I laugh because it was so sudden. Ripped from this world was a person that may have been insignificant to others, but not me; not us. Each day I see Mom reflecting her disbelief, though it may have been two years ago it felt like yesterday. The wound, fresh and deep as it was the last day of June. A mark that all of us share as a now distant family that was once so close. Our theory is that you and Poppa were the ones to hold us together. It’s been proven. As days and months passed, it didn’t become easier but only worse. We couldn’t let go and still haven’t.

I thank God every day that I have a strong memory and without it, I would remember nothing of you. Your voice, smile, laugh. A greeting that I long for now as I come home from school. I remember visiting and something was always on the stove, in the oven. Cooking: a passion only you could perfect with every recipe. The familiar aromas on the streets I pass that will never be what I know. Nothing compares.

Silly games of Draw a Magic Circle target my heart so hard that tears are eager to appear, they always are. The pictures in my room are put away now, neat in photo albums. I can’t bear to look at them anymore, unless I feel I have to; unless I’ve forgotten. The books have been divided up, each child owning a small collection of your library that once stood in a house I grew up in more than my own. Vanessa is adding to her portion as weeks pass, cheap bookstores have the most prized literature she has ever stumbled upon. She knows you would have done the same and takes it upon herself to complete a series of ancient and crinkled text. Purchasing them was as simple for her as she hid drops of salty tears awaiting their cue.

And today, Tony hasn’t played Ring Around the Rosie since that last time, the day before you disappeared. The day I hold my own shred of guilt. He recalls you often and understands why Mom cries now and then. I was looking at Emily this afternoon as she tugged lazily on Vanessa’s shirt, bottle in hand. Two years old and growing fast. You never saw her. If you had waited two months, maybe you could have. Maybe you’d see her smile and giggle and taunting ladybugs much like her brother. She’s so much like him and it’s no wonder they’re so close. She has your name and it fits. Perfect.

The many other grandchildren and great grandchildren that are strewn amongst the cities of Arizona, there are rough patches and we hardly recognize each other now. I don’t remember this at all. This empty space is something none of us desired, it only came to us as you and Poppa left. The Pangaea effect on our family is something you would hate to see. And you hated so little of this world.

It is because of you that I have the strength to write and possess the love of words. It is because of you that the name Mungie seemed so silly once, but now confirms that there was only one known to us. I laugh because you can’t and I know you would want to. I laugh because it was so long ago.