones, cast over in shadow, made it impossible to see the words from a distance. They continued to walk until they reached a certain stone. Kris bent down and brushed away the leaves from the stone to see the words properly:

Kara Stone

Beloved Daughter, Sister and Friend

May 17, 1990 – March 6, 2008

May You Rest In Peace Forever



The view from Violet Hill at sunrise was breathtaking. The bright golden sun peeked out in the distance and continued to rise higher and higher until the giant sphere was completely visible. The sun splashed the sky with colors ranging from bright pinks and oranges to deep reds. The array of colors gave the hill a foreign feel. The wind blew lightly, the grass swaying with it.

Justin climbed the hill and sat down at the highest point. He couldn’t sleep. Even after a year, the nightmares wouldn’t leave him. The picture of Kara’s body swaying from the big oak tree in her backyard and the sound of Kris’s screams would be forever imprinted in his memory. And no amount of drugs he did would be able to change that.

He pulled a cigarette out of his jacket pocket and lit it up. He held the smoke in his lungs for a moment before blowing it out in a perfect ring. He felt someone come up beside him and lay down on the grass next to him. He didn’t bother opening his eyes. He already knew who it was.

“Can’t sleep?” asked Jonah.

“I don’t know why I even bother anymore.” Justin commented bitterly. Suddenly craving something stronger than nicotine, he took a bag out of the inside of his jacket and pulled out something that definitely wasn’t a cigarette.

“I don’t understand why you do that shit.” snapped Jonah.

Justin shook his head and sighed.

“Of course you wouldn’t.” he said quietly. “You have no idea how it feels to lose the only thing in your life worth living for. To have your entire world ripped away.” He sighed again. “I do this shit because it makes me numb.”

Jonah let out a frustrated sound. “You didn’t just lose her! We all lost her!” he yelled. “She wasn’t just your girlfriend! She was family to me! She was my cousin and Kris’s sister! She was a friend to all of us! So don’t give me that fucking bull shit about not understanding pain!” His chest was heaving by the time it was done.

Justin sat, seemingly unaffected by Jonah’s words. He refused to let Jonah see how much his words actually hurt him. Jonah, still shaking in anger, reached across Justin to pick his drugs up off the ground. He held it in a tight fist until his knuckles turned white.

“Give. Them. Back.” Justin demanded quietly.

Jonah shook his head.

“This is for your own good, Justin. Whether you want to believe it or not, this is for your own good.” And then he threw the drugs off the side of the hill and into the distance.

Justin ran to the edge of the hill and looked down. He whipped around to face Jonah, and let out a ferocious growl.

“What the fuck did you do that for!” he yelled. “I need those!”

“No you don’t!” Jonah yelled back. “You only think you do! Please Justin, just let us help you!”

“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!” Justin screamed. Seeing red, he lunged at Jonah and let his fist fly with all he had. There was a sickening crunch and a cry of pain where Justin’s fist met Jonah’s face. Jonah reeled backwards from the blow and gave Justin an incredulous look.

“You have serious problems, Justin. And no amount of drugs on this earth will ever fix them or make them better.” Still holding his face gingerly, Jonah took one last look at Justin before walking away.

His anger fading, Justin realized how bad of a mistake he just made. He gave a pathetic cry before collapsing in a heap on the grass.



It was a slow day at LyricStop Music Store. The shelves were lined with CD’s of various genres, some of them were lacking more than others. A few people milled about in between the shelves reading the titles of the CD’s aimlessly, sometimes picking one up for a moment before putting it back, or maybe even stopping to put on the big black headphones and listen to a track. The big windows in front of the store let the sunlight stream in. Behind the checkout counter sat Ani, flipping through a magazine while listening to her ipod. The bells on the door rang, signaling that someone new had entered the store.

Kris saw Ani behind the counter and made her way over. Ani, immersed in the magazine and the music, didn’t even realize that Kris was standing there until she plucked one of the headphones out of Ani’s ear. Angry at the interruption, Ani glared up at the person. Once she realized that the person was Kris, she smiled, relieved to have someone to talk to.

“Hey,” said Ani cheerfully. “What are you doing here? I thought for sure you would be over by the diner watching Luke work.” She raised her eyebrows playfully at Kris.

Kris let out a laugh.

“Ha. No, but really, I wanted to talk to you.” she looked around to see if anyone was listening to their conversation. “When do you go on break?” she asked.

“Right now.” replied Ani. She walked around the counter to Kris just as another girl arrived to take her place. “Let’s go out back.” She suggested.

The two girls walked through the store and out the back entrance. Both of them knew that there was no chance that they’d be interrupted there.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” asked Ani.

Kris sighed.

“Has Jonah said anything to you about Justin?” she asked hesitantly.

Ani knew where this was going.

“If you’re talking about the fight that they had, then yeah, Jonah told me. From what he said, ever since Kara’s death, Justin’s been really dependent on those drugs. I agree that he has a problem, but I don’t think throwing them off of the top of Violet Hill was the best way to help him. And now Jonah’s got a black eye for a souvenir.” Ani said dryly.

Kris shook her head and frowned. Her mind went back to the previous year, when she’d gotten home from school to find her big sister hanging from a tree in their backyard. The emotions she felt came rushing back along with the memories, and she tried her hardest to push them back into to far regions of her brain. She sighed again, sadly.

“I feel like this is all my fault.” she admitted. “If I had only paid more attention to her, maybe I would have seen the signs earlier. I might have been able to do something. I could’ve stopped it. And now Justin’s on drugs and it’s all my fault!” she cried hysterically.

“You can’t think that,” said Ani. “Absolutely none of this, none of it, is your fault. As much as we all loved Kara, she made her choice, and there was nothing either of us could do to stop it. None of us saw the signs until it was too late. You can’t keep blaming yourself for something that was completely out of your control.” She grabbed Kris’s chin and forced her to look her in the eyes. “And as for Justin, the drugs were his choice too. A bad one, but it’s how he deals with the pain of loss.”

Kris, with tears still running down her cheeks, said miserably,

“I just feel like everything has gone wrong since Kara died. And I feel like things are going to keep going wrong and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”



It was midday, and the sun reflected the water of Klein River, making the waves sparkle. The current was smooth and slow, fish leisurely swimming the expanse of the water. There was an almost perfect reflection on the water of the trees on the opposite side of the river, in No Man’s Land. The dense forest, too thick for anyone to easily navigate through, had an ancient feel to it, like no one had set foot on it’s land in years, which was probably very accurate.

On the side of the river opposite of No Man’s Land, Luke paced back and forth along the bank, his cell phone clutched to his ear. After a moment, he snapped his phone shut and let out a frustrated yell before re-opening it and dialing a different number. When no one answered, he hung up again. He continued his frantic pacing, panic swelling in his chest. He pulled at his hair and let out a desperate whimper. He took out phone again, and dialed another number. He thanked God when the person finally picked up.

“Hello?” asked Kris.

“Kris, it’s me. Get Jonah and Ani and get over to the river as fast as you can.” Luke said quickly.

“What? Why? What’s going on?” she asked, worried.

“Just do it Kris!” he yelled frustrated. Why wouldn’t she just do what he said?

“Luke, you’re scaring me. What’s happening?”

He let out a shaky breath.

“It’s Justin. He’s gone into No Man’s Land.” he said. Luke heard Kris gasp on the other side of the phone.

“We’ll be there as soon as we can.” she said before hanging up the phone.

Luke, feeling useless, sat down on the river back to wait until the others got there.

The others arrived no less than five minutes later. They ran over to Luke and bombarded him with questions.

“What happened, Luke?” asked Ani, breathless from running.

“I just wanted to talk to him.” he started. “I just wanted to talk. But when I got here, I saw him sitting there, smoking those…those…you know, and I swear, something just snapped! All of a sudden I was just so angry! I was angry at him for doing that shit, for making all of us hurt, but most of all, I was angry that he kept saying he was the only one who lost Kara. And I punched him.” he whispered. “I was so angry and I started yelling at him and I just punched him.” He shook his head as tears began to fall. “Then he just walked across the bridge and disappeared into No Man’s Land. I wanted to wait until we were all here to go looking for him.”

The others just stared in shock. Luke could feel the panic that was threatening to overwhelm them. Kris grabbed Luke’s hand and rubbed soothing circles on his knuckles with her thumb.

“Let’s go.” she said.



Despite the blinding noon sun overhead, everything was dark and cool within the forest of No Man’s Land. The trees were tall and dense, with a mossy, woodsy smell. The leaves were so thick that you could see the few streams of sunlight that were able to get through. The ground was damp, like it is after a rain, even thought it hadn’t rained in weeks.

All four of the kids were wandering through the trees, searching for any sign of Justin.

“Justin!”

“Justin, where are you?”

“JUSTIN!”

It seemed like they spent hours searching in the woods for their lost friend.

“GUYS!” yelled Luke. “I found him! He’s over here! He’s…oh god…”

Kris, Jonah and Ani all ran towards Luke’s voice. They found him, at the base of a huge maple tree, standing in front of Justin’s lifeless body. Drugs scattered the ground around him.

“Oh my god.” muttered Jonah.

“Justin!” Kris ran toward his body and sat down on the ground beside him. She shook his shoulders hard, in an effort to get him to open his eyes. He never did.

“Oh god, Justin, no, God please, no!” She cried and continued to shake him.

“He’s gone, Kris.” said Luke. “He’s gone.”

She sobbed relentlessly and collapsed into Luke’s arms.

Ani stood, frozen, staring at Justin’s body. Silent tears escaped her eyes and ran down her face. She turned and clung to Jonah, drenching his shirt in her tears. Justin was gone, and nothing any of them could do would bring him back.

They took his body back to town. His funeral was scheduled for a week later. The day of his funeral, after everyone else had left, only four people were left standing in front of his gravestone. Kris, Luke, Ani, and Jonah stared at the spot where they had to watch their friend be lowered into the ground.

“At least he’s finally happy with Kara.” commented Kris sadly. The others nodded their heads in agreement.

“I just can’t believe he’s gone.” Ani whispered.

“He’d been gone for an entire year before this. He’d been dead ever since Kara died. All he’s done is make it official.” said Jonah.

They all took one last look at his stone before walking away.

“I hope you’re really happy now.” Luke said to Justin’s gravestone. Kris, who was staring at the stone next to Justin’s, took Luke’s hand and, together, they turned and left.

“He is.” said Kris. “I’m sure of it.”

Kara Stone Justin Donnoly

Beloved Daughter, Sister, and Friend Beloved Son and Friend

May 17, 1990 – March 6, 2008 December 28, 1989 - March 7, 2009

May You Rest In Peace Forever Rest In Peace With Your Love Forever