A/N - This is a bit of crack. Apologies in advance.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas at The Author's House

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse..

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care as one young sissy man played with his hair. It was nice and red, just like the suit of St. Nick, and boy was he drunk... too much egg-nog I think

Anyway... people were sleeping in all the spare rooms while visions of chocolate covered cherries danced in their heads... My boyfriend in his kerchief and I downing my vodka martini with lemon... er... I mean, and I in my cap, were just settling down for a long winter's nap when who should appear in the night so clear but jolly old St. Nick and his 9 reindeer (yes... I count Rudolph, the most famous of all who inspired me to... oh yeah, back to the story).

He landed on the roof with such a clatter that I rose from my nice, warm, large victorian style bed with red silk sheets to see what was the matter!

I went to the hall and peered just past the wall to see Santa come down from the chimney, covered in soot.

"Oh my..." I gasped as he tossed that sack from over his shoulder and dug around. He looked at all the stockings, then to the young man who played with his hair.

"What are you doing here little boy?" he said with a jolly note in his voice.

"Waiting to see if you got my list you fat old man. Where is he, where's that hunk of a mail order man I've been begging for for the last three years?"

His eyes narrowed as he shook his head no before tossing the bag of stuff to and fro. He finally smiled and pulled presents out, setting them under my glowing tree. The sight of him was truly amazing as he was only supposed to be a mythological creature thought up to amuse children with and to blame when someone didn't get what they wanted.

Well... anyway, he smiled and filled each stocking with care. One for Roland, Aiko, Cody, and Isis. One for Heather, Amanda, the red head, and me. Then finally he reached the last one, which has the name Travis sewn artfully into the white trim at the top. In this one he put a nice pack of gum followed by a large lump of coal. It was then I realized I should charge rent for each person in my house.

Then away he went up the chimney again! Amazing how a man three times too big can suddenly slim down and crawl up a smoke stack when he could just use the door...

I ran to the nearest window and looked all about, then upwards when I heard him shout!

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

And then I went back to bed, thinking the vodka martini with just a touch of lemon must have gotten to my head.