Author: RNE PM
This is a story I wrote for Arts Award. For it I had to set myself a challenge-write a story with 10-20 chapters-, do it, share it with others and get their feedback. This is also my 1st story on ficpress. So can you guys read and review pleaseRated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Crime - Chapters: 13 - Words: 13,860 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 01-10-10 - Status: Complete - id: 2762464
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Please can you guys review this story. I've seen that quite a few of you have read this story but no one has reviewed. I need reviews and feedback for this story for my Arts Award. And besides that I would also like to know what you guys think of it. I have never done any story as long as this before let alone in so short a time (4 months) and completely from my own idea rather than based on other stufff. Please tell me what you.
Keishla heard a muffled bang. It was the sign of departure. She did not need to see the source of the noise to know what would come next. However she looked and she saw the precarious device in his hands: it was an S132, a slim slightly dated gun. A minute smile tugged her lips as she glanced at its younger and more formidable cousin lying just a few metres from her, almost innocuously. There seemed to be a second of silence; a second of stillness. Then it hit her. Realization had not arrived yet but the messenger of death had, and the impact threw her backwards. Falling at an awkward angle she crashed into the road.
The sandy ground was uncomfortably coarse underneath her. She felt cautiously for the edge where the ground dropped steeply. Wincing from the pain in her abdomen, she closed her eyes against both her cruel adversary and the equally cruel sun glaring down at her; she tried to picture the road on which she lay. It was narrow and it was surrounded by a sheer crag which consisted of jagged rocks as sharp as daggers. She opened her eyes once more to see the sky which was so clear that it seemed like an endless lake of clear water; this reminded her of the agonizing thirst inflicted upon her by the heat. It was torture. The intense heat coming from the ground below her was almost worse than that from above. It felt as if she was in a furnace.
Noticing something shiny, Keishla set eyes on her most prized possession once again. From the polished side of her gun, she could make out a blurry version of herself. Her mousy brown hair, which was more tangled and matted than usual, resembled a crow's nest. Half covered by her eye lids, her insipid brown eyes concealed both secrets and slyness. Her pale lips drew into an insubstantial smile, on account of the deception in her eyes. Between the eyes and the lips was a nose which was a little outsized. She was dreadfully ordinary. Observing her outward appearance, she felt her eyes close against her will.
Darkness was chasing her.
Keishla endeavoured to take flight from the monstrous body that was behind her. The flood of darkness pursued her like a tidal wave. It tried to drown her as she attempted to flee. It was a shapeless untainted darkness; her yearning to reach it was almost as potent as her need to escape it. Deep inside her there was a distinct awareness that it was as devastating as an earthquake. She struggled to overcome her desire to join with it and ran away from it. She fled to her past from which she had been flying for longer.