and i have to wonder

why i was okay before

(when she said it)

and why now

(when you said it)

i'm

falling down

falling apart

falling into

pathetic pieces of

a foolish young girl.

what's so different

between her

and you

telling me

what i already knew?

but i guess

i know that too.

the difference

is you.

you

make me

graceless.

i walk into walls,

trip on my toes,

and become a

generally clumsy

fool.

you

make the

butterflies

go so fucking crazy

that i (almost)

feel sick.

i can't explain

what you do.

all i know

is that the difference

is you.

a/n: ugh. well, i wrote the boy i like a note telling him i like him, and asking if he wanted to go somewhere sometime. well, he informed my friend (who's in one of his classes and also his friend) that he thinks i'm a cool girl, but he doesn't like me that way. i suppose i should have already known that. well. i don't think he expected laura to tell me what he said, because yesterday (the first time we were in the same room and i didn't run off somewhere to avoid embarrassment) he pulled me aside and said that he doesn't want to write me off as unimportant, because it's not that. he just has a lot of things going on right now and i'm not one of them. and this hurts more than it ought to. i have no explanation for what he does to me, but it happens nonetheless.