Prologue

Hospitals. My biggest fear since I was a little girl and I can say that I wasn't afraid of much. It was the cold feeling I got when I walked through the doors and the shivers that ran down my spine. It was the faces of the people walking by, so tortured and so afraid. It was the fact that no one seemed to laugh or talk but in hushed whispers. It was the way the nurses would stare at me like they felt the most undeniable sense of pity for me. Pity that I didn't want and nor did I really need. These people who acted like they knew about me and knew about my life but they didn't know anything. Maybe they knew about my mothers condition but they didn't know her in any way. They just knew her as another one, another sad case of sickness unable to be cured. But then again I hated the way my father tried to keep me at home, away from all of this. Because no matter how much I hated this place and everything it stood for in my life. It was the only place I could see her, and the only place where I could make sure she was still breathing. In the confines of my room I was only able to picture horrible scenarios that didn't let me sleep. It had been a long two years for our family. And every time it seemed to get better it actually only got worse. But I remember feeling sorry for myself and feeling sorry that I wasn't just able to have a regular sixteen year olds life. That I was in a constant state of worry. It wasn't always like this and I longed for the old life. And I felt guilty for being selfish. The minute it was over, I felt no sense of relief because my world would forever be changed. I could never go back to my old life. Not without her and there was no way to bring her with me.

"It's time to say goodbye, Alexia." My father's weak voice broke through my thoughts. As I sat there on the uncomfortable waiting room seat, I found myself replaying the words over and over again. Wondering when I would wake up from this dream and when he words would say something different.

The walk into that room felt like the longest walk of my life. Yet it was only a few feet from where I was previously sitting. The sounds of each machine made my heart pound faster until it felt ready to explode from my chest. The woman laying there was not my mother. This woman was too pale, she was too skinny and even if her eyes were open I know they wouldn't sparkle. This was not the funny, full of life woman who raised me for years. This was not the woman who taught me everything I knew and always knew how to make me smile. There was no life in this person, and she was full of life every minute until the end. Staring at that face was the hardest thing I had to do. This was not the last impression I wanted of my mother. This was not who I wanted to remember whenever I thought about her. I could feel my breath catch in my throat when faced with the realization that this was the end. This was goodbye, whether I was ready or not. My shaky hands reached out to her cold, pale, limp hands and held them tightly. She couldn't tell me if I was squeezing too tight. She didn't move, she didn't respond it was like I wasn't even there. But she could hear me and I needed my last words to be those she could take with her. Wherever it was she was going. I just knew that place would be beautiful.

"Mom..." My voice was shaky as I started and seconds later came the tears. "I don't know how to say goodbye because nothing seems like it would be enough. Thank you, thank you for being the most amazing woman I've ever known. I'm sorry I couldn't save you but I tried really hard to. I don't know how dad and I are going to live without you. I love you so much, mommy. Be strong. Goodbye." I whispered the last part before leaning over to kiss her cold cheek. And with one last look I walked away to the sounds of the hospital machines going out of control.

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6 Months Later

I stood in a sea of people yet I felt so utterly alone. These were people I didn't know and people who didn't know me. Nothing feels worse than being in a room full of strangers. Especially when you long for nothing more than someone you knew. But then again it was also comforting. To know that these people knew nothing about my life, and knew nothing about the pain I'd felt for the past few months. No one was there to call me the girl who lost her mom. Or give me looks of pity every time I spoke. I didn't have to think that people were worried I would suddenly break out into tears after everything I said. Days were hard, but I was trying to pull myself together and I was trying to move on as much as someone can. So there I stood, in the middle of a party in a house of a person I didn't know. Next to my cousin who I hadn't seen for almost two years. In a city that I'd never even been to be before. About to start my last year of school in a new place. All because my father didn't know how to deal with me. Didn't know how to make things better even after I assured him there was no way he could. He enlisted the help of his sister, who was divorced and had a daughter about a year younger than me. We moved in at the beginning of the summer and all this change has been so overwhelming. So that is why I stand here, wearing clothes that don't belong to me in a place I don't want to be in. I was pushed into coming here, into meeting my classmates and into gaining some friends. I pulled on the pair of tights my cousin let me borrow, seeing as she was a bit bigger than me. However, the long t-shirt she provided me fit just right. I pushed my long brown hair away from my face. Staring down at the shoes which were now killing my feet. I could see various stares my way, from both males and females. Curious to who the new girl was and probably why I was just standing there.

"Alex, would you be okay with me talking to some of my friends over there?" My cousin Lesley points at the corner of the room. I know she feels she has to stick by me whether she likes it or not. I feel bad that I'm probably ruining her good time.

"Sure, go ahead and have fun. I'll be absolutely fine." I smile and nod towards her friend to get her to go. I don't want to be anyones buzz kill.

"You're totally awesome, Alex! Go meet some people. I promise you everyone is really nice!" She says enthusiastically before walking away towards her group of friends. Leaving me there to stand alone.

"Nice...right." I mumble mostly to myself as I attempt to avoid all the glances my way. I've never liked being the center of attention and I definitely don't want to start now.

"Looking Good, babe." I hear a male voice say, as I turn around to see a blonde boy staring me up and down. "What's your name?" He winks and keeps his eyes squarely on my chest.

I merely sigh before turning around to ignore him. Only to hear him mutter names under his breath before walking away. My first bad impression and I could honestly care less. He's probably one of those cocky football players who think they can get anyone. His lines would probably work on anyone but me. Especially when he couldn't even look me in the eye for the first few seconds. I leaned back against the wall and continued to watch the sea of people. Some dancing but most were merely standing around while drinking. I wanted nothing more than to go home. And by home I meant the place in which I grew up. This place didn't feel right and I wasn't sure that it ever would. That was until my eyes zoned across the room to a boy standing next to a few of his friends. He was leaning lightly against a table. He had brown hair, and the most amazing blue eyes that made me think of looking out at the ocean. They even sparkled. He was pretty tall and definitely taller than myself. He was wearing a black hoodie and a pair of jeans that fit him just right. i had never seen anyone like him. I had never seen someone who looked that good outside of a television or magazine. Suddenly his head jerked and he was staring right at me. His gaze was so strong that I doubted he noticed anyone around us. Just like I couldn't see anyone but him. The gaze was so intense that I found myself walking away just to avoid it. For as much as I liked looking at him. His stare made me feel like he was reading my thoughts and like he knew everything about me. I walked towards a table filled with a bunch of beer bottles. I wasn't much of a drinker but that stare left me confused and honestly scared. I wanted to turn back and see if he was still looking but decided against it. Just as I was about to grab one of the bottles. I heard a gentle, almost familiar male voice behind me. Only to have me turn around and realize it was him.

"Do I know you?" He asked, hands tucked into his jean pockets and his eyes staring right into mine.

"I don't think so. I just moved in with my cousin about a week ago. Lesley, over there." I point towards my cousin who is flirting with a good looking guy from her group. We've been told we look alike.

But he just shakes his head, not even looking to where I was pointing. "No. You feel really familiar." He whispers and just the way he says it almost takes my breath away.

"Sorry, I don't think we've ever met before." i smile, letting him know that I'm not trying to say it to get him to leave. I just honestly think I would have remembered a face like that.

"Your remind me of someone I used to dream about." He says quite seriously. And I wouldn't have believed it from anyone else.

"Cheesy pick up line?" I laugh, unsure of how honest someone could be when saying something like that. As sweet and creepy as it might be.

"No, I'm pretty sure that's where I've seen you." He smiles and I can almost feel my heart beating against my chest. Wanting to escape. And I just simply stand there smiling like a complete fool.

"Want to take a walk outside?" He asks, and I find myself nodding. I don't even know his name and yet I couldn't imagine saying no. Especially not when he gently takes my hands and I feel the most amazing sense of electricity through my body.

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Authors Note:

I know I have another story in progress but I've been working on this one and feel much more connected to it.

So Please just give it a chance and leave me some comments about it! I would truly appreciate that.

And hopefully I'll get another chapter or two up by tonight! :-)