Take Note: This story is written based on reality. However, it is still considered as fiction story due to some details stated in here. Do not follow any kinds of bad examples written in here, if there are. Do review after reading, it will be much appreciated. Anonymous reviews are accepted.

Just Want To Apologize

Ever since that day when our friendship broke, I had been feeling very bad and sorry about it. I really wish I can go back to the past and fix up the invisible problem between us, so that we could stay as friends again. However, none of that would happen and so which is why I am writing this story to apologize. I know that it was too late, but at least I had eased my mind with all these confessions.

To that friend of mine: When you read this, I really hope you understand and forgive me. Forgive me for all the nasty things I had done to you, for I had regretted a lot. Talk to me when you have already forgiven me, I really need your answer. Lastly, do read this till the end and you will know the 'truth'.

That year, 20XX* was my first year of attending a highschool and I was sent to a normal class where average smart students were in. In the beginning of that year, I hadn't gone around socializing with my classmates. I meant I had talked them at least once, but I didn't treat them like my friends because I am sort of counted as an introvert. It was months later, the teacher transferred my seat to the back of the class due to my increasing height and that was when I really took a glance at all my classmates' faces. After that transferring, I began to become more open-minded and friendly. I approached them and joined in their 'friendship groupies'. It was fun and great to know them, and it really changed part of my introvert character.
*This is to protect my privacy.

Then, a few days later, I came to know this boy who was one of my classmates too. He looked like an introvert to me at that time. Hence, I approached and asked him to be my friend. After exchanging some of our information, we went to talk about other things and I had forgotten the topics that we'd talked about. Not long after our friendship, I realized that I had fallen in love with him. However, I was still quite young at that time and that I don't know how to control my strong feeling for him. Moreover, I kept on thinking that I was not fit to be with him as I am not good-looking and too tall for him. (It was at that time only, currently he had over-grown me.)

In the end, I changed my feeling into hatred. I made him hate me by scolding nasty words and insulting him through all the ways I could think of. Soon, our friendship broke silently and both of us could feel it. We even fought physically on one time, but I won in the end and I regretted that a lot. I don't even know why, because I think he should be the one winning for some reasons.

After that time where we were no longer friends, I somehow became mad. I meant crazy. I would scold him nasty words whenever I met him, be it on the corridors or classroom. At the same time, we would avoid meeting each other if we could at all mean because we knew that we would fight each time we met. Thus, we rarely saw each other. Even in the classroom, either one of us would sit in front and at the back of the room. No interactions and looking at each other at all! If we happened to be in the same group, we would request for a group change and normally our requests were granted. I guess the teachers knew how bad our relationship was at that time.

Half a year later, I stopped all of my nonsense and reflected at my actions. I realized that I was the 'destroyer' in our friendship. At that moment, I truly felt regretful. I really wished time would go back to the past, but that was impossible. In the end, both of us acted like nothing really happened and carried on with our life. However, because of the guiltiness torturing me, I went to create a few chances for myself to apologize to him.

Unfortunately, most of time when I approached him, he would either disappear suddenly or ignore me. No chances at all that I could say 'sorry' to him. Even though I had the time, I kept on talking about other things first. I hated myself so much that I could not do anything for him at all. I wanted to apologize and I couldn't to do it. I don't even know why! It was so much easier when I said it to someone else, but not him! And, I guess I knew the answer already.

Even till today, I hadn't really come straight to the point. I saw him many times in school and each time we looked at each other, my heart ache. I had stopped loving him for a long time ago, that was just a 'puppy love'. Now, I just wished to be his friend again. He was such an innocent boy and I was the one who ruined him. The truth was he had the potential to be a smart kid, however, for some reasons he was in a not so good class. I wish to be his friend again and help him in all ways, be it on studies or life. In fact, anything he wanted me to help with. I don't care if he uses me; it was my freedom to help anyone.

– End of Story –